Children addressing same sex parents?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by xmarksbreakdownx, Jan 1, 2012.

  1. xmarksbreakdownx

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    6,075
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    401
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    Hello and happy new year!

    I'm wondering what do children call their parents when they're the same sex? I do not mean to offend anyone, I'm just curious. Example, if it's two women, would you let your child call you both mommy or, mom and (other parent's first name)?

    Do any of you out there have such a family where you and your partner have adopted a child? If so how do they address you both?

    Thanks for the answers!
     
  2. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,800
    Likes Received:
    1,828
    Location:
    neverhood
    Jennifer Has Two Daddies

    of the folks i know with kids... is Mom & Mom, or Dad & Dad.
    if both parents are together the kid would just go/address the appropriate Mom/Dad
    if the kid is alone with one parent there isn't a whole lot of choices on which Mom/Dad the kid is talking to.
     
  3. tworites

    tworites New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    But how would the child refer to mom/mom or dad/dad when they arent present? "My Daddy Jim" vs "My Daddy Kevin"? How would the child refer to them to their teacher? Classmates? Unrelated adults? "Daddy 1 and Daddy 2"? lol
     
  4. LaFemme

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2010
    Messages:
    8,743
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,895
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canada
    Verified:
    Photo
    I happen to have two sets of same sex parents who are friends of mine. The two moms are Mom & Ma and the dads are Daddy & Papa. The moms have older kids, when they were little they were mommy & mama. The little kids always correct adults - "no, this isn't my daddy! This is my Papa!" The older the kids get, they don't always correct because they understand how other peceive them.
     
  5. xmarksbreakdownx

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    6,075
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    401
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    That's the main point I was wondering about!

    Thanks for the answers. I had never considered using just two froms of addressing a parent, Lafemme (as in Mom and Mother)
     
  6. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,800
    Likes Received:
    1,828
    Location:
    neverhood
    "my Dad/Mom" pretty much covers it.. since in most cases either parent can answer the question, handle a teacher. and heaps of families have one parent that is the main School Go To parent. so when the kids says "my Dad/Mom" the teacher, doctor, etc will know who to go to.

    for kids.. from listening to them play
    Kid: My Dad
    Other Kid: which one?
    Kid: the taller one. *or the one with the beard, gray hair, fat*

    i mean when you were a kid did you refer to ya friends parents as anything other than Mr. or Mrs. so-and-so

    and what Ms. Femme said.
    by Mom/Mom, Dad/Dad i meant to include variations of Mom/Dad. like what Ms. Femme said :redface:
     
    #6 MickeyLee, Jan 1, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
  7. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,365
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,958
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    Gay partner and i brought up his sisters child from a 3 month old .boy
    ( with heaps of assist from my Mum Sis and sis-in-laws, all at the age of bringing up there own kids)
    She of the type who had 4 kids from 4 fathers, partner took it on himself to adopt the child, i was a willing participant haha
    Got a letter from her to say it was OK, so no come back,,when it did go to court.

    Anyway Matthew always just auto called us by our first names
    Partner was bi..and i helped him find his future wife, they have 2 of ther own now, still to-gether etc
    Wise enuf to chase up the wife fr him, when Matt was about 4..sooooooooooooo
    All GOOd
    He is 23 now, and has a Lady, so once again...proves the Fckwits wrong'

    MAY have been a lil more difficult ( for Matt) if we remained to-gether M/M parents, but of course we never...?
     
  8. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2008
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    66
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    I read an interview with a 16 year old who described this yelled from various rooms in the house:
    Teen: Mom!
    Mom1: What?
    Teen: Other Mom!
    Mom2: What?

    I also really enjoyed the use of "Moms" in "The Kids are all right" when most kids would be saying "Mom and Dad".
     
  9. red7.5

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2007
    Messages:
    2,182
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    3,816
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston (MA, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Two male couples I know with kids both use "pappa" and "dad(dy)." And two female couples I know both use "momma" and "mom(my)." Another female couple use their first names after mom(my). And another family involves three woman (due to a divorce and remarriage): "mom," "mamma," and "mamma Jane."
     
  10. Dave NoCal

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,996
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    256
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sacramento (CA, US)
    Of course, some couple just have the children address them by first name.
     
  11. Rikter8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,488
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    MI
    "My Dad" It shouldn't matter which one. The students attention span is generally nill anyway. The child can refer to them as he/she pleases or whatever works in their family.

    It's their family - so who gives a fuck what other people think. They have Zero bearing on their lives, and that's how it should be.
    Other people should have no say whatsoever on how they live their lives.
     
    #11 Rikter8, Jan 1, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2012
  12. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,365
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,958
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    exactly Dave
    often bemused me as in NZ Pakehas in particular ( ie white Nzers) often had there kids use there first names
    Chinese friends used ' my father, my mother'
    we used the momma poppa equivalent in english? Mum & Dad
    What we are taught i geuss
     
  13. xmarksbreakdownx

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    6,075
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    401
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    I was just asking, not judging. And it should matter which "dad" depending on what they're talking about...
     
  14. xmarksbreakdownx

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    6,075
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    401
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    I really appricate all the answers guys, thanks again.
     
  15. red7.5

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2007
    Messages:
    2,182
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    3,816
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston (MA, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    You're welcome - it was a legit question!
     
  16. tworites

    tworites New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Washington
    calm down there sir. I never said it had any bearing whatsoever. I was referring to clarity of conversation. The same darn stuff comes up when names are reused. In my family, for example, we have FIVE Jims. So when I say to anyone under the sun "Yeah Jim got me a new handle for christmas" who is to know what Jim of the five Jims Im referring to? So they are, for clarity and convenience, James, Jim, Junior, Aaron (middle name) and Seth ( also middle name). When you have more than one Daddy in the equation, something else needs to be added or changed so that people who are not psychic know what on earth you are talking about, and so that every single reference to a Daddy is not met with "which one?" which gets old after about 10 seconds.
     
  17. seeafox

    seeafox Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    My son, who I adopted back in his teenage years, is now 28. The partner I ahd at the time he called by his first name. but the aprtner I ahve now he calls dad. I also get called dad. He introduces us as his dads. And of course it gets very confusing if his mother (birth) is around (he has maintained contact over the years, with a gentle push at times), because he ahs two dads one mum, and neither dad has been marreid to his mother.

    But that is aside. We can ormally tell whcih dad he is calling or speaking to; but there ahs been situations (as above).
    Son: Dad
    Me: Yes.
    Son: No. Dad
    Partner: me
    Son: Who else?
    Partner: Your real father.
     
  18. gymfresh

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,659
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rodinia
    Verified:
    Photo
    The same sex couples I know decided early on to use different nomenclature for each parent, much as they (and many families) did for the two sets of grandparents. In the same way that many kids have a "grandma" and a "me-maw" or "nanna", my friends' kids call their parents "papa" and "daddy" or "mommy" and "mother".


    My parents aren't of the same sex, but yeah, I went through a phase of calling them by their first names, much as Bess did to Phyllis on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Did not go over well. So I struck upon the affectation of referring to my mother by the Scottish "mither", later replaced by the Anglo-Latin "mater". When I was really ticked, she got referred to as "my father's first wife". (She happens to be his only wife, and my birth mother. :smile:) Eventually it settled back to Mother, which is what I call her today. In my family "mom" would be considered too casual and chummy. It doesn't feel right if I say it.
     
  19. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    3,790
    Likes Received:
    17
    My ex was from a blended family with two women as heads of the main household (the two ex-husbands were actively involved, but the women provided the majority of parenting).

    Anywho, they called each simply mom or "the moms" in plural. They never differentiated between mom x or mom y by name, but there was a shorthand to it, where even I could tell which was being discussed just by her personality or what she said. If one is part of the family/friend you just kind of get it after awhile. It sort of reminded me of speaking of my grandparents as a child, both were grandma and grandpa, but if speaking of them it would be clear which pair without using grammy____.
     
  20. durbantom

    durbantom Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2006
    Messages:
    396
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Durban (ZN, ZA)
    Before my re-marriage, as a single parent, my children would address me as Dad, but sometimes when they were quite young, they used to call me Mom. I either used to just respond to either name Mom or Dad. When they got older I used to look down my shirt and joke "I don't have boobs today!" - We all used to laugh at the slip-up and get over the moment.

    I have the belief that children will come out of any situation, right side up, as long as they feel loved by their parental figures.

    I have good friends who just happen to be two men who adopted two children (sisters). Their parenting skills are excellent, and they have raised these two well adjusted children. The girls call either of the dads "daddy", and if they refer to one or the other dads, they clarify the statement by saying Daddy-Adam or alternately Daddy-Steve said / did whatever.

    The girls see their situation in the home as totally normal, and totally acceptable.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted