Coming out to friends

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by pie, May 6, 2006.

  1. pie

    pie New Member

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    Yes, I know this subject has probably been done before, or on other websites but value the opinions of people here. I can feel a welcome enevitability that some time soon I'm going to be in a position of coming out to my friends, any advice would be good; although I know I'm pretty sure I might just need confirmation in a sense.

    thanks anyway.
     
  2. Lex

    Lex
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    I came out to one bud one night while we were hanging out. It started an even deeper, platonic relationship between the two of us. I am still not out, but from what I can tell, when the time is right, you'll know.

    Good Luck.
     
  3. pie

    pie New Member

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    Wow, thanks for quick response.
     
  4. Matthew

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    I think starting with the people you trust the most to have a supportive reaction is good, if it's possible. That way you get to practice with less pressure and you also have a group of allies when you talk to more challenging people.
     
  5. BBB2.5

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    Coming out can be a scary thing. It should feel comfortable to you, when you decide to share your hidden true self. There is no need in making a big deal out of it. Do any of your friends even suspect that you might be Gay? How old are you?
    :tongue:
     
  6. shad24

    shad24 New Member

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    Coming out is never easy, Just something that has to happen when the time comes and you will know when the time is here and who you can trust.
    Most of the time I have seen when someone comes out to friends it is not really a big deal to those real friends. Most often the response was/ is "yeah, I knew already" Dont let it eat at you. You are still you
     
  7. Greekdick69

    Greekdick69 New Member

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    Agree not an easy thing. PERSONALLY I am BI, so no need to "come out" as some people will put me in the "gay group" and I don't like the category!

    That said, be ready for the worse situation (in case it happens). Lose your friends and some relatives....if they take a hike, they are not worth it anyway. Once you come out you will have oppotunities to make some new friends too.

    Most important thing, live with what you are comfortable with, if you want to come out then do it and be ready for whatever, the important thing is that you are happy, respect yourself and your decisions.

    So many poeple are out and their life is still great, Yes it changed but we all change with time!:tongue: True/Smart friends, relatives and business people will stick and respect you.:smile:
     
  8. lionsback

    lionsback New Member

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    Coming out for me, was a big struggle. In college, I was in a gay relationship and was constantly lying to close friends about little stupid things. I found it hard to keep up with the lies, and saw a weaker bond being formed between us.
    I decided, after graduating from high school and leaving home, to reveal the "real me" to new friends but that did not happen. After a concert we all went to dinner and I finally came out to them. When I had everyones full attention after an intense topic, it went something like this. Hey everyone I'm gay, now pass the french fries. they were all staring at me, waiting for the just kidding to follow but I ate my fries and paid them no attention. After a moment of silence, they all made comments on hints and suspicious behavior that I had been giving and confirming them.
    I did not loose one friend that night. In fact, they were all content that I was honest with them. So good luck man. And remember, I never said that it would be easy, but a burdon is usually lifted when your honest with your friends and family. btw. I am not out to my family yet. WEIRD
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    When I did this, about 1/3 of my friends already knew and the rest were fine with it. A few of my acquaintences seemed to drop off. Now that I'm older, my attitude is if they don't like the fact that I suck cock, fuck 'em! If they're truly your friends, everything will be fine. Some may need a little time to assimilate what you've told them.
     
  10. lionsback

    lionsback New Member

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    Previous post was the first time. I imagine that I will need three tries to include everyone. Here is the second time I had to come out. I had made some friends overseas in France and we had this ritual. After christmas in Paris, the three of us would take the eurostar to London for the new year festivities.

    The first year was a time for learning. We stayed in a London hostel, where we met six swedish girlz. Which was to our benefit cause in most European countries, men are not welcome to clubs alone. but we each had two beautiful girlz, so there was no such thing as a line to get into the clubs. V.I.P. treatment all the way. That trip for the most part was a straight trip. That was until a night of wondering led me to a gay club called Seventh Heaven. WOW, was all I could say.

    The second annual trip was much better we stayed at the Marriot in County Hall right across the Thames river from the House of Parliment. Long story short, my friends started making plans on how to attract girlz that would go clubbin with us during this trip. And I start to explain situation in French nonetheless. I came out to them as gracefully as I could. To my surprise they were very supportive. I then told them ahout this club I discovered the previous year. They were a bit reluctant at first
    but once i calmed their fears of guys hitting on them and reassured them that there would be some straight women there they were all set.

    We got to the club and they were so facinated by not only the beautiful women but also at how the guys that hit on them backed off when they told them that they were straight. They also enjoyed the diverse music, five different dance floors, the fact that very few people were standing around holding up the wall( very common in straight clubs) and the women they attracted. Turns out the women liked a man so comfortable enough with his sexuality to frequent a gay bar.

    As I mentioned earlier, now i need one more time to come out to my family.
     
  11. pie

    pie New Member

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    Thanks for all the responses, BB2 Im 16 (finishing highschool this summer), one of my friends knows but all my other friends think he is so don't suspect me.

    Again thankyou kindly and I'l keep you posted on events.
     
  12. BBB2.5

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    All you have to do is ask the right questions...and the rest will be history. I did not mean for PIE to get banned....I'm sure he was a nice kid, with many questions.
    :tongue:
     
  13. findfirefox

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    ha, well theres a few people I still havent told but most of the ones I did tell are ok with it, I have also always told anyone who asks me if i'm gay that I am, never said anything other.
     
  14. Cannibal Lecter

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    You know I've never understood all the drama that comes with "coming out" to people. I mean I had a buddy once that told me that he was bi and it was like, "um okay". Personally I don't give a damn what a person's sexual orientation is, that's theire thing. That's like me giving a damn if you like to eat pepperoni pizza instead of ham. Then again I am a pretty understanding person.
     
  15. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Consider growing up in a society that tells you your entire way of seeing the world and feeling is wrong, unacceptable, nonsensical. And the weight of that put upon you throughout all those years before you 'come out' .. whether it is the memory of my parents' friends talking about how they no longer watched a certain comedian's show on tv since 'they found out about him' .. something that I remember striking me like a knife when I was about 12 as I listened to that conversation, making me reflect even more on what was 'wrong' with the way I felt inside. Or memories of being told by numerous religious types that homosexuality is a sin. Or having it reinforced by the state and by law that gays are less than straights, and have less rights and privileges. Et cetera, et cetera ... hundreds of memories and factors building up like this, over years.

    Or to look at it another way: having everything around you in culture geared towards heterosexuality your whole life... relatives speaking of when you will get married (even when I was pre-pubescent, I remember discussions of this); sex ed teachers in school telling you about sex being for procreation between males and females, and nothing else; etc. etc.

    Coming out is that necessary explosion .. that release from all these memories and restrictions, standing up to be counted .. yet also revealing (to oneself and others) that one is a social outsider, at least according to normative thinking. And guess what? It's a fucking nerve-wracking experience, because you don't know how each individual will react to you. You've spent a lot of your life being exposed to reasons why gays are 'wrong' and heterosexuality is the 'ideal goal' ... and who's to say that those same notions won't be thrown back in your face when you come out? You simply don't know until you tell an individual.

    As you say, you are "pretty understanding". But a lot of the world isn't. The first old schoolfriend of mine that I told I was gay responded with the classic line: "The Good Book is against homosexuality". Thankfully, he wasn't the first person in the world I'd told, so I knew to expect better reactions from others. But the whole reason it's a big deal is because it involves (i) admitting to yourself who you are in a culture and society that normalizes heterosexuality and demonizes homosexuality; (ii) revealing this to others .. which also means people you've known and been close to for years, who may suddenly turn against you in a moment; and consequently, essentially (iii) throwing yourself into a vast, emotionally-charged arena, unaware whether to expect a cheering crowd or a pride of ferocious lions.

    But if you try to keep it in, you live in a closet. A dark, lonely place that grows old damn quickly. You have to come out if you want to be true to yourself. And believe it or not, that takes a whole fuckin' load of courage, self-doubt and strength. Ergo: it is a big deal for many, unless they grew up in a much more open and understanding household and place than the vast majority of us.
     
  16. Lex

    Lex
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    Beautifully said, Alex8. Thanks for typing that.
     
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