Concerns for my Daughter

AlteredEgo

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4inches said:
Nobody ever grew up being really insecure about thier bodies (and when did this become the worst thing in the world?) because thier moms and dads werent naked enough or 'open" about it.

Oh no? No one? You can back that up?

To the original poster, Wilde316:

You sound like a normal, sane, and thoughtful person. I think you are doing all the right things, for all the right reasons. Nudity for nudity's sake is foreign to me. But nudity isn't.

I'm just giving you some background about myself so you know from what perspective comes my opinion. My mother and I were naked together often, becasue our house is not air conditioned. My grandmother and I were nude together often because we shared a bathroom. My grandmother was uptight about nudity, my mother wasn't. I was uncomfortable being naked with my grandmother, right from the very first time it happened. So much so, that now that she needs me to take care of her, I wear my lab coat and rubber gloves, and make the experience as clinical as possible. When my mother became ill, and I cared for her, it never occured to me to get out the gloves. I was never nude with any men, but only becasue there were no males in my household. I was once naked with a younger male cousin after swiming. He was four, I was nine. I showered him, powdered him, and dressed him. Technically, he wasn't related to me. My 4th cousin's wife was his grandmother. My mother talked to me about nudity, and even pointed out the difference between how we each seemed to feel about it, and how my aunt and grandmother, and other relatives seemed to feel. I came to understand that some of us required more privacy than others, and some of us simply defined privacy differently. My mother had given me a pamphlet about molestation, and asked me questions after I'd had time to process it. After she was sure no one had touched me "anywhere covered by our bathing suits" we began having discussions about when nudity was acceptable and when it wasn't appropriate. I won't tell you what conclusions we drew, because you're a grown man, and have drawn your own conclusions. But this does bring me back to your post.

If you find that for some reason parents are getting soaked at bath time, if they find that they are having to get in the tub at the same time for practical reasons, they have decide what if anything they should wear for convenience's sake. You have crazy people in your life, and in my experience, you just can't fight crazy. I would make the same choices you have. Oh, minus one: I would bathe her in the kitchen sink. I got bathed on the dining room table the first year of my life. This just saves your back and knees! I do it with the kids in my life.
 

Pappy

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I can't count the times my sons took showers and baths with me as well as with their mother when they were little. They looked, pointed and asked questions and were given answers. They were more interested in their mother's c-section scar than the were with her vagina and they seemed more intrigued by the hair on my legs than the size of my dick. We didn't cover up if they came into the room while we were changing either. Both boys have grown into well adjusted men. However if one of them, or both, had been a girl, I don't know how I would have handled these situations. I think a lot of what we do with our children has to do with what society will accept.

Wilde316 is doing what he feels is approiate for his situation and that's what he should do. It works for him and that's what matters.
 

Irvy

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As someone said earlier in the thread, nudity does not equal sex. It is a cultural thing though, that nudity of any kind is being viewed as suspect, esp male nudity.

From my experience, I have 1 brother and 1 sister, and when we were all really young, our parents just threw the 3 of us in the bath together. When they had a bath, they kept the door open so they could keep an ear out to us while they were in. As kids, nudity didn't bother us at all, and we didn't even question seeing our parents naked.

Then, as we all got older, we became aware of our bodies, and were naturally more embarressed about being seen naked. Our parents took this in our stride, and started to split our baths accordingly, and gave us more privacy. It was never an issue, they just approached the situation organically, based on how we responded to it.

As for Wilde, I really doubt your 6 month old minds whether you wear shorts or not, and as for anyone else, unless you have glass walls, they're not going to know. Do whatever you're comfortable with. Kids tend to be very comfortable with nudity. I remember my little niece (she's almost 3 now) went through a phase where she hated clothes, and referred to run around in just her nappy.

The lesson I learnt about nudity from my parents is that there's nothing wrong with it, but if someone's not comfortable with it, don't subject them to it.
 

Wilde316

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NineInchCock_160IQ said:
on the one hand, it doesn't seem like it should matter to a 6 month old. on the other hand... you actually have friends who are criticizing your choice to wear shorts while you bathe your daughter? How fucking weird is that? How does this conversation start? You guys are all standing around naked... and then you go to bathe your 6 month old and are like "oh wait a sec guys, I need to run and put my knickers on" and they're like "what?? You haven't tried bathing your infants in the nude? Oh man! You gotta try it!"
This is what I'm having trouble getting my head around. Seems like if you want to put pants on when you wash your kids that should be your own business and nobody else's.

Does anyone see the reason why posting here is sometimes a problem when one is being serious. Yes My friends and I were sitting around naked comparing out dick size over a hot burning fire roasting chestnuts and such when all of a sudden I decided to discuss my naked daughter and bathing her. Yes you freaking moron thats what I was insinuating.

No you see as a parent I have a tendency of speaking with other parents constantly about various subjects, I apologize if this one was too complicated for your mind to wrap around. My next subject should be right up your ally if this one was too difficult I call it "butterflies, Pretty or Not".
 

Irvy

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Of course it's something that concerns you, and you discuss with other parents. The sad thing is that 99.9% of parents would never dream of harming, hurting or abusing their children, but as a result of the other 0.1%, everyone's scared. At the first whiff of anything there's the threat of having your kids taken off you.

I remember a guy I worked with coming into work in quite a state. He'd been out playing with his daughter, and they'd been tossing a tennis ball between them. The ball ended up hitting his daughter on the chest, and since she bruises easily, she very quickly had a large, round, almost fist shaped bruise on her. He was petrified that her teacher would think he'd hit her, and he'd end up loosing her. A perfect example of a guy who's actually out spending time with his kid, rather than shoving her infront of the tv while he goes off to get drunk, and he's left worried about being accused of abusing her.

I don't know about anyone else, but as a kid, i wasn't infront of the tv, or computer console, or whatever. I was out playing with my friends, and I reckon if you look at my entire childhood, there was rarely a time when I didn't have some kind of bruise, cut or graze somewhere. That's childhood!

Wilde, you and thousands of parents like you are great. Obviously in this situation your first thoughts are with your daughter. You're not abusing her or neglecting her. Do what you feel is right, and what you think is best for your daughter. She'll thank you for it in later years!
 

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My husband showered with the girls till they were at least 3. Bathing was impossible, we had an average tub back then and it was too small for him.
But half the time he took them in the shower to get them bathed when I was too tired to do it. Once they got in, they wouldn't get out.
I'd hear him in there with them -daddy: "don't do that, hey, don't hit your sister, put that down, no,do you want me to call mommy in here?,no, you can't bring that in here,oh crap" *thud*( what ever it was just hit the floor)
Then the shower door would open and he never managed to grab them both at the same time. I'd hear giggles as one of them too off through the house, naked and wet.

But then he didn't have an x-wife to worry about.
 

D_Adoniah Sheervolume

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loved reading the happy rememberences others shared of bathtimes past. :)

can totally understand the concern of the original poster, but a 6 month old isn't going to remember much about these times, except perhaps the feelings she has and the vibe you give off. so do what feels right in your heart, and if that's being naked with your child, go for it and don't tell others who might be busybodies about it.

enjoy your lovely child and these special times!
 

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Just a note to those who felt the subject is tacky - when you become a parent with a daughter it becomes a serious practical question that has to be addressed. I always bathed my daughters in the bath with myself outside the tub and clothed, but that wouldn't be very practical in a shower. In other situations where nudity was natural, I didn't bother covering up until they became old enough that it meant something.

At an early age nudity or non-nudity doesn't mean much to a child, and covering up to protect the child is not necessary. However in Wilde's case he is covering up to protect himself, and he can't be criticised for that. An accusation of molestation is in practice almost impossible to disprove, and it doesn't need proof for the mud to stick. It is an easy way for a mother to get custody. That is quite sufficient reason to be careful in a situation like Wilde's.
 

THICKNHARD12

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THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY

If you think that you have to protect your own child from yourself being naked there is something wrong. Children learn the foundations of there knowledge before they reach the age of 6 and start school. They also learn the pysical difference between a man and a woman from there parents. what have you got to hide, 52% of the population have a penis. She has to see one sometime and i would rather have here know what mine looks like at 6 than seek them out at 13.

i am rambling but fuck did you not see your mother naked as a child. People need to loosen up a little. i have a 3 year old boy and a girl on the way and i intend to be naked untill they start to tell me i am gross.

lighten up
 

windtalkerways

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Not everyone sees their parents
naked growing up.

I think it is mostly parents attitudes
about sex and sexuality and handling
questions with honesty that is what
sets a child on the right path in life
not seeing Mum and Dad naked.
 

shymonster

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I can tell you that in Europe this would be a silly question and I've never even been there. Here in America we've become so hyper-sensitive to children being nude themselves and with others because we equate nudity to being a sexual activity. I could go on into how I think we arrived at this sad state in our society, but I'll tell you straight up if you're American go ahead and do what you need to do, man. Because you're right. It just takes someone that doesn't like you (your ex-in-law), to accuse you of the extremely rare but infamously sick behavior we see on TV news and suddenly you're lumped in with the rest of them because Americans have a lynch-mob, Salem-witch-hunt mentality on that sort of thing. It sucks, but it's probably best to be a sheep on the side of caution. Baaaah
 

madame_zora

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Wilde, I think that any father who would put that much care and concern into considering his own behavior with his child must be a wonderful man!

Nudity, pro or con. In a utopian society, I wish we could all be less hung up about our bodies. Wouldn't it be nice to raise our kids to know that the body isn't ugly, creepy, gross or scary? Yes! I sure wish I had less hang-ups about my own, but that's not the world we live in. With an ex-wife and a bitchy ex mother-in-law, I'd think erring on the side of caution would just be a good decision. As your daughter grows up, you can tell her she's pretty and affirm her self esteem in other ways. For now, lots of holding, talking and cuddling are what she needs and she needs it from YOU. Girls who grow up without positive affirmation from their father develop a hollowness that never goes away.

Affirmation means saying "good girl" a LOT and praising her accomplishments, whether it be learning to walk or getting her degree. It also means saying "You're mine". This is even biblical, as in "this is MY son, in whom I am well pleased". I wish parents understood that this is their main job, but it so often gets overlooked. Never stop doing this, a girl who feels claimed, and approved of by her father is a very lucky girl indeed. I think you're absolutley precious to bring this up to talk about with other adults. Kudos.
 

SSBBW4BigFun

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shymonster said:
It just takes someone that doesn't like you (your ex-in-law), to accuse you of the extremely rare [emphasis added] but infamously sick behavior we see on TV news and suddenly you're lumped in with the rest of them because Americans have a lynch-mob, Salem-witch-hunt mentality on that sort of thing.


It's not all that rare. I don't have the info to post linking to credible statistics, but what I recall reading was that approximately 25% of children are molested. If you are a parent, that is terrifying. If nobody you know has ever been effected by this, count yourself very lucky - but it's more likely that you just didn't hear about it.
 

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THICKNHARD12 said:
THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY

If you think that you have to protect your own child from yourself being naked there is something wrong. Children learn the foundations of there knowledge before they reach the age of 6 and start school. They also learn the pysical difference between a man and a woman from there parents. what have you got to hide, 52% of the population have a penis. She has to see one sometime and i would rather have here know what mine looks like at 6 than seek them out at 13.

i am rambling but fuck did you not see your mother naked as a child. People need to loosen up a little. i have a 3 year old boy and a girl on the way and i intend to be naked untill they start to tell me i am gross.

lighten up


I agree with you in theory. It is the most healthy way to know about the human body.
We were open with our girls and they followed daddy into the bathroom until they were almost 4.
By then it was time to teach privacy. My husband and I sat down and told them that daddy needed privacy when he was in the bathroom ( I don't think I ever got my privacy!) So, they accepted the fact that dad would now shut the door and have his privacy.
When Lauren was about 7 she decided she too needed privacy. Her dad wanted to wash his hands and she was on the potty. She reached for the door and said " no, daddy, I need privacy".
He came out laughing and told me he was just thrown out of the bathroom! He then explained that she told him she needed her privacy.
And so she got it. I however, just wanted peace and quite- so I'd cave if they were at the door.

The problem is, now society has changed and it is not always seen as that innocent. It's truly sad, but
when you are in a situation where you feel you need to be careful, it's best to do so.
I have the utmost respect for my own sex, I love what I do and I'd do it for free; but the truth is that some
women will lie to get what they want. Especially if they feel wronged by that person.
It's an odd world out there; if you can imagine it, then it probably could happen.
 

scarnick

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With the political climate of today, I think you are being very sensible. Although I enjoy nudity and see it as quite normal, there are many who would use it as a chance to press their advantage over you. It sounds like your ex mother in law is one you would want to avoid providing with ammunition.
 

GuyanaPrince

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My father showered and bathed with me quite a bit, until I could do it well enough for myself. It was educational - like here's your body, and this is how you keep it clean. When you're bathing with your father, you also have the benefit of getting an idea of what you will look like, when you're all grown up - something I was very interested in, as are most young children. Anyway, bathing/showering together was a good time to answer a lot of questions he would later be uncomfortable answering.

I can't say that I ever bathed with my mother, but, regardless of that, I think parents should not share the bath of a child of the opposite sex, beyond infancy. Each parent will know when their children are no longer babies, because it will be a time at which a parent will be asking questions like the one that started this thread.

If you're asking yourself these questions, and you're online asking us, it's probably time you let pumpkin have the tub to herself. Seriously - if it was still all kitchy-koo and sugar plumbs for you, you wouldn't be here. What comfort or educational purpose can your little girl get from bathing with you?

None, I'd think.

What I hope you won't do is climb in the tub with her wearing a pair of baggy trunks. What the hell is she supposed to make of that? Men are bad or dirty? Penises are scary? A much better solution would be to stay clothed (shorts or whatever) and stay out of the tub altogether, like my father eventually did. This will teach them about having their own space and how important that is.

And prepare to get splashed. Good luck. :wink:
 

bigtwin

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These type of questions are often quiet personal in nature. Our own feeling about nudity are sometimes not fully addressed until we have children of our own.
I have 3 children, boys 7 and 1 1/2 and a girl 4. When my daughter was an infant, I made no special accomodation to cover up in front of her. The presence of nudity has not affect on a child at such a young age. Now, that she is getting older I am more careful about casual nudity leaving that more to my wife. For instance, if I'm washing her off after the beach I'll just leave by bathing suit on until I have her out of the shower. No system is perfect, however, and if she happens to see me more exposed I casually make an effort to cover up. I also don't want her to get the feeling that something is wrong with nudity, either male or female.
I am more free with my sons and the 7 yr old sees my naked regularly. Again, to clarify, these are at appropriate times such as showering at the Y, after the beach etc.