Confidence And Sexuality

Botanical1

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Hi! Just posting for the first time, and I’m interested to see if others have had the same thoughts as I’ve had. There are a few different questions here so answer and input into what you can!

I’m a 24(m) by the way.

As I’ve been reading this forum, it has made me think more and more of my sexuality.

I’ve struggled with the idea of a girl finding my attractive, and being sexually interested in me. Even when watching straight porn, I have found in the past my thoughts to be “what girl would ever want to sleep with me?” “I won’t be good at sex with a woman.”

And I’m thinking to myself, if I was more on the gay side, why am I worrying about being with a woman? Is it from society or am I more interested in women than I think I am?

I ask that because I sort of always assumed I was gay. Physical attraction is stronger with a guy and more sexually willing to sleep with a guy so that must be the case right?

This evening, I tried the “if I could be anything in the world without consequence, what would I be?” My mind went to sex with a guy, but i couldn’t help but think of being close to a woman, oral sex with her and touching her. I remember being in my room over the weekend and I “practiced” (lol) some straight sex positions and realised, hey this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be (missionary, thrusting etc). It actually helped change some opinions I had.

In my head, I could be flirty with a guy (I’d gear towards bottoming I feel like?) but when it comes to a girl, terrified. Absolutely scared to take any step.

And to be honest, people assume I’m gay in the world, which can be hard too. So am I lying to myself or is confidence something of a factor here?

Even the idea of touching a woman sexually or showing interest physically, my head is instinctly like “no, that’s not allowed. That’s wrong”. Almost like without consent, I’m a bad person for trying it or attempting to do it. So I don’t know if I’m forcing myself to be something I’m not or if there is something else at play here.

I’m in a Christian church so experimenting is not really available as such to me.

Just wondering what people think of this scenario.