Cleaning Up

dikidiki

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Hi gents, question for other tops out there. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything is great, my only complaint is that he doesn't douche or clean before we fuck and often we have to stop in the middle because things get messy. This is a turn off for me and sometimes I can't get hard again after. Any advice for how to talk to him about it without making him feel bad or embarrassed?
 

3HandsfulofDick

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Hi gents, question for other tops out there. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything is great, my only complaint is that he doesn't douche or clean before we fuck and often we have to stop in the middle because things get messy. This is a turn off for me and sometimes I can't get hard again after. Any advice for how to talk to him about it without making him feel bad or embarrassed?

Smh... You only get one time to paint me... After that it’s over...You just have to tell him that the behavior can’t continue...If he doesn’t know how to clean out, all he or even you need to talk to other bottoms...Unless u like being shitted on, his embarrassment should not be a concern...If u know ur about to have sex just tell him you will wait till he cleans himself out
 

cedarizzo

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It is a tough conversation you need to have, otherwise it will ruin sex with him.

I used to have a fuckbuddy that was really hot. Hot muscular twink guy. And he loved to get fucked. I loved fucking him, just feeling his muscles was awesome. But no matter how nicely I asked him, he was NEVER clean. Each time it would be messy and each time I would get turned off.

It started out with me asking him to make sure he was clean. Didn't work.
So I asked for him to make sure he was cleaned out. Didn't work.
Please make sure you are cleaned out VERY WELL. Didn't work.
Please douche before you come over. Didn't work.

Eventually I just gave up and started making excuses why he couldn't come over.
That was almost 10 years ago. About every 6 months, he will message asking if I am looking,
but each time I remember how messy it was and I always decline.

I suggest you talk to your bf, mention that a good anal time includes making sure everything is cleaned out both inside and outside. There are different methods of doing that. Some guys take fiber to keep clean. Some guys douche.

It is rare that I am messy, but it does happen. I use a ShowerShot to clean out. If I know a guy is going deep (he is well hung) or I am going to be playing with toys, I will deep clean. Otherwise, I will just do a light cleaning. Normally that is all the is needed.
 
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Oh no! It would be over for me, I’d ask 1-2 times then no more. He’d either learn from no sex or I’d end the relationship as cannot stand that kind of mess. Yes you get the occasional issue (it’s anal sex) but not to have to clean up during sex.
 
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XSILVER

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Well, We have ALL been in your position. There is not easy way to go about having this conversation but there is a kind way.

Listen, Shit happens.... no punn intended. But if you have asked and they do not listen and ignore your wishes, then thats a different conversation. You need to address the elephant in the room and express your concerns before they get out of control and ruin your sexual relationship. Just be straight and honest.... "babe, You know I love you but I need for you to do something for me....." something like that.
 
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deleted1074483

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yup been there too - not massively 'messy' but enough to turn me off. Most recent time it happened was before my current bf, had a fb, younger fit tight bi, but not that much experience with guys and per him i was bigger than he was used to, went deeper and for longer, so i did dislodge some mess.

I laughed about it and his embarrassment and then we had a good long chat about why it happened, wasn't a 'big' thing and how to resolve it in the future.

All i'd add is that douching isn't the be all and end all to being clean - healthy eating etc helps too - my current bf has never douched and is clean - very occasionally there's a bit of slick if we've been at it a while or particularly hard/deep but nothing that a quick rinse doens't solve.

So if you're bf isn't into douching there are other ways to resolve this.

good luck
 

Scarletbegonia

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Hi gents, question for other tops out there. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything is great, my only complaint is that he doesn't douche or clean before we fuck and often we have to stop in the middle because things get messy. This is a turn off for me and sometimes I can't get hard again after. Any advice for how to talk to him about it without making him feel bad or embarrassed?
Are you by chance his first or close to it?
Has he been “taught” by experience or another that while poop happens, it’s isn’t a good time for everyone?
and, how messy is messy? Just you or also the surfaces?


Now, how to tell your partner they are kinda unclean is dangerous territory.
My former housemate was a top and he would just hustle the questionably clean into the shower. He wasn’t a communicator.

when I’m with my guy, and dingle berries are present on him, I have zero problem saying, hold that thought and grabbing a rag. BUT, when I goof up on cleaning, I am an apologetic mess. (M/F pair, here)
I take the lead.

I think I’d want someone with whom I’m intimate to be honest but kind. And not discuss it in the moment or as pillow talk right after.

How do you feel about “bringing it up over drinks?” A not in the bedroom discussion?
 

cedarizzo

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Bottoms should be smart enough to know they should be clean for butt fucking....duh

I lost a fuckbuddy recently because of this. I've played off and on with this guy for about 20 years. He is my age, good looking, nice body, 6" average thickness. He was the next-door type of guy. He always dresses nice and was always clean. We used to see each other at the bookstores and we had a thing where if it was really dead (which happened many times) or there wasn't anybody worthwhile there we would mess around. We usually would wait a while before we started, we would give it an hour or two. We never discussed it or made plans, but I bet we have hooked up like this about 100 times. Even though we rarely talked to each other, I knew him pretty well, sexually at least. But all we ever did was suck each other and some ball play. He really enjoyed his balls being played with roughly. But in those 100 times, we never did anything anal.

When I started hosting at my gloryhole, I stopped going to the bookstores and I didn't see him for a while. One day, I got a message from a headless guy on Grindr. He said he loves gloryholes and wanted to play. I invited him over and when he got there, I recognized the body and the dick immediately, it was my bookstore buddy. As far as I know, he didn't know it was me, but we got busy doing the usual, suck each other off and roughly grab each other's balls. At one point, while sucking me off, he pushes on one side of me to get me to turn around. So I do it and he starts rimming my ass. Okay, this was new. He rimmed me for about 5 minutes, turned me around again and sucked my dick for a few minutes. He then stood up and put his dick up to the gloryhole. So I started sucking his dick. He then turned around and put his ass up to the hole. I normally didn't rim guys and I have never mentioned it to him. I can only do it if I know it is super clean. So I stuck my finger up to his hole and NOPE! NOT CLEAN! NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING CLEAN! I grabbed a towel and wiped my finger off but that smell was stuck in my nose. I wasn't sure what to do, so I turned him around again and just sucked him off. I got him off and sent him on his way.

He kept messaging me for a few months. I just kept telling him I couldn't host, but he never got the hint. I didn't want to block him because we played together so many times, but I couldn't get his dirty ass out of my mind. So finally I told him why I wouldn't invite him over. He said he didn't realize, he would never do that, but I don't know how he couldn't have known. I did eventually block him. I just cannot get over it.
 
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XAE14G

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When I was 19, I met this older guy, older I mean 33-34 with a good job, nice apartment, decent looks, nice to be around. We started to hang out more often until that moment came. Obviously he knew that I was a virgin. He was the one that prepared me for that first time. He showed me how to do many things among others keeping it clean. I asked him to use a condom until several tests came negative. I will never forget the first time he went in raw.