Coming out.

[lbkontop]

I have finally decided to come out to my parents. They are extremley religous and are very opposed to any remotely homosexual. my close friends are the exact way, one of which has actually said that if he found out any of his friends was gay/bi, he would hang em. I know he is exaggerating but that is the attitude of the people around me. I need help, I cant do this alone. HELP!

 

[dannymawg]

You will find plenty of support here, dude.

And you are very brave for coming out early. From what I hear, you won't regret it. I'm in the process of it myself at 39, and regretting deeply how late I chose to address coming out.

I'd encourage you to find real-world support, as well as LPSG support, if you fear your environment that much.

 

[serviceman1965]

I thought that "coming out" would be liberating. It was not. It seemed that everyone already knew and was quite tolerant. Once I broached the issue, it became a little uncomfortable for me and for my friends, too. I wish I had said nothing but continued living my life without hiding where I went and what I did. What I am awkwardly trying to say is that a person can be out without making a formal announcement to that effect. May God bless you in whatever decision you choose to make.

 

[fortiesfun]

I have finally decided to come out to my parents. I need help, I cant do this alone. HELP!

Danny is right. There is lots of support here, and good advice.

You should look into Lex's superb thread, (Again) Coming Out. Especially look at post #23.

I also personally recommend this book, which I found very helpful.There are lots of good guides to coming out, and helping you decide when is the right time. (Though I strongly favor coming out, young men who are still financially dependent on their parents for everyday living or college need to think very carefully about early to come out to them, especially if they are religiously opposed.) A bit of caution is sometimes called for.

Best of luck. I look forward to hearing how you proceed. I hope you will keep us posted.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

It will probably sound weird that I say to make sure that is the choice you want. It isn't something you can take back. On the other hand, after you have come out, and people are aware, you will feel much better about yourself. It is the first major step in truly defining yourself. We are always here for support. Good luck, and keep us updated. *hugs*

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

If I were you, I would get out of Lubbock as quickly as possible. I visited Lubbock once and I have a co-worker who used to live there, and we're not quite sure why anyone would want to live there. If you can't leave, then be patient until you can. Otherwise, where you live can make a huge difference. It has for tens of millions of other GLBTQ Americans.

 

[lbkontop]

Thank you all for the support. I have given this much thought, and helps to know that people still care.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Of course we do dear, people in this community are amasingly caring.

 

[soccersx21]

My parents are likewise very religious and anti-gay. Thus I'm not coming out until I've sapped all possible college money from em.

 

[2322]

Please make sure of the following things:

1. That you read the post linked in Lex's thread above. In fact, read all of Lex's thread.

2. Do you have a safe place to go if your parents cut you off and put you on the street?

3. Do you have any money? A job?

4. Are there any LGBT groups in Lubbock you can call to get support? If you don't know of any or can't find them, check out The Trevor Project. They usually keep a list of resources but I assume you already know how to use the internet. Nonetheless, if you need to talk to somebody, they're always available. It's a fantastic resource.

5. Pack a bag with everything you care about in it, clothes, medications, or whatever. Have it ready to go.

Be absolutely positively sure you're in a position you can take care of yourself if you end-up on the street. If you can't, if you're in school, if you need your parents support for 2 more years, then I suggest, don't do it now. Yes it's hard to say that but there's nothing glamorous about living on the street or living in fear of your safety. It's easier to come-out as an adult when you have your own job and your own life to go back to. That way nobody can hold your welfare over your head. If they accept you, great. If they don't then there's nothing to cut-off and you get to go home to your own place, and live your own life. You're in a position not to be blackmailed either. Anti-gay parents can do and say some very ugly things. I worry about your mental and physical health doing it at this point.

If you're in college, I suggest living as you want there and, perhaps, look to transfer to school in a city with a larger gay population and then try and find ways to stay away from home during the summer.

I hate to say it, but if you can hold out another 2 years, coming out will be a lot safer for you.

 

[Lex]

Thank you all for the support. I have given this much thought, and helps to know that people still care.

Already so much good advice in this thread. Know that you are not alone and that you will find support here.

Don't hesitate to contact me (or anyone else) if you feel the need. Good luck.

 

[dags]

First, Congratualations! It's a good feeling to be yourself and not hide and make up lies and excuses all the time. At the same time I would take in to consideration all the other great advice here. Make sure you evaluate your current support system, like your really close friends and family you know you can count on. I'm 39 and came out when I was about 18 or 19, asked my mom to go for a walk with me and told her. My sister (5years younger) got married after college and now 2 years ago her husband cheated on her and told her for no apparent reason he did'nt love her anymore and they seperated and divorced. Since that happened she decided to explore other feelings she had experienced on and off and thought were just normal. Shes dating a woman now and came out to our parents a couple years ago. I think our parents had much higher expectations of her and are having much more trouble accepting her coming out than mine. Kinda like the Roseanne episode where Roseanne finds out why her mom is always on Jackies case about her life, whereas she told Roseanne they always knew she'd be a housewife! LOL
You say your parents are Extremely Religious, I'm wondering if their church is ELCA or Lutheran? Evangelical Lutheran Church in America Their website has lots of info and states their current position on Gays and Lesbians. They welcome Gay and Lesbians and are more open than the Catholic churches right now. Since the Catholic church's statement on their website says although they love the individual but condem the act. Which they better say since they have so many gays working for them! Anyways I'm not going too far in to this church stuff. The church has always set the tone for whats appropriate and not appropriate which has changed throughout the course of history and if you look in to it is rather funny. It used to be considered sinfull for a woman to be on top during intercourse, then there was a time when the church condoned prostitution or at least the need for a service of this type because it was'nt good for a man to go without.
I believe in God and I have a relationship with him, I know he loves me as all his children, god does'nt make mistakes and there is a reason for everything he does. I think we are all here and we each have a set of lessons we must learn here on earth.
Your parents as with most parents who hear for the first time their child is gay might feel really alone. It might help them if they had someone else known to them who also has a gay friend, relative, child, parent, sibling or spouse for thay matter. It is especially helpfull if they have friends from their own school days who also have a gay son or daughter, so they can see they are no alone. PFLAG.org: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Pflag is for the parents to meet other parents.

 

[Rubenesque]

It's a very brave thing you're about to do sweetie, and my thoughts and best wishes are with you 100%

I sincerely hope that despite the big talk from your friends, they will see you as you and not your sexuality.

Good luck babe

Denise xxxxx