Coming out to parents when you live with them...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by wanker, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    I've wanted to tell my parents I prefer men for years... I can't!

    Any tips?
     
  2. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    But why? What are you going to benefit from this?
     
  3. texas41-38

    texas41-38 Member

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    ASon your British. You are 23. They already know that you are gay. Make it clear you are the same son and man that you were yesterday. And that being gay is what you are, not WHO you are. If you have siblings, use you good judgement in talking with them. If you feel you would be supported (I said supported, not "tolerated"), by your siblings then talk with them before your parents. You are their child. You are God's creation and that you are of the opinion that God doesn't make junk (unless they have the last name of Reagan or Bush). if by chance the worst happens and they banish you, then stud, you havent lost one fucking thing. Good luck and Godspeed.
     
    #3 texas41-38, Dec 26, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2009
  4. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    Peace of mind.

    Trust/honesty

    A life with less secrets.
     
  5. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    LOL What does being British have to do with anything?
     
  6. avg_joe

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    To me, I don't think I have to tell my sexual orientation to anyone. People should mind their own businesses. Nobody needs to know whether I am straight or gay or Bi. It's nobody's business.
     
  7. Gustavovolvo

    Gustavovolvo New Member

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    Some parents are a little thrown when finding out their kid is gay and need time to get used to it. Some never get uused and there are parents who have no problems with this and wont even blink when told. only you know how your parents are with gay people already and that's a good place to begin getting an idea how they might react although some parents are fine with gays as long as it's not their kid. Also if you are 23 and don't date girls they may already have an idea.

    It would be good for you to have a friend or place to go to in case they aren't able to handle the news and either ask you to leave or make you feel uncomfortable and want to leave. that's the worst case image but it's good to be ready for it and have a place to move out to if you need.

    Best of luck in this.
     
  8. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Ok.

    Nr. 1: But if they react poorly, you may lose even your residual peace of mind.

    Nr. 2: Ok, but then again I would wait for them to ask me. Then I would be honest and true. By telling them, it looks like you are asking for their permission to be so.

    Nr. 3: But a life without secrets is not so amusing.

    Of course, it is up to you. As some other poster said, they probably know already (and not because you are British!). If you want to go ahead, I can only wish you good luck.
     
  9. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    I never had to; I think they figured it out, in spite of the fact that most people would guess straight

    You might consider dropping little hints over time, even though they might already have guessed
     
  10. Torque8

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    I have to agree with ave_joe. Tho I'm a closeted bi-, have never understood why anyone feels that it's necessary to come out to anyone...the possible exception, my sexual partners.
     
  11. Lex

    Lex
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    Flameboy makes some good points. Being matter-of-fact is best when telling someone you are gay. Sometimes, it can be helpful to give your parents some literature that they can read.
    I disagree. I came out as an adult. My dad reacted poorly. I did not lose my piece of mind. Coming out was still the most rewarding journey I have made. My dad's inability to be a part of my life is his problem and loss, not mine. I am more comfortable today with a core group of friends and family who love me and my husband for who we are, than when I had a larger group of friends and family who "loved" me for who they thought I was (or who they wanted me to be).

    As Madame Zora once told me, "When you tell your own secrets, no one can hold them over you."

    I don't broadcast it (meaning, it is not the first thing out of my mouth after my name), but I don't hide it either. If someone asks, I simply tell them in a neutral, matter-of-fact tone.

    One of the awesome realizations as a gay person is the understanding that other people's problems with who you are, are just that--their problems--not yours.
    Torque--coming out is about being able to be free and open about who you are with those with whom you are close. Coming out eliminates the need to have unnecessary secrets.
     
  12. Gustavovolvo

    Gustavovolvo New Member

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    I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I have to ask this why do you place so much on Madame Zora? I have never involved my self with the advice of psychics and am wondering is she any good? her advice n this was good I just am wondering about other advice this psychic may give,
     
  13. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    I knew that I admired you not without a reason. Unfortunately, not every homosexual can show the same degree of maturity and self-respectability as you do. Coming out can really be a problem for them. At least for a while.
     
  14. Lex

    Lex
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    Flatterer. It's been a long load, my friend. Not always easy, but always rewarding. My coming out thread is here (f you care to rewind and read): http://www.lpsg.org/28570-again-coming-out.html

    I know and I agree. The initial phases of coming out were a huge challenge for me. I was anxious, nervous and intermittently overjoyed and sad. I worked through it with the support of some very dear friends in my home town and here on LPSG.
     
  15. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Ok, this is not our thread, Lex. But - apologies to the OP - I have to defend myself: I am not a flatterer. Never was. Never will be. I can make mistakes about people, but I always talk to them from my heart.
     
  16. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    And I want to add a finalnote. It may be somewhat off-topic, but here it comes.

    Parents always will love their children, although in many cases it may appear as if they didn't. So it is perhaps much easier for a parent to accept that their son or daughter has a particular sexuality than it is for a son or a daughter to accept that their parent has it.

    In a way, children can be a lot more unforgiving and much less tolerant about their parents' "deviant" sexuality. Maybe a parent would have a much more difficult time coming out to their children.

    The OP is to a certain extent lucky that he is the son, not the father.
     
  17. dolfette

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    want a mother's POV?

    you already know how they feel about gays...you'll know if they're homophobes or if they love nothing more than watching graham norton on the tele. so assuming they're cool:

    come straight out with it. do it when you know they have time alone to take it in. tell them at the start of a quiet evening in, but tell a friend you might need a place to go if they need to be left alone. have a plan b.
    let them be shocked. give them time to get over it.
    they might need to mourn the loss of the future they dreamed for you...wedding, babies, etc.

    good luck!
     
  18. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    I feel the exact same way about it. I am an adult and I don't discuss my sex life with my parents. I don't know anything about their sex life other than that they had sex at least twice...once in 1972 (and concieved me) and again in 1973 (my sister). LOL Other than that I don't know what they do in the bedroom nor do I want to know. Their sex life is none of my business and mine is none of theirs. They have finally quit asking me when I am gonna find a girl and settle down and get married so I have a pretty good idea they know that it is not gonna happen!
     
  19. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    My dad always makes horrible comments about gay celebrities :(

    I think they'll be ok with it eventually but I need that initial kick in the arse to do it!
     
  20. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    I don't want to discuss my sex life... I was them to know what/who I am!
     
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