Communication w. The Ex.

[goodwood]

Okay - so in dealing with exes. what are your thoughts?
My most recent ex (fiance) was an acrimonious parting
of ways when I called off the wedding. She flipped out
and went psycho. I blocked her from instant message and
refused to have any contact with her and disregarded her
attempts to be in touch me.
However, I was desperately in love with her as she was with me.
With it being Christmas and a couple of months having passed,
I sent her a simple e-mail wishing her a Merry Christmas. Do
you think this will open the flood gates of communication? Which I do not
want and was not the point. I simply wanted to wish her well on Christmas.
Would any of you ahve done this with an ex or am I the dumbest ass ever?

 

[Charles Finn]

I am very lucky even when the break up is nasty usually the friendship will survive if there was one there to begin with.
I have remained friends with all my ex's
one of them i was with 8 months it was hell after we broke up just before he died he came over and wished me a happy new year.
I try not to harbor ill will toward anyone.
we must all help others and what you do and how you treat others will always come back to you
yes virginia karma is a bitch

 

[goodwood]

Hey - Thanks Charles. All of my friends are telling me "Do NOT EVER contact her again" which was kind of my thought, but I figured what harm could it do to e-mail a simple well wish with whatever she has going on.

 

[ZOS23xy]

It just must be me: I've never had an acrimonious break up with a partner. I tend to remain friends. I've lost touch with a few of them, but there was never a drop down and rolling on the floor style argument. If the two people are aware of each other, they tend to know how they can go with a person. People have limits.

A woman I love and I spent the weekend together with my wife and daughter. It wasn't about sex, but connecting. To remain friends for 35 years is special.

 

[Jovial]

Not sure if you're the "dumbest ass ever," but it probably would have been better to not make contact. I'm just scared that it could stir up feelings she has been trying to get rid of, like getting back together with you. So for her sake you shouldn't contact her, unless you are very clear that you don't want to get back together. But she might still interpret it as you have feelings for her anyway, so best to not contact.

 

[classact1979]

I think anytime things end on a sour note, especially when one goes psycho, it's best to leave the break clean. Unstable people don't usually understand a simple act of kindness and you could very well be setting yourself up for more drama.

 

[B_blackkid]

Am I the dumbest ass ever?

Yes.:smile:

 

[goodwood]

LOL! Thanks gang. Well, at this point what's done is done. It seems I should not have said anything and I will remember this for the next one.
Thanks for your input. I hope your Christmas is a happy one for all of you.
: )

 

[B_blackkid]

Take care.

 

[bstexas]

You may not have meant anything other than u wish her well, having had this breakup only two month ago was not long enough of a time period. Remember, you called off the wedding and even though you mean no ill will now and seriously wish her well, contacting her so soon brings a flood of emotions and questions back to her. Such as ... If he wanted to not live with me and marry e, why is he contacting me? Or HOW could he contact me NOW, the most special time of year when I cannot be with him because he CHOSE to break it off? etc. Even though probably you did not mean it this way, it's sorta selfish and egocentric to think she would not be hurt. For all you know she could read so many wrong things into this and just stir things up all over again. You should have waited until next year to make contact .... if at all.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

I have done this (in the past)...I don't know about you but for me it was just to be nice/wish her well but also there was a slight hope that she might miss me, things might get ignited that are smouldering and maybe something could 'happen'.

Well after almost 12 months of that I can tell you nothing will happen and its not worth your time or emotion...unless of course you were just wishing her a merry christmas :redface:

But even then, its just a bad idea. The way I see it, let her (who's not as hot as she thinks she is, or I thought she was) do what she wants. Let her marry a grandpa...

As for you, let her be psycho and you get on wit yo life.

Merry Christmas! Now I must take my leave and buy my drinks!!!!

*Woosh* :biggrin1:

 

[Principessa]

Okay - so in dealing with exes. what are your thoughts?

Why deal with them at all? What's done is done.

My most recent ex (fiance) was an acrimonious parting of ways when I called off the wedding. She flipped out
and went psycho. I blocked her from instant message and
refused to have any contact with her and disregarded her
attempts to be in touch me.
However, I was desperately in love with her as she was with me.
With it being Christmas and a couple of months having passed,
I sent her a simple e-mail wishing her a Merry Christmas. Do
you think this will open the flood gates of communication? Which I do not want and was not the point. I simply wanted to wish her well on Christmas. I did that with an ex once. I don't recall getting a response or maybe it was negative and I just put it out of my mind. Would any of you ahve done this with an ex or am I the dumbest ass ever?You aren't dumb just naive. It's kinda sweet you aren't yet jaded.

I am very lucky even when the break up is nasty usually the friendship will survive if there was one there to begin with.

I have remained friends with all my ex's
one of them i was with 8 months it was hell after we broke up just before he died he came over and wished me a happy new year.
I try not to harbor ill will toward anyone. That is admirable.
we must all help others and what you do and how you treat others will always come back to you yes virginia karma is a bitch. Here is the thing though. Gays tend to have a higher percentage of amicable breakups than straights. Perhaps being homosexual makes you more highly evolved on a karmic level?

I think anytime things end on a sour note, especially when one goes psycho, it's best to leave the break clean. Unstable people don't usually understand a simple act of kindness and you could very well be setting yourself up for more drama.

I agree 100%!

Yes.:smile:

That's not helpful. Besides which, aren't you barely 18 and have no real life experience to compare this to?

 

[Lex]

I have 2 ex BFs. I am good friends with one of them and cordial with the other. I will soon have an Ex-wife and will have committed to always remaining good friends (as we were before we married and dated)

DC DEEP and his hubby once said to me "If you can't be someone's EX, you should not be with them."

That being said, I understand that things unplanned happen and that the best laid plans can go awry. I still believe in my heart, that two people that care about one another should be able to find mutual ground (even if that mutual ground includes staying distant).

goodwood--if your message was sent in a good spirit, I would not worry about it much.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Goodwood,

From reading some of your posts, I can tell that you are a good person and you have a good heart. I am sure your ex knows that also. That doesn't mean that your card won't get her hopes up that maybe you have changed your mind.....But if you haven't changed your mind..... I would reccomend that you not have any more contact with her for a long time. Females are pretty emotional creatures and sometimes it takes a while to regroup and get it all together when one's world has collapsed. You don't want to open any fresh wounds and make getting over you any more painful than it has to be.

I would wait until she gets involved with someone else before ever trying to communicate with her again.

My 2 cents

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

No, you arent a dumb ass

You shouldn't forget what you once shared and even if you cant be lovers at least try and be friends and clear any animosity that is there.. Dont be children and ignore the situation hoping it will go away, be an adult and clear any animosity and try and remain friends, if not lovers

 

[OmahaBeef]

I have 2 ex BFs. I am good friends with one of them and cordial with the other. I will soon have an Ex-wife and will have committed to always remaining good friends (as we were before we married and dated)

DC DEEP and his hubby once said to me "If you can't be someone's EX, you should not be with them."

That being said, I understand that things unplanned happen and that the best laid plans can go awry. I still believe in my heart, that two people that care about one another should be able to find mutual ground (even if that mutual ground includes staying distant).

goodwood--if your message was sent in a good spirit, I would not worry about it much.

Well said Old Buddy :wink: Good to see you post!

Good Wood, these is what I think:

Although you mean well, doing something like this can open a can of worms...bigtime. Sounds like some emotions are pretty raw on her behalf, and this won't help things much. Besides, she may even take your well-wishes as an insult.

When someone is psycho, any contact with them ENABLES further psychotic behavior.

No harm, no foul. If she replies, don't re-reply. Bury it.

...OB

 

[TheRob]

Okay - so in dealing with exes. what are your thoughts?
My most recent ex (fiance) was an acrimonious parting
of ways when I called off the wedding. She flipped out
and went psycho. I blocked her from instant message and
refused to have any contact with her and disregarded her
attempts to be in touch me.
However, I was desperately in love with her as she was with me.
With it being Christmas and a couple of months having passed,
I sent her a simple e-mail wishing her a Merry Christmas. Do
you think this will open the flood gates of communication? Which I do not
want and was not the point. I simply wanted to wish her well on Christmas.
Would any of you ahve done this with an ex or am I the dumbest ass ever?

I think you might be a jerk but I'm not 100% on that
you promise this girl she is going to get every little girls' fantacy, a wedding to a man she loves
then call it off
then won't talk to her
then contact her months later to wish her a happy Holiday like you are a coworker?
dude wtf
who calls off a wedding with someone they are 'desperatly' in love with