Coming out to wives or girlfriends

theplayerking

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Many of the posters on here claim to be quite open with their female partners. However, I’ve hooked up with many bi guys and when I ask them if their wives or girlfriends know that they like to play with men, the look at as if I’m insane. Nearly all of them are convinced that admitting to same-sex play, even in their distant past, would be a catastrophe.

I can understand the difficulties of coming out in the middle of marriage or long term relationship, but these guys are unwilling to mention it even in the early dating period with a woman.

Is this a reasonable fear? What are your experiences?
 

todd_james

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Imagine this; you meet a stranger who tells you he is bisexual. No big deal right? Now imagine someone you've known as a straight man "comes out" to you, and you may be surprised - also note he has to have courage there to change a known perception.

I am open with my current partner, and she is with me. i will continue to be in the future with others but none of my past girlfriends have had that conversation. I did always think that wouldn't be accepted or didn't have the courage before - including with bisexual women actually. Honesty is the best policy.
 

D_Terry_Tugnuts

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My wife told me very soon after we'd first met that she was bi, had a couple of girlfriends and intended to keep them. Absolutely the right thing to do, didn't make me love her any the less and didn't stop us from getting married a couple of years after. I hadn't tried any same-sex play at that stage but she encouraged me to explore my bi side. Most of the men I've discussed this with, play without their other half's knowledge and think it very unusual that mine approves.

I can see it would be very difficult to announce to a long-term partner that you like same-sex activity. They'd have to be very understanding.
 

D_22

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The last few girls I was involved with knew. I told them before hand, except the most serious one. I told her within a month or two. None of them seem to care at all.
 
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theplayerking

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I suspected women might be more open to male bisexuality—especially nowadays. When I suggest to my bi fuck buddies that they find girlfriends who are open to their bi side they see it as an impossible fantasy and won’t even try.
 

theplayerking

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I think you have to be open with your sexuality to accept a bisexual. I know many male friends who equate bisexuality with being 100% homosexual. I disagree. I dont mind playing with girls as part of a group or threesome but on a one on one prefer men. I dont consider myself bisexual or a lesbian just open minded :)

Yes, but would you have a LTR who was bi?
 

myhappypants

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I told my wife a we ago that I am Bi and she supports it and today told me that it really wouldn’t matter if I slept with a guy but if I cheated on her with woman she’d have a problem with that. I finally feel free
 

jdoe86

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My gf is okay with it. I didn't just out and say, "I have sex with guys". I watched for signals. I put on some bi porn (2 guys fucking with a girl present) and she liked it. I expanded and showed her more and more till she told me she'd like to see that in person. Then it was "I want to see a guy fuck you". She knows I go to the bathhouse 1 or 2 times a week and is turned on by guys wanting my cock. I can have sex with guys, but no women. She hasn't worked up the courage to watch me with a guy yet, although she is close. I had a guy set up, but gave her an out if she wasn't ready. She just likes to hear about what I do. A few weeks ago, I put on some bi porn again and her pussy got so wet, when I put my finger in it was like a puddle of pussy juice. She uses toys on me while saying she wants a guy to pound my ass hard. Just waiting for her to give the okay with watching me fuck and get fucked.
 

njfellow2002

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Who we 'were' and who we 'become' over time changes so much. For anyone in a LTR and discovering new attractions and feelings (or even just new openness to ideas) could be met with alot of resistance from your SO because you are shaking up THEIR world, too. Your SO/spouse has a mental image of you that keeps their world in order...which is why so many secrets get kept. We don't want to hurt others.

Thats why in a new relationship it is MUCH easier to say " Oh, by the way, i like some bi action now and then "-- Get it on the table and discussed straight away. If the information is not agreeable to all, great--move on... If it is agreeable, even better..
 

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It really depends on the woman. I dated this one girl I worked with who had a bunch of gay friends. In fact her BFF from high school was a gay guy and she was totally open about the fact that she had sex with other girls before and liked it. I told her I had slept with guys and it was no big deal and she suggested that we do a MMF threesome with one of her gay friends who had told her he thought I was hot. lol

Most other women I have dated would have completely flipped out.
 

elklindoxxx

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It depends on your relationship and I suggest that you tread with caution. I came out to my GF at the time and she was dumbfounded. I remember her telling me...you fuck guys in the ass? Most women have a difficult time with this and they are not going to want you to dick guys and fuck them in the pussy.

So it was all over after that...
 

wd656166248

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This may be a silly outlook but some partners are very jealous and insecure rather it be male or female. Like if a guy has a girlfriend can he have female friends? And vice versa. Now imagine being bi and having a jealous or insecure mate? You can’t talk to or hang out with anybody without it being misinterpreted as something.
 

antiquityscion

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Many of the posters on here claim to be quite open with their female partners. However, I’ve hooked up with many bi guys and when I ask them if their wives or girlfriends know that they like to play with men, the look at as if I’m insane. Nearly all of them are convinced that admitting to same-sex play, even in their distant past, would be a catastrophe.

I can understand the difficulties of coming out in the middle of marriage or long term relationship, but these guys are unwilling to mention it even in the early dating period with a woman.

Is this a reasonable fear? What are your experiences?
I've commented on this type of topic before, and yeah, I am guilty of what you describe. I'm in a relationship with a woman, and yes, I am bisexual and have anon sex with guys. My situation is basically my GF is older than me, and has a low sex drive. We've had several conversations where she heavily implied if I had sex on the side (though she was meaning a woman), she would be OK with it, so long as she never found out. I took that as basically a blessing to do what I want on the side. Of course, I practice safer sex. But If I came clean, the relationship is done. Everything else but the sex is great. And when I am with a guy, it is nothing more than about getting off. So, no up side for me to tell my GF.
 
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munkieman

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I told a trusted female friend that I was bisexual
She had told me about certain things she had done in the past and we had always been honest with each other
She thought it was amazing that I'd done things with guys,thinking I'd never go that way
 

NautiRogue

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I told my wife a we ago that I am Bi and she supports it and today told me that it really wouldn’t matter if I slept with a guy but if I cheated on her with woman she’d have a problem with that. I finally feel free

My wife and I are both bi. We have an agreement that we can play with others as long as we tell the other about it. Preferably, we let the other know before the fun happens, but if it's not possible or it's inconvenient, then at least we let the other know as soon as is reasonably possible afterword.

If I played with another guy without letting her know (even though my bi-play is entirely only physical and without any emotion involved, whatsoever), we would both consider that I had cheated on her. For us, the openness and honesty are key to making this work. Without that kind of communication, trust would suffer, and without trust the open relationship begins to crumble.

I understand your comment that you finally feel free, and I appreciate your post. I just wanted to point out what you and your wife may have already discussed and come to an agreement around. She's cool with you being bi, but not with you being with a woman. If you haven't discussed the ground rules for your bi-play, I'd highly recommend it!
 

myhappypants

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All very good points we have agreement to that we let each other know what we’re doing before it happens much like you and your wife do. My wife wants to in a threesome with two guys, me being one and doing us both with a strap on
 
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