Cold approaching

[sangheili90]

Hey guys,

So this current spring semester is my first at the university I transferred to and I see a lot of really nice looking girls I'd like to talk to on campus but I have no idea how to do a cold approach. Is it a simple "Hi, I'm..... etc etc" or is it expected to have a lot of game. My classes are pretty much all guys, who are really nerdy and I don't have much in common with, so my easy route to talking to girls is kind of nonexistent at this point. I'm pretty sure I've seen girls checking me out but I'm not 100% sure since everyone wears sunglasses all the time and the campus being almost entirely outdoors lol.

 

[BillM]

Dude, just start up a conversation and see where it leads you and just keep going from there, if she is interested she will also help carry the ball foreward!! Have fun and just enjoy!! Bill

 

[sangheili90]

Dude, just start up a conversation and see where it leads you and just keep going from there, if she is interested she will also help carry the ball foreward!! Have fun and just enjoy!! Bill

My issue is I don't know what to strike up a conversation about with a total stranger.

 

[BillM]

My issue is I don't know what to strike up a conversation about with a total stranger.

What ever the topic of the day is or the subject you guys are in class for there are so many items to talk about in the news ETC! Bill

 

[sangheili90]

What ever the topic of the day is or the subject you guys are in class for there are so many items to talk about in the news ETC! Bill

I think you should reread my OP, I'm referring to random girls I see on campus, thus the reason why I used the term cold approach for the title of this thread.

 

[Brisler]

Just be sure to talk to them before the cold develops into a full blown flu.

 

[BillM]

They are in college and ask them about there classes and what they are studing or going to college to major in??? Bill

 

[AlteredEgo]

A man just spoke to me 15 minutes ago. He said, "How are you doing, Miss?" I mumbled something polite and contemplated the short distance to my car through the sudden appearance of driving snow and slicing ice. He then launched into a quick story about an annoying person who'd just endangered herself by hoping directly in front of him and then walking really slowly as if it didn't dawn on her how hard it would be for him to stop the weight he was pushing in the slick conditions. I listened, and then made polite noises and gestures of shared outrage. I told him a joke to brighten his mood. We had a laugh and parted ways. Had either of us been interested, it would have been easy to exchange numbers at that point. But he just needed to vent, and I was willing to let him. He chose me because I was standing still, obviously not busy. Just talk. Doesn't matter about what. Choose someone whose body language makes them look approachable. Failure is fine. It makes you better. Just do it.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I'm pretty sure I've seen girls checking me out but I'm not 100% sure since everyone wears sunglasses all the time

Put on your own sunglasses and walk up to a girl and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Don't rush it. Then ask her if you can take her out to lunch at a nice little cafe in town. If she say "yes", fantastic! If she says "no" smile and tell her, "you have a nice day." Then find another girl you find attractive and walk up to her (don't forget to put on your sunglasses) and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

...

 

[sangheili90]

Put on your own sunglasses and walk up to a girl and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Don't rush it. Then ask her if you can take her out to lunch at a nice little cafe in town. If she say "yes", fantastic! If she says "no" smile and tell her, "you have a nice day." Then find another girl you find attractive and walk up to her (don't forget to put on your sunglasses) and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

...

LOL, sounds like something off of a PUA site.

 

[950483]

'Cold approaching' and 'a lot of game' sound like something from a PUA site.

This just comes down to basic social skills. Women are people you know, they're not a different species, we're all more similar than you realize. The good thing about this is that they will also be looking for men to have sex with.

Your problem is with social skills, and social anxiety. What would really help alleviate

 

[950483]

Oops. What would really help alleviate your anxiety is socializing with people and having face to face conversations, and the more you do it, the better and easier it will be. Even chatting to people face to face on skype will help.

 

[deleted871301]

I'd be freaked out if someone said this to me:-

I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Kind of creepy in a stalker kind of way.

 

[328982]

Shyness can be really difficult to overcome, and really frustrating, like a self-imposed prison. Bit like you perhaps (or not, I shouldn't presume) I dread introductions, new social situations, parties etc. I have nothing to say, no conversation, it's pure anguish. People who socialise easily don't understand it, they think you are being silly or standoffish or whatever. Just chat! Well, it doesn't happen. The worst thing is to prepare topics of conversation in advance, it comes out wooden and stilted. Lots of really good advice here, but if you can't break out of yourself, maybe just be really approachable? Smile at women who smile at you, say hi. They'll probably strike up a conversation with you. They'll ask you about yourself, remember to ask them back so you seem interested in them. You have the big advantage of being handsome, nice body and hung, you don't need to be a great conversationalist to start off with. Sure you'll have lots to say after the ice is broken. When I was at uni in my first term, I overheard a girl describe me as 'you know, the tall one with the dull face'. That was bad! In your case, it will soon be the tall cute one with the hot bod who's rumoured to have a huge cock and is great in the sack.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I'd be freaked out if someone said this to me:-

I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Kind of creepy in a stalker kind of way.

Doors lyrics.

 

[erratic]

• Stop calling women girls. You're a grown-ass man. "Girls" makes you sound like you're not.
• Don't get all anxious over how hard it is to start a conversation with strangers. It's a hard thing to do. Don't let anyone tell you it shouldn't be, or that you're fucking it up if it's still hard for you a year from now. Talking to strangers is anxiety-provoking. Full stop. Go easy on yourself.
• Having a stranger talk to you is anxiety provoking. Think about it: When random people start talking to you, do you just open up about your life, or are you guarded for a bit while you figure out if this person is actually cool, or actually a cannibal? So don't freak out if you start talking to someone and they're guarded. Especially women, because creepy-ass straight guys trying to get in their pants are a dime a dozen. Someone once told me this: Men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will rape them. Keep in mind how anxious she might be when you start talking to her.
• Offers of kindness are the best. When it's raining, offer to share your umbrella. Hold the door open. If someone drops stuff, ask them if you can help. Generally, if you see someone who could use some help, ask if they could use yours. That suggests you're a gentleman and not a skeezy-ass pick up douche. Best of all, if people over time see that you're a helpful, approachable guy, they will start approaching you.
  
• If you make eye contact, smile. Don't just look away like an awkward ninth-grader. You've made it this far. Chances are you're an interesting guy. Smile like the happy, confident guy you deserve to be.
  
• Show some vulnerability and be authentic. When trying to meet people, an opening that really works for me is "So, I'm really new here and I'm wondering if you know how/where/what to blah blah blah." Ask about something you honestly need to know about.
  
• Don't put too much pressure on a conversation that can't bear it. Getting someone's details in the first encounter is not likely to happen. It might, but it's not likely. Let that come when it feels natural.
• Join clubs, coed sports, anything where you might meet people with shared interests. The chances of meeting a woman there who's interesting and interested in the same things you are are astronomically higher than when you try to talk to someone in the same lineup at the pizza counter. It's also good for your mental health to get out of studying and all that anxiety.

Good luck!

 

[Mercurygirl]

I'd be freaked out if someone said this to me:-

I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Kind of creepy in a stalker kind of way.

LOL, sounds like something off of a PUA site.

Forgive me I was being a bit facetious. My point was stop looking for a strategy on how to approach women, it's pointless. You can never be that other guy. I tell what though, if you do manage to find a woman who knows and falls for those spy lyrics god help your penis because I guarantee she's one freaky bitch in bed.

You have to get, "the attitude" ...

You have to get in the mindset of the bear and the bunny. Use your claws! You have to be the guy in the R-rated movie ...

Your a spy in the house of love. The fucking Lizard King!

Dude, I'm being facetious again. Both those films end with the advice their buddies gave them being wrong. In the end they get the girl by being themselves. Fact is there is no perfect formula for getting women to go out with you. Why? Because everyone is different. Unless you're good looking or super confident and funny the cold approach isn't going to work for you. Not saying it's impossible but prepare yourself for rejection.

From the number of threads you've posted on this forum it's apparent you're the type of guy who needs a girl to get to know you over a period of time before she'll be receptive to a date. I suggest you get involved in extra curricular activities such as clubs and volunteer work and meet those women with shared interest. Randomly walking up to some stranger because you think she's got a great ass is a sure strategy for failure.

 

[Mercurygirl]

• Stop calling women girls. You're a grown-ass man. "Girls" makes you sound like you're not.
• Don't get all anxious over how hard it is to start a conversation with strangers. It's a hard thing to do. Don't let anyone tell you it shouldn't be, or that you're fucking it up if it's still hard for you a year from now. Talking to strangers is anxiety-provoking. Full stop. Go easy on yourself.
• Having a stranger talk to you is anxiety provoking. Think about it: When random people start talking to you, do you just open up about your life, or are you guarded for a bit while you figure out if this person is actually cool, or actually a cannibal? So don't freak out if you start talking to someone and they're guarded. Especially women, because creepy-ass straight guys trying to get in their pants are a dime a dozen. Someone once told me this: Men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will rape them. Keep in mind how anxious she might be when you start talking to her.
• Offers of kindness are the best. When it's raining, offer to share your umbrella. Hold the door open. If someone drops stuff, ask them if you can help. Generally, if you see someone who could use some help, ask if they could use yours. That suggests you're a gentleman and not a skeezy-ass pick up douche. Best of all, if people over time see that you're a helpful, approachable guy, they will start approaching you.
  
• If you make eye contact, smile. Don't just look away like an awkward ninth-grader. You've made it this far. Chances are you're an interesting guy. Smile like the happy, confident guy you deserve to be.
  
• Show some vulnerability and be authentic. When trying to meet people, an opening that really works for me is "So, I'm really new here and I'm wondering if you know how/where/what to blah blah blah." Ask about something you honestly need to know about.
  
• Don't put too much pressure on a conversation that can't bear it. Getting someone's details in the first encounter is not likely to happen. It might, but it's not likely. Let that come when it feels natural.
• Join clubs, coed sports, anything where you might meet people with shared interests. The chances of meeting a woman there who's interesting and interested in the same things you are are astronomically higher than when you try to talk to someone in the same lineup at the pizza counter. It's also good for your mental health to get out of studying and all that anxiety.

Good luck!

Didn't mean to be redundant on some of your points. You literally posted a minute before I did and I was unaware of what you had written. Some great advice there.

 

[erratic]

Didn't mean to be redundant on some of your points. You literally posted a minute before I did and I was unaware of what you had written. Some great advice there.

Wait, are you Canadian now? Cause we're the ones who say sorry for things we don't need to say sorry for, right?

 

[sangheili90]

'Cold approaching' and 'a lot of game' sound like something from a PUA site.

This just comes down to basic social skills. Women are people you know, they're not a different species, we're all more similar than you realize. The good thing about this is that they will also be looking for men to have sex with.

Your problem is with social skills, and social anxiety. What would really help alleviate

Cold approaching is a general term for approaching someone in a non social setting.