Cheating?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by davey_boy, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. davey_boy

    davey_boy New Member

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    Should you stay with someone if you suspect they have cheated?

    Heres my situation;

    My girlfriend of four months had just got back of a girly holiday. I found her photographs and there are 2 in particular that have upset me, one is a guy bending down to kiss her and attempting to grope her boob, it does look like she is moving his hand away but her head is definately pointed uptowards his. To add to this, her dress is over his shoulder and his t-shirt is in her hand, however, ther other people present!

    The other picture is of the her and the same guy either hugging or slow dancing in a night club and they do look fairly close. I have confronted her on thes pictures and she has apologised for her behviour and said she understands how it looks to me but assured me that nothing went on.

    The problem i have is that i dont believe her but i love her and dont want to let her go but the last few days i cant look at her properly and not even thinking about being sexual with her again!

    What advice can you people give me?
     
  2. D_Broadette Breastesus

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    Davey,

    I was in a similar pickle when i went away on a trip, my phone died and my husband assumed I was f-cking someone else. He grilled me and saw my photos where I was hugging a few guys I met on the trip (it was for work and we all knew each other from meetings, etc).

    I did NOTHING wrong, but dance with a few guys and have fun. IF she loves you, and I assume she does, don't worry about it. Girls will be girls and do innocent fun things that guys think are suspicious because any guy in that situation is trying to get some and the girl is just dancing
     
  3. bspompey

    bspompey Member

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    It's a holiday and on holiday you are going to have some fun. On a girly holiday she is going to be chatted up and if some of her friends are single she may want to have a laugh with some of the guys but that doesn't mean she cheated. I mean she showed you her pics and could have easily got rid of anything that was incriminating. I would say get over it and move on. You should be able to trust her and if nothing happened you are just pushing away a girl who you 'love'.
     
  4. davey_boy

    davey_boy New Member

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    She never showed me the pics i found them!

    The pics of her friends are just mainly of them dancing be it fairly raunchy but if that was it id get over it but the pics of my girfriend are slow dancing and they look close. Also there is a kiss from the angle u cant tell if they actually kissed but im 99% sure. Finally, why is has my girlfriend swapped her dress with a guy for his t-shirt?

    I understand your points and honestly i want to believe her but i cant just say its typical holiday fun and let it go!
     
  5. D_Seymour_Dix

    D_Seymour_Dix New Member

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    Fella, it could all be as she says. She could be telling you the truth, you not trusting her answer is your problem not hers (As harsh as that sounds) if you 'love' her, than you need to 'trust' her.

    If she's not done anything in the past to make you think this way, and you don't have any proof than you're simply going to have to lump it...
     
  6. bspompey

    bspompey Member

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    In the clubs they have some competitions when you have to swap clothes to win a prize. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and stop worrying. If you are a jealous bf it will certainly be the end. Jelousy usually manifests from somewhere and I would guess that when you are out with your mates flirting and dancing with girls is a standard.
     
  7. ktrout1981

    ktrout1981 Active Member

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    am I the only one who sees a problem here? regardless of what went on, SHE created the situation that arouses suspicion with HER behavior... even if it didn't constitute cheating, it was clearly inappropriate. if it was a girls' night out, it was still inappropriate. if she was drunk, it was even more inappropriate. this is HER problem, because as I understand it, this suspicion is entirely warranted.

    so basically, she owes you an explanation. if you don't get one that puts your mind at ease, and, as you say, you don't trust her, then this is unlikely to change, and such situations are likely to recur. you'll probably never know for sure if she actually slept with someone else, but its a question of whether you're willing to put up with this sort of immature behavior that makes you feel as if you've been made a fool of. i, for one, would not.
     
  8. D_Seymour_Dix

    D_Seymour_Dix New Member

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    Correct and she told him that she was sorry for doing that...
     
  9. exwhyzee

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    If you love her, and you really trust that she loves you, then you have to have some faith in her. There can be a thousand stories attached to those photos, and all of them false. Why would you assume your girl would follow the worst case scenario? Do you really think she would do that to you? If so, then you might need to re-evaluate your trust of her.

    People get played all the time, but do you really think your girl is a player?
     
  10. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    only you can figure this out. a very complex issue. my recent experience below

    I know a gal whose husband cheated on her about 4 yrs ago. she found out and really has not been the same since. she frequents our "watering" hole (bar) more often, and most noticeably without him. she gets a little tipsy, not wasted, and flirts more than she ever did. I think she wants to cheat on him, but just can't do it. She tells me little bits and pieces, "i turned 50, he called me old." he is 1 yr younger. "he says i'm getting fat." I have never told her that I know the recent circumstances of their marriage. I let her lean and cry on me a little, usually she wants just a hug, a re-assurance that she is still attractive. the funny part is she is very attractive, was 30 yr ago when I first met her. tall, willowy, big natural boobs, dark wavy hair, great ass and legs, and she is intelligent. I can't figure out why her husband cheated, especially when you see what he was fucking. her husband comes and meets her sometimes, and has caught us standing close and talking. I am married myself and take my vows seriously, this gal knows that. we have not really spoken for 6 months, until last saturday night. at a bar with a band, i ran into her, I was alone(wife at home) we were in the beer garden. her husband wandered off and she came over sat on my lap, some small talk, I got a semi. she said she missed me. I said,"why?" "you are tall & you are a very handsome man." about this time she says,"there's my husband, I better get up, don't want to get caught."(sacastically)at this same time her left hand grazed my cock as she braced to get up. "big, too" she smiled and wandered off. later, I get a big wet, tonguey kiss from her in the bathroom hallway. I was waiting, she was coming out.

    So does she cheat on him to get even? to get her confidence back? will it make things better or worse? is she better off with him or without him? is divorce the answer? I would love to be with her, but I am married. I will not cheat on my wife. she would be devastated. we would all be hurt. just for a few minutes of carnal lust. I really don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

    like I said a complex issue, only you can answer.
     
  11. Duchess

    Duchess New Member

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    A four month relationship is not long enough to develop a strong trust for each other only time will do that.

    Davy, you sound a tad insecure, your girlfriend has explained what happened, apologised to you, what more do you need ? Your relationship is young, so it will grow from here or finish, that will depend mainly on you.

    move on or move out.
     
  12. davey_boy

    davey_boy New Member

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    Thought id add a little bit about her past, she has been known to throw herself at guys and get hurt, she is only 18 and slept with 12 guys (what i know of). I didnt know all this when i started going out with her. However, she says i changed her life and that shes never been more happy. This makes me think she would never do anything to hurt me. She's been in tears telling me these things, however, she only told me this since she got back from holiday, which makes me think its slightly guilty!

    What do u think?
     
  13. got_lost

    Gold Member

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    I'm getting the feeling this is eating you up inside so you might as well get out of the relationship and save the pair of you a few months of torture.

    At 18, she doesn't need an over-bearing, non-trusting guy screwing her up and doubting her honesty! Where would you go from here? Stop her going out with her mates? Go with her when she goes out with her mates? Go pick her up afterwards?

    There's nothing she can do or say to put this right in your head.

    It's entirely up to you whether you want to have faith in her and trust her and move on. Just question yourself how you're going to feel next time she goes away.
     
  14. javyn

    javyn New Member

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    What a double standard!! I guarantee if the OP was a woman, all of these posts would be saying "DUMP HIM NOW".

    Davey, all advice on this is useless. This is something you'll have to figure out on your own. Personally, I think the whole 'you changed me' thing is bullshit, and she's just trying to tell you what you want to hear.

    Look at it logically. She has quite a track record for her age, and you caught her flirting. Whether she was cheating or not, it's pretty obvious this behavior will continue. The question isn't whether she was cheating or not, the question is are you willing to put up with this? Always being unsure? As the man, you have the ultimate power to just walk away when you have had enough. Just don't give that up by knocking her up or getting married until you are absolutely sure she is on the level.

    If it was me I'd have broken up with her. You're young, and will do better playing the field at this point in your life anyway. Then again, that's if it was me. We are all different, and I know how hard it is when you are in puppy love and are young.

    edit: and for all you women accusing him of being insecure, give me a break. if the tables were turned and you saw pics of your man dancing flirtatiously with some other women, every one of you would be a basketcase. Be honest.
     
    #14 javyn, Aug 26, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2008
  15. davey_boy

    davey_boy New Member

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    Think youre right jayvn! I want to reiterate that i think she definately loves me, she cryed more than anyone ive seen when i told her i dont trust her. However, i do trust her but i wouldnt if she went away and i told her that and she said she wont go away again without me! Infact shes already started planning a holiday with just me and her.
     
  16. Runco

    Runco New Member

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    Unless your girl has given you reason to believe she is dishonest or has cheated on you in the past, I really think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Those pictures may (or may not) look incriminating but they could well be innocent as she says. Bottom line? No woman likes to be suffocated by a possessive, jealous man or constantly accused of messing around when she isn't. What will happen over time is your girlfriend will resent you because you are not showing any trust in her. If you want your girl to leave you, carry on accusing her of cheating. If you want to keep her, just tell her you need to feel that you can trust her and how much it upsets you to think of some other man touching her in this way. Ask her not to allow it to happen again (for the sake of your relationship). Then ask her to destroy these photos and try to accept her word that nothing happened.
     
  17. davey_boy

    davey_boy New Member

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    Think this what im gona do!
     
  18. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

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    Here's the thing: Sometimes the suspicion of cheating can do as much damage to a relationship as the real thing. Unless & until you can get the idea (because you have no proof) out of your mind that she cheated on you, you might as well walk away now. Otherwise that doubt you have will only poison the relationship.
     
  19. javyn

    javyn New Member

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    He has photos of her kissing on another man. What more proof do you need? A picture of a dick in her ass? At the worst it is cheating. At the least it is disrespectful in the extreme. I wouldn't stand for it either way *shrug.

    And IMO people who preach benefit of the doubt are the biggest cheaters.
     
  20. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

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    In his own words, he said he wasn't sure they actually kissed.

     
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