Confused About My Relationship & Attraction

ZarbK

Loved Member
Verified
Gold
Account Deletion Pending
Joined
Mar 4, 2019
Posts
163
Media
0
Likes
566
Points
388
Location
Vancouver (British Columbia, Canada)
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
Hey all, asking for some advice here... I'm going to try to describe what's going for on me
I've been seeing a guy that I really like a lot, but somehow I'm not feeling the sexual attraction much at all which leaves me feeling very confused. My guy is cute and good looking with a great body, smart, has a good job, and is really attracted to me. He's told me I'm his first choice which is really flattering. I love spending time with him, he's been really wonderful which makes this all the harder for me because I want to return his sexual attraction but it just hasn't felt quite right somehow... I don't want to hurt him.

We were seeing each other for the last 2-3 months and haven't had much sex, just a few times. I know he's slept with a lot more people than me; I tend to be pretty cautious and reserved in this area and he's had more of a 'hoe' phase lol in the last few years which leaves me feeling concerned that I might have got something from him. His ex gave my guy chlamydia earlier this year and they had the sti testing and antibiotic treatment so they're clear, and I went and got tested which came up negative thank god but I'm still worried about that.

In terms of sex, making out is good but it doesn't seem to get me turned on with him reliably and then my boner kind of just wilts when it comes to sex time. He has an extremely thicc cock :p which freaks me out a bit but is more of a natural bottom and I prefer to top but we have tried both. I have trouble cumming with him topping and bottoming which leads me to feel reluctant to have sex. When I try to top him I can't really feel much which is strange because I've never had this problem before with guys I've dated. I think his ex may have 'stretched' things out down there if you know what I mean... and I have tried bottoming for him a couple times which leads me to feeling sore afterwards.

I don't know if I'm just not really as gay and should be dating girls, or if we're just not compatible sexually, or if my worries are killing it for me or what. I've been feeling kinda sad the last couple days because I said maybe we should just be friends without the sex, in effect breaking up with him. Even if we don't work out as a couple, I still want to be best friends with him because we always have such a great time together hanging out.

Thanks for your thoughts people of lpsg,
ZarbK
 

Gj816

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 13, 2017
Posts
7,278
Media
86
Likes
26,395
Points
333
Location
Nashville (Tennessee, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
I'm confused too. You want to be best friends with him, but you're not turned on by him? Sounds like you are too worried about what he did in the past.

You shouldn't be worried about what he did in the past. Unless of course you are having unprotected sex with him. You should never have unprotected sex with anyone imho. Responsibilitiy starts with you. Unless you've both agreed to have monogamous sex and then only after you've both been tested.


People lie about their status for whatever reasons. In the scheme of things you've got to be true to yourself. It could be that he's rebounding with you. If his ex gave him an sti, you already know he's having unprotected sex. I can understand your anxiety over this.

I just don't see your friend wanting to be friends and not wanting more sex with you. At least on occasion. If I was a guessing man I'd say it's probably over, the sex and the friendship.
 
  • Like
Reactions: rtg and coolestguy

headbang8

Admired Member
Joined
May 15, 2004
Posts
1,618
Media
12
Likes
809
Points
333
Location
Munich (Bavaria, Germany)
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
My 2¢:
  • You can take your feelings to the next level, but have an open relationship. A good many people have incompatible sex drives with their partners, or their sexual tastes diverge. But they still work as a couple.
  • What have girls got to do with this? You might not be as sexually active as he is, but that doesn't change your fundamental orientation. Are you, perhaps, a homosexually oriented asexual?
  • Or are you actually interested in girls, too? In which case, why aren't you dating more of them?
 
  • Like
Reactions: rtg and coolestguy

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,881
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
This is input coming from a man who is not attracted to other men.

It is possible to recognize another person as quite a catch, attractive and all that but still not actually be attracted to them.....not sure if that makes sense. You can see physically attractive people quite often, many of whom are great people and bring a lot to the table but not really experience any sorts of feelings in regards to subconscious sexual desire or attraction.

Whenever I go out with a woman I look to see if I get some sort of blood flow or full blown hard on when I meet up with her for a date or what have you. I've been on a couple dates with women where I would get a near instant full erection. There was one woman I met a year ago when I was out for the night with my friends, we chatted for about an hour and I got her number. I had a massive urge to masturbate when I first met her and had to do so several times before finally meeting up with her on our first date, and even then I still was painfully hard. On the flip side, I've been out on dates with women who were equally as attractive and never experienced that at all.....at the end of the day I just wasn't "feeling it" with them.

Some of this from your end could be psychological or you could just not be all that into him, only you can answer that for yourself.
 

Bull9in

Admired Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2017
Posts
230
Media
0
Likes
765
Points
138
Location
San Diego (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
You sound quite confused. If you are questioning your sexuality from this, well, I think that's as confused as it gets!

So first things first. According to your self-described percentage, you are 40% gay. I'm not sure I even know what that means. It would seem to indicate that you are more attracted, sexually, to women. But even that doesn't elucidate things much. Some guys here say they are x% gay, and indicate that means they will only jerk off with guys, or get sucked by them, or... So first, what does that percentage mean?

If it means you have had roughly 60% women as past partners, and 40% men, then are you equally attracted to both? If so, are you in more of a female-attraction phase right now? Maybe this guy is just bad timing.

However, that subject aside, it seems to me that you are quite worried about his experience, and the fact that you know he had at least one STD. And it sounds like you have never had one, don't want to get one, and therefore are worried about it, even when you should be thinking about how great his ass feels, or how well he tops you. Fear will definitely take the lead out of your pencil. Boners are 90% in the mind. If you don't otherwise have physical issues, then it's your subconscious. Hell it is probably your conscious. And that's more than understandable - I think it's usual. And I think you need to talk to him about it.

If he is as great as you say he is, then you should be able to talk to him about your fears. He has been honest with you about his past - shouldn't you be honest about your present? Would you want to be involved with a guy, no matter how cute or "compatible" if you didn't feel you could really talk to him?

Think about it...you have described a "perfect" guy. If you're attracted to guys, if you like to have sex with them, then there really isn't any other reason that you are having these thoughts. Have you ever felt this way before about another guy. Or girl?

And since you mentioned it...if you are sore after bottoming, and that's not ok, then maybe you're not really into bottoming. Maybe you are a top, and need to declare yourself as such. Different strokes, and all that. I'm 100% top, and my partners know that going in (or not going in! ha!). It hasn't ever been a problem. I certainly didn't question my sexuality because of it. He needs to know that too.

Now the bad news. There are many ways this could go - and the reality is, you have no control over it at all. In fact, in order for you to have a good chance of a positive result here, you have to be unattached to the outcome. Be open to the possibilities - he will say he understands, and you work together to build your confidence 'til you can fuck like rabbits. OR, you just stay best friends, no bunny-humping. OR he says, "Piss off!" and that's that. Or any permutation thereof. The die is already cast, so to speak. (To your favor, he has already said, "You're the one," right?) So you have nothing to lose,m and everything to gain.

I think in order for you to even think of him as a mate for you, you have to trust him. And right now, if you're honest with yourself, you don't. So make the first overture to building trust, by trusting him to listen to you, and address your fears. Who knows? You might end up having the best sex of your life!

But whatever happens, for the love of gawd, let us know! It's nerve-wracking hearing the buildup to what could be a very happy ending, and never finding out what happened! Think of it as the price for heartfelt advice!

Good luck!