Cheating

hzs3fg

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No, not all men, of course. But the majority of men do cheat on their partners and that is a sad fact. Almost 20% of divorces are on the grounds of marital infidelity, quite a high proportion given all the other reasons for a marriage to end. A recent research study by Oxford University found that "While percentages of extramarital sex (EMS) vary from study to study, it can be estimated that 50-60% of married men and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their marriage." Among gay men that figure may well be higher.

Sure, but infidelity is probably more likely a symptom of a failing or failed marriage rather that the cause of one. And, don't forget, in places where "no fault divorce" is not a legal option, couples have for decades agreed that one member (usually the male) will "admit" to infidelity as a means to end a marriage even where no infidelity has actually occurred.

I've been married 34 years, have never cheated on my wife, and am confident that she has never cheated either. She has engaged in some "hotwife" activities both solo and in MFM threesomes with me one of the M's, but that was mutually agreed upon activity (indeed, at my urging) and I do not consider it cheating.
 
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Sure, but infidelity is probably more likely a symptom of a failing or failed marriage rather that the cause of one. And, don't forget, in places where "no fault divorce" is not a legal option, couples have for decades agreed that one member (usually the male) will "admit" to infidelity as a means to end a marriage even where no infidelity has actually occurred.

I've been married 34 years, have never cheated on my wife, and am confident that she has never cheated either. She has engaged in some "hotwife" activities both solo and in MFM threesomes with me one of the M's, but that was mutually agreed upon activity (indeed, at my urging) and I do not consider it cheating.
Well, infidelity may be the cause or effect of a failing relationship but it's still cheating. The original OP was do you ever wonder if your partner has ever cheated on you. My answer is yes, based on personal experience and what I know of the world. But if you can truthfully answer no, good on you.
 

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I think there's a great difference between wondering if your partner has cheated on you and suspecting that your partner has cheated on you.

When I read studies about how common cheating is, I can't help but wonder. I've never suspected anything with my current partner though, so if I wonder about it, I always come to the immediate conclusion that she hasn't. I've got no reason to believe anything else.

I have never cheated on a partner, and to my knowledge none of my previous partners have ever cheated on me. Given the studies about the frequency of cheating in relationships, that's probably not true. Not that I care at all.
 
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I think there's a great difference between wondering if your partner has cheated on you and suspecting that your partner has cheated on you.

When I read studies about how common cheating is, I can't help but wonder. I've never suspected anything with my current partner though, so if I wonder about it, I always come to the immediate conclusion that she hasn't. I've got no reason to believe anything else.

I have never cheated on a partner, and to my knowledge none of my previous partners have ever cheated on me. Given the studies about the frequency of cheating in relationships, that's probably not true. Not that I care at all.
I love you and want you to be the father of our love child
 

SillyGayBoy

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Do you ever wonder if your partner has ever cheated on you?

If he is lying about things he could easily be lying about that. Also if he is suddenly not wanting sex he could be getting it elsewhere. If we feel he is untrustworthy we should not assume we know what he does when we are not around. We just know what he is caught with.
 

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Like Bonfire said, I've trusted too much in the past and paid dearly for it.

I trust my partner explicitly because he was cheated on by his first wife, and he knows the pain it brings. I truly believes he loves me enough to not put me through something like that again.

Also, his best mate is also a band mate and tours with him. I know there's a Bro Code, but as he told me "I'll make sure you know everything." I asked why. He said "there is always the outside chance that if I'm totally honest with you that one day you'll let me touch your boob." I asked wouldn't that be cheating. He said no, that he would do it in front of my husband. Not my brand of logic, but I guess it works. :rolleyes:
 

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Like Bonfire said, I've trusted too much in the past and paid dearly for it.

I trust my partner explicitly because he was cheated on by his first wife, and he knows the pain it brings. I truly believes he loves me enough to not put me through something like that again.

Also, his best mate is also a band mate and tours with him. I know there's a Bro Code, but as he told me "I'll make sure you know everything." I asked why. He said "there is always the outside chance that if I'm totally honest with you that one day you'll let me touch your boob." I asked wouldn't that be cheating. He said no, that he would do it in front of my husband. Not my brand of logic, but I guess it works. :rolleyes:
Touching your boob with your permission and with your husband's full knowledge would be cheating?

I know that's just silliness, but really, cheating is about deceit. It's not just touching a married, monogamous woman's boob with everyone aware and consenting to it. :p
 

KennF

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I know I'm the outlier on this one. My definitions of "cheating" are not what a lot of people here seems to use. So, I'll not reopen those arguments.

However, have I wondered? Of course I have.
He's a flight attendant and I've got my own personal self-worth issues that crop up from time to time.​
Do I suspect he is? Nope.
We talk and joke about it. Occasionally I tell him my feelings and share my insecurities. It is more of a projection that I need or want something, than about being suspicious of him.​
Have I had the opportunity myself? Most definitely.
And it feels damn good to be seduced and feel attractive to some one. It's a real ego boost.​
Do I fuck around? Most definitely not!
I love what I have and taking that action is self-sabotaging. I have no desire to let a quick fuck or one cum shot fuck up my marriage. We expect and have agreed to monogamy, so that's what it is.​
 
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anyhow

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I'm in an open relationship. We can sleep with whoever we want, although its a don't ask don't tell deal. Serial monogamy is hypocritical, and no-one should have private ownership over other people's sex life. However, we aren't really active outside our own sexlife, its like you don't feel the temptation if its not taboo. Besides, most people are raised believing in "holy matrimony" and the "holy, pure, one true love" bullshit, so not all people are as open as we are. Weary of these people's reactions.
 

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Hi, I'm curious, you said you have had the opportunity to cheat but did not. What kind of situation were you in that presented the opportunity?

I was at a bar with a friend one night the bf was out of town. This guy came up and we started chatting. He asked if I had a bf and I said yes, but we kept on talking. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. While I was at the urinal he walked up behind me and said, "Let me suck you off when you're done." I told him tbnt and walked out. I figured a guy that knows your with someone and still makes a pass is probably a creep.
 

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I'm in an open relationship. We can sleep with whoever we want, although its a don't ask don't tell deal. Serial monogamy is hypocritical, and no-one should have private ownership over other people's sex life. However, we aren't really active outside our own sexlife, its like you don't feel the temptation if its not taboo. Besides, most people are raised believing in "holy matrimony" and the "holy, pure, one true love" bullshit, so not all people are as open as we are. Weary of these people's reactions.
Since you are in a "Don't ask don't tell" set up, you really do NOT know for sure that your partner hasn't been with someone else. In truth, your relationship is NOT all that open or you'd both be willing and able to at least mention outside sexual encounters.
 
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Since you are in a "Don't ask don't tell" set up, you really do NOT know for sure that your partner hasn't been with someone else. In truth, your relationship is NOT all that open or you'd both be willing and able to at least mention outside sexual encounters.
don't care either.
 
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I'm in an open relationship. We can sleep with whoever we want, although its a don't ask don't tell deal. Serial monogamy is hypocritical, and no-one should have private ownership over other people's sex life. However, we aren't really active outside our own sexlife, its like you don't feel the temptation if its not taboo. Besides, most people are raised believing in "holy matrimony" and the "holy, pure, one true love" bullshit, so not all people are as open as we are. Weary of these people's reactions.

..why on Earth is it hypocritical? I'm not forcing my partner into monogamy. I've flat out asked if they have a desire to fuck anyone else. I'm not a "holy matrimony" or "one twue love" etc person, and never have been. I would take my complete honesty with my partner over your "don't ask, don't tell" shit ANY day.
 

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..why on Earth is it hypocritical? I'm not forcing my partner into monogamy. I've flat out asked if they have a desire to fuck anyone else. I'm not a "holy matrimony" or "one twue love" etc person, and never have been. I would take my complete honesty with my partner over your "don't ask, don't tell" shit ANY day.
Good for you, knight of the moral police. But just so you know, we are completely honest with each other and have told each other every bit. We just don't demand from each other to do so. I personally don't think its any of my business if she has a fling.
 
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Good for you, knight of the moral police. But just so you know, we are completely honest with each other and have told each other every bit. We just don't demand from each other to do so. I personally don't think its any of my business if she has a fling.

Then that's not a "don't ask, don't tell".................

I'm not a "knight of the moral police" anyway. I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong or bad. It's just not MY style and I don't see how you can say as a blanket statement that those who don't do what YOU do are hypocrites.
 

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Since you are in a "Don't ask don't tell" set up, you really do NOT know for sure that your partner hasn't been with someone else. In truth, your relationship is NOT all that open or you'd both be willing and able to at least mention outside sexual encounters.

I'm not sure I agree, but it is a question of definition. If their definition of "open relationship" refers to non-monogamous, then it is open. If it is about sharing details about their life and opening the communication, then I can agree.

But it is about how to define things.

There are things about my husband, I do NOT like when he shares. There are some bodily functions that...ok... done with that thought.
 

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Then that's not a "don't ask, don't tell".................

I'm not a "knight of the moral police" anyway. I'm not saying what you're doing is wrong or bad. It's just not MY style and I don't see how you can say as a blanket statement that those who don't do what YOU do are hypocrites.
Fair enough.
 

huguest

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I'm in an open relationship. We can sleep with whoever we want, although its a don't ask don't tell deal. Serial monogamy is hypocritical, and no-one should have private ownership over other people's sex life. However, we aren't really active outside our own sexlife, its like you don't feel the temptation if its not taboo. Besides, most people are raised believing in "holy matrimony" and the "holy, pure, one true love" bullshit, so not all people are as open as we are. Weary of these people's reactions.

I'm glad that you post this, It's a view that not much people have, I do understand it and it's work for a fair part of your life.

But let me ask you this question. When your young and you have faith in your appearance and body, when you don't have any taboo in your sex life. It's easy to be open and able to have an open relation because your confident that you can match any competition, and it's no big deal, it's just physical, the satisfaction is still there. But what happen when one don't fulfill your need anymore?

The problem happen when there an imbalance in the relation, that lead to frustration and then insecurity. Insecurity built to jealousy and there's the problem. At that point, your partner feel inadequate to provide you with your need. and every time you go see elsewhere it's just wreck your relation.

Every relation got is up and down side and every time there's a down side, the couple suffer.
When the couple face hard time it's need security and there's no real security when one is open.
It's not a question of "holy pure" it's a question of respect in the hard time.

I got a friend who live like you, He does live a good life, but doesn't have children and he's longest relation it's 5 years.
I do respect your style of life, it's a great way to live, but it's got some major restriction, no kids, no longtime relation, no true commitment. Love is blind but after a wile love turn into compassion, then it's need security.
 
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