College relationship help

[majormadness]

Hey everyone. I suppose you'd characterize me as a former poster turned lurker, but I've decided to break out of my shell once again in hopes that the gracious men and women of this forum can help me.

So, I'm in the midst of my freshman year of college (and of course this would come up in the middle of finals), and I'm at a medium-size university in a small town in Louisiana. I'm in a special honors program, with very few people, and I can feel myself falling for a classmate.

He's a performing arts major (of course), and I guess you could call him a master of mixed signals. He's always bright and happy, and has many classic mannerisms of a steriotypical gay guy. However, on his facebook profile, he has himself listed as interested in women. It's not uncommon for many gay or bi students here to put themselves as straight in online profiles, myself included. There are a few reasons I believe he's interested in men:

1) His personality - I understand it's wrong to judge people on their actions to try and determine sexual orientation. But, at least in my experience, people that act classically gay tend to be. This boy's a theatre major, listens to a lot of showtunes, and speaks with a soft, feminine voice. Now, that's not to say that he's flaming. He also talks about girls he finds attractive, leading me to believe he's bi. I also likes all kinds of music, including rock and jazz.

2) His reported affairs - around October, he marked himself as "In a relationship" on facebook, but didn't select a person he was in a relationship with. I found out later that he was dating a boy in theatre from a confirmed gay boy in my college. My source tells me also that my love interest has said, "just because I'm in a relationship with a boy doen't make me gay," again making me think that he is at least bi.

3) His interations with me - we have spoken before, usually just briefly, but recently (ever since a study group on tuesday), he has been talking to me for longer periods of time. I also think I've caught him surveying me with his eyes and a few cagey hints that he'd like to see me more often - especially out at bars and concerts.

There's a concert tonight that we'll both be going to. In fact, he might be giving me a ride since I don't have a car. I was just wondering if anyone believes I should press forward with a little more obvious flirting or if I should hold back. Also, any advice on determining if he really is interested in me would be appreciated.

Thanks guys!

 

[majormadness]

Aww. 79 views and no help? C'mon folks, I'm putting my heart on the line, here!

 

[sdbg]

I'm certainly not an expert, but from what you wrote, you can flirt slightly and see where it goes. If the chemistry is right, he'll make a move if he knows that you're cool about it. So much can happen just from your eye contact and a smile. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[goodwood]

Major -

Such a dilemma. I wish I could help but I don't know what to say. Maybe just try to spend more time with him, talk with him more? Let him know that you are open to something? Sorry the advice is for crap, but I have no idea what to say being not gay but I felt badly that only SDBG had relplied. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Hockeytiger]

As I have never really tried to flirt with a guy before I can't really give you any advice on what you should do. But in regards to whether you flirt or not, let me be succinct. You can either be a man or a coward. It is your life, your consequences, and your choice.

 

[kepper]

I may be too late for help on this thread, but my advice is to flirt a little and if you see any encouragement from him, then up your game a bit and let nature take its course.

You certainly are interested in him, so why not start building at least a relationship by becoming friends? You'll know soon enough what his interest is in you. Go with your heart and instincts, not with your intellect. If there is something there, you'll find out quickly and your life will be richer.

Kevin

 

[bigtwin]

I'd suggest getting closer to him in in general, keep the flirting down at first. Get to know him. Talk about his likes and dislikes, family, plans for the semester break, classes for next semester, housing etc. Tell him about yourself too. You might even tell him of our sexual preferences without revealing your crush on him. See where it goes from there.

 

[hotman911]

I say just go for it & see where it leads your gaydar is going off right?

 

[badger2395]

A few words of advice:
- get to know him better and probably take your time doing it
- let him know that you are okay with same-sex attraction without coming on to him immediately, e.g. if you know of a gay couple, say something positive about them to him
- have fun with flirting, but remember that it might not add up to anything
- when you get a chance, go out for coffee or a soda and invite him along. Then flirt, talk, and see where it goes

Hope this helps!

 

[101754]

i would say be honest. its also good to remember that a lot of people in college dont know what they are yet. And that's awesome. I would say just be honest about how you feel. Take a risk. Nothing bad will happen. It never does.

Best of luck.

 

[PWRSTRK]

Go for it! Live large! He's sending signals... if he didn't want you to get them, he wouldn't send them. Give us an up to date report!

 

[navybear98]

Does he know your Gay? He may be thinking the exact same thing about you but is waiting for your signals. I am not sure if you should "hit" on him, in case I am wrong, but comment on how attractive some other guy is and see how he responds. If he freaks out that you are attracted to another guy, and you are not comfortable telling him, tell him just because you like girls does not mean you can't find another many attractive.
Tim

 

[YourAvgGuy]

I am aware this is quite late, but maybe... just maybe he is a very flirty type of guy? Dudes are like women; we thrive and live off attention and generally will welcome it regardless of the source. Flattery will get you everywhere (in most places).

I would not push things too fast. Hang out, talk, learn about each other's interest and just bud around. Eventually you will learn more about each other and how best to guage your questions as well as how to proceed with your interest, should it still be there.

 

[majormadness]

Hey everyone!
Sorry I never posted my thanks earlier. I was a little... indisposed after the concert (it was at a bar, and in a college town).
Anyways, I managed to talk to the boy quite a bit, even for the few days left after the concert. I think we've become somewhat-close, casual friends.
I plan to start flirting soon, and I hope that something comes of it, but I'm alright if it ends up going nowhere. I guess that's a good attitude to have when you start flirting.
I guess my next question would be to ask for tips about casual, low-level flirting to start off with. I'm still not out at college, so I'd prefer that it be descrete enough so that people around won't pick up on it, but my friend will. Any ideas?

 

[UtahCock]

Sigh. I told myself I was going to abandon the halls of LPSG (hence the elimination of my pics). But the need for idle entertainment beckoned, and then, major, your plight spoke to me.

Light flirting is really pretty easy. Especially when it comes to boys.

1) Tease him. Make sure its light, but that little bit of pushing is playful. If he responds in kind, you know he is interested.

2) Touch him. Not in any overt sexual way, just a simple squeeze of the shoulder, a playful push/nudge, a gentle touch on his arm to get his attention when you want to say something. Again, if he touches back, he's probably interested.
Straight guys may be down with being touched like this, they may even be touchy themselves, but if they are not a touchy kind of person and are just cool with you, they may just put up with it because they figure you're a touchy person. But if this dude is into you, he's going to be looking for little signals like this from you.

3)Stroke his ego.
Listen avidly to the things he says. Respond with interest, "Wow, you have the ENTIRE Star Wars collector cards series! What made you get into that?"

Compliment him, especially in front of others, "No, you guys don't even know! Brian seriously knows his shit about categorizing early Byzantine religious relics; I am so glad he's here or our asses would be toast!"

Sometimes you can combine the touch and the ego stroke. I know it sounds lame and cliche, but for some reason guys ARE suckers for the "wow your biceps are huge/ripped/cut/hard" as you squeeze. Perhaps they find the cheesiness endearing or perhaps they would like to think you are at least part way serious. You dont have to go that far, though.

Just keep it subtle and get increasingly bolder depending on his responses.

Let us know how it goes. And I can offer some tips on how to rev up for the kiss ;-)

 

[chrisj428]

Major,

I can only echo what Utah's put out there (and am grateful that he took the time to post to eloquently -- we need more of that around here!).

It sounds as though you have a healthy attitude towards this ("I hope that something comes of it, but I'm alright if it ends up going nowhere."). That old adage: "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst" seems to apply here. I'm the last one to give gaydar advice as mine is so far out of whack, it's not even funny (it sucks having such high self-monitoring tendencies sometimes), but go with your gut. The Ohio Lotto used to say "You gotta get in it to win it," so I admire and applaud your gusto and say, go for broke. If you end up with a good friend, fantastic. If you end up with more, outstanding. If you end up with nothing, then, hey, it was for a reason (he's probably an axe murderer or something even more weird, like a pistachio instant pudding aficionado). :biggrin1:

 

[truckertony1995]

"If you end up with nothing, then, hey, it was for a reason (he's probably an axe murderer or something even more weird, like a pistachio instant pudding aficionado). :biggrin1:"

lol, Sadly, I am a fan of pistachio pudding! But I do agree with the sentiment in his post. In my college days I was terrified of rejection (although I was out so exposure wasn't a concern.) I did manage to risk it a few times. I ended up with some good memories, and a few friends who did not hook up but were a lot of fun to know better. Good luck!