Confused about my friend / boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mjtb1981, Aug 24, 2007.

  1. mjtb1981

    mjtb1981 Member

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    Hi

    Let me know if anyone has any advice for me on this.

    I am pretty much totally in love with my mate, he is perfect (to me anyway), great personality, good sense of humour, fantastic body, huge cock (even bigger than mine!) and has the stamina of an ox!

    We've have been sleeping together for about a year now after a drunken fumble at a friends bday party and we are incredibly close, we've even mentioned moving in together in passing, but neither of us will say how we really feel.

    I'm gay but I'm not camp and neither is he and mushy stuff seems to come hard for both of us. We both pull whenever we go out, sometimes the same guy which is confusing, but I get really jealous when he goes off with someone else and a mutual friend told me so does he when I do.

    I don't know how to tell him how I feel, cos if he doesn't it could ruin our friendship. I tried when I was drunk once (bad idea I know) but he thought I was joking and said he loved me too and then we, well you know and it wasn't mentioned again.

    Going crazy here, any ideas?
     
  2. SpoiledPrincess

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    Sometimes actions speak louder than words, it's easy to say you love someone but not quite so easy to treat them well, to make them feel good about themselves, to make them feel they're the only one in the world. If he acts as if he loves you, if you're exclusive, if you'd rather spend your free time together than do anything else then he's showing you he loves you in his manly macho way :)
     
  3. mjtb1981

    mjtb1981 Member

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    Well we do spend pretty much every evening together, either working out, or watching dvds or something, and we do kind cuddle up on the sofa etc, but when we go out it feels like I'm option 2, but then I guess I do the same to him? I think what I want is to be exclusive with him, but if I say that he might run a mile, he's not so hot on commitment
     
  4. Gay Joe

    Gay Joe New Member

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    Dude be honest with him. Kicking yourself every time he goes off with another guy is your fought. And if it hurts you when he does it why do you go off (or get off) with another guy??
     
  5. mjtb1981

    mjtb1981 Member

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    2 b honest I don't know, I usually have guys come on to me rather than the other way round and when I see him pulling I think well I don't see any harm in it I guess....

    But if I was 'with' him properly I don't think I'd even be interested in anyone else, cos I'd know I'd always be going home with him.... oh that was soppy....
     
  6. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    First you need to know what you want and if that's "soppy" you need to examine the kind of relationship you want to be having with this person. "Soppy" is part and parcel of caring for somebody, soppy is being considerate and caring, thinking about their feelings and a whole lots of things that are "THE RELATIONSHIP" for millions of couples; many of whom don't neccesarily see themselves as soppy- more like "Lovers"


    When you shoot your load and your laying there in the post-coital buzz, ask him, "Where do we stand"...

    If he runs a mile, then perhaps you need to find someone who is able to commit to you as you need them to.

    But without that information your probably going to go mad, and act wierd into the bargain and force the issue one way or another...

    It's time to grab the bull by his horn!
     
  7. mjtb1981

    mjtb1981 Member

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    Well hes coming over tonite and I'm cooking for him, so I think tonite I'll say something to him, broach the subject gentle.

    BTW not got a problem with soppy, just got problem with talkin bout it lol
     
  8. dikkiedik

    dikkiedik Member

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    Why don't you talk with him about this? If you know he always wants to go home with you too maybe than you feel more comfortable. Sometimes love needs words too!
     
  9. rich-9.8

    rich-9.8 New Member

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    Tell him about how you feel. You can be subtle if you want to be, maybe tell him just before you go out one night that you want to score with a hot man that night - him. I'm sure once he realises you aren't looking elsewhere he will see what a good thing he has.
     
  10. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    Overall, theres some pretty darned good advice here.

    The danger with entering into a sustained sexual relationship with someone who is just a friend is what you are dealing with. Especially with the fact that you two were (are) mates.

    One of the two of you will have to show the courage to find out if there is a relationship here. You have to decide whether the pain and uncertainty your are feeling is uncomfortable enough to risk ruining what you have.

    That being said, however, part of being a man is going after what you want. If you want him, then you need to take the risk IMO. It is a bit cliche, but as you get older, it is not the failures that plague your mind. Rather, it is all those missed opportunities, especially the ones we missed due to lack of courage that torture us.
     
  11. Kenyth

    Kenyth New Member

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    OMGosh I can totally understand you Mattbarradell. Im in the exact same situation!

    I have been in love with this mate of mine for over 2 years!!! We are really close...basically exactly same as your situation. you basically wrote my story!

    I was so frustrated that coz it wasn't going no where, so I end up dating a few of the guys I pull, so did he, but none of the relationships worked out because all my bfs 'knows' Im truely inlove with this mate and got real jealous whenever we hang out. This mate of mine done the same too and had many fail relationships.

    But now Im almost glad that we never end up having a relationship, we have such a unique bond already I really don't want to risk anything to change that, Im so glad even all these relationships Ive had in between hasn't change anything between us. There is almost like an instant 'I know' when I look at him, that we both know we really are inloved with each other but somehow just isn't right to have a relationship...

    kinda f***ed up...Im going crazy all the time, but this craziness is also the same force which gives me the butterflies which keeps the flame going between us, maybe this is why we never end up getting closer to kill this flame.

    Let me know how your dinner go if you do talk.. I hope it goes well, if so, it will be a great inspiration for me to do the same.

    Good luck :smile:
     
  12. Kenyth

    Kenyth New Member

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    I always think Im living out the Queer as Folk movie, the stuart allan jones and vince's relationship.. or Brian and Justin in the US version
     
  13. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    Good luck with the evening matbaradell, you know how to ask the questions, just don't labour them, play fair- no emotional hang ups, no martyrdoms. You're looking to find out where things stand, not the end result; I'm afraid that bit might come later.

    Be brave.
     
  14. yngjock20

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    Oooh! I was totally in love with Brian and Justin's storyline. (I know I'm getting off topic, but whatevs.) It was sooo real and even though I was in Jhigh when QAF came on, I could totally relate.

    Anyway, sometimes you can have a relationship that is better in its current state than it would be in a progressed state. Meaning, right now you guys are "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits." It's not the best relationship to have because, mainly, you get all the mixed-up feelings and crossed signals. However, maybe becoming exclusive isn't the best for you guys either.

    There will be a time where you must decide if both of you are completely willing to commit to each other, or if the best thing is to decrease your amount of closeness. Matt, you said that you're pretty sure that your guy isn't too keen on committment, but it seems to me that he just doesn't want to be the one to initiate those talks. If you both get jealous of someone getting in between your relationship, then there's obviously some need to solidify your place in each other's lives.

    Talking about going further in an open conversation, not giving an ultimatum or leaving it up to him to make the decision, is the best way to find out where he stands and what he sees as a good "working" relationship. It doesn't have to be "the talk" that so many people make it seem like it has to be. You can just ask him what he'd like out of a relationship and tell him what your ideas are. It's almost like brainstorming to find the perfect medium.

    Be sure to tell us how it works out, whatever you decide to do.
     
  15. lvsxy808

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    Perhaps you should begin "courting" him. By which I mean, take him out for a nice meal one time. A movie together. Stuff like that.

    Put aside the fact that you're already having sex for the moment. Approach it as you might a brand new relationship, with the slow building of affection and romance. If you take this aspect of it slowly, building it up bit by bit, it won't freak either of you out. That will make your feelings clear I think, without having to necessarily state them out loud until you're both more comfortable with the concept.
     
  16. mjtb1981

    mjtb1981 Member

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    Well I've just had the talk with him.....

    It went well, I asked him where are we? He looked at me blankly and asked what do i mean. I explained how I felt about him and he just kissed me! I mean full on mach me!

    I had to pull back for air eventually and said so... and before I could finish my sentence he told me to Stop, Chev (my best mate) told me everything last week! I've been waiting for you to say something for months. I said well why the hell didn't you! Apparently until my mate had said something he thought I was only interested in fucking him and didn't want more!!

    He was going through what I was going thru!!!! I can't believe it!

    Fuck the mushy stuff after we, well you know we just laid there in each others arms and I cried! Then he cried! I honestly don't think I've had better sex or felt this fucking happy before!!!!!!

    We're going out tomorrow nite and I said so am I coming home with you tomorrow and he just looked at and said "Duh!"

    Mattie B (the happiest he's been in 2 years!!!)
     
  17. yngjock20

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    Good on ya!!! I'm glad it worked out
     
  18. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Good luck to you both. I hope it works out.
     
  19. lvsxy808

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    Aww. Bouncy bouncy bouncy!

    So now we need action photos. You know, just to illustrate.
     
  20. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    Happy happy happy.I'm pleased for you....now, to catch up on all that lost time!- and don't forget to initiate him here too after what you've said...

    Be good to each other-
     
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