Comedy Questions

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_HappyHammer1977, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. B_HappyHammer1977

    B_HappyHammer1977 New Member

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    Well, so many of you seem to be intelegent (sic) people, I thought maybe some of you could answer me some of these questions -


    1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
    batteries are flat?

    2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
    there is not enough?

    3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
    stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?

    4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

    5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

    6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
    throw a gun at him?

    8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    10 What is the speed of darkness?

    11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at
    The Special Olympics?

    12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

    13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
    twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others
    doing here?

    16 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only
    seem longer?

    17 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide,
    is it a hostage situation?

    18 Can you cry under water?

    19 What level of importance must a person have , before they are
    considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

    21 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    22 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
    would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?

    23 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
    wake up,like, every two hours?

    24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
    binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or
    close the cubicle curtain while you change? . They're still going to see
    you naked anyway.

    :beer:
     
  2. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    I don't know you, Hammer, but if you came up with any of these I want to meet you and spend lots of time with you. Clever, m8, clever!

    Luke
     
  3. KinkGuy

    Gold Member

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    Why do they put brail on the buttons at drive up ATM's?
     
  4. madame_zora

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    HappyHammer, that is an amazing list- certainly the questions that puzzle mankind.
     
  5. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    why are all the contestants in the Miss Universe competition always from Earth??
     
  6. Cicero77

    Cicero77 Member

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    Ahh, a taste of home. British comedy at it's best Happyhammer! Cheers for reminding me and introducing our American hosts to Peter Kay! ;)

    Ian.
     
  7. B_HappyHammer1977

    B_HappyHammer1977 New Member

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    I forgot I posted this! For the record, I didn't write it - Peter Kay - Sheer class!
     
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