Coming out to a roommate

[dickbruh]

I am going to college in the fall and I am gay. I have a randomly assigned roommate and I don't know his stance on gays or really anything at all. So my question is as a straight man what would be the best way for a college roommate to come out to you? If you weren't 100% supportive of gay rights or weren't comfortable with having a gay roommate is there anyway I could make it less awkward or make you more comfortable?

 

[aren88]

When you guys get to know each other it's cool to ask. It's 2016. When you do small talk about likes and dislikes you, after you've gotten comfortable with each other you can easily say "so are you Into guys or girls?"

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking. I wouldn't use that as the first question right off the bat tho. Just establish a good convo first

 

[Auggiecakes]

I am going to college in the fall and I am gay. I have a randomly assigned roommate and I don't know his stance on gays or really anything at all. So my question is as a straight man what would be the best way for a college roommate to come out to you? If you weren't 100% supportive of gay rights or weren't comfortable with having a gay roommate is there anyway I could make it less awkward or make you more comfortable?

well fist of all just because you have assigned roommates doesn't mean you have to finish the semester like that. tell him and if he has a problem then tell the student housing department and they are obligated to find you a new roommate.

 

[ronin001]

Not all nationalities, nor religions get along 100% with each other. It is not something that should be a topic of discussion on the first day, but it is something that you may want to confide in with your room mate. Saves him from finding out some other way

Many schools make freshmen / Sophomores live on campus, so you are not only going to be saddled with a room mate ; but dorm mates as well. Just try to be a good roommate , everything else hopefully will work its way out

 

[BIGBULL29]

well fist of all just because you have assigned roommates doesn't mean you have to finish the semester like that. tell him and if he has a problem then tell the student housing department and they are obligated to find you a new roommate.

I certainly wouldn't want a roommate who didn't approve of my "ungodly lifestlyle."

Best to end up with a gay roommate (but that could end up not working, either LOL).

Millenials are much more open-minded than their predecessors, but we still find cavemen among them.

 

[Notaes]

I am going to college in the fall and I am gay. I have a randomly assigned roommate and I don't know his stance on gays or really anything at all. So my question is as a straight man what would be the best way for a college roommate to come out to you? If you weren't 100% supportive of gay rights or weren't comfortable with having a gay roommate is there anyway I could make it less awkward or make you more comfortable?

I would be upfront and tell him immediately! If he has problems then I'm not sure he is college material. Just be yourself.

 

[hzs3fg]

well fist of all just because you have assigned roommates doesn't mean you have to finish the semester like that. tell him and if he has a problem then tell the student housing department and they are obligated to find you a new roommate.

Not really - many schools insist that freshmen especially finish their first year with their assigned roommate.

 

[Auggiecakes]

Not really - many schools insist that freshmen especially finish their first year with their assigned roommate.

never heard of that. It certainly wasn't the case at my university or my best friends university.

 

[hzs3fg]

I would be upfront and tell him immediately! If he has problems then I'm not sure he is college material. Just be yourself.

I agree. In fact, if he is the kind of guy who is going to have a problem with it, better to get it out in the open immediately rather than have him find out later and accuse you of getting your rocks off watching him undress and such.

 

[palakaorion]

You need to have a conversation about expectations, dating, schedules etc. anyway. Perfect time to mention your dates would be other guys. It's not the kind of thing you want to be surprised by in the moment.

 

[Naughty Teacher]

yeah, its polite not to be caught having sex in shared accomodation, no matter who it is.

i wouldnt lead off with it. find out what you have in common first. you want to build a relationship, you live with this person.

dont let your fear of the worst possible reaction override normal rules of polite behavior.

 

[elixer26]

I would be upfront and tell him immediately! If he has problems then I'm not sure he is college material. Just be yourself.

That's retarded. Horrible advice. You need to respect peoples space. Some straight guys might assume that coming out that directly to a stranger, is trying to get in his pants. If in fact the roommate is straight. Who knows what he might be. So be respectful, let him get to know you as a human being first. Don't listen to the rest of the socially awkward thots. If you flaunt your sexuality people won't respect you. I'm a person above everything else. My sexuality is 1% of who I am.

 

[elixer26]

Straight guys can be marginalized and extremely judgmental. So be cautious, don't force a friendship or anything like that. They keep a distance from us, so I keep them the same. I'm a mirror, whatever you put in front of me, is exactly what you get back.

 

[StubbornMule]

Build a connection first, and then you can move to the topic. Remember that he may not be 100% at ease only because of limited exposure to openly gay people or religious education, especially if he is from a small town.

I think it is always better to build bridges than walls, so I suggest not to be judgmental if he is not 100% at ease (as long as he is not hostile), so that both parts can build understanding.

 

[elixer26]

Build a connection first, and then you can move to the topic. Remember that he may not be 100% at ease only because of limited exposure to openly gay people or religious education, especially if he is from a small town.

I think it is always better to build bridges than walls, so I suggest not to be judgmental if he is not 100% at ease (as long as he is not hostile), so that both parts can build understanding.

That's good advice.

 

[Jason]

No straight guy feels the need to have a conversation that runs "room-mate, I think you should know I'm straight". Similarly there is no reason for you to hurry to state you are gay. It's not that you are hiding something, just not racing to say it.

Despite all the porn film scenarios it is bad form for a student to let his room-mate catch him having sex, straight or gay. It's important that both room-mates make a big effort to get on. There are a lot of things (often trivial things) which can cause problems. Both have to make a lot of compromises.

 

[RedScrotum]

I wouldn't worry about it, for all you know, he may be gay too.

 

[twoton]

I think people have some unrealistic expectations about what "should" happen if you come out to a young guy you've never met who will be sharing a small living space with a complete stranger.

How about this? Don't come out to him at all until you talk to the college's gay & lesbian advocacy group and get their advice.

 

[elixer26]

For the younger generation 25 and under maybe a little bit older. I don't know what the fascination is about flaunting your sexuality, dying your hair pink and wearing the pride colors and everything like that, I mean I've always been out so to speak, I've never denied who I am but I don't have to walk around in the gay community 24/7. I'm not saying anything wrong with that, it's just I'm my own person,first. so this newer generation ,younger generation they're just too influenced by what they see on TV,Lady Gaga Born This Way ,but again you can still be a person, you don't have to wear all that makeup and all the stuff that I see going on a TV , you don't have to become gender-fluid or you don't have to be transgender or whatever it is. just be yourself you know I've been on the campus before and you can always tell the gay kids when you see them, one guy he had his head shaved, he had a nose ring and he was wearing makeup, you're going to make yourself a Target. I have not died before that was straight we had a conversation we got along and everything and I am sure that if I would have introduced myself as a gay man they would not have had a conversation with me and we would not have been cool as we were. You can call that whatever you want you can call them a full beer you can call it straight ignorance whatever it is but that's the reality I don't have to introduce myself as this or that. I introduce myself as a person, a human being, now that's more intelligent.​