confidence issue

[leejt11986]

Im 23 and have never had a serious relationship. I went on dates in high school, and I have no problem talking to women in general. Now Im at the point in my life where I want to fall in Love. Everytime I think I have feelings for someone I always back out because I start picturing the negative parts of everything.

My question is how do I stop thinking so negatively and just ask someone out?How do I pick up on signals that she's interested and I should take a shot?

 

[xxxllover]

I think you'll just fall in love one day despite yourself and everything else will come up naturally.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Stop searching and it will come along.I know it's the old cliche but it is true.

Unbeknown to you you will be sending the 'desperate' vibe out and that's scary,especially in the dating stages.

Take each day as it comes and i reckon you will fare better.

 

[wallyj84]

You seem to be in a very similar situation to me. I'm 25 and still have not had a serious relationship.

I think you should take some time to reflect on yourself and figure out what is keeping you from developing a serious romantic connection with women and figure out if this flaw is fixable or not.

If it's fixable, fix it and move on with your life. Get married, raise kids, etc. If it's not something that you can change, then your best option is to give up on ever being in a serious relationship.

 

[B_Craiggers]

Stop searching and it will come along.

I'll add to this that it will come along, but you do have to be in the kind of social settings where you are meeting and talking to people. She won't just show up at your doorstep.

If you aren't meeting many people through work, take some electives at the local college (especially sociology type courses that have a discussion group attached to them). Find some way to enjoy your hobbies in a social setting (join a group of enthusiasts or something). Etc. Anything, really, so long as it puts you out there some in a way that's enjoyable to you regardless of whether or not you find someone through it.

I'd advise against trying to meet people at bars, but I don't drink so that could be bias.:tongue:

 

[Crex]

I think you make your mistake when you expect too much from the on-set of a relationship. Love at first sight is something that most probably only happens in the movies, so quit idealizing what love is and you'll have a better chance of finding it.

Get to know someone before beginning a relationship with them. Take it slow, and accept from the start that the other person is just as flawed and complicated as you are. If you always shoot for perfection, you're most likely going to be disappointed time and time again.

As nice as love is, in all definitions of the word, you have to accept that there is a messy, jealous, and ugly side to it as well. Once you stop idealizing it and accept it for what it is, I'm sure you'll find it.

Be patient and good luck.

 

[earllogjam]

Everytime I think I have feelings for someone I always back out because I start picturing the negative parts of everything.

Try picturing the POSITIVE parts of everything. Force yourself.

Nothing more unattractive than a pesimistic person that gives nothing a chance and sees only the worst in people. Women can read that kind of energy from the get go. Maybe that's why you are having such a hard time finding love. You attract what you give out.

 

[hung]

I would second the comment made by Crex.

It will happen. Where are you socializing now?

Find a Faith Group and participate.

Join a Club in your area of interest.

All kinds of settings where you can meet people.

Some have even met in the Laundry.

Have fun and enjoy life.

Never give up on yourself.