Hey gang-- I don't tend to post too much, although I do like to chime in here and there. At any rate, I have been recently going through a tough and amazing journey with my wife of 8 years and thought I would share it with everyone as this place has really helped me since I started lurking here back when it was a part of EZBoard. I am a AF-Am male, raised in an urban east coast city who attended public school. I was considered a skinny nerd and not really accpeted by Af-Am as I was too "proper" and looked upon with mazement by my white peers (As in, I can't beleive someone from the city can be so intelligent). Sadly, these same trends occur now at my job where I have been employed for 11 years and have carved a succesful and rising career. I have always been fascinated with cock. I found my mother's PlayGirl as a little boy and snuck to look at it every chance I got. When older kids would wrestle with me, I would get aroused. I would watch wrestling with my grandad and would find some of the guys SO Hot (I didn't understand it then). Guys like Arn Anderson really did it for me. I also had a very strong attraction to women growing up, although they didn't seem to really like me--I was single for most of high school. In college, I was very homophobic--I could blame it on the Black all male college I attended, but that would be a lie. I simply wasn't mature enough to deal with male-to-male existence. My dad never spoke to me about anything sexual at all. When I was getting out of the car at 17, he handed me condoms. I had been sexually active for 3 years already. Go figure. Then, one day I thought that "I hate those fucking __________!!" was a blanket statement that could be applied (and had been applied to women, black folk, and many other groups) and that was not my thing--so I deprogrammed my phobia. Along the way I met a wonderful woman who is now my wife. We have known each other since freshman year of college. As I have become more comfy with my love of cock (and certain men) I have shared with her my membership to this forum and as well as the fact that I chat frequently to a few people here. Over the past 4 months, she and I have had conversations about my sexuality. She asked my flat out if I thought I was Bi--to which I said no with anxiety. Well guess what? I am. Labels aside (and a wink to MuscleJockLA)--I am a bi-sexual man in marriage who is committed to his family first and foremost. My wife has obviously been struggling with this. She had/has lots of natural anxieties. But guess what--she, to, is committed to making our marriage continue to work. she has joined a few support groups for wives in Mixed Orientation Marriages and we have nightly discussions about where I am with my sexuality and feelings. Where other spouses would have walked out the front door, she sat on the couch to talk more. Make no mistake--this has been the toughest thing I have ever talked to anyone about. These were secrets biuried so deep I didn't even know where they all were anymore. But you know what? It was toughter trying to hide it. Too tough actually. I know every woman (or spouse) is not like my wife and I realize how fortunate I am to have her as my life partner. I know that there will be gay people who think I am still surpressing my gayness and str8 people who reject me totally. I am prepared for that. All I know if that not having the burden of hiding my urges/desires has been the most powerful and uplifting experience of my life. I am beginning to feel that I am just understanding who I am and it is an amazing feeling. Amaxing. And I want everyone who loves this quirkly little place to know that finding this forum and chatting with people here has helped me in ways that therapy and medication never could. And even though there are far too many people to name because you invariably forget someone (and I know I will), I have to name some of the free spririts here who I find to be be SO awesome. IaThick9, Max, DMW, Malito, MuscleJockLA, OBB, Steve26, RoysToy, Ash and Herble, drambone, CarDillion--you guys have all helped me in one way or anither by your words or advice or encouragement either here or on Yahoo. Thanks so much. Madame Zora--I know we have not chatted, but your prescence here is SO uplifting. Please never leave. I hope that other people find this site and find it as helpful as I have. Its such a good feeling to know that I am not as alone as I have felt over the past 33 years. Not alone at all.