Confidence techniques

TwinTigers

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Hello all,

So, essentially, as of late I've been having some self confidence issues regarding...well everything. And also I have been noticing myself comparing a lot more then I did, which is then being turned into thoughts of "I'm not X" etc. And I'd like to ask you lot how you deal with everyday issues around your image, but also more specifically around your sizes.

For example, I have a lot of trouble sleeping. And I get very confused almost when I wake up, so much so, sometimes I dont know what day it is etc. So I have a small sentence, where I repeat what the time is, and the day (guess sometimes) when I wake up, and it kind of fixes it.

I was thinking something along the lines of this for my self image issues, so as to enforce or re-enforce the idea, that I'm OK. If you get me.

TL:DR = How do you guys deal with your confidence levels and self image?
 

Baoka

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I've had body issues before. Exercise would be the first thing that helped me overcome them. Being overly self-conscious of physical appearance can be solved pretty easily if you have the interest and ability to make physical improvements. That and exercise feels like an achievement, and that will do your self-esteem good to know you did something difficult. The reward for doing something can just be having done it.

Then post work out I look myself up and down, and occasionally give myself a pep talk full of love, praise, and camaraderie. "Holy shit! Its you, you sexy bastard, clearly you're doing something right! People come into the world with different talents, but, bro, you came in with all the right tools! *FLEX!!!*"

Its silly, but it feels good to appreciate myself.

One line I picked up in speech class is, "If you don't tell them something is wrong, they probably won't notice." People can be perceptive, but no one is a mind reader, so whatever things you might perceive to be wrong likely won't occur to them. So why fuss?
 
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deleted349934

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In addition to the post above-- I'd recommend you to pick up the book "the game" by Neil Strauss.. Great advice and pretty funny/easy read- please trust me on this one- n if you do, you'll thank me later
 
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long_uncut

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Your photos show you to be a slim guy with a terrific package to be really proud of so you have all of the basics any man wants. At your age not all guys have actually finished growing. If you are concerned about your physique do as Baoka suggests and start a weight lifting program and exercise in general but not just running your legs off. The weights help build muscle. And you don't have to go to a gym, check the Net for pointers or ask around here for more tips. Some guys get the ideal bodies we all admire but some of us just feel better about ourselves after a workout. Talk yourself into being confident in how you look. Positive thinking is a key to self-confidence.
 
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Learning to concentrate on the positive aspects of yourself and your life - rather than the negative ones, works for me. The negative is still there, but the more you concentrate on things you like - the more important they'll seem in comparison.

Donk's book sounds good - sometimes that can help, because you're talked through strategies to help you feel better about yourself. Another one is 'Manage Ur Mind' - which deals with all sorts of things, not just self-image.

Finally... you've made a great impression on here so far, you seem like a lovely lad, with a hot bod. ;) Getting to recognise when you're doing yourself down (and not being as generous to yourself as you would be to others) is a critical step, because then you can stop it each time you notice it happening - and switch your brain onto thinking about good things you've done - or happy times, etc etc. :)

Good luck, Twigs!
 

TwinTigers

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Thank you for your responses so far.

Exercise was the key thing to keep my confidence up in the past. I use to do it 3 times a week...nowadays I'm lucky if I go once in 3 weeks. I have a swimmers body, I use to swim for my town, I'm good at it, and it gives me a great feeling, but because I havent done it in so long, I've become terrible. Can barely get my form right :( I guess I'm struggling with a lack of determination. More then anything.

Also I have read that book, It's ... interesting.

I already go to counselling for how I feel etc, (I'm not a psycho, don't worry!) which helps, but its still just getting through the stress of living where I am (which will change in september!!!) and also general comparison to other guys. Which is stupid to do, I know, but I still do it!

Thank you for your compliments....that really wasn't the reason I posted this. I genuinely wanted some ideas to bounce around between people etc. But thank you nonetheless.

I will hopefully be starting martial arts again in september thanks to my new place being so cheap. Which should help. Seeing as I use to do Karate when I was young, and then Shaolin Kung fu when I lived in London. So yeah, hopefully my body will look like Bruce Lee in about 6 months :p Then new pics for Sassy to perv over ;) hah.

Any more replies would be appreciated.
 

twoton

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There are two ways to increase self-confidence: be born with it, or earn it.

Looks like you weren't born with it, so you're gonna have to earn it. If you identify areas you need to boost, put yourself into situations where you feel weak. For example, if you needed confidence with public speaking, you would put yourself in situations where you'd have to speak to audiences. Of course, you get started in a safe, supportive, nurturing environment.
 
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798686

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Thank you for your responses so far.

Exercise was the key thing to keep my confidence up in the past. I use to do it 3 times a week...nowadays I'm lucky if I go once in 3 weeks. I have a swimmers body, I use to swim for my town, I'm good at it, and it gives me a great feeling, but because I havent done it in so long, I've become terrible. Can barely get my form right :( I guess I'm struggling with a lack of determination. More then anything.

Also I have read that book, It's ... interesting.

I already go to counselling for how I feel etc, (I'm not a psycho, don't worry!) which helps, but its still just getting through the stress of living where I am (which will change in september!!!) and also general comparison to other guys. Which is stupid to do, I know, but I still do it!

Thank you for your compliments....that really wasn't the reason I posted this. I genuinely wanted some ideas to bounce around between people etc. But thank you nonetheless.

I will hopefully be starting martial arts again in september thanks to my new place being so cheap. Which should help. Seeing as I use to do Karate when I was young, and then Shaolin Kung fu when I lived in London. So yeah, hopefully my body will look like Bruce Lee in about 6 months :p Then new pics for Sassy to perv over ;) hah.

Any more replies would be appreciated.
Exercise is good - sounds like you're too busy at the mo, and could do with some down time to work out or relax. Any chance of dropping a couple of shifts at work?

I had counselling too man, don't worry. Late teens/early 20s are a pretty demanding time, and lots of people find that spell traumatic. Being talked through strategies to deal with it seems like a practical and sensible way to make things better. :)

Karate sounds like a plan, too. :)
 

D_gresh0214

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With regards to size there's nothing (as far as I know) that you can do about it. I had a few issues about the same thing for a couple of weeks but I just sort of learnt to accept it.

I suppose it helped that I kind of threw myself in to going to the gym around that time. So I guess if you find an activity to distract you like a hobby, sport or just going to the gym that might help. After I did that, the whole issue didn't really seem to matter so much, if at all anymore...

Hope that helps :)
 
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751175

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I've had self confidence problems too, over the years I developed a the ability to misrepresent the down sides of my body making it a virtue:

ex: i'm very skinny (like much people LOVE to say in a melodramatic way) = I'm compact, i do what everyone does occupying less space ;)

or my favorite:

"you're just bones" ("the same that above") = is to compensate for the meatloaf.

After all, all is relative, we just need to turn the right amount to make a down side turn into virtue ;)
 

nekkidstr8

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There's the old phrase: Every day, in every way, I get better, and better; but then I forget to think it, and get caught up in negative thoughts.