Cold approaching

[bar4doug]

My issue is I don't know what to strike up a conversation about with a total stranger.

Ask for directions. "Do you know where ____ is?" Say you just transferred, and haven't figured out your way around everything. Introduce yourself, and then ask them what they are studying.

If she is interested, you should know within 15 seconds.

You probably can't pull this off more than a few times... because a keen observer will see you asking for directions for weeks....

 

[desilover]

like "i like your dress..." or "is this the way to the library?" or "do you know what they're selling in the food court today?"

 

[BillM]

Ask for directions. "Do you know where ____ is?" Say you just transferred, and haven't figured out your way around everything. Introduce yourself, and then ask them what they are studying.

If she is interested, you should know within 15 seconds.

You probably can't pull this off more than a few times... because a keen observer will see you asking for directions for weeks....

like "i like your dress..." or "is this the way to the library?" or "do you know what they're selling in the food court today?"

Both Great ways !!! Bill

 

[Oxnard]

Put on your own sunglasses and walk up to a girl and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

Don't rush it. Then ask her if you can take her out to lunch at a nice little cafe in town. If she say "yes", fantastic! If she says "no" smile and tell her, "you have a nice day." Then find another girl you find attractive and walk up to her (don't forget to put on your sunglasses) and say ...

"I'm a spy in the house of love. I know the dreams you've been dreamin' of. I know the words that you long to hear. I know your deepest secret fear."

...

I consider myself fairly bumbling when it comes to flirtation, so my opinion doesn't really count for much, but some of my platonic female friends make fun of guys who approach them with with cheesy lines like that. Not to their faces, though.

 

[temptotalk]

Don't know if this is good or bad advice and you can take it as you will but i'm horrible at flirting, picking up symbols and cold approaching. What i have found though is when i was just trying to be friendly some women thought i was flirting with them. So theres that.

 

[Oxnard]

Don't know if this is good or bad advice and you can take it as you will but i'm horrible at flirting, picking up symbols and cold approaching. What i have found though is when i was just trying to be friendly some women thought i was flirting with them. So theres that.

That happens to me also. When I try to flirt, I either can't get a signal across, or else I'm a lot less attractive than I thought.

However, when I'm not trying to flirt and just try to be friendly to a strange woman, suddenly every other word out of her mouth involves the phrase "my boyfriend," suggesting that she thinks I'm flirting.

Obviously, I need to think more like I'm making a friend when trying to flirt, but my own social ineptitude is frustrating. It's as if I keep sending those signals when I don't want to, and not sending those signals when I want to.

 

[328982]

That happens to me also. When I try to flirt, I either can't get a signal across, or else I'm a lot less attractive than I thought.

However, when I'm not trying to flirt and just try to be friendly to a strange woman, suddenly every other word out of her mouth involves the phrase "my boyfriend," suggesting that she thinks I'm flirting.

Obviously, I need to think more like I'm making a friend when trying to flirt, but my own social ineptitude is frustrating. It's as if I keep sending those signals when I don't want to, and not sending those signals when I want to.

Call me British but the only words I'd exchange with a strange woman would be 'excuse me' and 'thank you'.

 

[Oxnard]

Call me British but the only words I'd exchange with a strange woman would be 'excuse me' and 'thank you'.

Not even if you're stuck standing on the same street corner for a while? Just stand around next to another human being and barely acknowledge their presence?

 

[328982]

Not even if you're stuck standing on the same street corner for a while? Just stand around next to another human being and barely acknowledge their presence?

Only kidding - but I wouldn't often get into a conversation that could be misconstrued as flirting.

 

[Oxnard]

Only kidding - but I wouldn't often get into a conversation that could be misconstrued as flirting.

Well, you're probably not as socially incompetent as I am.

 

[328982]

Well, you're probably not as socially incompetent as I am.

I doubt that

 

[temptotalk]

That happens to me also. When I try to flirt, I either can't get a signal across, or else I'm a lot less attractive than I thought.

However, when I'm not trying to flirt and just try to be friendly to a strange woman, suddenly every other word out of her mouth involves the phrase "my boyfriend," suggesting that she thinks I'm flirting.

Obviously, I need to think more like I'm making a friend when trying to flirt, but my own social ineptitude is frustrating. It's as if I keep sending those signals when I don't want to, and not sending those signals when I want to.

Yeah i get that a lot too. Read someone that eye contact has a lot to do with it. Above that i have no clue. Maybe it has a little to do with nerves. *shrugs*

 

[Oxnard]

Yeah i get that a lot too. Read someone that eye contact has a lot to do with it. Above that i have no clue. Maybe it has a little to do with nerves. *shrugs*

I'm more confident in those situations because I don't actually expect anything to come of the conversation. I suspect that's part of it.

 

[Deep_Eddy]

My best luck, if you can call breaking the ice with a stranger "luck", was when we were classmates or participating in some activity, like the same workplace or the recreational volleyball club or on a bicycling event (a fundraiser). That way - we were not total strangers, just new and different, and shared a common interest. Super easy to start talking about something if you are both doing it together.
Then again, once I started working in bars, and everybody had their defenses lowered, there was lots of one night stands, and a couple of multi-day stands. That might work for you.

 

[950483]

Lots of people struggle with shyness or social anxiety. Bizarrely, even when I used to REALLY struggle with making conversation I felt no shyness or anxiety at all about public speaking or giving presentations. It isn't something you have to just live with, I'm fine now. If it helps you, then it is okay to just tell people that you are nervous or anxious, then you don't have to worry so much about coming across as 'weird'.

 

[Calvinguy]

You can always start off a conversation with something like, "I have big hands and you know what they say about guys with..." If she follows current events, it should at least get a smile and if she is interested, possibly a glance below your belt.

And yes, I am kidding, but for the right girl, it would be a great opener!

I agree with the others on getting involved in extracurricular activities. You're bound to meet someone with common interests and the conversation will flow naturally if you open yourself up to it.

 

[sangheili90]

You can always start off a conversation with something like, "I have big hands and you know what they say about guys with..." If she follows current events, it should at least get a smile and if she is interested, possibly a glance below your belt.

And yes, I am kidding, but for the right girl, it would be a great opener!

I agree with the others on getting involved in extracurricular activities. You're bound to meet someone with common interests and the conversation will flow naturally if you open yourself up to it.

LOL I'm a grower so I'm not sure if that would work for me or not.

I am involved with some activities, and they are all male dominated endeavors. All of my employment history has been with jobs completely dominated by male coworkers. I've literally never had any real experience interacting with women, other than relatives/family friends, so its really tough for me to figure this all out.

 

[sangheili90]

My best luck, if you can call breaking the ice with a stranger "luck", was when we were classmates or participating in some activity, like the same workplace or the recreational volleyball club or on a bicycling event (a fundraiser). That way - we were not total strangers, just new and different, and shared a common interest. Super easy to start talking about something if you are both doing it together.
Then again, once I started working in bars, and everybody had their defenses lowered, there was lots of one night stands, and a couple of multi-day stands. That might work for you.

Well, I'm not a bartender and I don't drink so that environment may not be suitable for me, I've tried it before and it just felt completely overwhelming for me. Also, when I went out almost all of the women were in very large groups and I had no clue as to how to approach, like I said that environment was like jumping into the ocean without knowing how to swim.

 

[sangheili90]

Lots of people struggle with shyness or social anxiety. Bizarrely, even when I used to REALLY struggle with making conversation I felt no shyness or anxiety at all about public speaking or giving presentations. It isn't something you have to just live with, I'm fine now. If it helps you, then it is okay to just tell people that you are nervous or anxious, then you don't have to worry so much about coming across as 'weird'.

I'm the same way, as long as I now what the hell I'm talking about I'm really good with public speaking and presentations but I freeze up in social situations with women, no one would understand what this is like unless they experience the mental blocks like I get.

 

[sangheili90]

Ask for directions. "Do you know where ____ is?" Say you just transferred, and haven't figured out your way around everything. Introduce yourself, and then ask them what they are studying.

If she is interested, you should know within 15 seconds.

You probably can't pull this off more than a few times... because a keen observer will see you asking for directions for weeks....

That's actually a pretty solid idea, it's just going to come across as very fake unless I can come up with a better excuse to approach someone. I always feel like I'd be bothering someone and the few instances I've had approaching the opposite se never turned out well, so I have a strong aversion to this negative stimulus.