Cheating: should you tell your partner

[erpap]

Do you think if your partner cheats on you be it in the past or present that they should tell you?

My thought: maybe I want to have sex
with someone one else but I don’t due to my commitment. And you deprive me of that experience that you enjoyed. And even if I don’t want to cheat I think I deserve to know.

Sometimes I wonder if my partner cheated and is protecting my feeling by not saying anything. Our relationship has not be the best at times. But I think I deserve to know.

 

[6798491]

Do you think if your partner cheats on you be it in the past or present that they should tell you?

My thought: maybe I want to have sex
with someone one else but I don’t due to my commitment. And you deprive me of that experience that you enjoyed. And even if I don’t want to cheat I think I deserve to know.

Sometimes I wonder if my partner cheated and is protecting my feeling by not saying anything. Our relationship has not be the best at times. But I think I deserve to know.

I think you should ask your partner.
There's no way around it.
Be direct and honest with them.
And watch their reactions and responses to your questions very closely.

 

[Evenflow618]

Yes

 

[halcyondays]

Yes if you want to destroy your relationship as it was.

Afraid of what it will become if you tell your partner? This is why people keep their secret sex lives secret.

 

[erpap]

Yes if you want to destroy your relationship as it was.

Afraid of what it will become if you tell your partner? This is why people keep their secret sex lives secret.

I understand what you’re saying. But if my partner is keeping secrets then it’s not the relationship for me.

 

[titapetita]

It really depends on the relationship you have/ want.

In my case, I don't mind if my bf sleeps with others as long as he tells me about it. I value honesty above all and would rather have a relationship in which we feel we don't need to tiptoe around each other. So I've let him know, everytime the topic comes up, that I don't care, I just want him to trust me enough to tell me and he's told me he feels the samr way. I don't plan on doing it, so I shouldn't doubt him either.

But I know of other people that want the stereotipical life and would rather not know if their partner cheat as long as they can have a normal "drama free" life. I couldn't do that, but I guess that's what the spanish phrase "ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente (eyes that don't see, heart that doesn't feel)" is about. As long as long as you don't know, it didn't happen... so they'd rather their partner kept their own secret and not having to process it.

Anyway, in my case: yeah, tell me if you cheated, tell me if you feel something is missing that I'm not giving you or if you just got carried away. Tell me if you find someone attractive or you think you may be fallen in love with someone else or out of love with me. Let's talk about it and see what we can do instead of resent eachother till it blows up because we couldn't share our feelings.

If you think you want to have sex with someone and your partner is "depriving you of that experience", you should talk stuff out. Maybe it's time to open up about something. You want and affair or want something new in the bedroom? Is your partner willing to try new stuff or are they feeling the same way? Honesty is for me the solution to everything.

 

[erpap]

It really depends on the relationship you have/ want.

In my case, I don't mind if my bf sleeps with others as long as he tells me about it. I value honesty above all and would rather have a relationship in which we feel we don't need to tiptoe around each other. So I've let him know, everytime the topic comes up, that I don't care, I just want him to trust me enough to tell me and he's told me he feels the samr way. I don't plan on doing it, so I shouldn't doubt him either.

But I know of other people that want the stereotipical life and would rather not know if their partner cheat as long as they can have a normal "drama free" life. I couldn't do that, but I guess that's what the spanish phrase "ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente (eyes that don't see, heart that doesn't feel)" is about. As long as long as you don't know, it didn't happen... so they'd rather their partner kept their own secret and not having to process it.

Anyway, in my case: yeah, tell me if you cheated, tell me if you feel something is missing that I'm not giving you or if you just got carried away. Tell me if you find someone attractive or you think you may be fallen in love with someone else or out of love with me. Let's talk about it and see what we can do instead of resent eachother till it blows up because we couldn't share our feelings.

If you think you want to have sex with someone and your partner is "depriving you of that experience", you should talk stuff out. Maybe it's time to open up about something. You want and affair or want something new in the bedroom? Is your partner willing to try new stuff or are they feeling the same way? Honesty is for me the solution to everything.

I just want honesty. Otherwise for me what’s the point when it comes to stepping out. If he is online looking at porn who cares. I don’t need to know that. But some physical with some else. Yes I want know. Does it mean the relationship is over no, will there be period of everything being uneasy in the relationship. Probably.

 

[erpap]

Does anyone think some zodiac signs are more prone to cheating or is that stuff just nonsense.

 

[dreambridger]

It depends on the state of the relationship I guess and the reasons for "cheating". Most of the time, I'd say honesty's the best policy. But there's situations like if you're on your deathbed or something and are no longer sexually active, and your partner needs release somewhere which is understandable, like what's the point of causing more pain by talking about it?

In your case though it sounds like honesty would help the relationship.

 

[halcyondays]

Do you have evidence other than relationship problems? Seems slim to me. Lots of couples have issues without cheating.

I'd say take the direct route and ask but that may harm/hurt your mate. Your suspicion might be due to your feelings of insecurity or your own desire to look elsewhere because your relationship has not been its best at times.

A more positive approach might be to address the relationship issues which lead you to think your partner has cheated or is cheating.

 

[deleted19151801]

Yes. Tell me. Tell me so that I can leave. That is my rule.

 

[deleted18388141]

one should not shear but we all might make mistake
i would say yes you should tell
i believe there is nothing to enjoy!

 

[deleted817718]

Cheating isn’t a thing for my wife and me. We are polyamorous and she has a boyfriend that is more a sexual partner to her than I am. I maybe hook ups occasionally but don’t do long term partners other than my wife, purely because I find them too difficult to maintain. It works better for us than monogamy and my wife is very sexually satisfied and is in love with both me as a husband and her boyfriend

 

[Japabrus]

Does anyone think some zodiac signs are more prone to cheating or is that stuff just nonsense.

What’s more important is what zodiac signs raised the person that cheated not so much their sun /rising sign. Trauma is passed on by parents.

 

[EquusAZ]

Do you think if your partner cheats on you be it in the past or present that they should tell you?

My thought: maybe I want to have sex
with someone one else but I don’t due to my commitment. And you deprive me of that experience that you enjoyed. And even if I don’t want to cheat I think I deserve to know.

Sometimes I wonder if my partner cheated and is protecting my feeling by not saying anything. Our relationship has not be the best at times. But I think I deserve to know.

Are you asking if you should communicate about your needs!?

This is kind of a no-brainer. If you actually communicate and listen as well as talk, then it wouldn't be 'cheating.' Cheating is typically done behind someone's back. IMO honesty is the best policy.

If you cheat on your partner - well - you shouldn't - but if you do - you should communicate this and get down to the reason WHY you felt 1. you needed to cheat, 2. find out why you kept it from them, and 3. figure out a way forward.

 

[deleted1167484]

If he won't volunteer the information, fine. If I ask directly don't lie, and the verifiable STD test results better be negative. Just my two cents.

 

[Ahhh Ha]

Depends. Maybe you drank a little too much and became too friendly...like touchy feely. You didn't go all the way but far enough to upset your mate.

I don't think you should tell them if you're for certain...you'll never do it again. And there is absolutely nothing there. Somethings are indeed better left unsaid especially if you know your partner is going to overreact.

If you are sexually attracted to someone else and you slip up, than yes you should definitely tell them. I feel that is the only way you can stop yourself from becoming a repeated offender...seeing how much you hurt your partner.

 

[elklindoxxx]

It's a really bad idea to admit to someone that you cheated on them. Honesty at all costs...I'm not too sure about that.

 

[deleted464787]

What’s more important is what zodiac signs raised the person that cheated not so much their sun /rising sign. Trauma is passed on by parents.

Wow.

The alignment of the stars, and the calendar date on which parents are born have no bearing on how they will raise their children, how their children will turn out, and how likely someone is to cheat

People have the same likelihood of being shitty people, good people, or people who experience trauma regardless of the date that they emerge from a womb.

if there was conclusive scientific evidence that someone born in September was more likely to cheat/be a shitty person/experience trauma, no one would have sex in January.

 

[deleted18388141]

No