Concerns for my Daughter

Expando1

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It's a tough situation with 1,000 right answers and 1,000 wrong ones. For me I grew up with a total run of the house. I saw my parents naked from day one when showering or when they were dressing. Often I would just sit on the bed and talk to them while they were getting dressed for work then run off and do something. I thought nothing of it and seemingly neither did they. I didn't have any unusual feelings, sense of immorality, sense of shame, or any sexual feelings for that matter...it was a norm of existence for me.

What eventually did bother me and what i remember is when this suddenly stopped. I think I was 8 or so and suddenly what was once ok was now suddenly forbidden. I would be hurriedly ushered out of the room if I walked in while they were changing or in the shower. From my point of view it was very confusing; i wondered if i did something wrong and my brain strained to identify what that might be. Of course I couldnt' find anything...i hadn't changed, i had no new or different feelings than I had always had; so i was perplexed. From that time forth I started to become self conscious about my own nudity and about nudity in general; whereas, prior to this development I had no issues with it. That's the way things work out at times...you can make the right decisions and it still ends up suboptimal.
 

nick22ca

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I missed something major. Why in hell would you bath with children?? Isn't in an action done to a child? I was bathed with my parents outside the tub, fully clothed...you're all nuts.

-ETA- I'd also like to add that showing yourself naked to your children, at any age, still fails to qualify as age-appropriate behavior.
 

Wilde316

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Nick22, hate to break this concept to you but just because something is done a specific way in your life it doesn't mean that its wrong for someone to do it a different way, sometimes bathing with a child makes it easier to control their actions and it also can be an enjoyable play time, I wasnt saying that I'm there to bathe myself but that I am in the tub at the same time, calling others crazy is inappropriate, Your opinion is respected, your attitude is not. Have a nice day.
 

ledroit

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Wilde316 said:
Hello all, I will try to get to the point

I have a 6 month old daughter named Emily, she is wnderful, beautiful and everything I could have dreamt of, now that I've got that out of the way.

People find it odd that I will not bath with my daughter unless I am wearing shorts of somekind. I do this for several reasons, the main one being I dont feel its right for my daughter to see what her father is packing, big, small, it doesn't matter I dont feel she should be exposed to it.

Another reason I do it is so that nobody can accuse me of anything, my ex and I had a fairly good break up but her mother is insane and feels that she should clean me out. The easiest way to do this I imagine would to be able to accuse me of some wrong doing.

And the last reason actually has to do with protection, Emily is very grabby right now and I like my parts where they are.

Am I being overprotective, or am I crazy for thinking this way. I just wanted someone else's opinion on it.
wilde, if you are still reading--I grew up in a non-puritanical family of 12, and learned that kids pick up on their parents feelings no matter what they are. This is the issue, not nakedness.

If you get wierded out by something, your kids will pick up on that. Think of your own parents. When they got wierded out by something, you definitely noticed. I think you should always assume you can't pull the wool over kids' eyes. They will pay attention to what you are paying attention to. If you self-conscious about being naked, they will pick up on you being self-conscious and focus on your nakedness. If you are happy and unselfconscious, they will be happy and unselfconscious. If you focus on them, they will focus on themselves too and be happy.
 

Webster

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madame_zora said:
Wilde, I think that any father who would put that much care and concern into considering his own behavior with his child must be a wonderful man!

Nudity, pro or con. In a utopian society, I wish we could all be less hung up about our bodies. Wouldn't it be nice to raise our kids to know that the body isn't ugly, creepy, gross or scary? Yes! I sure wish I had less hang-ups about my own, but that's not the world we live in. With an ex-wife and a bitchy ex mother-in-law, I'd think erring on the side of caution would just be a good decision. As your daughter grows up, you can tell her she's pretty and affirm her self esteem in other ways. For now, lots of holding, talking and cuddling are what she needs and she needs it from YOU. Girls who grow up without positive affirmation from their father develop a hollowness that never goes away.

Affirmation means saying "good girl" a LOT and praising her accomplishments, whether it be learning to walk or getting her degree. It also means saying "You're mine". This is even biblical, as in "this is MY son, in whom I am well pleased". I wish parents understood that this is their main job, but it so often gets overlooked. Never stop doing this, a girl who feels claimed, and approved of by her father is a very lucky girl indeed. I think you're absolutley precious to bring this up to talk about with other adults. Kudos.
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Really beautifully said.
I would only add that boys need the same love and affection. But, of course, you were referring to Wilde's particular situation.....
 

nick22ca

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Wilde316 said:
Nick22, hate to break this concept to you but just because something is done a specific way in your life it doesn't mean that its wrong for someone to do it a different way, sometimes bathing with a child makes it easier to control their actions and it also can be an enjoyable play time, I wasnt saying that I'm there to bathe myself but that I am in the tub at the same time, calling others crazy is inappropriate, Your opinion is respected, your attitude is not. Have a nice day.

The concept I was talking about was not referring to my experience. I was referencing my education, with regards to psychology, neuroscience, and psychiatric disorders. When I said it was not age-appropriate behavior, it is because it is not age-appropriate behavior. You can be just as effective at cleaning your children outside the tub. Furthermore, you are not introducing future risk factors for disorder X.

Have a nice day.