Choose your own punchline...

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by absinthium, Oct 20, 2005.

  1. absinthium

    absinthium New Member

    Mar 15, 2005
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    Dickcuntsburg, USAtown
    So this guy is walking down the street, feeling especially low, and unsure of just what to do with himself. He comes to the end of the street, and to the right he notices a bar. To the left, a brothel. He looks up into the clouds, and there's a ladder coming down from the heavens.

    What should he do?

    If he should go into the bar, read scenario "a."
    If he should go into the brothel, read scenario "b."
    If he should climb the ladder, read scenario "c."

    a.) He decides to go into the bar and drown his sorrows. It's been a shitty week... His girlfriend just broke up with him and kicked him out of the house. He got fired. Life sucks in general. He goes into the bar and proceeds to gulp down drink after drink, becoming as shitfaced as he possibly can. After a while, he begins to feel a bit better, and he notices a cute girl sitting at the end of the bar. She seems to be pretty miserable herself, and also fairly intoxicated, so he decides to go down and try to cheer her up. They begin to talk about their woes, and they both realize they've been dumped recently. Through the course of the conversation, they also come to discover they've both been dumped for being a bit too kinky in bed... Logic dictates, obviously, that they should go back to her place and see what happens.

    Upon arriving at her apartment, the girl leads this guy into her living room, takes his coat, sets him down on the couch, and says, "Wait here while I slip into something a bit more comfortable..." She then goes back to her bedroom, where she pulls out her full bag of tricks... She puts on her utility belt full of sex toys of all varieties. She squeezes into her favorite alligator-shaped floatation device. Dons her gigantic novelty foam cowboy hat. She busts out the salad shooter, throws on the leg cuffs, this bitch is in there for a while... She then hobbles out to the living room, just in time to see the guy putting on his coat and heading for the door...

    "What gives?" she says, "I thought we were gonna have some fun?"
    He looks to her and says, "I just shit in your purse and fucked your dog. I'm done."

    b.) He decides to go up to the brothel and see what they have to offer... He is really horny, and has always wanted to see what all the fuss is about with these kinds of places. The only problem is that he doesn't have very much money... In fact, he's only got a handful of change. Nevertheless, he decides to go and talk to the madame and see what she can do for him. He explains his situation to her, and she says, "Well, I can't give you any of my girls for that price, but let me ask you... Are you open minded?"
    "Considering my situation, I guess I'd have to be, huh?" he replies.
    "I have just the solution for you," she begins, "In the back, I've got the world's most amazing chicken. She'll fuck you like you've never been fucked by any human female in your life. I swear to you, she'll be well worth your money."
    This guy is skeptical at first, but agrees to at least go back and take a look at the chicken. The madame leads him back, he enters the room, and she takes his money. Before he even has a chance to change his mind, the madame shuts and locks the door behind him. He is nervous for a moment, but then out comes the most beautiful chicken he's ever seen in his life. She waddles over to him, and they wind up having the best sex he's ever had in his entire life. He can't believe how amazing this chicken is... When they're through, the madame unlocks the door, and he thanks her for her services.

    A week rolls by, and he's in a very similar situation... Horny as hell, not sure what to do about it, but this time he's got even less money than he had the week before. He remembers the brothel he went to before, though, and decides to head over to see if the madame has any more tricks up her sleeve... He gets there and again explains his situation, and the madame scoffs at him.
    "There's no way you're fucking my chicken again for that price, but I do have something that is in your price range..."
    "Tell me, tell me!" he begs her.
    "I have this world-class peep show that people come from miles around to see. Most wild shit you'll ever see in your life. I guarantee you'll be satisfied," she insists.
    He's never seen a peep show before, and decides to go ahead and give it a try. The madame leads him to the hallway where, sure enough, a line is forming from people coming from miles around to see this thing. He waits in line for a while, and starts to get a bit antsy. He decides to talk to the guy in line ahead of him.
    "So... Uh... This is a pretty cool brothel, huh?"
    "Oh yeah," says the guy ahead of him, "I come here all the time."
    "Really?" he asks, "So what's this peep show like, then?"
    The other guy gets a big, shit-eating grin on his face, "Oh, man, you wouldn't believe the stuff they do in these shows... Why, just last week, I saw this ugly guy fuck a chicken..."

    c.) He decides to climb up the ladder... He's never seen a ladder leading up to a cloud before, and he just has to know what's up there. When he finally gets there, a reasonably attractive girl is sitting there.
    "Please stay here and make out with me," she says, "OR, you can climb the ladder to success," and she gestures to yet another ladder leading to yet another cloud.
    "Well, that's a really nice offer, but I've got to see what's up there. Hold on for just a moment," he says to her, and begins to climb the next ladder. Upon his arrival at the next cloud, he meets a fucking gorgeous woman laying around in lingerie as if she's been waiting for him her whole life...
    "Please, I beg of you, stay here and make love to me!" she cries out, "OR, you can climb the ladder to success," and she points to another ladder and another cloud.
    "Holy shit!" he says, "This just keeps getting better and better! I gotta see what's up there!" He dashes up the next ladder, and finds two straight-curious lesbian Swedish bikini models mud wrestling together.
    "Oh please, Sir, come and join us!" they beg as they writhe around and giggle, "OR, you can climb the ladder to success..."
    Before they even finish the sentence, he flies up the ladder as fast as he possibly can to the next cloud.
    There he meets the dirtiest, filthiest, fattest fucking biker he's ever seen in his life. This fuck smells like he hasn't bathed in months... He's covered in jail house tats, and nothing else, just letting his revolting anatomy be exposed to anyone who happens by.
    "Oh my GOD!" screams out intrepid hero, "Who the fuck are you?"
    The fat guy pulls his hand out of his ass, extends it, and smiling around his cigar, says, "How's it goin'? I'm Cess."
  2. hippyscum

    hippyscum New Member

    Apr 20, 2005
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    LMAO times three!

    Very nicely done absinthium :yourock:
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Mar 5, 2002
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    Shaggy dog. :toast:

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Aug 9, 2003
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    the pain behind your eyes
    Ouch! biting wit there, absinthium! :yourock: :toast: :loveya:
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