Confession Time

[Heather LouAnna]

Why is it so hard to find someone that's a perfect man in and outside the bedroom? Somehow, the two are never in the same package. My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year. I work from home and don't have a car, so sometimes he's the ONLY person I see for days and days. He's my best friend, my lifeline, my everything. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Money's always good. We go out on dates, we dance, we're happy. I want to marry him, I want to have his children. I want to be with him for the rest of my life....and..

I want an open relationship.

It seems like he thinks sex is some sort of sacred thing. As a woman that's been with 40+ men, I can't bear claim to this belief. I believe in making love, and I believe in fucking. I believe that humans aren't MEANT to be with one person forever. It's not in my genetic makeup, my instinct, my being, to be with one person forever.

And with all that said........here's my sex complaints:

1) He doesn't kiss me WITH TONGUE. I want a gross, nasty, wet, big, sloppy kiss. It's a little Highschool and grody but it's something I really like. I miss a makeout session! I miss when a man will do nothing but kiss me, when all I want is to fuck him and he WONT LET ME. That's hot to me! We've been together for a year and haven't even learned how to kiss each other properly. (This one is completely my fault. I should be more open about it, tell him what I want, and tell him it's a huge deal to me and that when I think about it, it just makes me want to cry.)

2) He doesn't precum AT ALL. Nothing gets me wetter than a sloppy cock. One gentleman that I had the great honor of fucking on this messageboard was Chase (aka our dear lost beloved Spladle). He precums SO MUCH that once when he went to the doctor, she told him that she swore he had some sort of STD. He told her her thought it was precum. She suggested they test him right there. He freaked out and called everyone he'd has sex with and told them they may have something and the test came back negative.

I'm not always into foreplay, and sometimes I like the guy to seriously, just shove it in there! I don't always want to work up to this stage where I'm sopping wet. Sometimes, I want the guy to be wet FOR me. THAT gets me wet too.

I'm thinking back to our animalistic stage, where male primates would go around sticking their dicks into anything that moved, pretty much raping the females, for propagation purposes. The male with the most precum was probably the most likely to be able to shove it in there, get that quickie over with, and have more offspring. Granted, the whole rape part isn't really needed anymore, but to see that I'm turning him on by making him drip, in addition to getting him hard is really hot to me.

My boyfriend and I have to use lube almost EVERYTIME and I feel like a dried up old lady. Sometimes, if I know we're going to have sex, I sneak some lube up in thar, just so he'll think it's me. Really...sad.

3) He doesn't let me blow him and FINISH him off. He says he thinks it's pointless. What's wrong with a blowjob?! I LOVE blowjobs. It's makes me feel accomplished! Job well done! I love being in control like that and being able to cause a reaction like that. And when I do blow him, for the short time that he allows it, he doesn't make ANY noise. He doesn't touch my head either. No hair petting, no head pushing. Nothing.

4) He's submissive in bed. He wants me to tell him when to come. Nothing makes me cringe more. I want a guy to boss me around a bit, maybe pick me up and swing me around. I'm 5'11". I'm a huge lady! I want to feel like a little girl again. I want to be tied up a bit. I want to be spanked. I don't want some guy sweating and heaving over me, asking if he can please come yet.

and with all these complaints I have..........I know that I should just tell him how I feel and we should work it out together, but with that comes hurting his feelings, which I would never dream of doing.


Since day 1, I've told him that I want an open relationship. He's never been that open to the idea of me sleeping with other men at all. I've never acted on our not so "open relationship" but he has. He's slept with several different women, while we've been together. He's even gone as far as to call me, while he was out, and ask me if he could go home with someone he just met. I, of course, said he could. I know that whomever he sleeps with, he wont leave me. I also know that if I were with someone else, I wouldn't leave him.

So what's the big deal?!

 

[newguy01]

You want the benefits of being married with the perks of being single.

Most men won't go for that......just as most folks will not consider an open relationship either.

 

[Ldnn]

This post made me laugh out loud as there are so many similarities with the first few months of my relationship, except the roles are reversed. :smile:

Only advice I can give you, is that in order to make an open relationship work you need excellent communication from both sides - perhaps he isn't entirely sure what he adds to your relationship and doesn't want himself to become insecure if he lets you go down the open road? However if it comes between going for an open relationship, and dealing with what you have .. I'd work on training him and giving him pointers. You won't be able to make the animal in bed you want (at least quite yet..), but you will be able to fix the little things if he listens, which perhaps might make you less interested in looking elsewhere for your fun. Have you considered suggesting that someone else could join both of you in the bedroom? Perhaps seeing how other men or women play with your body might make him realise that while you like his sensitive side, you sometimes just want to be taken and used for his wishes in the bedroom.

 

[D_fuzwuz]

It seems like... there's something extraneous holding your relationship together. Perhaps love? If that's the case, why would you ever desire anybody else? And if that's not the case perhaps it's time you part and find somebody who does satisfy you fully. IN and OUT of the bed.

Just what crossed my mind first.

Also, his desire for other women debunks the love theory... I hate to be crude... but that's what it seems.

 

[CALAMBO]

run...fast...get out of this re-lationship...not fair to him or you...chalk it up as expierence...life is short...find what you need and want...and from your testimony he is not IT....and maybe no one is...the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence...but yet we must taste it all...MR. RIGHT may be around the corner...settling now will be divorce later...damn shame he sounds like a keeper

 

[Heather LouAnna]

This post made me laugh out loud as there are so many similarities with the first few months of my relationship, except the roles are reversed. :smile:

Only advice I can give you, is that in order to make an open relationship work you need excellent communication from both sides - perhaps he isn't entirely sure what he adds to your relationship and doesn't want himself to become insecure if he lets you go down the open road? However if it comes between going for an open relationship, and dealing with what you have .. I'd work on training him and giving him pointers. You won't be able to make the animal in bed you want (at least quite yet..), but you will be able to fix the little things if he listens, which perhaps might make you less interested in looking elsewhere for your fun. Have you considered suggesting that someone else could join both of you in the bedroom? Perhaps seeing how other men or women play with your body might make him realise that while you like his sensitive side, you sometimes just want to be taken and used for his wishes in the bedroom.

We've tried threesomes, with SINGLE people (even gay men, which is something HE suggested!) , but when it comes to our swinger friends, he thinks they "pass each other around like cigarettes" which I think is totally off! We've tried toys too and he seems to be just fine with those, which was a total relief to me.

I know an entire household of five or six people, hard working, apparently "normal" adults, who just happen to end up in a different person's bed in their household and they all seem quite happy and quite comfortable with it all. There's never any drama and nobody ever gets hurt and he totally looks down on it. This also coming from a man who didn't lose his virginity until he was 21, because he was waiting for the perfect person. Shit, I couldn't get rid of my virginity faster! It was just slowing me down, y'know?

Thanks very much for the advice!

 

[Heather LouAnna]

It seems like... there's something extraneous holding your relationship together. Perhaps love? If that's the case, why would you ever desire anybody else? And if that's not the case perhaps it's time you part and find somebody who does satisfy you fully. IN and OUT of the bed.

Just what crossed my mind first.

Also, his desire for other women debunks the love theory... I hate to be crude... but that's what it seems.

You tell me that I don't love the person I've been with for the past year and then send me a PM saying I should fuck you?

No. Class.

 

[lucky8]

A) you should be telling him these things before telling us.

B) are you sure he actually wants an open relationship? It sounds like he just agreed because you wanted to and he's afraid to say no

C) if he is hooking up with other people, maybe it's you that's the problem, not him.

D) think about what he wants, not what you want. That kind of mentality is deadly for relationships

E) i can please you :wink:

 

[D_fuzwuz]

You tell me that I don't love the person I've been with for the past year and then send me a PM saying I should fuck you?

No. Class.

Time isn't a definitive factor of love.. and you seem to lack the intelligence to interpret the english language.

I said I wouldn't mind helping you out.

Don't think so higly of yourself girl.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I don't know if sex is so much of an issue, it's time to move on hun. Or maybe couples counseling. It sounds like he is not able to please you like you need, so you need to find someone that does.

 

[Pinkpnay77]

Unfortunately this is something we women are guilty of doing, we don't say what we want, that would be too easy for us.... instead, we harbour and pent up all of our thoughts, and fustrations, and take them out on the men we date. I'm not saying all women do this, but on average this is exactly what girls/women do. We women like to make guys play the Guessing Game...and after the millionth wrong guess, we get fed up, and then eventually, give up.

If he is sleeping around with other girls while seeing you, then he has to seriously take into consideration that he is setting a double standard. So he either has to stop, or to let you get yours as well...now if this conversation has already taken place, and things still won't budge. Then go off and get yours.... maybe he'll get a hint then.

 

[fallon2]

First, I think you are extremely intelligent and funny . . . yeah I have read and am on your Myspace. Where to start . . . first I don't think you really want an open relationship as much as a man who meets your needs . . . both physical and mental.

Secondly, I wonder that since you work so much out of your home and don't see many people that you think that your present man is the BEST you have ever met when in reality you need to get out more? And yeah, I know you have been with 40 plus guys.

The rest will be in a pm!

 

[solinvictus]

dont blame him for not doing what you want when he doesnt know. im not saying there arent problems, but why are you complaining to us instead of to him? you need to be upfront with him about what you want. then see where it goes from there, if youre still unhappy and cant work it out, find someone you are happy with.

complaining to a bunch of people on the internet helps no one. tell him how you feel.

 

[fallon2]

Actually, sol, "complaining to a bunch of people on the internet" helps the person aho started the thread by putting on paper (the internet in this case) the problem they are having and getting some ideas.

Heather know that the answer for her has to come from her and not us. But what we can do is add our two cents and those two cents might help her. Consider that, sol.

Heather, hang in there . . .

 

[solinvictus]

fallon, yes you are correct, its just in my experience more specific and helpful advice is provided from people closer and more familiar with the situation (friends instead of a group of pseudo-random people online)

 

[lucky8]

Unfortunately this is something we women are guilty of doing, we don't say what we want, that would be too easy for us.... instead, we harbour and pent up all of our thoughts, and fustrations, and take them out on the men we date. I'm not saying all women do this, but on average this is exactly what girls/women do. We women like to make guys play the Guessing Game...and after the millionth wrong guess, we get fed up, and then eventually, give up.

Lol this is exactly why i think women are nuts and exactly why i broke up with my gf. Men aren't mind readers ya know, far from it, and you're only hurting yourselves in the end, at the expense of us. If you don't want to be open with us, don't expect us to be open with you...just a little advice, hopefully some will take it

 

[B_cigarbabe]

You tell me that I don't love the person I've been with for the past year and then send me a PM saying I should fuck you?

No. Class.

Right she is!
You have no class Hitokiri none at all. You have the nerve to try and make her out to be stupid after, she turns you down but not so stupid that you would fuck her if she'd have let you, jerk.
cigarbabe:saevil:

 

[D_fuzwuz]

Right she is!
You have no class Hitokiri none at all. You have the nerve to try and make her out to be stupid after, she turns you down but not so stupid that you would fuck her if she'd have let you, jerk.
cigarbabe:saevil:

Wow, this place is full of individuals of minimal intelligence.

I have no desire to have sex with somebody like that. She doesn't deserve it. I lent my ear, and offered advice. She assumed I was after something else because apparently that's all she's looking for.

Please, don't even bother trying to make it like i'm playing foul. This female self-righteousness in regard to thinking guys just want to "fuck"(that's YOUR term) you is pathetic.

 

[fallon2]

Hey hit,

What do you mean when you say "I have no desire to have sex with somebody like that."?

Do you know her, spoke with her, ANYTHING about her?

The answer is no.

She's funny and smart . . . neither which would attract her to you.

 

[D_fuzwuz]

Don't get on her side because she's a girl.

She assumed that I was asking to fuck her.

That is not the case.

She needs to step off her pedestal.

QED.