Coming out.

[_Jonesy]

Depends whether you mean here or anywhere else. If people keep mentioning it, it is a form of attention seeking. First few times, it feels like a liberation. Feels free, and a big weight off ones shoulders if it has been resisted for a while due to what is perceived as right and wrong.

This is the best place to come out though, everybody is so supportive. Well, mostly. The majority are.

 

[EmJay]

I heard and read several stories about people (including friends) coming out of the closet.

Usually they have been walking around with the tought that they are gay for a long period of time and then they want to tell the world about it.

Maybe I'm just indifferent or have no ability to relate to gay/bisexual people but the idea of coming out to the world is just ridiculous to me.

By no means am I saying that you should hide your orientation but why do you feel the need to tell the world about what sex you prefer.
If I'm interest in your sexual orientation I will ask you about it.

For example I had a friend of mine who told me and all her friends to come to her house because she had something very important to tell.
She told us she was gay which didn't really come as a surprise but I was like "this is why you called all of us to come here?"

It's not any of my business who you share your bed with, you could fuck a horse or have massive orgies for all I care what you do in your bedroom and who you do it with is alllll your business.


To me it feels like those people on the corner of the street preaching to you about god, and I'm like why would you force your shit uppon me in my daily life if I have any interest in religion I will come find you.

So I might have stepped on a few toes here but I have no intention of insulting anyone I'm just curious why someones sexual orientation has to be known to the world.

This whole post just ticks me off ..

I mean like really???..
But i've read other posts from you and I cant say i'm surprised..

 

[NCbear]

Being able to say, as an out gay man, "this is my life partner"--and being able to introduce him that way at my 20th high school reunion--was incredibly liberating. I felt happy, and proud, and (above all) supremely confident.

Before that night, I honestly didn't know what to expect. I know there'd been rumors about my sexuality when I was in high school, but I hadn't come out to anyone but my (immediate) family and a couple of close (female) friends at that point.

If anyone had spouted off some homophobic bullshit, I was ready to drag some skeletons out of some closets, though--and I think my former classmates knew that (in high school, whenever I felt attacked, I went for the jugular rather quickly and with an amazing strength and finality of purpose; it was often the verbal equivalent of Rome defeating Carthage and then tearing down its buildings, plowing under its foundations, and sowing its fields with salt).

However, I went into the room thinking about how we'd all grown up over the past 20 years. Perhaps as a result, everyone was polite to me and my man, so I introduced him to every single person there, both my classmates and their spouses (probably a total of just over 100 people).

I'd also thought I'd feel some sense of schadenfreude over certain jackasses' lack of success. However, every person who came to the reunion, even each of the (former) jackasses, was successful in some way, many in multiple ways (e.g., home and family as well as business and financial). And they'd all matured considerably, including knowing how to conduct themselves socially with dignity and some sense of decorum (far differently from the way they--and I--had behaved in high school).

So I was able to say, quite sincerely, "congratulations on your many successes in life" to everyone there. It was actually a good feeling, and it washed away years of bitterness, shame, and fear stemming from--among other things--my resentment that I (like most LGBTQ folk) was made to feel abnormal as I was growing up.

It wasn't perfect--the former cheerleaders organized the whole thing, so the band was too loud, the tickets were too expensive, and many of the poorer people and people of color didn't come, so the attendance skewed a bit too much both rich and white for my taste--but it was a damned sight better evening than I'd thought was even possible.

I guess that's my take on coming out: As other posters have said, it frees you and it allows you to spend your energies on living life to its fullest and loving people to your and their fullest instead of hiding who you are and skulking around afraid that you might be "found out."

NCbear (who'd much rather be a proud, confident, even acerbic Gandalf than a fear-filled, psychologically damaged Gollum, when it comes right down to it--the latter a fate I was headed toward if I hadn't come out :redface

 

[sexplease]

One of the very basic needs and desires for the human animal is to be loved. This comes with many facets, a few of which are: trust, companionship and compassion.
When a friend shares something deeply personal about themselves with us, it is often their way of expressing their self, because, they feel they have the trust and compassion of you, me or others.
This is one basic way everyone learns to grow.

With the earned trust and respect of others, most people begin to grow comfortably into their own skin and, the nicest thing happens. We all benefit.
Are you being the best YOU? There is none other like you. Nor I. Nor your friend who chooses to share. Yes, sometimes it can be awkward, but try to feel, not just hear, what they are saying. This kindness and patients is part of trust building.

When people offer something personal, (which includes apologies!) it is best to graciously and patiently acknowledge their sharing gesture of trust and honesty. If you don't, your chances diminish getting such honesty of character in the future.
(then people start hearing and perhaps talking about the kind of reception you show. That's a good way to collect childish, self-serving people ... certainly not the kind you, I or our friend would want or need. Only unsavory traits thrive in such humans.

Give them, and yourself some room to express, absorb, listen, learn and grow.
Cherish your friends. They are as unique as you.
It's fun. It's friendship. It's love.

 

[B_willy5904]

In the thirty years since I have been in high school society has come a long ways. In my high school in the late 70's - early 80's nobody was openly gay. I had a few friends that would over the next 10 years after graduation would come out. I was happy for them, I could see the stress and strain of keeping that part of their life secret from friends lifted from away. For many of them it was like a new beautiful person emerged.

I remember seeing a friend from high school about 10 years after we graduated. I had not kept up with him. When we were in high school he was always so dark and sad. I saw him again for the first time after graduation at O'hare airport. I noticed him right off when I walked into the airline club. All I can describe him as was glowing. He was a different person. I went up to him and said hello to him. Right off he introduced me to his boyfriend. We spent an hour or so catching up. He told be that coming out the year before was like he had stripped off that old dark person and now he felt the sun shining on him. I was really happy for him.

When my kids went to high school there were a handful of kids that where openly gay in their class. A huge change from when I was in school. I recently was back home in the states and stopped by the high school that my kids attended. I went to talk with the head football coach, am a big sports booster at the school, to see what the programs might need help with. As I was standing outside the locker room talking with coach two of the star senior football players came out holding hands. Coach greeted them and introduced us. After they walked away coach looked at me and said it was a different world than when we grew up. He said that those two guys just got engaged and were planning on a ceremony after graduation.

Seeing stuff like this makes me very hopeful for the years to come. I see where we have been and also know we have a long way to go.

I have been having sex with a buddy of mine since I was in junior high. We both are married to women and we all describe our selves as bisexuals. I hang with a fair size group of men and women that are bisexuals. We are open about our sexual orientation with friends and family, but I do not believe any of us would consider coming out publicly as bisexual. I almost feel that bisexuality today is where homosexuality was in the 70's

But my children are much more at ease about bisexuality. I suppose growing up in my home they never saw the clear black and white lines of heterosexual / homosexual that society has drawn. Growing up with bisexual parents there is just a lot of grey area. My 2 oldest sons told me in high school that they were bisexual. Today one is married, the other is in a committed relationship, both with women.

Being bisexual I think of myself as a pretty open minded guy. So this past holiday I was really surprised at my initial shock when my youngest son came home. My youngest son last year was engaged to be married. He has never declared his sexual orientation to the family. I know that he has had sex with both men and women and he was engaged to a woman. Last summer the engagement was broken off, my son told me that his fiancée broke it off because she could not align marriage with their lifestyle. My son and his fiancée share their bed with others which they both found to be very enjoyable part of their sex lives. She felt that if she was married should could no longer share my son with others. She had come to like that part of sex and did not want to give it up. My son wanted to be married showing their commitment. So the agreed that is was not going to work.

My son really took the breakup hard, and he through himself into his work. I thought it might be a long time before he found himself in another serious relationship. When he showed up at home for the holiday he shocked me. He brought along a buddy of his from college whom I had previously met. And then my son introduced him as his boyfriend. I was speechless for what seemed like an eternity. My brain finally kicked in a few seconds later and welcomed them both with open arms.

I was just very surprised at my initial reaction in hearing that my son had a boyfriend. I knew he had sex with both women and men, so this should not have been a surprise, but it was. Maybe it was because it was his first boyfriend, before that he always had girlfriends he dated and had buddies that he fucked around with. I do not know, it was just a shock to me.

I think what I am trying to say in this rambling post is that everyone has preconceived expectations. When the people around us do not conform to those expectations it can cause at the best awkwardness, at worst confrontation. I think what I learned this past holiday was that even I have preconceived attitudes on sexuality and orientation that I project on people.
I think coming out for many people is a way to reset those preconceived ideas of the people around them. Lord knows I just had mine reset.

 

[LaFemme]

Not being gay, and mostly straight, I can only comment on what I've seen.

I have had friends "come out" to me, mostly to see if our relationship would change and to see if I had their support. Once friends and family are on board, it gave them a good support system to be themselves everywhere else.

I see the reactions of conservative and (I think) ignorant attitudes towards the gay, lesbian and transgendered. Because of my friends, I will not tolerate any homophobic or racist comments in my presence and I have heard plenty. Maybe I'd be different if I didn't "know" any people of alternate orientation. Maybe I wouldn't be as comfortable exploring my own sexuality.

I also work with kids - and I think it's important that gay teens need to know they are not alone. I see the depression and the suicidal ideation that occurs when they feel isolated and different. Celebrities who come out do make it easier for these kids to feel normal. And these kids are "normal".

Anyway - just my thoughts.