Coming out to Family

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jameshawket, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. jameshawket

    jameshawket Member

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    Hey fellow LPSGers!

    It's been a long time since I've been on here, and a whole lot has happened since then.

    I just wanted to divulge a bit of information to you all.

    I'm bisexual, not like that matters, but I am dating a guy, I'm really serious about him, and I want to marry him when the time comes.

    I realized, a few months back that I was never going to be happy with myself or my relationship until I came out to my parents.

    So that's what I did, I told them, on October 8th.

    And I haven't heard from them since.

    My dad grabbed me, shook me around, hit me a bit, called me disgusting, told me I'm going to get AIDS and that he's not going to my funeral when I die, that I'm going to hell, that I've turned my back on my family, and the list goes on. He told me to pack up what I brought for that weekend and to go home.

    He and my mom were helping me with my car, so instead of just letting me go home, my dad told me to walk. He took my key, and my cell phone, and he told me to start walking.

    Well my mom had an ounce of compassion and drove me, but she told me that my boyfriend didn't love me, that he would leave me, and all I would have left is my family, but they wouldn't be there for me until I was fixed.

    So that night one of my closest friends, took me in, comforted me, and helped me cope, then my boyfriend, who apparently doesn't love me, came up to my apartment, we spent the evening together crying and cuddling, and trying to make things better, he called AT&T the very next morning, put me on his cell phone plan, since he doesn't love me right? And since then he's been helping me budgit everything out to help me buy a new car, but he doesn't love me, so I guess I should just wait for him to leave me so I can spontaneously develop AIDS and die all alone in a hospital bed, but then again all my friends, who are and have been extremely supportive through this whole ordeal, have to leave me all alone so that there's nothing left in this world to comfort me when I produce these spontaneous AIDS, since, you know, anyone who says they aren't straight develops them out of the blue right?

    I hope you all are catching my sarcasm.

    My boyfriend, and every single one of my friends have been so incredibly helpful over the past two months, and I spent time with a friend for Thanksgiving, not sure what I'm doing for Christmas and New Years just yet, but things are great.

    I get an email every once in a while saying they're praying for me to change so we can be a normal family again, and how I've destroyed everything by choosing this lifestyle, and those hurt.

    But then I start to think about all the hurtful things over the years my family has said, and I realize that I have so much more to live for than constantly getting belittled for my beliefs.

    I guess I mostly just wanted to post to let everyone know how things have been, and also for those of you who haven't come out yet, it isn't always peaches and roses like the It Gets Better campaign tries to say that it does, but I promise that things will be OK, and it may not get better, but it gets easier. Finally, for those of you who have kids, who suspect that they might be gay or bisexual, please still love them and accept them no matter what, because it hurts to hear your parents tell you that they hate you, and that they don't consider you their son anymore.

    ~J
     
  2. anglerect

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    Tell your parents individually and separately that they can feel free to get a new son and with a bit of luck he will be straight. Turn the tables on the family , tell them they are rejected and are to learn respect. Perhaps they are gay or bi and are so alarmed about your issue being their fault
     
  3. jjsjr

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  4. crazy_one53402

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    sorry to hear, Thing will be all right. sometimes family is not blood and it is who you have around you, for a boyfriend that does not love you, sounds like he sure does alot for you( yes I caught your sarcasm) Hope all goes well
     
  5. Mortified13

    Mortified13 New Member

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    I commend you for coming OUT!!!! Your parents and family will come around they are just coping the only way they know how to. You have left the ball in their court so they have to come around and meet you half way. Love will endure!!! Life is so hard as it is, why do people care about who you love and want to be with the rest of your life? Take care and hang in there!!!!
     
  6. ggsitc

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    Wow. Reading your story I was just sick to my stomach with how your family reacted. You are blessed to have friends that are supportive of you and accept you for who you are. Maybe things will work out in the future with your family, and maybe it won't. Meanwhile you have your "family that is not blood" (great line, crazy one!). You had Thanksgiving with one of your new family, I am sure Christmas and the New Year will find you with others of your family that is not blood.

    You are not the one who is wrong here, you were open and honest. For parents to treat their child like that over this is, to my mind, just unconscionable. Sending hugs. :hug:
     
  7. bimetaldude

    bimetaldude Member

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    wow that is so hard to read. i came out in april and my friends and mother have been supportive. my father died 13 years ago. he would not have been ok with that. he was career marines and was also homophobic
     
  8. bimetaldude

    bimetaldude Member

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    sorry i forgot to say that it takes real courage to come out to your family. kudos to you and sorry it went down like that
     
  9. Countryguy63

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    Very sorry to hear how your parents reacted, but very happy to hear that while not happy about it, you are getting on with your life. So cool that you have supportive friends, not to mention your bf to be able to spend time with and talk to.

    I truly hope things get better between you and your family :smile:
     
  10. D_Ray_Jing_Hardon

    D_Ray_Jing_Hardon Account Disabled

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    You took a very brave step but you summed it up perfectly when you said "I was never going to be happy with myself or my relationship until I came out to my parents."
     
  11. hrdhatdad

    hrdhatdad Active Member

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    What you have described is not a "normal" reaction. That is...sure...a lot of parents become very upset but generally it's on a proportional level to the issue. They have demonstrated a level of irrationality that borders on abuse and might even be dangerous. I would tell them that until they get some counselling,they should refrain from any contact with you. I would be very clear with them (in spite of your feelings of loss...which really sucks)!
     
  12. B_jasonbig

    B_jasonbig New Member

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    your parents are the 'disgusting' ones
     
  13. Charles Finn

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    yes I fully support you it is never easy to come out.
    but you have more love and support without your parents than with them.
    maybe one day they will come around
     
  14. ex1lepr0

    ex1lepr0 New Member

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    Wow, man, sorry that happened.:frown1:

    I came out to most of my close friends, but I'm terrified of coming out to my parents...

    I really admire your courage, and I hope thing work out for you....
     
  15. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    I admire your courage, too. Sent you a PM.
     
  16. spoon

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    i was going to say: family isn't always blood. it's the people around you that love you.

    i got a bit angry when i read how your father treated you. in the anger my first thought--sue your dad for your car and phone back.

    i'm sorry you had to go thru this. but, i'm very happy and glad that you have a caring support "family" around you.

    you were brave telling your parents. sending hugs and love your way.
     
  17. jameshawket

    jameshawket Member

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    Thank you all everyone. I really appreciate the support. I'm trying my best to love them despite the situation, and while it makes me sick that they acted that way, it was nothing less of my expectations of them.

    They made it very clear, since I was 11, that if I ever told them I liked guys they would disown me. That's partially the reason why I waited until I had everything secure, and enough to take care of on my own that if they didn't want me in their lives anymore, I could take care of myself and not be dependent.

    Things are going well as for now though, I have my friends, and my boyfriend, and all the support of those around me. I keep telling people, and I keep getting support. Which is wonderful.
     
  18. Naturistlover

    Naturistlover New Member

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    I'm a firm believer that in the end...family is all one has and Friends will not be there.
     
  19. houtx48

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    Not always..............
     
  20. spoon

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    i agree.

    "you can choose your friends and not your family"
     
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