Cannibal Lecter said:
You know I've never understood all the drama that comes with "coming out" to people. I mean I had a buddy once that told me that he was bi and it was like, "um okay". Personally I don't give a damn what a person's sexual orientation is, that's theire thing. That's like me giving a damn if you like to eat pepperoni pizza instead of ham. Then again I am a pretty understanding person.
Consider growing up in a society that tells you your entire way of seeing the world and feeling is wrong, unacceptable, nonsensical. And the weight of that put upon you throughout all those years before you 'come out' .. whether it is the memory of my parents' friends talking about how they no longer watched a certain comedian's show on tv since 'they found out about him' .. something that I remember striking me like a knife when I was about 12 as I listened to that conversation, making me reflect even more on what was 'wrong' with the way I felt inside. Or memories of being told by numerous religious types that homosexuality is a sin. Or having it reinforced by the state and by law that gays are less than straights, and have less rights and privileges. Et cetera, et cetera ... hundreds of memories and factors building up like this, over years.
Or to look at it another way: having everything around you in culture geared towards heterosexuality your whole life... relatives speaking of when you will get married (even when I was pre-pubescent, I remember discussions of this); sex ed teachers in school telling you about sex being for procreation between males and females, and nothing else; etc. etc.
Coming out is that necessary explosion .. that release from all these memories and restrictions, standing up to be counted .. yet also revealing (to oneself and others) that one is a social outsider, at least according to normative thinking. And guess what? It's a fucking nerve-wracking experience, because you
don't know how each individual will react to you. You've spent a lot of your life being exposed to reasons why gays are 'wrong' and heterosexuality is the 'ideal goal' ... and who's to say that those same notions won't be thrown back in your face when you come out? You simply don't know until you tell an individual.
As you say, you are "pretty understanding". But a lot of the world isn't. The first old schoolfriend of mine that I told I was gay responded with the classic line: "The Good Book is against homosexuality". Thankfully, he wasn't the first person in the world I'd told, so I knew to expect better reactions from others. But the whole reason it's a big deal is because it involves (i) admitting to yourself who you are in a culture and society that normalizes heterosexuality and demonizes homosexuality; (ii) revealing this to others .. which also means people you've known and been close to for years, who may suddenly turn against you in a moment; and consequently, essentially (iii) throwing yourself into a vast, emotionally-charged arena, unaware whether to expect a cheering crowd or a pride of ferocious lions.
But if you try to keep it in, you live in a closet. A dark, lonely place that grows old damn quickly. You have to come out if you want to be true to yourself. And believe it or not, that takes a whole fuckin' load of courage, self-doubt and strength. Ergo: it
is a big deal for many, unless they grew up in a much more open and understanding household and place than the vast majority of us.
