confidence issue

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by leejt11986, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. leejt11986

    leejt11986 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2010
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Maryland
    Im 23 and have never had a serious relationship. I went on dates in high school, and I have no problem talking to women in general. Now Im at the point in my life where I want to fall in Love. Everytime I think I have feelings for someone I always back out because I start picturing the negative parts of everything.

    My question is how do I stop thinking so negatively and just ask someone out?How do I pick up on signals that she's interested and I should take a shot?
     
  2. xxxllover

    xxxllover New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2010
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    I think you'll just fall in love one day despite yourself and everything else will come up naturally.
     
  3. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    3,291
    Likes Received:
    6
    Stop searching and it will come along.I know it's the old cliche but it is true.

    Unbeknown to you you will be sending the 'desperate' vibe out and that's scary,especially in the dating stages.

    Take each day as it comes and i reckon you will fare better.
     
  4. wallyj84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,742
    Likes Received:
    682
    You seem to be in a very similar situation to me. I'm 25 and still have not had a serious relationship.

    I think you should take some time to reflect on yourself and figure out what is keeping you from developing a serious romantic connection with women and figure out if this flaw is fixable or not.

    If it's fixable, fix it and move on with your life. Get married, raise kids, etc. If it's not something that you can change, then your best option is to give up on ever being in a serious relationship.
     
  5. B_Craiggers

    B_Craiggers New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    786
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southeast, USA
    Stop searching and it will come along.

    I'll add to this that it will come along, but you do have to be in the kind of social settings where you are meeting and talking to people. She won't just show up at your doorstep.

    If you aren't meeting many people through work, take some electives at the local college (especially sociology type courses that have a discussion group attached to them). Find some way to enjoy your hobbies in a social setting (join a group of enthusiasts or something). Etc. Anything, really, so long as it puts you out there some in a way that's enjoyable to you regardless of whether or not you find someone through it.

    I'd advise against trying to meet people at bars, but I don't drink so that could be bias.:tongue:
     
  6. Crex

    Crex Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2005
    Messages:
    338
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    78
    Gender:
    Male
    I think you make your mistake when you expect too much from the on-set of a relationship. Love at first sight is something that most probably only happens in the movies, so quit idealizing what love is and you'll have a better chance of finding it.

    Get to know someone before beginning a relationship with them. Take it slow, and accept from the start that the other person is just as flawed and complicated as you are. If you always shoot for perfection, you're most likely going to be disappointed time and time again.

    As nice as love is, in all definitions of the word, you have to accept that there is a messy, jealous, and ugly side to it as well. Once you stop idealizing it and accept it for what it is, I'm sure you'll find it.

    Be patient and good luck.
     
  7. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
     
  8. hung

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,766
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    I would second the comment made by Crex.

    It will happen. Where are you socializing now?

    Find a Faith Group and participate.

    Join a Club in your area of interest.

    All kinds of settings where you can meet people.

    Some have even met in the Laundry.

    Have fun and enjoy life.

    Never give up on yourself.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted