Confidence Busters

Jovial

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I imagine it would ruin a guys confidence to hear he has a small penis. Same thing if you tell a women she is fat. But I do believe one should be honest if he or she asks for your opinion. Otherwise they won't have a true sense of who they are.

Perhaps people are just looking for acceptance from their partner even if they know they are not perfect. So the guy that tells a fat girl that she is not fat is really just saying he accepts her.
 

Notthe7

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You're point on KYkatgirl.. it's true.. I think most people can agree that women more so than men [though it IS catching up] are badgered more.. be it ads, television, fashion, etc.

There's not a time I go look in the mirror that I'm not looking at my imperfections.. or lifting up my shirt to see if I look fat.



I just learned from the size queen thread that telling a man he doesn't measure up shatters his confidence. It made me wonder what shatters a woman's confidence? We are barraged everyday by ads for padded bras, lip plumpers, nail salons, high heels, diet pills, exercise videos, spanx, eyelash extentions, hair extentions, plastic surgery ... So obviously we are too small on top, our lips are too thin, our nails are too short, we are too short, we are too fat, we are too flabby, our eyelashes are thin, our hair is too short. Yet we don't take it personally. I can't think of any one single thing that anyone could say to me that would shatter my confidence. What do you other women think?
 

Notthe7

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Oops posted to soon.......

But with that said men get constantly bashed over the head with ab commericals, VIVA VIAGRA, 'extenze!' and other digusting penis enhancement, body enhancement pills.... powders, patches.. etc.

It's really fair game for EVERYONE and their mom to be insecure that we aren't perfect.

It's a shame.
 

Principessa

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I'm not THAT naive. I know telling anyone that they are inadequate especially in regards to something they cannot change is hurtful. I just didn't know that one statement could shatter a man's confidence. :yup:

I am surprised to hear from the women that many base their self-worth on the opinions of others. I wonder why that is. That's because you are young and very beautiful. I am guessing that you grew up in a very loving and supportive environment. A lot of people don't have the privilege.

I totally agree with whoever posted about local cultures. Kansas is sooo different than Kentucky. Some good and some bad differences. One major difference is that the friends I had in Kentucky were supportive and happy. It hard to find people like that in Kansas. I have found a few (mostly transplants like me) but there are some people who are jealous, petty and downright spiteful. ROTFLMAO honey thats all over! I got news for you, there will be women that hate you just because you are beautiful, without even getting to know you. It's not right, it's not fair; but it is normal. Get used to it. :redface::cool:

I imagine it would ruin a guys confidence to hear he has a small penis. Same thing if you tell a women she is fat. But I do believe one should be honest if he or she asks for your opinion. To a degree, yes that is true. Iam sure there are married men here who can tell you differently though. :tongue: Otherwise they won't have a true sense of who they are. No, most fat people know they are fat. What they want is to be told it's okay and they are still loved for what is inside them.

Perhaps people are just looking for acceptance from their partner even if they know they are not perfect. So the guy that tells a fat girl that she is not fat is really just saying he accepts her. That makes sense everybody wants to be accepted and loved as they are.

Some people are inclined to be insecure for whatever reason.
Figuring out why and getting it to stop is something therapists get paid a lot of money for. Sadly, this is true. Every parent should be given a copy of the poem I posted below before they leave the hospital with their newborn.

WhatIReallyWant:
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

 

Jovial

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That makes sense everybody wants to be accepted and loved as they are.
I only want the things I can't change to be accepted. The things I can change I want to be encouraged and inspired to improve on. I want someone that will make me a better person not simply accept everything about me.
 

Principessa

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I only want the things I can't change to be accepted. The things I can change I want to be encouraged and inspired to improve on. I want someone that will make me a better person not simply accept everything about me.

Be careful what you wish for cutie, you may end up with a woman who constantly sees things about you that need improvement.
 

AlteredEgo

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I don't think your examples are quite equivalent. What would be more equivalent is a man or men either telling a woman directly or insinuating or going on and on (while she's around) about how he/they'd like to "hit it" with supermodel hot women (assuming she isn't in that category herself).

And of course the other factor for it to shatter her confidence is that part of the woman's validation is predicated on most or all other men you know thinking you're not their kind of "hot".

If your self-esteem is derived internally then no matter where others place you on their "hot scale" you'll be able to allow them to have their preferences and rejections of others based on such without it lowering your own self-worth in your own eyes and without feeling anger and the need to spew hate and ridicule toward their preferences on message boards like LPSG.

This is one of the outcomes of learning to love and accept ourselves fully. When we love/accept ourselves we allow others to prefer and need what they they do and yet internalize that it is no reflection on our worth as a human being.

Whenever I see posts and threads with either the overt or covert message of putting others down for their preferences I know its the sign of a very angry, hurt Ego that still in part if not completely places some validation of itself as coming from others.

Preach it, Girl!
 

rob_just_rob

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I thought it was obvious that one shouldn't go around making fun of other people for their physical shortcomings. Especially if one is intimate with the people being made fun of.

Men get a pretty constant stream of "you're not big enough" messages from the media. Advertising, comedians/comediennes, mens magazines, general razzing from friends, sex columnists, you name it, it's out there. But IMO, that pales in comparison with the barrage of appearance-related criticisms leveled at women through television, magazines, movies, advertising... pretty much everywhere in fact. Playing up the customer's insecurities is one of the easiest ways to make a sale.
 

SereneBlue

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But IMO, that pales in comparison with the barrage of appearance-related criticisms leveled at women through television, magazines, movies, advertising... pretty much everywhere in fact. Playing up the customer's insecurities is one of the easiest ways to make a sale.

You learn to live with it after a while. It's not like women have any other choice. But yes...I agree. The age/youth comparison factor for women is everywhere.