Cold sore and oral sex

[Thirtysomethingman]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice please and also starting this saying that I suffer from health anxiety so that kind of drives my thinking a lot of the time.

I met up with a friend-with-benefits yesterday, a really nice guy, very genuine and friendly who I like to think would be honest with me about things. Anyway, he had a single scab in what looked like the later-stages of scabiness just below his bottom lip. He explained of his own free will that he'd had a whitehead/pimple/spot there which he'd put ointment on but the ointment gave him a bad reaction, but that it was all healing now and going away. I trusted him, so we made out and he briefly gave me oral sex (I would say maybe two times about 30 seconds each).

Anyway, now the health anxiety is kicking in and I am freaking out incase it was actually a cold sore and I could end up with genital herpes from the oral sex. I really believe him to be a genuine guy and I don't want to believe he could lie. He called it a whitehead spot, and didn't mention blisters or oozing fluid such as you normally get with cold sores. And yet, my anxiety is digging away at me.

If you were in my position, would you a) do nothing, and live with any consequences to your actions if and when they arise or b) contact him and say in a way that hopefully doesn't annoy him that you are worried and was it definitely a spot?

Obviously goes without saying at my next regular testing I will mention this.

Really grateful of any kind words. Thank you.

 

[winesthel945]

Bottom line: you have probably been exposed to herpes on many occasions and if you have never had symptoms, it's likely that you have nothing to worry about. Given that people transmit herpes without any visible sores, the fact that this guy had a pimple, or even a cold sore, doesn't mean you have been exposed to genital herpes. And it may be difficult to get tested for herpes because it's everywhere and nearly everyone has been exposed. And if the worst happens and you develop it, it's very treatable and for the vast majority of people it never bothers them again.

By the time you reach age 40, greater than 70% of the population has been exposed to herpes with no infection, no symptoms, and the body naturally gets rid of the virus after a period of time. This is why nearly no public health agency screens for herpes unless they are trying to diagnose some kind of active infection situation so other diseases can be ruled out.

The paranoia and fear around it is completely out of proportion, so while it's understandable that you may be feeling that anxiety, you really have very little to worry about and even if it was herpes... you still have very little to worry about.

I would focus on educating yourself a bit more. This article has a lot of good explanations that tackle a lot of the myths and fears: https://www.forhims.com/blog/common-herpes-myths-vs-facts

This is also a good resource: Where Can I Get Tested For Herpes? | Testing Info

Good luck!

 

[LPSG Simon]

It's wise to generally avoid open sores and broken skin, even if there is no infection present. Not only because of what you mentioned there, but for the other person, exposing that broken skin to other people's fluids increases the chance of *them* getting an infection, plus blood, etc... being more present.

 

[zeke357az]

If you ever have even a small hesitation about a person you’re going to have sex it’s pretty much easy to handle. Don’t have sex with people if your gut gives you a warning sign. Also - find yourself a doctor that you trust and can tell anything about your sex life and make him/her your primary care physician or if your insurance allows use an infectious disease doctor as the person you can trust with your sex live and health.

 

[malakos]

If you were in my position, would you a) do nothing, and live with any consequences to your actions if and when they arise or b) contact him and say in a way that hopefully doesn't annoy him that you are worried and was it definitely a spot?

I don't see the point in (b). If he lied (either he knew it was a cold sore, or didn't know what it was but made up a story to reassure you), then asking him about it again won't do any good. People don't tend to retract lies unless they're confronted with clear evidence they were lying.

Whatever you were exposed to, you can't unexpose yourself now. There's nothing you can do to make that past encounter less of a risk to you presently. But certainly you can check up on your health at the appropriate time. If I were you, I would opt for three months of abstinence, then get a full battery of tests, and see where things stand at that point.

 

[dreambridger]

speaking as a guy who grows facial hair very rapidly, pimples and ingrown hairs are very common around my lips, and the scabs can linger after I treat them, and can get purplish and slightly swell, and could probably be mistaken for a cold sore to the untrained eye. I get tested at least twice a year and have never tested positive for herpes.