Concerns for my Daughter

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Wilde316, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. Wilde316

    Wilde316 Member

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    Hello all, I will try to get to the point

    I have a 6 month old daughter named Emily, she is wnderful, beautiful and everything I could have dreamt of, now that I've got that out of the way.

    People find it odd that I will not bath with my daughter unless I am wearing shorts of somekind. I do this for several reasons, the main one being I dont feel its right for my daughter to see what her father is packing, big, small, it doesn't matter I dont feel she should be exposed to it.

    Another reason I do it is so that nobody can accuse me of anything, my ex and I had a fairly good break up but her mother is insane and feels that she should clean me out. The easiest way to do this I imagine would to be able to accuse me of some wrong doing.

    And the last reason actually has to do with protection, Emily is very grabby right now and I like my parts where they are.

    Am I being overprotective, or am I crazy for thinking this way. I just wanted someone else's opinion on it.
     
  2. windtalkerways

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    Being clothed when doing anything
    with children is the usual order of
    business. I find it odd that someone
    would think a person has to be naked
    to bath their children.
     
  3. D_Dallavell Ogler

    D_Dallavell Ogler New Member

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    yeah I agree with wind. This topic is uncomfortable.
     
  4. EnglishGentleman

    EnglishGentleman New Member

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    2 sides to every story....

    On the one hand you could be reinforcing negative stereotypes regarding nudity and it's associated shame value. It depends on how uptight you are about nudes in yourself as to determine what your attitude should be. No-one can tell you what's right or wrong in that respect as long you're not parading yourself in public, but many would certainly talk behind closed doors.

    On the other hand you're being very cautious in a delicate situation.

    The consequences of losing contact with your daughter over some misplaced accusation are far worse for both of you than any possible hangups about nudity, so I'd say you were behaving pretty understandably given what you've told us.

    EDIT: I think the 2 answers that popped in above whilst I typed my post give you a fair indication of alot of people's opinions. Suffice to say no-one seems to be thinking you weird or overprotective for keeping your shorts on.
     
  5. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    I don't feel uncomfortable about it, I just don't see why the heck it matters.

    You don't gain anything from being naked to bath her, and you don't lose anything from having shorts or other clothing on. And from a letigious viewpoint, yes, maybe it's the safest approach to stay clothed.
     
  6. Fracture

    Fracture New Member

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    I think you taking extra precautions so that no one can accuse you of anything is perfectly fine. I was a elementary teacher for over 8 years. Many people get weirded out with the idea of a male teacher in elementary school. I never let them give me a full hug, was in a room alone with the door closed, etc

    On the other hand, growing up my family was fairly open with their bodies. I remember seeing my mother naked many times and my dad walked around the house naked quite a bit. Other than the usual, "my parents are so weird" type of attitude, I don't feel that it screwed me up in anyway. In fact, I think it allowed me to be more comfortable wtih myself.
     
  7. SSBBW4BigFun

    SSBBW4BigFun New Member

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    I think you're doing the right thing, and for all the right reasons.
     
  8. Irish

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    POSSIBLY AWKWARD MOMENTS IN MY PAST!

    When I was a little kid and my mom left me at home alone with my dad for whatever reason and I needed to be bathed there was a good chance my dad (a master plumber/plumbing contractor) was also a little dirty.

    Easy way to kill two birds with one stone and not have to kneel by the tub (being a plumber he works on his knees a lot and I know he hates it) while I splash water everywhere (I was/am a monster) was to take me into the shower with him.

    I clearly remember him holding me up and switching me from arm to arm while he washed both of us. I've never really thought anything of it.

    Before anyone jumps the gun on this: I have a lot of memories from before I was speaking and a handful of memories from before my first birthday (well, technically my second birthday, but the one where I turned 1). This wasn't something that continued on to some inappropriate age or anything, I just remember a lot.

    That being said, I still don't see any compelling reason to not have your shorts on. I know my dad certainly didn't take me into the shower with him every time he had to bathe me, I just know it wasn't a big deal for him to do so.
     
  9. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    Lots of good points here. Like Fracture, My mom was open about being nude at home while I was growing up, and I never took much thought into being nude too, it was just how it was at home, I certainly grew to learn that it wasn't the norm sadly, but it didn't affect me in anyway.

    I agree with EnglishGentlemen and the other posters, provided you did take off your shorts, your showing the human body as it is, just the human body and it's not a big deal.
    But if leaving your shorts on is the safe way to go for now, so be it.
     
  10. RideRocket

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    I agree with Alex's comments.
     
  11. Shelby

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    Because some self-righteous twit might pull some crap, you're probably doing the right thing.

    However, nudity does not have to be sexual. In many other cultures (Finnish sauna comes to mind) the whole multi-generational family gets clean together.
     
  12. PabloV

    PabloV New Member

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    That's the best way to handle it I think. I used to bathe (not out of choice, my aunt and uncle said to do it, to save wate or something) with my cousins when we were younger but we're all males so it is a bit different.

    They did ask 'questions' though which were uncomfortable and embarrassing.

    Shorts on is a good idea, and I think the BEST way to bathe an daughter, probably the same for a son too.
     
  13. B_4inches

    B_4inches New Member

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    Wilde what your doing and the reasons your doing em for are perfectly sane and well thought out. This board has a thing with nudity being more noble than it is so you really dont have to worry about "reinforcing negative stereotypes and its associated shame value about nudity" as that doesnt mean anything. You sound like a regular dad to me and there are so few of them today. Good luck to you man.
     
  14. dickman45885

    dickman45885 New Member

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    I have two daughters, and bathing them sometimes got to be a bit much. It was a two person operation at our house. We would strip the girls down and they would try to run away...I would strip down and chase them down..they were not very fast and always ran the same places. I would grab them up, one under each arm, them laughing and giggling. We would hit the shower, I would shower one, hand her out to my wife waiting with towels, and I would wash the other, hand her out and then take my shower. Before our 2nd was born I would bathe Sarah and we would sometimes splash play and just generally have a fun time....nudity was no big deal at our place. My daughters and I were nakey...and it was no big deal....we would sometimes have little water fights etc. Usually close afterwards was bedtime and a bedtime story or tape. If my oldest had had a bad day she would snuggle up in my arm pit, the other just laid on my shoulder. It has been way too many years since we have froliked in the tub and shower, but then my girls are now 23 and 21.

    My advice, get nakey, splash and play and enjoy. You will look back on those time with fond memories.

    BTW one of the funniest pics my wife ever took was one of my oldest and I at bath time. I was nakey, checking the water temp and Sarah was nakey too tryng to reach the water to check the temp.
     
  15. orbit03

    orbit03 Member

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    I have a 14 month old daughter and I've shared a bath or two with her when she was 8 or 9 months old. It was just easier because I needed to clean myself up too and it was easier to keep an eye on her. I did generally try to keep a wash cloth over myself mainly because she was grabby and I didn't want her grabbing something she shouldn't. Outside of that, we dont mind if she sees us naked while we are getting dressed, but will keep towels on when walking to and from the shower. I guess my goal with her would be to strike a balance between teaching her that there is nothing wrong with nudity and the human body, but it is also polite to cover yourself around others.
     
  16. B_4inches

    B_4inches New Member

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    Nobody ever grew up being really insecure about thier bodies (and when did this become the worst thing in the world?) because thier moms and dads werent naked enough or 'open" about it.
     
  17. artyhungman

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    Quite agree there is nowt wrong with nudity, and in a healthy normaly family children will not be harmed and indeed will benefit from parents being appropriately relaxed around being naked.

    One question for Wilde - you seem to suggest you are bathing with your daughter? or have I mis read this?

    Given your ex's mother's position I think you are very wise to be cautious, and this would extend to not bathing with your daughter and wearing something when doing so.
     
  18. GoneA

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    perhaps you could bathe her by herself. that is to say, put her in the tub, wash her up and when she's done (or you're done bathing her, rather) then you get in. maybe you could get in the shower after you've put her to sleep.
     
  19. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    on the one hand, it doesn't seem like it should matter to a 6 month old. on the other hand... you actually have friends who are criticizing your choice to wear shorts while you bathe your daughter? How fucking weird is that? How does this conversation start? You guys are all standing around naked... and then you go to bathe your 6 month old and are like "oh wait a sec guys, I need to run and put my knickers on" and they're like "what?? You haven't tried bathing your infants in the nude? Oh man! You gotta try it!"
    This is what I'm having trouble getting my head around. Seems like if you want to put pants on when you wash your kids that should be your own business and nobody else's.
     
  20. Freddie53

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    Life goes in cycles. We are back to Victorian times.

    The time for children to see what a naked adult looks like is when they are very innocent. How else will a child know what a person of the opposite gener looks like? In the public changing rooms in places like the YMCA, the age that parents are allowed to bring a child of the opposite gender into the parent's dressing room is five years or younger. Six year olds are not allowed to use the dressing room of a parent of the opposite gender.

    I am having a problem with it is OK for the parent to take his or her child of the opposite gender into a dressing room full of people of all ages, be it strangers, family or friends; but at home it is weird and possibly wrong.

    I have knonw of cases where boys who had no father and had never seen a grown man in the nude. These boys thoguht something was very wrong. They had no idea what was going to happen to them. They had no idea what is a normal size for a penis. They knew nothing about wet dreams and thought they were dying.

    We can be way too protective.

    We need to get away from the idea that a penis is inherently evil. What is evil is what goes on in the minds of perverts. Unfortunatley all we can do is do our best to keep perverts away from our children. Sadly, some perverts gain access to children. I doubt fathers wearing shorts in the bath tub is oging to help this situation.

    in general, I would trust fathers at home over strange men in a dressing room.

    When my boys were young, they would ask to take a bath or shower with me, I always said yes and they quit asking at about four or five years of age.

    To have told them no, that it was evil for them to take a bath with me would have created a lot more problems. My wife was not a prude around her sons either. She wasn't an exhibitionist. Neither of us ever just walked around in the buff. We didnt' make our sons leave the room when we were changing either.

    I know all of this begs the question what if the father is a pervert himself? This is a real tragedy. All the rules and regs we might try to put in place are not going to help in this situation. If the father decides to act on his sexual urges, the children are most likely "screwed." All we can hope for is that someone will catch the adult early on before much emotional damage is done.

    In summary, we don't need to teach young chidlren by our actions that their parents are perverts or that the human body is in itself inherently evil. That is a horrible "gift" to give to a any child.
     
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