Claire's been a bad girl...

Number 51

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ClaireTalon said:
What really annoys me is that it seems all the great guys are taken. Do I really have to go to war with another chick just to get a man? *wondering*

I don't want to spoill your tactical planning, so I always play hard to get (even though I don't think I am, actually a hungry girl like me is easy to get). But there aren't many obstacles on the way to my bed... up two flights of stairs, through the right door, through the second door on the right, and here we are, lad - now you get it up, honey, this lady needs the probe down her funnel ;-)

Not meeting great guys and the fact that you think you're "easy" are perhaps related. Non-great guys (like husbands cheating on their wives) tend to go for the women that come across as easy; the great guys tend to look for someone with a bit more reserve. Try not to come across as being so desperate for sex (even if, in fact, you are desperate for sex), and you may just see the quality of guys that you meet (and keep) improves.
 

madame_zora

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It really depends on what you consider a great guy. Everyone's list of what would qualify for that would be different Claire, but I think yours and mine might have a few things in common. In the last two years since I've been a confirmed bachelor, my dating experiences have been mainly feast or famine and I thought that was normal. Lately I've just been fortunate enough to meet more and more men with whom I have things in common AND enjoy fucking. I think what it really is is that I'm finally defining for myself what I want, so now it's easier to find it. Before when I was less sure of what I was looking for, I found everything.
 

ClaireTalon

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madame_zora said:
It really depends on what you consider a great guy. Everyone's list of what would qualify for that would be different Claire, but I think yours and mine might have a few things in common. In the last two years since I've been a confirmed bachelor, my dating experiences have been mainly feast or famine and I thought that was normal. Lately I've just been fortunate enough to meet more and more men with whom I have things in common AND enjoy fucking. I think what it really is is that I'm finally defining for myself what I want, so now it's easier to find it. Before when I was less sure of what I was looking for, I found everything.

Number 51 said:
Not meeting great guys and the fact that you think you're "easy" are perhaps related. Non-great guys (like husbands cheating on their wives) tend to go for the women that come across as easy; the great guys tend to look for someone with a bit more reserve. Try not to come across as being so desperate for sex (even if, in fact, you are desperate for sex), and you may just see the quality of guys that you meet (and keep) improves.

Madame, If Her Zoraness allows me, I can send her an APO of what makes my great guy. Here, I just meant "great" referring to obvious items, such as good-looking, likeable, bad streak, earthy. How great he really is doesn't matter to me when I'm out for some fun!

I am NOT desperate for sex. I like it, and I am sexually active, meaning I don't wait for a guy to come along, but go on a prowl, but I don't show it, I have my pride, after all. Moreover I guess it turns guys down when I come over as to aggressive, I unleash the beast when the kissing and make-out starts, but then... better fasten seatbelts, this gonna be on afterburners, babe!
 

madame_zora

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Hey, I don't know what an APO is, but feel free to send me whatever you like. I kinda figured you were talking about a "great guy" for sex, I was too. Even here, different people have different qualifiers. As far as I am concerned, the guy who does what it takes to give me multiples is a great guy! If their percetion ever changes to "the hell with you, let's just think about me" I'm outta there but fast.

Sometimes I just don't care much whether their story adds up or not, I've come to accept that a lot of men (and people, for that matter) lie as a matter of course. If man has a habit of cheating on his wife, maybe he has good reasons or maybe he's just a selfish prick, I have no way of knowing, and frankly I really don't care. If I'm not looking at the guy as "relationship potential" then it's of no concern to me where he goes when he leaves. If I DON'T have sex with him, he'll just find someone else, so I'm really not protecting his wife by turning him away. Hell, I might be protecting her MORE than the next woman who MIGHT try to get him to leave his marriage, who knows. I certainly look for single men, but if the occasional one turns out to be married, I really don't lose a lot of sleep over it.

As a point to ponder, I have to wonder about the marriage if the guy really IS a great lover. How in the world could you marry a guy that you knew had a tremendous sex drive and was very focused on sex, then start turning him away some time later and still expect him to remain faithful? I'm not talking about health issues in later life or severe issues of depression and the like. I mean that there just seem to be a lot of women who lose interest in sex after they get married, sometimes fairly quickly, but they still expect the guy to earn the majority of the income and provide them with a comfortable life. Where's the fun in that for him?
I get so sick of uptight women trying to make men feel bad about their normal, healthy sex drive.
 

KidBrown

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I respectfully disagree with your last paragraph 100 percent Madame Zora. If sex is a problem in marriage, either talk about it with your partner, a doctor that can try and help the situation out, or get a divorce. Those are your options. Cheating on your husband/wife is not acceptable under any circumstances in my opinion. I understand why people would do it, but then again I understand why people murder as well. If you're in love with someone you have to try to cater to their needs, sexually or otherwise. I understand that.....however, if things don't go your way in the bedroom, are you saying that it's ok to go out and cheat? That's such a cop out to me. Analyze the problem, and try to solve it. If it can't be fixed, and your sex life determines your future with someone, then get a divorce.

Obviously my opinion on the issue isn't going to change anyone's viewpoint, and I'm too young to really know what the world is like I'm sure. I'm not trying to attack you personally.....but trying to somehow justify cheating on a spouse is just wrong to me.
 

madame_zora

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KidBrown, I'm sure I felt as you did in my 20's, but at 43 and after three failed marriages (none due to infidelity), I feel my perspective is a little broader. People choose to remain married for a number of reasons. Just because sex may wane doesn't mean there is no love between the people anymore. For me personally, I would agree that divorce would be preferable, but not everyone might share that view. Perhaps there are children involved and a man wants to remain in the household to raise them instead of letting another man do it. Perhaps the wife isn't in a position to fully support herself and a divorce would create unnecessary hardship for everyone financially. I know one guy who's wife is an alcoholic and he wants to take care of her, but she is far beyond the point where sex is of any interest to her (this is what's at the end of the rainbow for alcoholics btw). All I'm saying is that life is complicated, and the person who made the marriage vow is the only one who can determine if what they are doing is acceptable to THEM, in their situation.

I don't believe much in monogamy, but I do believe in honesty. I think a lot of marriages would be healthier if monogamy was not a requirement. When two people have severely mismatched sex drives, it would help if they could both be happy in their lives instead of one (usually the guy) feeling starved out all the time.

Anyway, I really do appreciate the respectful tone of your post, there's plenty of room for differing opinions and I'm sure the majority of people on here share your view.
 

KidBrown

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What I don't know about love and marriage could fill a library, so judging someone for their actions would just be wrong. I'm plenty biased when it comes to this subject too based on my upbringing, so there's another reason why I might feel this way. No need for me to show you any lack of respect although I strongly disagree with you. The only time I will usually ever get mad at someone is when they start using personal attacks such as "oh you're a moron".....stuff like that. I haven't walked in your shoes, I'll never know what it's like to be a woman in our society, and I don't have the thought process that most people do. Do what makes you happy !!!
 

Lordpendragon

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When marriage was a social institution, you probably had a point KidB. But like most things it has succumbed to the cult of the individual preference.

Do you have the expression "You can't have your cake and eat it"? That is you can't still keep a cake if you want also to eat it. Well in The UK, women can generally have their cake and eat it - there really isn't much downside for women which leads to the sort of abuse that MZ refers to - you know if someone is holding all the cards then there isn't much room for negotiation through communication. So some women do what they like in the knowledge that they will keep the house, the kids and the money. Some times I wonder what men think their role is.

Obviously some women are great and lucky the man, and some women get abused in every way, but connventionally now we give the individual whatever they want.

I know guys in their thirties who haven't had sex with their wives for five years, yet are told that they will lose everything if they fuck around. If married guys do fuck around they could either be in a relationship that is on the way out anyway, the type who can treat sex like having breakfast out, a scumbag, unaccepatably sex starved at home etc etc etc - there's just so many reasons, so its best not to prejudge. Having ssen Claire's profile pic there is also the case that we can resist anything but temptation.

Was this the thread about Romance?
 

11incher

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Claire who cares what anyone thinks. I am sure at the end of the night there were 2 adults with big smiles on their faces.
 

B_caneadea

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I am ALWAYS impressed by Madame Zora's profound wisdom.

KidBrown: It is wonderful to read your intelligent courteous posts.

However, I have to disagree on the "cheating" charge. I feel that many people place far too much importance on sex with one person for the rest of your life. There are a million reasons why sex with that one person can become less frequent or stop all together.

The partner needing more sex should have the right to meet their need outside the relationship.

I feel that people often place too much importance on sex. I always say, "it's just sex! You can go out and have sex with countless other people or have sex with yourself!"

There are so many wonderful aspects of a relationship (other than sex) that you can never find outside the relationship.

Although it can be VERY thrilling, anonymous sex is meaningless. It is just mutual physical gratification. It should have no negative impact on the relationship unless it takes up too much time.

The number of people who have great sex plus all the other desireable qualities with just one partner must be very few.......... :)
 

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I'll agree with your last sentence Caneadea, and I truly do appreciate your positive comments directed towards me. However........

I think maybe I just have a problem with the institution of marriage as a whole actually. At my younger age, I still have this "happy go lucky" feeling that the woman I eventually marry will be my soulmate for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm just being naive because I lack the life experience many of you have, but that's really what I want it to be. When so many people that I know have told me that "it isn't a given that marriage will be beautiful", I wonder why people get married at all?

Ideally, the woman I marry will be happy in every aspect of her life. In the event that she isn't happy sexually, I'd at least want to know if she's sleeping with someone else to fufill her desires. The whole "keeping secrets" thing would be what bothered me most. It reminds me of the time that I was living abroad for three months, and when I got home my girlfriend told me she slept with someone else a few times. I honestly wasn't upset at the fact that she had sex with another man, because I can understand that (even though I stayed loyal to her). The fact that I talked to her twice a week without ever hearing about her needs was what caused me to break things off.

Funny how the one thing I'm optimistic about will likely come back and bite me in the ass in the future, huh? hahaha.
 

ClaireTalon

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Wow, we're really getting off the jetway, aren't we?

Caneadea, I agree with you about there being more to a relationship than sex, but there's no better way to hurt someone than to give him the feeling of not being someone to (also) have sex with. I'd certainly boot someone who'd tell me that I'm not good in bed for him! So, having sex with another woman/man might not be such a bad thing, but it can be conceived as a very insulting act. But I know how to deal with it, and trust me that's not going to be fun for you!

As far as pure, anonymous sex is concerned here - it can be a great thing to come together for some time and relief some pressure together. I'm no relationship type, and say it can be very intimate, and maybe even more special a way to open a relationship.
 

madame_zora

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I've been touting the value of finding sexual compatibility for a long time now, but I think I'm still in the minority. All to often, this very important aspect of a relationship is completely overlooked. I'm sorry, but sex is too big a part of life not to consider it as an item of importance when choosing a mate. Since most people have NOT done this, it is inevitable that there will be a lot of people out there feeling sexually deprived. A little pre-planning might seem unromatic, but what would you rather have?

Claire, thanks for the topic, we're getting a lot of mileage out of your confession!
 

RideRocket

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I agree with Madame Zora that sexual compatibility is essential in creating the foundation of a relationship. Our society tends to overlook this aspect of a relationship because sex is still a 'forbidden' topic. We worry more about leaving the toilet lid up or from which end we squeeze the toothpaste tube. Personally, if I've just had incredible sex, the toothpaste could be all over the counter!
 

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madame_zora said:
I've been touting the value of finding sexual compatibility for a long time now, but I think I'm still in the minority. All to often, this very important aspect of a relationship is completely overlooked. I'm sorry, but sex is too big a part of life not to consider it as an item of importance when choosing a mate. Since most people have NOT done this, it is inevitable that there will be a lot of people out there feeling sexually deprived. A little pre-planning might seem unromatic, but what would you rather have?

Claire, thanks for the topic, we're getting a lot of mileage out of your confession!

Is it time for that titfuck yet?
 

SurferGirlCA

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I agree that he's the one who did the cheating, although if you didn't talk about it later on, maybe their relationship is more open, so maybe "cheating" is too judgmental. In any event, in terms of a guy not announcing his marital status, I think for some guys the fact that they are wearing their ring may BE the announcement, as far as they're concerned.
 

madame_zora

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RideRocket said:
I agree with Madame Zora that sexual compatibility is essential in creating the foundation of a relationship. Our society tends to overlook this aspect of a relationship because sex is still a 'forbidden' topic. We worry more about leaving the toilet lid up or from which end we squeeze the toothpaste tube. Personally, if I've just had incredible sex, the toothpaste could be all over the counter!

Fuckin' eh!
 

dlcs

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SurferGirlCA said:
I agree that he's the one who did the cheating, although if you didn't talk about it later on, maybe their relationship is more open, so maybe "cheating" is too judgmental. In any event, in terms of a guy not announcing his marital status, I think for some guys the fact that they are wearing their ring may BE the announcement, as far as they're concerned.
Howevah, there are a lot of women in the world who take the presence of the wedding ring as a challenge.

Either way, Claire, it's on him. He could have said "No, I'm married" but chose not to. You were there, and hell, you enjoyed yourself, but in the end he's the one who has to live with himself. You're too special of a person to waste your time worrying about that twonk.
 

ClaireTalon

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dlcs said:
Howevah, there are a lot of women in the world who take the presence of the wedding ring as a challenge.

Either way, Claire, it's on him. He could have said "No, I'm married" but chose not to. You were there, and hell, you enjoyed yourself, but in the end he's the one who has to live with himself. You're too special of a person to waste your time worrying about that twonk.

I could see a ring as a challenge, but it's the guy's decision, though, who'd say no to me if I give the serious impression of a girl who's out to find someone for her bed? I guess men sometimes think they're not meant to be the one to say no, and it's the woman who has to do so.

But you're damn right I enjoyed myself.