Conflicted about sexual attraction

[B_jeepguy2]

Letting society dictate who you are physically attracted to doesn't mean you "grew up". If anything, it means you lack the maturity to make your own personal decisions regarding your physical attraction.

Society is going against nature really. Men and women reach sexual maturity at age 13 or 14 just like they always have and up until about 100 years ago most got married at that age because average life expectancy was 35 or 40 years.

Now people are putting off getting married and having kids until their late 20s or into their 30s which is why there are so many fertility clinics spring up everywhere. Most of these women who need fertility treatments could have had a kid in their teens but now that they are 30+ they have issues because their fertility is not what it was when they first reached sexual maturity.

 

[maxcok]

Letting society dictate who you are physically attracted to doesn't mean you "grew up". If anything, it means you lack the maturity to make your own personal decisions regarding your physical attraction.

You're calling me immature? Oh brother.

What makes you think I let society dictate my morality and physical attractions?

Before you answer that, you might be interested to know that I am well past 50% gay, among other things.

 

[Pendlum]

A 13 year old girl may be mature enough to reproduce, but they aren't fully matured, that's a fact. Body brain development is still going strong at that age.

As for women having trouble giving birth in their late 20s, I haven't heard much of that. Late 30s and into the 40s, yeah, I've heard of that. But if you want to use that argument, what about all the complications that go along with teen pregnancies, jeep?

 

[helgaleena]

Some people can't find the people their own age sexually attractive. Sad but true. The disparity cuts both ways, people who only go for older and people who only go for younger. Does the fact that I finally find men my own age sexy mean i am more mature? Because the media wants me to lust over young bodies and constantly tells me so.

When I was young myself the men my age were beautiful but not satisfying because inside they were the same age as outside. Now I have a great and sexy interior and an increasingly pruney exterior. Media tells me I'm out of luck. Good old real life reassures me that a select few can still appreciate me.

 

[KTF40]

You're calling me immature? Oh brother.

What makes you think I let society dictate my morality and physical attractions?

Before you answer that, you might be interested to know that I am well past 50% gay, among other things.

Because there are tons of people who are under legal age (or 14 years old in the context of this thread) who are as physically mature if not more physically mature than people of legal age. Even in the case of myself, I could grow a full beard my junior year in high school and being taller and physically stronger compared to most of my classmates could have at the very least passed for a college student. To say in a rude and condescending tone that "I've grown up", as if you are more mature now, and that explains why you are no longer attracted to people under age is either flat out lie or letting society dictate your physical attractions. The idea that you've "grown up" has no bearing on your physical attraction. It may effect who you are generally attracted to and interested in, like you know how people say, "I'm not interested in younger people because they are not mentally mature enough for me or it's difficult to relate to them", but even that statement has nothing to do with physical attraction.

And I couldn't care less whether you are gay are not. There are no laws in this country that make being gay illegal while there are laws in this country that attempt to prevent sexual actions between an adult and a minor which is why adults (such as the OP ITT) question whether his attraction was wrong because of the common belief that if the law says it's wrong it must be wrong.

 

[KTF40]

A 13 year old girl may be mature enough to reproduce, but they aren't fully matured, that's a fact. Body brain development is still going strong at that age.

That's true, but there are still plenty of 13 year old girls and boys who either are or appear to be more physically mature than people over the age of 18. I know that may not apply to the point your making, but is still relevant to this thread.

 

[dandelion]

up until about 100 years ago most got married at that age because average life expectancy was 35 or 40 years.

You may mean, average life expectancy was 35 or 40 years, which considering a lot never got to grow up, means that if you did live long enough to get married you had a good expectation of managing rather more than the average. It is still true. If you make it to 60 you chances of making 90 are much better than when you were just 6. so this argument for early marriage can be overstated.

I would suggest instead that people nowadays are much more concerned about risk to their children than previously. If you had ten children, 2 or 3 died, you worried less about each individual. Now your one child is exceedingly precious and not to risked in an early marriage which will ruin their future prospects. So some bright spark has created child protection laws to keep the baddies away.

 

[Channelwood]

Well, as a girl, I recommend you say something else. Something, like, "Hi! (BIG SMILE) You are very pretty and I would like to take you to dinner." You'll get a much more positive response. Guys have said similar things to me in person like you said above and guess what I did? Flew like a Bat out of hell! Not a good come on line.

I was being a bit flippant. While the thought flashed through my mind, it's *never* something that I would have actually said. It was just my gut reaction to an instant and very strong sexual attraction.

 

[Nekoman]

Having a teenage daughter has almost cured me of lusting after under-age girls.

 

[curioustitan]

Having a teenage daughter has almost cured me of lusting after under-age girls.

"Almost?"

 

[petite]

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. I can be really hard to tell.

It's what you do that matters and reveals your true character, not the fleeting thoughts that cross your mind that you don't act upon.

There was one memorable experience when I was 21 and I was with two friends who were just a little bit older than me and all three of us were flirting with a guy that we thought was older than all of us, and drop dead gorgeous, only to discover after at least an hour of shameless flirtation that he was only 17! If he hadn't told us his real age, one of us would have taken him home and boinked his brains out, but the boy was honest with us, and we all turned beet red with embarrassment. I know that he was above the age of consent, but I still felt like I had just been about to molest an innocent boy and the fact that I couldn't tell that he was still in high school freaked me out! That sort of thing just happens.

 

[maxcok]

Because there are tons of people who are under legal age (or 14 years old in the context of this thread) who are as physically mature if not more physically mature than people of legal age. Even in the case of myself, I could grow a full beard my junior year in high school and being taller and physically stronger compared to most of my classmates could have at the very least passed for a college student. To say in a rude and condescending tone that "I've grown up", as if you are more mature now, and that explains why you are no longer attracted to people under age is either flat out lie or letting society dictate your physical attractions. The idea that you've "grown up" has no bearing on your physical attraction. It may effect who you are generally attracted to and interested in, like you know how people say, "I'm not interested in younger people because they are not mentally mature enough for me or it's difficult to relate to them", but even that statement has nothing to do with physical attraction.

I'm not sexually attracted to children. I haven't been attracted to children since I was a child myself. In fact, I've never been attracted to people who are significantly younger than me. It has nothing to do with societal pressure. It has to do with maturity. And don't exaggerate my comment and pretend like your widdle feelings were hurt. After all the shit you regularly dish out in the Politics forum? Please. Grow up and act like a man. Okay, that was condescending, but warranted. At any rate, your initial post, the one I responded to, had a very different and disturbing intent than the spin you're trying to put on now. Here:

I don't think it's a big deal. When you were 14, didn't you want to fuck some of the other 14 year old girls in your classes? Now years later, you're worried you might have those same feelings? Seems completely natural to me.

It sounds like a case of arrested development to me, and kinda pervy. I hope you grow out of this.

And I couldn't care less whether you are gay are not. There are no laws in this country that make being gay illegal while there are laws in this country that attempt to prevent sexual actions between an adult and a minor which is why adults (such as the OP ITT) question whether his attraction was wrong because of the common belief that if the law says it's wrong it must be wrong.

Really? Have you heard of DADT? It's illegal to be gay and serve in the armed forces. Not to mention that up until just seven years ago you could still be arrested and imprisoned for same-sex activity in the privacy of your own home in a number of states. That was before the Supreme Court decision in Lawrence v. Texas overturned Bowers v. Hardwick, a decision that I fought for many years as an activist, along with the military bans. Suffice to say, I'm old enough to have bucked societal pressure and broken the law both in and out of bed many times over the years I'm happy to say - but as a consenting adult. Legality aside, there is still plenty of societal pressure and discrimination against LGBT people in this country. You don't know what you're talking about.

As far as laws against the sexual exploitation of minors, there are very good reasons behind them. It's not just an arbitrary social convention designed to thwart your desires to have sex with young girls. It really sounds from your posts that you're trying to justify your desires and consequently resent the social/legal prohibitions, which is disturbing. If you can't figure out why these laws are necessary and appropriate, you'll have to get someone else to explain. I can't be bothered. I've encountered you enough to know you are an argumentative self-righteous twit who has a penchant for spinning things out of context. I'm not going to waste my time.

 

[deleted3782]

I was being a bit flippant. While the thought flashed through my mind, it's *never* something that I would have actually said. It was just my gut reaction to an instant and very strong sexual attraction.

I think some people have an instant and strong sexual reactions...we can't help it. We either do, or we don't. That initial reaction would be followed by an overlay of societal norms and values that would temper your actions, but those norms vary from society to society. Take the Colonial United States for example, where there are examples of very early-aged marriages (presumably followed by sex), but US society has developed an informed understanding that the practice of early marriage/sex is not a healthy one and we modified our legal system to protect the young. Other countries in the world still recognize early marriages/sex...and the age of consent varies from society to society.

So you had an initial sexual reaction, then you tempered it with societal norms. That's how it's supposed to work.

 

[kit_kat]

Just keep in mind that when you have sex with a child you pretty much destroy the chances of that child having a healthy romantic or sexual relationship with a partner when he or she grows up. In other words you are destroying that child's life. This is probably why a lot of people who do this have no qualms about killing the child afterwards because they know they've already ruined the child's future.

I hope reminding yourself of this helps you direct your fantasies in less morally conflicted directions.

 

[KTF40]

I'm not sexually attracted to children. I haven't been attracted to children since I was a child myself.

I don't know what your definition of children is, but I'd have assume under the context of this thread, it's basically anyone under the age of 18. So under that assumption, as soon as you turned 18, you were no longer attracted to people who are 17? That sounds extremely hard to believe, but whatever. It's your life.

And don't exaggerate my comment and pretend like your widdle feelings were hurt. After all the shit you regularly dish out in the Politics forum? Please. Grow up and act like a man. Okay, that was condescending, but warranted.

Your initial comment was rude and condescending. This comment is more of you being rude and condescending. Maybe if you were my friend or someone, I could understand where you're coming from. But you're not. You're just some stranger on a message board who feels that he needs to tell me how much more mature he is than I am. It didn't hurt my feelings, but if you are going to display assholish behavior in this thread, as you have done with your initial post and this subsequent post, don't get your panties in a bunch when I call you out on it.

It sounds like a case of arrested development to me, and kinda pervy. I hope you grow out of this.

I really find it no more perverted than you actually posting on an internet forum for your own personal cocksucker. (And frankly a lot less arrogant too because I don't feel the need to go on and on about how hot I am like you do).

Really? Have you heard of DADT? It's illegal to be gay and serve in the armed forces.

Key words here being "and serve in the armed forces". If I had said there are no laws that state being gay is illegal while serving in the armed forces, your post would be well taken. But I didn't. So your point is irrelevant, as well as the rest of your rant because as you stated, those laws aren't even valid anymore.

As far as laws against the sexual exploitation of minors, there are very good reasons behind them. It's not just an arbitrary social convention designed to thwart your desires to have sex with young girls. It really sounds from your posts that you're trying to justify your desires and consequently resent the social/legal prohibitions, which is disturbing. If you can't figure out why these laws are necessary and appropriate, you'll have to get someone else to explain. I can't be bothered. I've encountered you enough to know you are an argumentative self-righteous twit who has a penchant for spinning things out of context. I'm not going to waste my time.

Oh wow, more name calling. What a surprise, it only took you three posts to resort to name calling. And even in the first post, you still acted like a rude and condescending little prick.

 

[BBCP]

But I still felt really weird for awhile afterwards having had really graphically sexual thoughts about someone who *might* have been way underage.

That quote right there tells you all you need to know. You're fine. Your morals are in the right place. In sex, if something causes you an issue you analyze it and decide what to do about it. That's exactly what you did here, and you finally erred (or not) on the side of caution.

Are fantasies about this girlwoman wrong? No. They're fantasies. Daydreams. Your mind working through desires that you either can't or won't act on in real life. Use the image of the girlwoman, make her 18 in your mind, and be fine. In real life, only sleep with people that make you comfortable. If you have to ask a woman for her license to make sure she's over the age of consent, well, go for it. I've done it to some of the guys I've slept with.

Now... To Maxcock: Consider this. When I was 19, my boyfriend was 17. Was that wrong? The age of consent in the state I was living at the time was 18, and it was pre-Lawrence. I had been dating him since I was 17 and he was 16, about a year and a half. We met on a University campus where I was attending school. At the time I thought he was a student too, not just visiting a friend. Granted, it's not the age difference the OP was facing, but it's still something that by your posts it seems you'd demonize as "pervy."

Also, being gay is not illegal now. As you stated, Lawrence v. Texas ended that. DADT, while still abhorrent, pertains to a voluntary entity in our society. Talk to me again if the draft it reinstated.

Something else to take into account: How many of us here slept with people over the age of 18 when we were teens? I know I did, almost exclusively. The reason, fear. I was afraid of how my peers would react, because I had never met another person who was gay and my age. I didn't until I was 16. By that time I had been sleeping with guys for at least a year, guys I had told I was 18, and who were in their 30s. There was no authority manipulation, and by NO means did having sex as a "child" as it has been put screw me up. Was what I did wrong? Probably, but I didn't care. I was a horny teen male. I fully admit that back then I was the predator. It happens, and society should realize this. There are predators out there, but sometimes they are the ones who are "underage." That's why today I have the rule of carding anyone who is questionable that I may want to hook up with.

 

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

Something else to take into account: How many of us here slept with people over the age of 18 when we were teens? I know I did, almost exclusively. The reason, fear. I was afraid of how my peers would react, because I had never met another person who was gay and my age. I didn't until I was 16. By that time I had been sleeping with guys for at least a year, guys I had told I was 18, and who were in their 30s. There was no authority manipulation, and by NO means did having sex as a "child" as it has been put screw me up. Was what I did wrong? Probably, but I didn't care. I was a horny teen male. I fully admit that back then I was the predator. It happens, and society should realize this. There are predators out there, but sometimes they are the ones who are "underage." That's why today I have the rule of carding anyone who is questionable that I may want to hook up with.

When I was 4 ladpss(Los angeles Department of Public Social Services) tried brainwashing me into thinking I was molested by one of my Uncles ..

Then at 13 I was sexually assaulted by another student at my middle school.
that has to be one of the reasons why I dropped out of high school.Because I could not take the anxiety and a bunch of other problems as well.


Never been in a relationship at all.


It really does fuck you up...

 

[BBCP]

Wide Dick I am sorry for what happened to you, but there's a big difference between what you described and what I described. Mine was consensual, yours was not.

I have no doubt that real rape or molestation would truly fuck someone up.

 

[haulthat]

Bottom line. Your sexual interest was gone until you suspected she might have been a woman, and not a girl. I am the same way about guys I don't like twinks, the barely 18 year old boys who still like like a boy, or anything that even points towards the younger ages. On the other hand occasionally there are some seniors in higschool/freshmen in college who look more manly than guys who are 30. Already rockin the facial hair, built like a lumber jack, and all that shit... under those circumstances I am a little conflicted... not because I am into younger guys but because they have features you normally don't see until a man has matured. So as long as your attraction is geared towards the legal kind of attraction, your cool. Just keep in mind if you are even in a situation where a girl looks of age but there is any question of any kind and you could actually go there... make sure to check the ID.

 

[maxcok]

I don't know what your definition of children is, but I'd have assume under the context of this thread, it's basically anyone under the age of 18. So under that assumption, as soon as you turned 18, you were no longer attracted to people who are 17? That sounds extremely hard to believe, but whatever. It's your life.

How about you don't make assumptions about my personal experience or what I think? How about you stop your typical twisting of the facts and spinning what I say in my posts to suit your agenda? As a matter of fact, you're dead wrong. I have long believed that it was ridiculous to assign an arbitrary line for sexual majority that under no circumstances must be crossed. If the age of consent is 18 for example, it makes no sense that a 17yo guy involved with a 16yo girl suddenly becomes a statutory rapist or sex offender on his 18th birthday.
In recent years more and more states have adopted so-called ' 'Romeo and Juliet' rules regarding the age of consent, where a difference of 2 or 3 years makes the line irrelevant. That makes perfect sense to me, but it's very different from what you've described -- wanting to fuck 14yo girls as a 22-23yo man:

I don't think it's a big deal. When you were 14, didn't you want to fuck some of the other 14 year old girls in your classes? Now years later, you're worried you might have those same feelings? Seems completely natural to me.

To which I simply responded:

Some of us grow out of those feelings. Some of us grow up.

Oh how "rude", "condescending", and "assholish" that was.

Your initial comment was rude and condescending. This comment is more of you being rude and condescending. Maybe if you were my friend or someone, I could understand where you're coming from. But you're not. You're just some stranger on a message board who feels that he needs to tell me how much more mature he is than I am. It didn't hurt my feelings, but if you are going to display assholish behavior in this thread, as you have done with your initial post and this subsequent post, don't get your panties in a bunch when I call you out on it.

If I wore panties, believe me, nothing you could say would ever cause them to bunch. And why is it you're allowed to "call me out" but when I "call you out" I'm being "rude", "condescending", and "assholish"? That sounds like a double standard to me. Not to mention, you've used far more insulting, offensive and "assholish" language than I have. Just look at the paragraph I just quoted. It's more "rude, condescending, and assholish", not to mention more childish, than all my posts put together. Not to mention we haven't even come to the rudest part of your post yet.

You're embarrassing yourself with your feigned offense at that innocuous comment. What you're actually freaked out about is that I had the audacity to imply your sexual interest in young girls is at the very least inappropriate and a little disturbing - a view I wouldn't doubt most sensible, ethical, mature people reading this thread would share.

I really find it no more perverted than you actually posting on an internet forum for your own personal cocksucker. (And frankly a lot less arrogant too because I don't feel the need to go on and on about how hot I am like you do).

Really? Where do I "go on and on" about how "hot" I am? I actually make a point NOT to talk up my physical attributes unless I'm just joking around, here or anywhere else. It's partly because I have no pics posted, and though others may talk about their assets in the absence of pics, I personally feel that's kind of phony. But it's mainly because, whether I had pics or not, I just think it's unseemly to brag about yourself. But that's just me, I don't object if others do.

Am I hallucinating, or did you seriously just call me "perverted" because I might be looking for someone who likes to suck dick ON A BIG DICK SEX SITE??!!! Where there are 100's of thousands of hungry cocksuckers actively looking for dicks to suck??? LMFAO!!! Oh god, I feel like such a whore now. LOLOLOL!!!!! You know,
if I did find any cocksuckers here, and maybe I have ;-) I can assure you they'd be of legal age. So I have to disagree with you that it would be just as "perverted" as you wanting to fuck 14 year old girls.

Key words here being "and serve in the armed forces". If I had said there are no laws that state being gay is illegal while serving in the armed forces, your post would be well taken. But I didn't. So your point is irrelevant, as well as the rest of your rant because as you stated, those laws aren't even valid anymore.

My "rant"? Jeezhus. Do you think you'll ever be able to stop twisting and exaggerating long enough to write a single honest paragraph? Why don't you stop your ridiculous tortured semantic exercises and ask the 13,000 proud servicemembers who have been discharged under DADT since it was enacted in '94, and stripped of their honor, their livelihood and their careers, whether there are any laws against being gay in America? Did they cease to be Americans when they entered the service? Many of them were already in the military before the policy went into effect, and many tens of thousands more were dishonorably discharged in the years before the policy took effect. Why don't you ask the tens of thousands of other gay servicemembers currently trying to serve their country with honor and distinction in a war zone, while they have to worry every day about that Sword of Damocles hanging over their head?

As for the rest of my "rant", I was pointing out that up until seven years ago there were many places in the country where gay sex was illegal, though most people probably assumed otherwise, as I'm quite sure you did. Whether it's illegal now is beside the main point, as we were discussing the wider context of societal pressure, social norms and taboos within which these laws are enacted. Believe me, there are still many rural places, small towns, even places in big cities and in the workplace where these societal pressures still exist. So in those places it may as well be illegal, inasmuch as people have to hide their orientation for fear of persecution or violence. Changing the law does not erase discrimination, nor does it remove the pressure put on people in these environments.

But you know, it's pointless to have any kind of discussion with you, much less a discussion on the legal and social issues surrounding LGBT equality, a subject on which you are, not surprisingly, completely ignorant. At any rate, you have introduced this comparison as a red herring, and it is not at all applicable to the discussion. Furthermore, as another poster rightly indicated, comparing sex between two consenting adults of the same gender with the sexual exploitaion and abuse of minors is not only inappropriate, it is flat out offensive

Oh wow, more name calling. What a surprise, it only took you three posts to resort to name calling. And even in the first post, you still acted like a rude and condescending little prick.

I had to rack my brain for a minute, and then I finally remembered yes, I called you a "twit", Was there "more name calling", or are you exaggerating again? Because I can't remember calling you anything but a "twit" -- an "argumentative self-righteous twit" to be exact. Well, I think you proved it, twit. Now good luck proving I have a little prick. :tongue1: