Confidence in Changing/Locker rooms

[steve319]

Originally posted by txquis@Mar 6 2005, 10:22 PM
I'm finding out from this thread that teasing takes a toll,
no matter what end of the size chart a person is on.

[post=288828]Quoted post[/post]​

That's exactly it, isn't it? With the right conditions (and conditioning) we can be made to feel self-conscious and negatively about anything--even qualities that would normally be seen as positive or desirable.

I have a good buddy who comes from a wealthy family and he purposely runs from that image, feeling some degree of guilt or embarrassment. And we all know folks who hide their talents (academic, musical, whatever) because they don't want to be perceived as "different" or "special" or anything other than the norm.

I'd be willing to bet, Mr.Stout, that there are more than a few fellows here who are carrying around those same feelings and are working to overcome them.

And it would be my opinion that a person wouldn't have to necessarily become an exhibitionist per se (may not be in the personality makeup) to develop a more positive body image. Spending time here talking about the issue with this group might be a great step in helping you move forward. Good luck!

 

[Mr.Stout]

YES, thank you, exactly! It is for these people I am here for and with to help each other. The main problem is there is a far to great a group here that doesn't see things that way and they just make me back off for a while.

 

[Sabln7]

Originally posted by Lex@Mar 6 2005, 09:29 PM
I'm more with Pecker, if not for the same reasons.
I really don't like it when my size is made to be a big deal.
I don't like to show and don't ever want to seem like a show-off.
Being endowed is just part of the package that is Lex.
I know that my wife and BF see that my cock is really just a small part of who I am.

Everybody has one and I'm usre there are smaller guys who use their cocks much better than I.

[post=288784]Quoted post[/post]​

In your case, your cock is more than a SMALL part of who you are. Mine is definitely a small part, but I still don't mind being nude or changing in a locker room. No problems with it. No one looks my direction though because I am a grower, not a shower. If I got hard, I might get a stare, but in those cases, my dick tends to shrivel up and get smaller. When I am in a gay steam bath or area, I can get hard, but if it is a heterosexual area, I don't.

 

[Bananaman]

Originally posted by Mr.Stout@Mar 30 2005, 09:18 PM
YES, thank you, exactly! It is for these people I am here for and with to help each other. The main problem is there is a far to great a group here that doesn't see things that way and they just make me back off for a while.

[post=295477]Quoted post[/post]​

Mr. Stout, Please don't feel like you have to back off. I know there are many here who enjoy the heck out of their size, and more power to them, but you are definitly not alone in your feelings.

For me, a locker room isn't something I'll go out of my way to avoid, but at the same time I won't use one unless I have to. My discomfort is due to the fact that I look like I'm half hard or more when I'm as soft as I can get. I've been teased, etc. since childhood about this, and having a 7" softie only made it worse. The comments and stares as an adult aren't something I look forward to, either.

Anyway, my friend, remember that those of us who are self-concious about our size need to be here for each other, too. I can only speak for myself, but in the short time I've been here I've realized that you'll have to go a long way to find a better group of people.

B-man

 

[D_Stavelay Strappon]

Originally posted by Mr.Stout@Mar 30 2005, 10:18 PM
YES, thank you, exactly! It is for these people I am here for and with to help each other. The main problem is there is a far to great a group here that doesn't see things that way and they just make me back off for a while.

[post=295477]Quoted post[/post]​

Damm Mr. Stout, that's some cock you have. Congrats !

 

[madame_zora]

Mr. Stout, you and men like you are the reason this group is here! Please pay no heed to the rabble rousers, they obviously have their own set of problems that I wish they would address elsewhere. Being "exceptional" in any way is no easy road, but learning to love and appreciate yourself as you are is a worthy goal, and I wish you well.

 

[Mr.Stout]

Thank you B-man and Madame Zora your words do mean a lot to me. I know there is alot more to this problem of mine then just having a large penis and the difficulties associated with it, there is a more deep rooted and internal problem, I know it has greatly altered my life in many ways. But anyway that is why we are here to learn and grow from the hand we are dealt!

 

[deleted111]

I have complete confidence in the locker room.
The only time I get flustered is when people say something.
I know I have a really big penis, I can handle it a lot better when I have alcohol in my system. When I get scrutinized by many people at once in a non-biased setting that shouldn't warrant comments it is a lot harder for me to deal with. Not sure if anyone can back me up on this but thats how I feel about it. High school and college were different but, the YMCA for example. C'mon, do I have to hear about it?

Nate

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

I always wanted to FEEL like I was big enough to be an exhibitionist. Since I'm a grower, not a shower, I was always a little hesitant and kept a piece of clothing or towel near by. However, nudity in and of itself has never bothered me much except for during my teen years I was ridiculed severly by my dad about being so skinny and scrawny. It has stayed with me a lot of year, but things are better. (We have made peace with each other and it's all good.) After going through a lot of serious life changes including therapy, drugs, and divorce and now remarriage, I started working out and my present wife affectionately calls me "Adonis." (But she is a goddess, and I bow to her. I feel a bit underqualified for her pet name.)

Now, nearing 50, and looking more like 30, I feel more confidence and have no problems with nudity, but it isn't my focus. I agree that the DIFFERENCES between us make us a work of art. There are beautiful small guys, and beautlful large guys. Conversely, there are ugly small and ugly large, and so often I have determined that by personality, not by looks alone. However, for what it's worth, I am a quick admirer of a large cock, but it also depends on the personality attached to it.

So, I guess in summation, (sorry for the epistle on this) I don't "brag" by showing off because I don't feel the need. (I'm only 8.25x5.75, which is considered large by many, but not around these parts&#33 I do enjoy honest compliments, and thankfully, both my wife and I do get hit on by same sex and opposite sex. I just thank them for the compliment, but say I'm in a monogamous relationship. She bats her eyes, and says, "I'm married to Adonis and he's hung like a horse." how lucky can a guy get.

 

[B_UNKNOWN321]

Originally posted by Mr.Stout@Mar 6 2005, 05:46 PM
I am sure many can't understand why, but for me having my size has made me more selfconscious then before and I don't think "hey look at me I am big and manly, doesn't everyone want to have what I have!" Perhaps it is from too many years of teasing and torment through my teen years. The only time I will get naked infront of anyone other then my wife, is for life and death situations as has occurred in hypothermic situations. Again most I beleive will think that is odd and that I have nothing to shirk from, but I can't change how I feel or have been conditioned to feel, just because many of you have said otherwise. That is why I am here because I want to change this!

[post=288793]Quoted post[/post]​

I react just as you have to thought of being naked except in an ambulance and unconscious. Even at 8-10 in semi to full erection which hopefully would not occur in public and a full 6 flaccid I still cannot bring myself purposely to want any observers. I thought I would enjoy being the envy of those who could glance a peek at a dick even when shriveled that still had lots left over after being threaded through several layers of clothes at a urinal -- it didn't happen. We all need to take a pill about our dick hangups whether it is absurdy prideful attitudes or something bordering on shame. Crazy, ain't it.

 

[Bananaman]

Yes, it's crazy, but since we don't have an anti-hangup pill we all have to deal with our own problems as best we can. I've found that for myself, going back and looking at situations from my past is one way to help myself "get over it". Sort of being my own therapist, I guess, but re-examining things from an adult perspective seems to take the edge off of them. For example, I can think of many times when my reaction to a comment, or to teasing, simply encouraged the other person to keep going. I reacted as an insecure kid instead of acting like I wasn't bothered in the slightest by what they said. Had I not made my discomfort known, or even better, laughed and agreed with whatever was said, I probably wouldn't even remember those times today. (Obviously, this is childhood and teen-age stuff, but that's where most of our hang-ups come from.)

I remember the first time I was really made to feel self-concious about my penis, and it's a good example of how we get our hang-ups.
I was at a friend's house with several other kids. It was a hot day, and there was a brand new swimming pool in the back yard, freshly installed. The obvious suggestion was made, and the other kids, who all lived nearby, went to get their swimsuits. I lived considerably farther away, so my friend said he'd get me one of his older brother's old suits to wear. What he got me was an old "racing suit" that was a couple of sizes too big. It was just thin nylon, but at the time I didn't think much about it, being glad that I didn't have to pedal my bike for an hour to get one of my own. I put it on and headed for the pool.

I was in the water when the other kids joined us, but the first time I got out one of them said something like, "Hey, look who's got a boner!". It took me a moment to realize he was talking about me, but when I did I was surprised. Of course, I denied it, but the teasing started. Trouble was, I really wasn't hard. The more I tried to convince the other boys they were wrong, the more they teased, and the more my embarassment grew. What really capped it was when we got out of the pool and got dressed. The same kid that made the original comment looked right at my crotch and said, "Look! He's still got a boner!". (This is after we were dressed). The teasing started anew, and continued until I left to go home. For weeks afterward, every time I saw one of those boys, I'd get something like, "Still got a stiffy, huh?"

Point is, if I'd reacted with a "so what" attitude, instead of being embarassed, the teasing would have died away and I'd have forgotten the whole incident. Instead, I became aware that I showed and let it bother me, thus giving birth to the beginnings of a major hang-up. I think I was all of 11 years old, maybe 12.

OK, so much for my pathetic attempts at self analysis, but for me, it helps. I'm not over my penis hang-up, but I'm making progress. A couple of years ago, I couldn't have even brought myself to type this out. Maybe soon I'll be able to do it without blushing!

B-man

 

[B_UNKNOWN321]

Originally posted by Bananaman@Apr 6 2005, 06:33 PM
Yes, it's crazy, but since we don't have an anti-hangup pill we all have to deal with our own problems as best we can. I've found that for myself, going back and looking at situations from my past is one way to help myself "get over it". Sort of being my own therapist, I guess, but re-examining things from an adult perspective seems to take the edge off of them. For example, I can think of many times when my reaction to a comment, or to teasing, simply encouraged the other person to keep going. I reacted as an insecure kid instead of acting like I wasn't bothered in the slightest by what they said. Had I not made my discomfort known, or even better, laughed and agreed with whatever was said, I probably wouldn't even remember those times today. (Obviously, this is childhood and teen-age stuff, but that's where most of our hang-ups come from.)

I remember the first time I was really made to feel self-concious about my penis, and it's a good example of how we get our hang-ups.
I was at a friend's house with several other kids. It was a hot day, and there was a brand new swimming pool in the back yard, freshly installed. The obvious suggestion was made, and the other kids, who all lived nearby, went to get their swimsuits. I lived considerably farther away, so my friend said he'd get me one of his older brother's old suits to wear. What he got me was an old "racing suit" that was a couple of sizes too big. It was just thin nylon, but at the time I didn't think much about it, being glad that I didn't have to pedal my bike for an hour to get one of my own. I put it on and headed for the pool.

I was in the water when the other kids joined us, but the first time I got out one of them said something like, "Hey, look who's got a boner!". It took me a moment to realize he was talking about me, but when I did I was surprised. Of course, I denied it, but the teasing started. Trouble was, I really wasn't hard. The more I tried to convince the other boys they were wrong, the more they teased, and the more my embarassment grew. What really capped it was when we got out of the pool and got dressed. The same kid that made the original comment looked right at my crotch and said, "Look! He's still got a boner!". (This is after we were dressed). The teasing started anew, and continued until I left to go home. For weeks afterward, every time I saw one of those boys, I'd get something like, "Still got a stiffy, huh?"

Point is, if I'd reacted with a "so what" attitude, instead of being embarassed, the teasing would have died away and I'd have forgotten the whole incident. Instead, I became aware that I showed and let it bother me, thus giving birth to the beginnings of a major hang-up. I think I was all of 11 years old, maybe 12.

OK, so much for my pathetic attempts at self analysis, but for me, it helps. I'm not over my penis hang-up, but I'm making progress. A couple of years ago, I couldn't have even brought myself to type this out. Maybe soon I'll be able to do it without blushing!

B-man

[post=297789]Quoted post[/post]​

I never had that happen, but I can feel the blood in my face put there apparently as a sympathetic blush for you. Sorry you experienced that -- it seems funny to me I never did such things as torment anyone about anything that they could not change -- may have kidded someone about something they said or some quirky behavior, but not their body. I guess I was picked on enough not even dare let such thoughts enter the brain.

 

[Bananaman]

Motlissof, Thanks for the sympathy blush. Truth is, we all have memories of embarassing moments, and for some reason they tend to stick with us. Funny how the mind works, isn't it? That's the rub, though, and I firmly believe it's the cause of many hang-ups, whatever they may be. Trust me, I've got many memories of incidents like that one, and each one added to my self conciousness. Of course, I was a very insecure teen anyway, which only added to the problem, but I think most of us were insecure at that age.

On the bright side, though, those experiences could have turned me into a mean and bitter person, but they didn't. They had the opposite effect, and instead I became a very tolerant person, particularly of those who were viewed as different for any reason. If there's a silver lining to the cloud, that's it as far as I'm concerened. All of life's lessons add up to the total of who we are, and mine taught me well. For all my complaining, it was a pretty good trade-off. (Notice me patting myself on the back here. More self-therapy LOL).

Anyway, it's time for me to shut up now, before I bore everyone utterly to death. Back soon.

B-man

 

[steve319]

I totally agree with what you guys are saying here. We all have our own personal baggage relating to our sexual development and the general discomfort of the teen years, and I think we do have to work our way through that and find a way to get past it all. Sort of as you said: be our own therapists.

And the LPSG is our group therapy session. That's why I'm here: the opportunity to learn and grow from the similar (and dissimilar) experiences of others. I think we can all help one another let go of some of that ego and worry that's all tied up in our private parts.

Not boring at all, Bananaman. Great observations. Thanks for taking the time to share with the rest of us.

steve

 

[Mr.Stout]

Originally posted by Bananaman@Apr 6 2005, 06:33 PM
Point is, if I'd reacted with a "so what" attitude, instead of being embarassed, the teasing would have died away and I'd have forgotten the whole incident. Instead, I became aware that I showed and let it bother me, thus giving birth to the beginnings of a major hang-up. I think I was all of 11 years old, maybe 12.

OK, so much for my pathetic attempts at self analysis, but for me, it helps. I'm not over my penis hang-up, but I'm making progress. A couple of years ago, I couldn't have even brought myself to type this out. Maybe soon I'll be able to do it without blushing!
B-man

From what I can tell you have actually pin pointed and described one of the defining moments that "caused" the feeling you now have, or did have. Many people would have said just as you did in replying with the so what attitude and moved on. It is this same attitude that many people now have that can't comprehend the problem as it now exists, because for them it never would have and never will.
It takes special cercumstances for people to be able to connect and TRULY relate to each other, its more then just having "things" (ie a big penis) in common, but actual similar emotions and feeling allow for a deeper communication. I have found that it is only those who have had "it" can ever understand.
Let me tell you now, I feel it!

In spanish class we English speakers are taught to say "Lo siento" when saying I am sorry, but its literal translation is "I feel it"

 

[Freddie53]

Yes, childhood traumas stay with us. In my case, I never thought much about the penis until fifth grade. In the restroom one day a boy saw mine which was nothing new. I wasn't in the least modest at that time. But he started the teasing. As a fifth grader I don't know what he had, but he thought mine was funny. He laughed and told all the boys how funny it looked and short. Now in fifth grade I am sure he didn't qualify for this group. But, no guy ever saw me nude again for years except my brother. I even became modest around my dad in time as the trauma of it all just grew. Not that anyone ever said anything cause I never gave them a chance to. I gave up playing football, swimming and all the things I wanted to do to see that I would never go through that again.

Then I find out that guys with the real large penises have it rough as well.

And the poor adult guys with erections of less than three inches usually have a very serious complex.

Why do we humans have to act this way. Why should a body part that is in our culture hidden most of the time totally dictate our every choice in life?

I do love the people here. It is rare to see anyone posting saying anything ugly about someone's penis here, very rare. I am not talking about the trolls. That is a totally different matter.

 

[13788]

BlondBoy_16: I dont find it gives me more confidence at all,I cannot stand being naked in the showers at school because I have taken more than my fair share of teasing being a shower rather than a grower.I think I am going to invest in some long shorts like Dr Rock.

 

[Freddie53]

Originally posted by BlondBoy_16@Apr 7 2005, 08:25 AM
I dont find it gives me more confidence at all,I cannot stand being naked in the showers at school because I have taken more than my fair share of teasing being a shower rather than a grower.I think I am going to invest in some long shorts like Dr Rock.

[post=298029]Quoted post[/post]​

That teasing is a form of flattery. Don't think for a moment if a ginnie came into the showers and said to one of them. If you like I will switch dicks on you two guys. Yea, they would go for it.

Or if the ginnie said you guys all must have the same dick now which one here is the model we are gong to use. It would be you.

I suggest that you first don't show embarassment, laugh if you can. and don't over try to cover up. They will catch that. They have already seen what you have.

If you had the personality which some guys do, the way to stop it is to just be an exhibitionist and parade around them. Eventually they would fell uncomfortable. But it could backfire and they say you were gay coming on to them. So don't do this, unless you know you can pull it off. Just a little too much of this and then you would have a new set of problems to deal with.

MOST OF ALL: DON'T BE EMBARASSED ABOUT YOUR DICK. YOU STILL ARE. YOU AREN'T USED TO THIS BIG PIECE OF MEAT HANING THERE AND ARE SELF-CONCIOUS. THAT WILL WEAR OFF SOME EVENTUALLY.

Good luck

 

[steve319]

It takes special cercumstances for people to be able to connect and TRULY relate to each other, its more then just having "things" (ie a big penis) in common, but actual similar emotions and feeling allow for a deeper communication.

[post=297914]Quoted post[/post]​

You've nailed it, Mr.Stout. And that's one thing I find so right about the LPSG. So many here share those same real, down-to-Earth ways of relating to their own lives and to the world. And while I'm new to this place, I have yet to find anyone being cruel or malicious in their replies.

Maybe I'm just not falling into those threads, but I think it has more to do with the fantastic people here.

And Freddie53, that's a great way to think about the jealously issue. I'm certain that any one of them would trade in a minute.

 

[Papa Kork]

I recall telling this before somewhere but, I just thought I was larger soft than anyone else in my locker room and I just thought they got the same size I did when they got an erection. Health teacher told us that a small guy and a big guy usually get about the same size when they get hard. I went to camp and saw several guys with early morning piss hards and they were not anywhere near what I was. I mean I had more soft tham they had erect. I just thought they were small when they got erect. Then I found out that I was above average soft and hard.
I guess I don't really mind comments that seem to flatter me but I get tired of the old jokes about my size. Ones like, do you have a permit to carry that weapon or, do you pay a tax on that member??? Do you feel light headed or pass out when you get a hard on??? All kinds of jokes. I even have been asked if I need help getting my sweater off. ( I am hairy)...I don't ever come back with hateful remarks to the people that make the remarks, But, sometimes it does make me feel bad. I have been told that they just say things because they wish they had what I had. I am not sure about that. I just wish some people would think before they talk...