Confused about my sexuality

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lewis27529, Jan 1, 2008.

  1. lewis27529

    lewis27529 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington DC, Puerto Vallarta
    So, I’ve been living with my boyfriend very happily for a little over a year. I feel like we have everything any couple could want, good jobs, a son (I’m the biological father) who he is loves as his own, and best of all we get along great. My problem is that I find my self more attracted to woman every day. I’ve always like girls, but not enough to want to live with one or to date one. Not sure how to go about this because I do not want to mess my relationship up and I know its something he would not agree with. Any thoughts?

    I'm the hispanic ones, for those of you who care to look at the pics
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Hellboy0

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    2,458
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Coast Australia
    Hi hottie.

    Listen, you need to talk to your boyfriend about this. It would be completely dishonest of you to go behind his back, whether it's with a girl or a guy, unless you've talked about it.

    ...and then it wouldn't be behind his back.

    Also, you want to be very consistent with your son, giving him all the right advice and examples. If you feel you need to pursue your interest in women, then to be honest with your partner is the only way to do so.

    On another note, we ALL get interested in other folks outside of our primary relationship(s). Even monogamous ones still get hard over another guy/girl... it's normal, healthy and exciting! This website is a great place to 'play' safely.

    ..ok, my 2cents worth.

    x
     
  3. D_Ed69s girl

    D_Ed69s girl <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just be honest with your mate, you know you are bi sexual and if he is willing to share you with a sex buddy. Having both for you can be really fun and let him know he is your partner and he has nothing to worry about.
     
  4. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Your son is biologically yours? So, I'm assuming that you've been with a girl before then?

    Maybe to bring it up.. you can randomly say something like "I was on a forum and a topic about gay guys sleeping with girls came up and I was thinking about it..." Ask him what he thinks, then going from there decide if it's safe for him to know your feelings.
     
  5. lvsxy808

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,548
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    325
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surbiton (GB)
    I would say it's just the wanderlust that tends to come with any relationship. If you really love this guy and want the relationship to last (which, considering you have a child together, you really should do, and btw, aren't you a little young to have a child?), accept the feelings and work past them, without acting on them.

    It doesn't really matter what the object of your wandering eye is. The fact that you're looking at women is just the ultimate expression of "something different from what you're with now."
     
  6. lostmymind

    lostmymind New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Shawnee, Kansas
    Is your boyfriend 100&#37; gay or does he have some interest in women too? Maybe you could find a woman that would play with you two together.

    The prerequisite, of course, is that you need to have a very strong, open, and honest relationship with your partner to successfully have a threesome without causing even more problems. Just an idea.
     
  7. mountainguy

    mountainguy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2007
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeastern United States
    I think you need to be open about your feelings with your boyfriend. At the same time, recognize that your boyfriend may feel hurt as a result of these feelings.

    In the long run, though, it's better for everyone involved for you to be open about your feelings than it is for you to go behind your boyfriend's back to experiment.
     
  8. jorpollew

    jorpollew Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NY-PA-DE-WDC
    It sounds like you have something very special here and meaningful. Not to make light of your dilemma, but there are many men that would love to have what you've got. So, before adding a female third party to your mix, I would take time to truly analyze your relationship.

    What are the "push-pull" factors?
    Is there anything happening (or missing) in you current relationship that is pushing you away from it?

    Aside from the physical urgings, what substantive reasons may be pulling you toward a new relationship with a woman?

    And since you mentioned it first, you must also consider how any change will effect your son? A child's world is so very small that they are fiercely connected to the people closest to them. And, regardless of the genders in the relationship, children can sense instability when they witness different people going in and out of their lives.
     
  9. lostmymind

    lostmymind New Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Shawnee, Kansas
    Excellent advice!
     
  10. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    You do need to talk to your partner about this. I wouldn't tell him straight out but maybe say you think you might be bi and would like to explore the side of also being with women. It is a little deceitful but it gives you time to work out what you truly feel before you call off the whole relationship with him on what might be just a whim.
     
  11. bottombuddy

    bottombuddy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    scotland
    you really need to be talking with your partner and remembering that a child is involved now too..its the only fair thing to do really.
     
  12. biguy2738

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,356
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Johannesburg, South Africa
    I second that this is great advice, there's just one thing that I feel compelled to add, and it's contrary to the advice of others (you've been warned). :eek::biggrin1:

    A couple of months ago I found myself in a similar boat to you, despite being married, I realised that I am bisexual...so I understand your feelings and what you are going through. Being confronted with trying to make sense of being bisexual is difficult enough let alone trying to figure things out in the light of how it impacts my significant other.

    My advice to you is DO NOT tell your partner about your feelings until you are able to make a bit of sense out of it all. I am not advising you to keep it a secret, not to keep mum about it permanently..above all else, I am not telling you to sneak and screw around his back either. You DO NOT want to resort to that because I assure you that things will go down the shitter after that because the deceipt will be far worse than the actual sex.

    You may be wondering why I am giving you this kind of advice. Bisexuality is riddled with misconception, discrimination and very little information. If you think that trying to make sense of it is confusing, try talking about it (in light of the misconception) with somebody else...there are parts to this orientation that simply cannot be verbalised.

    Telling your boyfriend about it will come as a shock...and there will be questions...and if you want things to work out constructively you are going to have good answers and some sense of what your inner truth is to fall back upon. I assure you that once you reach that place, everything else will be much easier to deal with.

    My other bit of advice is that you search the web - there isn't only a bit of info about bisexuality, but there are forums as well. I think that joining a forum may be of the most help to you because you will have the opportunity to get to hear about the experiences of others, see how they have dealt with things and be able to interact with them if you so wish. I can tell you that it will be very helpful to you.

    I moderate a forum aimed specifically for bi men who have just recently discovered that they're bi, who aren't able to vocalise it "out there" right now but are trying to make sense of it all. Feel free to contact me if you'd like me to give you the site addy as well as to point out other bisexual resources and forums.

    All of the best.
     
  13. Thick8DalTop

    Thick8DalTop New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2007
    Messages:
    4
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    To me the question is, who do you want to wake up next to in the morning. Sounds more like your dick is leading you here, but after you fuck her, do you want her to hang around?

    Some people also do not believe they are entitled to happiness and go out of their way to sabotouge their relationships.

    Maybe you should see someone professionally for counseling. Go first. Then determine if you need to add your partner.

    The grass is NOT always greener. Choose wisely.
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    If you were straight and lusting after other women what's the difference? If you're in a monogamous relationship does it matter if you're fantasizing about men or women, if you intend to do more than fantasize whether it was men or women you were fucking around with it would still have the same effect on your relationship.
     
  15. lewis27529

    lewis27529 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Washington DC, Puerto Vallarta
    I totally agree with you. I do not want to do anything that would hurt my BF. My issue is the fact that I'm at a stage where I have a grater attraction towards woman than man. The only thing wrong with that is that i have a committed relationship with a man. I'm not fucking around, I just feel like I maybe i made a mistake and a woman is what i really wanted and what it was right for both me and my son.
     
  16. IntoxicatingToxin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    10,133
    Likes Received:
    152
    Your son deserves for you to be truly happy. That's important for BOTH of you.
     
  17. Hellboy0

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    2,458
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West Coast Australia
    Dude, you'd better become clear with what you want. There's no guarantee that if you leave your current relationship to pursue a lady and find one to 'marry', that'll you'll be any less inclined to look at guys as possible mates.

    Find out what you want but don't expect any decision to be easy or final.

    Here's where being 100&#37; Gay sounds great, huh?! A little less confusion.
     
  18. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    It sounds a little like you're in your present relationship just because it's there, if you're not happy in a relationship no matter who you're having it with you owe it to yourself to get out of it and find someone you're happy with - whether it's a man or a woman.
     
  19. xemnasfury21

    xemnasfury21 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    298
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    41
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sheffield, England
    I'm quite like you mate, if I only have guy attention I start to think of girls while I'm with a guy more and more.

    My sexuality swings a lot, I can be 30% straight or 30% gay at certain times depending on how I feel.

    I'm not really interested in a boyfriend but I am getting to a stage in my life where a girlfriend would be nice, to start something "proper". I am concerened that the reverse of my attraction to women when I'm with men thing will occur though.

    The last thing I would ever feel right with is imagining men when I'm in bed with my girlfriend...

    It is a toughie mate, I hope you come to a conclusion that works really well for everyone
     
  20. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    902
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    140
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Southeast
    I have to agree with Hellboy0 even tho I'm bisexual and not 100% gay. At different times in my life, my mental state has been nothing less than a hellish nightmare of turmoil. Being somewhat of a hedonist bastard, I can spend a long weekend with a woman only to find that on Monday morning I can't wait for work to end so that I can get it on with one of my fbuds.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted