Confidence, how do you get it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_StrongStudent, Oct 16, 2010.

  1. B_StrongStudent

    B_StrongStudent New Member

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    i have no confidence, ive never really had it, esp with women

    okay some of u have massive cocks and understandbly are very confident.
    unfortunatley i dont, i am also not social butterfly i put this down to low selfesteem/confidence.

    i want confidence, how do i get it?
     
  2. largemiles

    largemiles New Member

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    Be proud of who and what you are.
     
  3. Hardballin

    Hardballin New Member

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    act like you have a 12 inch cock. case closed.
     
  4. D_Hammond Happydipper

    D_Hammond Happydipper Account Disabled

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    still a few of us that have not done it yet with our "massive cocks" lol
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Take a new risk everyday for the rest of your life! Day by day your confidence will grow.
    You might start with a public speaking course or something like that to give you a jump start.
    Confidence is learned. You can't buy sell or send away for it.
     
  6. mako shark

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    Success in our daily lives help build confidence. Don't go overboard and get too cocky because failures are inevitable.
     
  7. hsarge

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    Fake it.
     
  8. 8060

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    This is something that I ran across some time ago. Perhaps it will help you.

    SELF-CONFIDENCE FORMULA

    First: I know that I have the ability to achieve the object of my definite purpose; therefore I demand of myself persistent, aggressive and continuous action toward its attainment.

    Second: I realize that the dominating thoughts of my mind eventually reproduce themselves in outward, bodily action, and gradually transform themselves into physical reality, therefore I will concentrate My mind for thirty minutes daily upon the task of thinking of the person I intend to be, by creating a mental picture of this person and then transforming that picture into reality through practical service.

    Third: I know that through the principle of Auto-suggestion, any desire that I persistently hold in my mind will eventually seek expression through some practical means of realizing it, therefore I shall devote then minutes daily to demanding of myself the development of the factors named in the sixteen lessons of this Reading Course on the Law of Success.

    Fourth: I have clearly mapped out and written down a description of my definite purpose in life, for the coming five years. I have set a price on my services for each of these five years; a price that I intend to earn and receive, through strict application of the principle of efficient, satisfactory service which I will render in advance.

    Fifth: I fully realize that no wealth or position can long endure unless built upon truth and justice, therefore I will wish to use, and the cooperation of other people. I will induce others to serve me because I will first serve them. I will eliminate hatred, envy, jealousy, selfishness and cynicism by developing love for all humanity, because I know that negative attitude toward others can never bring me success. I will cause others to believe in me because I will believe in them and in myself.

    I will sign my name to this formula, commit it to memory and repeat it aloud once a day with full faith that it will gradually influence my entire life so that I will become a successful and happy worker in my chosen field of endeavor.
     
  9. houtx48

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    age and experience.............. takes care of this problem
     
  10. jeff2982

    jeff2982 New Member

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    I don't think confidence exists. We're all afraid of something (or everything) all the time. Confidence to me, is realizing that no matter what, you're going to fail sometimes, and it's not the end of the world. The rest of the time... you're golden. Talk to the hottest person in the room, always. Even if they throw their drink in your face, you're still the guy who had the balls to talk to the hottest person in the room. And nine times out of ten, you'll have 30 seconds of polite conversation before the really hot person walks away. You're still the guy with the balls to talk to the hottest person in the room.
     
  11. Bbucko

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    Penile size has little or nothing to do with true confidence.

    Nudie is on the right track with confidence being the result of success following having taken a risk. 8060 mentions formulating a sort of manifesto of purpose. I'll take it just a step further.

    Confidence came to me through a combination of factors:

    1) I have made it a point to educate myself on a wide range of issues that interest me. Armed with facts and historical precedent, I am able to state certain opinions and viewpoints from a reality-based perspective and argue them convincingly with confidence;

    2) While taking the approval of others with a hefty grain of salt (people are very fickle, after all), I am keenly aware of how my affect is judged by people within my sphere of influence. To a remarkable degree, you can gain respect (which feeds confidence immeasurably) simply by listening with interest to what folks have to say, not just about you, but about any number of topics at hand. There are few things more flattering than being truly listened to, and the positive results listening provides builds on and enhances your own confidence as a conversationalist;

    3) Conversely, don't be afraid of differing with others if they are obviously misinformed. But explain why their opinions are the result of misinformation with facts (see #1 above). You'll never gain confidence by merely agreeing with everybody, and the more you stand by your own (informed) opinion, the greater your confidence will grow and manifest itself;

    4) In that same vein, don't be afraid of admitting when you've made an error, whether factual or one of judgment. Truly confident (as opposed to arrogant) people will admit when they're wrong;

    5) Set realistic but difficult goals for yourself within realistic time-frames; a few successes under your belt and you'll feel more confident about setting more challenging goals. Everything positive that I've ever accomplished has been the result of a conscious goal I set for myself;

    6) Practice honesty; liars have a crisis of confidence;

    7) Develop and cultivate a personal sense of style for yourself: grooming, clothing choices, manner of speech, etc. Though you may have real influences in this regard (and who doesn't), personal style should be an outward expression of your own best qualities, not someone else's;

    8) Personal inventories of yourself, both positive and negative, are essential and should be on-going. Honest self-critique (with goals set to improve upon or at least lessen your negatives) are a requirement of true self-knowledge. Confidence is the outward expression of your positive qualities with assurance, but you've gotta know what they are to accomplish this;

    9) At a certain point, though, you've also gotta recognize your limitations realistically and honestly. Though there's no need to parade your limitations, acknowledge them (at least privately) and avoid the deep end of the pool if your swimming skills aren't up to the task;

    10) Realize that there'll be a whole lot of folk who just don't "get" you, and move forward without undue consideration of them. You can't please everybody, and trying to do so is really a futile and neurotic waste of your time and energy;

    Finally, recognize that your worth as a human being is not contingent upon where you live, the things you own or the way you make money. The core of your value is in your ability to give and receive love and respect among those whom you care about. There are many more ways, and much healthier ways of being content and confident than through materialism, which at its root is a lie.
     
  12. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Fake it till ya make it, baby. That's what I do. I'm intimidating I'm told, I was quite shocked to hear that.
     
  13. jump_start

    jump_start Member

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    Above all, learn to like what you see in the mirror. The more you like what you see, the more that will spill over into other aspects of your life. There are certain physical characteristics you can control (i.e. diet/exercise), but your looks are what you're born with. Embrace it. Lack of self esteem is usually (but not always) derived from an internalized dislike for yourself. Figure out what you dislike about yourself and if you can change it, change it. Learn to laugh at yourself, too. If you don't take yourself so seriously, it really helps. This has been a hard lesson learned, at least for me.

    These two things have helped me immensely in life. Ten years ago, I was the quietest, shyest, most up tight guy anyone would have met. I'm definitely no social butterfly nowadays, but I'm much more apt to walk up to a stranger now and strike up a conversation. True, the conversations don't last long, but if you have a sense of humor and can make someone else laugh, it works to your advantage. Think about it: have you ever *TRULY* disliked someone that has made you laugh on a regular basis? I haven't.

    I'm definitely not a guy with runway model looks, nor do I have a massive 12 inch cock that other girls and guys crave. However, I learned that my lack of confidence and low self esteem stemmed from hating what I saw in the mirror. Once I started learning to like what I saw in the mirror (specifically, doing something about my outward appearance by losing weight and working out which made me feel better about what I saw in the mirror), it made many other aspects of my life a lot easier, and that much better. I learned that I actually WAS funny, I COULD make people laugh, and people did like being around me when I wasn't in my shell. It still takes some work to get me to open up around a bunch of unknowns, but the ice melts pretty quickly these days, and people genuinely enjoy being around me.

    Like yourself, love yourself, and above all else: BE YOURSELF. Confidence will follow if you do this.

    Also, my avatar is of me. Had I not gained some confidence in myself, I'd have never posed for such a picture, much less post it on the internet for all to see. It's sort of my "rite of passage".

    By the way, there's a lot of good suggestions in this thread. Mad props to 8060 and Bbucko for their contributions!
     
    #13 jump_start, Oct 16, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2010
  14. surferboy

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    this is the only real answer. don't listen to anyone else in this topic, especially the oens saying "fake it"
     
  15. eric19831

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    I was raised with the subconsience message that image is everything. Doesn't matter how you feel on the inside or what is going on in life. Just learn to fake it. In time it will happen all on its own. Project what you want people to see. For me it was as simple as always looking my best and taking the high road in all situations.
     
  16. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    Have a positive self-image. And don't let others walk over you.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Actually, I think there's some real value in the 'fake it' advice. Acting with confidence brings returns, especially when it comes to approaching women (although some will be able to pick up on 'fake' confidence, particularly if you aren't good at faking it). Once you've had returns, it makes you feel better about yourself, and eventually leads to real confidence. Just practising thinking and acting like a confident person helps you learn how to REALLY be a confident person.

    Of course, it's always better if you have real confidence, but fake confidence is a good start. I think so anyway.
     
  18. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    This.
     
  19. True_Blue

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    I've honestly been in your situation. I have never really believed that I had anything worth looking at, much less fooling with. I decided to do things I wouldn't usually do. I started going to the gym and actually showered THERE. I didn't care who saw me naked anymore. (Not to say wasn't nervous). I began to undress in front of anyone when changing clothes. I even posted pictures here on this site. Most of the comments I received were very encouraging and confidence-building.
     
  20. Shinobu

    Shinobu New Member

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    I used to think that I'd need confidence to take risks. Now I take risks to gain confidence. Take a risk - start small. Do something to throw you out of your comfort zone, just a little bit. Go from there. Like other users have mentioned, public speaking is a great confidence booster. I have to speak in front of crowds of 400 people a few times per year. In the beginning, I was nervous and shaky as hell. Then, surprisingly, I wouldn't be as nervous when I'm actually speaking. In my experience, actions are not as scary as your perception of them beforehand. Nowadays, my heart rate doesn't increase nearly as much as it used to when I'm speaking in front of big crowds. I speak in front of big crowds in order to speak in front of big crowds more confidently. It's circular. If you can, muster up the courage to do some things that will make you a feel a tad uncomfortable. Keep doing that (don't get disheartened by negative results either!) and you'll realize that what made you feel uncomfortable in the past doesn't make you feel as uncomfortable in the present. Good luck!
     
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