Cheating

sbat

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actually, it is easy

how hard is it to say no to sex (or anything else) when you're committed? if you can't do that, you're weak and should not be in a relationship

Judging from the statistics...not as easy as throwing out words of condemnation.

Over time people change in unpredictable ways. You love them, but they change, the relationship no longer fulfills the needs of either party, and maybe due to finances or children, divorce is not an option. Unless you have a magic 8 ball that lets you see 30 years into the future, you won't know if you are going to be in that kind of situation.

So again, making judgments about situations you have never experienced...very easy.
 

sbat

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I knew someone would say something stupid like that and take my words totally out of context :rolleyes:

Your definition included contexts you didn't intend. Tighten up your definition and it won't happen.:tongue:
 

B_Bjen2848

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Judging from the statistics...not as easy as throwing out words of condemnation.

Over time people change in unpredictable ways. You love them, but they change, the relationship no longer fulfills the needs of either party, and maybe due to finances or children, divorce is not an option. Unless you have a magic 8 ball that lets you see 30 years into the future, you won't know if you are going to be in that kind of situation.

So again, making judgments about situations you have never experienced...very easy.

If you don't have the same feelings for your partner, break it off.. Simple

Saying you fell out of love, there's kids, bills to be paid etc. Are all not excuses to hook up with someone else. People have choices, if you choose to cheat, you're a weak individual, simple as that. If you can't handle the relationship, you can always choose to leave.
 

petite

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What are your guy's experience with cheating?
What is your stance? Don't do it or just don't get caught?

My stance is that I would never do it. I don't even think I could if I wanted to.

My first love cheated on me and that was extremely painful. We broke up and got back together again. I forgave him and we had a few more happy years together, but they weren't as happy and easy as before and I think we would have been much happier together if he hadn't done it at all and we might have even stayed together. I was so angry for so long and I was never able to forget it completely. He really did ruin something truly special. I didn't know until I broke up with him and started dating other men how rare it is for two people to find one another who are so perfect together, how rare our happiness actually was. A few years ago he apologized to me, apropos of nothing, even though it happened nearly 20 years earlier. It made me sad because I felt like he was still carrying a burden of guilt and regret.

I won't cheat, no matter what. Some people cheat when they feel wronged. I've fantasized about doing that because I have gotten so angry, especially during one relationship where I was particularly wronged, but those were just fleeting petty thoughts of revenge. I couldn't bring myself to carry it out. I have always broken up with the person I was with first before starting a new relationship.

When I met TheBoyfriend, my previous boyfriend had stopped having sex with me several weeks before. I was very horny and frustrated by how he was treating me, shutting me out. My boyfriend at the time wasn't just refusing to have sex with me, he was also refusing to talk to me about it so that I felt like he was angry at me but he was being so passive aggressive that I didn't have any idea about what it was over and I was extremely frustrated at him over how childishly I felt he was handling whatever his problem with me was. Then I met TheBoyfriend and he was so gorgeous and charming and so obviously into me. The chemistry between us was intense. He was trying his best to seduce me and I really wanted him, but I'm a good girl and I kept choosing not to let him seduce me. I think I made the best choice. Those memories of sexual tension between us, I love them! About two months later I finally broke up with my boyfriend. He still hadn't had sex with me and he still hadn't told me why he had stopped talking to me all together. I was shocked at how angry he seemed to be about me breaking up with him and it finally dawned on me that maybe he was having ED problems, but it doesn't really matter. I can't be with a guy who handles problems by shutting me out for two months without any effort to work it out with me. He was making me miserable and I didn't deserve to be treated like that. TheBoyfriend literally asked me out to dinner immediately after I told him I was single again, about two weeks after that. I can imagine a different story where I cheated on my previous boyfriend and felt guilty and my relationship ending with much more anger and pain and accusations and just an awful mess... No, I like how things worked out between us. I made the better choice.
 
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sbat

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If you don't have the same feelings for your partner, break it off.. Simple

Saying you fell out of love, there's kids, bills to be paid etc. Are all not excuses to hook up with someone else. People have choices, if you choose to cheat, you're a weak individual, simple as that. If you can't handle the relationship, you can always choose to leave.

Have you ever been married?
 

mas2304

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So, correct me if I am wrong, are we saying that cheating involves a physical action of some kind like kissing, wanking, oral, full sex etc, but not emotions because we can't help the way we feel? Nah, sorry cant go for that, I would much rather have someone who was into me, the sex was good, we had great fun together, we where best friends and connected on an emotional level, but they happen to be in to sex with other people, after all it is just sex! Than be in an emotional barran waste land, where my partner is faithful but has a deep emotional attachment to someone else but won't leave the relationship because of reputation, money, faith or family - that to me is the betrayal, I woud much rather be the person they always came back to, the one they really needed, the one thing they would not be prepared to give up. One thing I do know is that most men given the chance will, everyone has thought about it at sometime, but it all depends on what your definition of cheating is, if it's keeping something from your partner that they would not like or be happy with, than I have to say that last every one is guilty if that - that trip to the strip club where you jacked off while watching the stripper - is that cheating? The secret porn stash, the person of the opposit sex at work who you get on really well and have a good laugh together, but you know your partner would not approve off or feel threatened by?

To me cheating should have involve a betrayal of trust in some way.
 

B_Bjen2848

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Have you ever been married?

no

im in a relationship now though (yes, i know it's nowhere near marriage, but close enough) and i would never cheat. cheating is for weak minded people who don't know how to handle the normal ups and downs that come with being in a relationship. cheating means you couldn't care less about your partner, you have no problem deceiving her/him, you don't care about their health (std risk), you don't respect them, you're weak minded because someone who is of character would be honest and end it instead of being the shady scumbag who goes behind their back. if they hurt you to the point where you would want to cheat, than you should end it. if someone cheats on you and you can't forgive them, end it.

and if you're in a marriage and you cheat you're everything i stated above except you can add "dumbass" to the list (especially if you're a man). because all marriage is, is a relationship with your wallet involved. and if you're that dumb to throw away your spouse, marriage, kids, family, car, house, half your money etc. over a piece of pussy, than you're just dumber than a bag of rocks

*cough* tiger woods *cough* kobe bryant *cough*
 

B_Bjen2848

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so if you're already in a relationship do you just end the relationshhip because you don't think you can stay committed? Even if you know you truly love the person?

if i cant bare the temptation anymore than yes i would break it off, yeah it might sound shitty, but it is not nearly as shitty as going behind your partners back just to bust a nut. and if i truly love the person, i wouldn't feel the need to cheat. and i love my girlfriend, but if i see a gorgeous 10 walk by, yeah, of course im going to be attracted to other women also, but i wouldn't act on it. and im sure she is attracted to other guys, but as long as she doesn't act on it, she can look all she wants lol.
 

Wrat

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It's important to do what you say you are going to do. If you make a promise to yourself you should keep it. Here with the issue of cheating we are faced with the issue of honesty to yourself. We all know that cheating without detection can be done, it happens all the time. From that point cheating is just a matter of proving to yourself whether you can or cannot get away with something, as it really doesn't matter to anybody else. The question you might ask yourself is whether you want to look back on your life and see yourself as the guy that nobody could ever count on to be true (whether they knew you cheated or not). You can always get people to trust you, and they might never be the wiser, but it's on you to be the guy that does the right thing when nobody is looking.
 

Countryguy63

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Your definition included contexts you didn't intend. Tighten up your definition and it won't happen.:tongue:

I agree that it was a little loose, but I think we can all agree that dropping off for a beer with your buddy, without telling your SO does not constitute cheating. Maybe inconsiderate, maybe enough to get you in hot water, but not cheating.

I purposely used a loose generic term because if I would have said "having sex", or even "anything sexual", someone would have come back with "what constitutes sex?", "what about kissing?", etc. No matter how I worded it, someone would have tried to twist it.

Sometimes you just have to put it out there and hope others use common sense :cool:

btw..I do apologize for the "stupid" remark. I should not have done that.:frown1:
I even said as much to Alpha after I realized that last night, but had already shut computer down.

Long day, battling with the knowitall teenager, blah, blah, blah. Just goes to show that I should not respond feeling that way, right before bed. :redface:
 

sbat

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I agree that it was a little loose, but I think we can all agree that dropping off for a beer with your buddy, without telling your SO does not constitute cheating. Maybe inconsiderate, maybe enough to get you in hot water, but not cheating.

I purposely used a loose generic term because if I would have said "having sex", or even "anything sexual", someone would have come back with "what constitutes sex?", "what about kissing?", etc. No matter how I worded it, someone would have tried to twist it.

Sometimes you just have to put it out there and hope others use common sense :cool:

btw..I do apologize for the "stupid" remark. I should not have done that.:frown1:
I even said as much to Alpha after I realized that last night, but had already shut computer down.

Long day, battling with the knowitall teenager, blah, blah, blah. Just goes to show that I should not respond feeling that way, right before bed. :redface:

Cheating has a lot of grey areas and some people are more strict than others. Some would say sex acts only, and I do know some very super conservative people that would consider being dishonest about ones whereabouts to the significant other to be cheating, regardless of their actual activities.

So I wasn't being entirely facetious. Maybe only 70%:wink:
 

Countryguy63

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Ok then, let's include it.

Here we go....
Anything with another person, that you are hiding from your SO, especially if the rules and guidelines have been established, and that activity violates those rules and/ or guidelines that were agreed on, is indeed cheating.

Would that particular activity be cheating in all relationships? No. Different guidelines and agreements apply.

Better? :wink:
 

sbat

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Ok then, let's include it.

Here we go....
Anything with another person, that you are hiding from your SO, especially if the rules and guidelines have been established, and that activity violates those rules and/ or guidelines that were agreed on, is indeed cheating.

Would that particular activity be cheating in all relationships? No. Different guidelines and agreements apply.

Better? :wink:

Lol. Ironclad :biggrin1:
 

B_Nicodemous

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Been cheated on and been the person someone cheats on their SO with.

In the first scenario, I could have cared less, but was pissed at the circumstances. We had gone form closed o open to closed all on his request to open in his mind but never on my part. I would have been fine, had he asked.

I have been with people who are in relationships with women and want to fool around. In these NONE of them have been married. I guess I still have issues with that one. Won't do that unless both parties are ok.

Does this make me a bad person? I don't think so. Just means I am not as pristine and golden as some.
 

redz_rule

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When I was 18 I kissed an ex-boyfriend who I was still in love with whilst dating someone else. I ended things with the new bf the next day but felt like shit. Never did it again.

For the most part I think cheating is wrong and I have fallen out with close friends for cheating on their partners because I hate the deception involved. However, there are situations where I think it's understandable e.g. one partner has a serious long-term illness. I wouldn't judge in those circumstances.
 
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