Cheating

[Kauri Tree]

I haven't read much about this in this forum, so here it goes. Have any of you guys/gals ever cheated in a relationship or have been cheated by your partners? Ever caught or been caught? I'd be interested in your personal experiences.

 

[stetree]

Have cheated and been cheated on. Only ever caught and never actually been caught myself. I generally work on the theory that most guys will cheat so I generally try and get in there first. Prob a throw back to my first serious relationship with a guy, who cheated on me for 5 out of a 6 month relationship with a girl.

 

[Jman888]

Personally never been cheated on to my knowlage, and ive not cheated yet..... Like to think i wouldn't if i cared enough bout the person I was with to be with them in the first place

 

[D_Rock_Hardon]

My last g/f cheated on me pretty bad, 4 guys that I know about so far. It's fairly well in the past though, so I'm over it.
I personally despise the practice, however, and have no inclination nor desire to ever participate in it myself.

Committment still means something to some people.

 

[Lito]

Yes, I have done it in the past. And I've been cheated on as well.
There are a lot of factors for this to happen. Usually, to prevent it, you need: respect for the other person, proximity and a healthy relationship. Since not everybody got it all... well... happens. Sad but true.

 

[Love-it]

In 31 years of marriage I have never cheated, I thought about it after my wife cheated 18 years ago, but I didn't.

 

[D_Merringtonne Meathead]

Yes, both ways. I'm from the school of thought that says it is a natural human condition, provided nobody gets hurt in the process, so you do need to be very careful who you cheat with, unless it's just a casual fling. I'm married and apart from the odd one-nighter in the past I only have affairs with married women who feel the same as me. Yes, I do appreciate that emotions get involved: the key is to recognise that and deal with it in a mature way.

 

[davidjh7]

Just for kicks, I'd like to bypass the moral and emotional arguments for a moment, although those ultimately have the biggest impacts on the future of the relationship. If we go to our more base animal instincts, there IS a certain precedent for non monogomous relationships. Our partucular line of evolution came from a group of "cheaters"--men have the inate desire to plant their seed in as many places as possible to ensure that their genes survive for the long term, and there have been several studies about how women choose partners as well--the main conclusion is that when women want to BREED, they have a natural inclination to seek out the most physically attractive, dominant males--those who on the surface have the best genes to breed with. On the other hand, once they HAVE been bred, they seek out the men who are best able to provide for them and their children, which in many cases is not the same guy they desire to breed with. So, since the best guy to MARRY may not be the most desireable to BREED with, there exists a dichotomy in preference that invites cheating. Now, note I am not saying we are all slaves to our biology, and we all make choices about our behavior, and we are ALL responsible for our behavior---but there IS an inate deep seated biological motivation to not have one partner be all that is desired. Some people give in to this desire, others don't. SOme couples have figured out that they WILL each give into their desires to be with more than one person, and have worked out ways to fullfill that need that they know they are going to fullfill anyway, but find a way to do it safely, and honestly, with each other. The main difficult comes when one partner is a person who WILL cheat, and feels ok morally doing it, and the other partner does NOT cheat, and feels it is morally wrong to do so for either partner. People REALLY need to open up to each other about who they really are as people, if there is any chance of a serious relationship forming. Better to kill off a relationship that is going to end in tragedy in the end, rather than suffer the long painful road. Ok---random reply to topic mode off.

 

[ruffboy]

Just for kicks, I'd like to bypass the moral and emotional arguments for a moment, although those ultimately have the biggest impacts on the future of the relationship. If we go to our more base animal instincts, there IS a certain precedent for non monogomous relationships. Our partucular line of evolution came from a group of "cheaters"--men have the inate desire to plant their seed in as many places as possible to ensure that their genes survive for the long term, and there have been several studies about how women choose partners as well--the main conclusion is that when women want to BREED, they have a natural inclination to seek out the most physically attractive, dominant males--those who on the surface have the best genes to breed with. On the other hand, once they HAVE been bred, they seek out the men who are best able to provide for them and their children, which in many cases is not the same guy they desire to breed with. So, since the best guy to MARRY may not be the most desireable to BREED with, there exists a dichotomy in preference that invites cheating. Now, note I am not saying we are all slaves to our biology, and we all make choices about our behavior, and we are ALL responsible for our behavior---but there IS an inate deep seated biological motivation to not have one partner be all that is desired. Some people give in to this desire, others don't. SOme couples have figured out that they WILL each give into their desires to be with more than one person, and have worked out ways to fullfill that need that they know they are going to fullfill anyway, but find a way to do it safely, and honestly, with each other. The main difficult comes when one partner is a person who WILL cheat, and feels ok morally doing it, and the other partner does NOT cheat, and feels it is morally wrong to do so for either partner. People REALLY need to open up to each other about who they really are as people, if there is any chance of a serious relationship forming. Better to kill off a relationship that is going to end in tragedy in the end, rather than suffer the long painful road. Ok---random reply to topic mode off.

sure, but its still pretty effin' HOTT isn't it? :wink:

 

[Rubenesque]

I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, that I've never cheated on a partner.

I have been cheated on though - which is probably why I wouldn't do it myself - I know how awful it can be. Also wouldn't sleep with an attached man EVER.

 

[Wonderboy]

I wouldn't. Quantum Leap and various literature and visual media about knights and other nice people make me a good person lol.

I have been cheated on though. Obviously I'm ugly as sin (has actually been said before) and 'don't know how to treat a girl' lol.

I think most often, well the only two times it happened it was because the girls needed validation of their sexuality and/or attractiveness...I need no such thing.

And when I do get a girl, I only think about her. My current gf thinks I must be lying though and that I talk to other girls...only because she talks to other lads. She assures me she only wants me. Which I choose to believe. It seems to me like she needs constant attention and validation like a lot of people.

Good job I'm happy with my own company and within myself.

 

[davidjh7]

I wouldn't. Quantum Leap and various literature and visual media about knights and other nice people make me a good person lol.

I have been cheated on though. Obviously I'm ugly as sin (has actually been said before) and 'don't know how to treat a girl' lol.

I think most often, well the only two times it happened it was because the girls needed validation of their sexuality and/or attractiveness...I need no such thing.

And when I do get a girl, I only think about her. My current gf thinks I must be lying though and that I talk to other girls...only because she talks to other lads. She assures me she only wants me. Which I choose to believe. It seems to me like she needs constant attention and validation like a lot of people.

Good job I'm happy with my own company and within myself.

I'm glad you have attained the level of self assurance and self acceptance you have--I wish I had.:tongue: My only comment to you is, that I HOPE the thought of you being "ugly as sin" was stated VERY tongue in cheek--sure there are different tastes for different people, but by any reasonable analysis, you are a hot guy to the majority of the human race. Sorry for the interruption, but I feel I need to counter any such obvious falsehoods before they get entrenched in any minds anywhere.:biggrin1:

 

[Rubenesque]

I agree with Wonderboy - I think most women who cheat do it because they are insecure and need assurance that they are desireable. Probably because after men have got their feet under the table they no longer think it necessary to assure us themselves lol.

 

[Wonderboy]

No actually it was meant as an insult...some people are tossers

I did actually used to believe it, til I got a haircut. That was just from a guy who fancied the same girl as me, but she didn't fancy him (but did me).

I spend a lot of time on my own thinking about things, thus I have decided not to give a shit what other people think and just be happier with the simple things. eg why do I need other girls if I have a beautiful one...

 

[davidjh7]

Good. As long as we have that cleared up.:biggrin1:

 

[SR_Pepe_LePube]

Yes, I have cheated in the past and I've been cheated on as well. We are now open about our extramarital affairs. Why be hypocritical when we know we want sex with other partners.​

 

[pyrat]

I've been both cheater and cheatee lol... I have always been facinated by this topic. David makes some very valid comments. Biologically speaking anyway. I'm always facinated by the surveys that show men cheat far more than women. Makes me wonder just who men are cheating with... Seriously, men are just more open (maybe even saying they do it more than they really do). Women tend to be just the opposite I believe (saying they do it less than they do). Being a bit of a player myself, I've gotten into relationships with many other players of the opposite sex. I've gotten very good at recognizing them actually but that is a different topic.... Even most if not all of these women i've known have a hard time admitting what they do. I had a really in depth conversation with one in particular after she threatened to cut me off if I cheated on her. All the while I already knew she was sleeping with at least two other guys. After she got over her initial embarrassment, we talked about it for a really long time. At one point she even said "well, mine don't count" then she laughed. She finally admitted she had approximately 40 partners in her 30ish years. She even refered to them as "fuck buddies", not something you hear many women say. She on average was starting a new relationship every 6 months or so. At this point I must say she was an EXTREMELY exotic hispanic woman. Men tended to get way more serious than she wanted them to and she was constantly looking for Mr. Next. And she had been living with someone for about 6 years at the time and she had no intention of ending that. After we got all of this out in the open, we had a much closer relationship than most i've had. But in the beginning she sure wasn't too interested in admitting those things. That was about 12 years ago. More recently a married woman I am seeing. She was constantly telling me she didn't share, she didn't have sex with her husband, i better not ever cheat blah blah blah. We work at the same company but in different buildings. I walked in on a discretely intimate moment between her and an IT dept guy one day. Then one day I was having drinks on a business trip with a guy who began to tell me he was "banging" someone from my company. Yep. It was her. Needless to say we had a long discussion about these two guys. She had all sorts of self serving comments about why this wasn't a double standard, she only wanted me, wanted to be the woman of my dreams etc. I mention these two only for purposes of this topic. Women as a whole at least seem far more capable of cheating than they let on. Men... well, men in general tend to cheat.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

I've been cheated on and I've cheated. I've also (only a couple times) fucked guys who were attached. It (cheating) happened repeatedly, usually a revenge cycle that didn't end until the relationship did. This happened in 3 different relationships. I got truly tired of "I'll show HIM". The last time was so awful that I truly had a change of spirit and now I've been with the same guy for over 6 years, no cheating. It's awesome. Cheating sucks.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

No never cheated. I know i have been cheated on over the years once or twice. No im easy to get along with. As long as they take care of me sexually im ok.

 

[Onslow]

I haven't read much about this in this forum, so here it goes. Have any of you guys/gals ever cheated in a relationship or have been cheated by your partners? Ever caught or been caught? I'd be interested in your personal experiences.

I have been the cheater many times and got caught and havee paid the price. As far as I know none of the people I have been with ever cheated on me althougfh they had good reason to,