Confused about sexual orientation...

[TripHammer]

I can't imagine myself having sex with or being intimate with another man, it's sickening to the stomach. I like kids and often think how great it would be to raise a family some day.

...

Society says you're either straight or gay.

These two statements are what pique my interest in your psychology. You've been a member of LPSG for almost four years now, and you still believe that male sexuality is that clear-cut and black & white? only straight or only gay?
Or are you saying that that's what "society" would have you be - all one or all the other?
Because I think you're smart enough (and have been on LPSG long enough) to realize that you can have attraction for whomever you want, regardless of their gender, and not only can you be well-adjusted while doing so, you'll probably be MORE well-adjusted than if you try to pigeonhole your nebulous self into the rigid "A or B" position that "society" would have you enter. All men would.

We'll distinguish our uniqueness in every other damn way -- every way someone can make themselves JUST a bit different: educational path, career, separating from our siblings, personal style, drinking, drugs, friend choices, ALL manner of media fandoms -- we use ALL these different things to DISTINGUISH ourselves from the masses, and yet we cling to these old notions of Yes/No, Black/White, All/Nothing when it comes to sexuality, as though the choices aren't JUST as varied there as in the rest of life.

Listen: You're on the leading edge of a new generation. You and the guys growing up after you are one of the first to be fully informed about their sexual options, and it gives you a chance to grow up strong with the belief that they can love whoever they want, WHILE STILL BEING MEN. Expressions of sexuality DON'T HAVE TO BE connected to emasculation, and women need to understand that females aren't the only ones with fluid sexuality. And working toward letting go of a fear (and, revulsion? really?) of your own fluidity would probably bring you a lot of peace.

We're scared. Admit it, guys. We're so worried about not being accepted because we're not "100% Straight", that we're scared to stand up and say to our friends and families: "Maybe the reason I've been unsuccessful in love is because you and society don't seem to have any room for someone like me. I don't know what I want out of love, but I do know that I'm sick of feeling judged or emasculated for wanting to find out my personal style of loving, without being labeled. The only thing I do know is that I'm a strong man who will make a good husband and father, and knowing that is more important to me than being untrue to myself by slapping on a label to my life. I've looked through all the labels, and I haven't yet found one that describes me, but I'll let you know if I do."

You might want to examine the source of your inner conflicts, and work toward letting some of them go. It sounds like you've spent enough time repressing. Time to start accepting some love -- you're clearly ready for it, all you need to do is get out of your own way, and stop letting other people make you feel like you shouldn't grow.

Whoa, what a rant. Thanks for bearing with me. Hope there's something here that might help you.

 

[docilej]

Your letter sounds like something I would of wrote when I was your age (I'm 43yo now). I was in the same boat. It took a some time and some courage but I eventually had a man2man encounter...and boy was it fun. You'll get your opportunity. And btw, I'm fan of big boobs too

 

[Rikter8]

You can't sort it out if you don't practice.

Go out, have some fun with guys and girls. Your too young to settle down yet.
Play the waters and experiment. Leave the labels behind and follow your heart.

 

[BIGBULL29]

These two statements are what pique my interest in your psychology. You've been a member of LPSG for almost four years now, and you still believe that male sexuality is that clear-cut and black & white? only straight or only gay?
Or are you saying that that's what "society" would have you be - all one or all the other?
Because I think you're smart enough (and have been on LPSG long enough) to realize that you can have attraction for whomever you want, regardless of their gender, and not only can you be well-adjusted while doing so, you'll probably be MORE well-adjusted than if you try to pigeonhole your nebulous self into the rigid "A or B" position that "society" would have you enter. All men would.

We'll distinguish our uniqueness in every other damn way -- every way someone can make themselves JUST a bit different: educational path, career, separating from our siblings, personal style, drinking, drugs, friend choices, ALL manner of media fandoms -- we use ALL these different things to DISTINGUISH ourselves from the masses, and yet we cling to these old notions of Yes/No, Black/White, All/Nothing when it comes to sexuality, as though the choices aren't JUST as varied there as in the rest of life.

Listen: You're on the leading edge of a new generation. You and the guys growing up after you are one of the first to be fully informed about their sexual options, and it gives you a chance to grow up strong with the belief that they can love whoever they want, WHILE STILL BEING MEN. Expressions of sexuality DON'T HAVE TO BE connected to emasculation, and women need to understand that females aren't the only ones with fluid sexuality. And working toward letting go of a fear (and, revulsion? really?) of your own fluidity would probably bring you a lot of peace.

We're scared. Admit it, guys. We're so worried about not being accepted because we're not "100% Straight", that we're scared to stand up and say to our friends and families: "Maybe the reason I've been unsuccessful in love is because you and society don't seem to have any room for someone like me. I don't know what I want out of love, but I do know that I'm sick of feeling judged or emasculated for wanting to find out my personal style of loving, without being labeled. The only thing I do know is that I'm a strong man who will make a good husband and father, and knowing that is more important to me than being untrue to myself by slapping on a label to my life. I've looked through all the labels, and I haven't yet found one that describes me, but I'll let you know if I do."

You might want to examine the source of your inner conflicts, and work toward letting some of them go. It sounds like you've spent enough time repressing. Time to start accepting some love -- you're clearly ready for it, all you need to do is get out of your own way, and stop letting other people make you feel like you shouldn't grow.

Whoa, what a rant. Thanks for bearing with me. Hope there's something here that might help you.

Great post!:smile:

 

[Bottlebrush]

LPSG is one of the most sexually open-minded places you'll find but it's still full of people who, for whatever reason, feel qualified to define the sexuality of others. It's all good and well finding support here, but don't go looking to others to tell you what and who you are. Take control of your own sexuality.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

I don't think your gay. Because, if you were you'd been had sex with a male right now as a taker/bottom.

Huh? I was out and doing stuff with guys for YEARS before I bottomed.

 

[teen3309]

Appreciate the additional posts! In regards to Unknown Ricans post, isn't the flipside to your comment, if I was completely straight then I would already have had sex with a girl? I guess other's posts make sense, that although society makes it black/white, sexuality really isn't.

 

[unknown_rican]

Appreciate the additional posts! In regards to Unknown Ricans post, isn't the flipside to your comment, if I was completely straight then I would already have had sex with a girl? I guess other's posts make sense, that although society makes it black/white, sexuality really isn't.

Esteem issues? We don't know your background or anything that may've happen in your development. Sexuality is very layered...this is true. But, if your having doubts about it...this far in life...Unno.

If you feel your are confident enough to start "experimenting," do it. You might like something. But, that doesn't necessarily mean anything to me. Especially, considering identifying with other males tend to be easy. Because, guess what? You are a male. You already made it clear with the making of this thread that you aren't confident enough in the situation.

If you were looking for validation - Look to yourself not others on the forum. Because, sexuality might be layered but...to me...this sounds more uncertain/insecure. Again, I don't know you and I don't know your development, family, or day to day struggle with anything in your life...I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you in the end.

Best of luck bro.

 

[unknown_rican]

I'm almost 60 so when I grew up we did not have access to all like today. I remember looking at muscle bound guys in mags when I was early teens, wishing I could look like that, since I was so skinny. and I saw a few nude pics of hung guys, and thought how could they be that big, I'm so small. about that same time, I was noticing the female form more. the gal down the street washing the car, and the neighbor gal who "popped" a nice set of tits overnite it seemd, and now sunbathed in her back yard. 2 yrs later, I was still a skinny kid, well built but skinny, puberty was over or complete, and I had a bigger than average cock, but was shy. you really need to get laid. break the ice and just go from there. you are late bloomer in this regard.

LOL, love this comment.

 

[Playinpitt]

I don't know for sure.. but I think my recent post (http://www.lpsg.org/2815815-post41.html)
in this thread:
(http://www.lpsg.org/188066-asking-a-straight-guy-to.html)
might help the OP and others to form a different perspective and maybe, just maybe stop trying to cram curvy pegs into the straight-sided holes on either end of the limited and limiting gay-straight spectrum.

 

[Countryguy63]

These two statements are what pique my interest in your psychology. You've been a member of LPSG for almost four years now, and you still believe that male sexuality is that clear-cut and black & white? only straight or only gay?
Or are you saying that that's what "society" would have you be - all one or all the other?
Because I think you're smart enough (and have been on LPSG long enough) to realize that you can have attraction for whomever you want, regardless of their gender, and not only can you be well-adjusted while doing so, you'll probably be MORE well-adjusted than if you try to pigeonhole your nebulous self into the rigid "A or B" position that "society" would have you enter. All men would.

We'll distinguish our uniqueness in every other damn way -- every way someone can make themselves JUST a bit different: educational path, career, separating from our siblings, personal style, drinking, drugs, friend choices, ALL manner of media fandoms -- we use ALL these different things to DISTINGUISH ourselves from the masses, and yet we cling to these old notions of Yes/No, Black/White, All/Nothing when it comes to sexuality, as though the choices aren't JUST as varied there as in the rest of life.

Listen: You're on the leading edge of a new generation. You and the guys growing up after you are one of the first to be fully informed about their sexual options, and it gives you a chance to grow up strong with the belief that they can love whoever they want, WHILE STILL BEING MEN. Expressions of sexuality DON'T HAVE TO BE connected to emasculation, and women need to understand that females aren't the only ones with fluid sexuality. And working toward letting go of a fear (and, revulsion? really?) of your own fluidity would probably bring you a lot of peace.

We're scared. Admit it, guys. We're so worried about not being accepted because we're not "100% Straight", that we're scared to stand up and say to our friends and families: "Maybe the reason I've been unsuccessful in love is because you and society don't seem to have any room for someone like me. I don't know what I want out of love, but I do know that I'm sick of feeling judged or emasculated for wanting to find out my personal style of loving, without being labeled. The only thing I do know is that I'm a strong man who will make a good husband and father, and knowing that is more important to me than being untrue to myself by slapping on a label to my life. I've looked through all the labels, and I haven't yet found one that describes me, but I'll let you know if I do."

You might want to examine the source of your inner conflicts, and work toward letting some of them go. It sounds like you've spent enough time repressing. Time to start accepting some love -- you're clearly ready for it, all you need to do is get out of your own way, and stop letting other people make you feel like you shouldn't grow.

Whoa, what a rant. Thanks for bearing with me. Hope there's something here that might help you.

:You_Rock_Emoticon: :clap:

 

[BIGBULL29]

:You_Rock_Emoticon: :clap:

I think he does, too! :smile:

(so do you, Countryguy:smile:)

 

[BIGBULL29]

No one needs to apologize for being gay or bi. The shame is on those who persecute others for being who they really are. It is they who owe an apology.

 

[wilster]

You are who you are. Life is easier if you are straight, but it can be incredible if you are gay as well. You will eventually have all the answers, but hopefully sooner than later, you aren't immortal and try not to waste too much time figuring it all out. Either way, you are beautiful just the way you are right now!

 

[comedycentral]

This is a great thread!

There are aspects of the OP's post that sound like me...and some that don't sound like me. Maybe the OP can get some insight from my situation? I consider myself more gay because I have never been able to have sex with a girl, but I have had sex with a man. I have had many opportunities where I could have pulled some random girl and didn't, and I have even had one opportunity where I was laying naked on a girl and couldn't get it up because I just wasn't feeling it. I have had sex with one guy in my life many times.

So, based on this it would seem that I am 100% gay, but just maybe inexperienced. However, lately, I have been having trouble getting turned on when I start having sex with this guy who I hook up with a lot. I would normally just assume that this is because I am getting tired of hooking up with him, and it just isn't as sexy as it used to be, but I have also lately been getting turned on by straight porn, girls, and the idea of fucking a girl. Also, all i want to do when I hook up with this guy now is fuck him. I used to want to get fucked just as much as fuck, but the balance has switched drastically lately. I have noticed this change come at the same time in my life when I have started to get a lot more self confidence. For some reason, I feel a lot more masculine than I used to. Also, when I was in middle school, I would look at guys in gym class or whatever and basically envy their bodies and want to have their bodies. I was insecure with mine, as I was a very late bloomer physically. That envy turned into me being turned on by them, then eventually me jacking off to them, and then eventually me hooking up with them.

You said you reach orgasm by jacking off to guys, but the idea of hooking up with a guy is sickening? Cus when I first started jacking off to guys, I was grossed out by hardcore shit, but I eventually just accepted myself and started to dig guys fucking guys and all of that business. I should note also that when I was a younger kid, I jacked off to girls, but never came. The very first time I jacked off to a guy, I came. However, now I can jack off to straight porn just fine. My mood for gay porn or straight porn varies.

Basically, what I'm getting at here is that I think there may be a deeper psychological meaning to my sexuality, and this could also be the case with you. I have yet to have sex with a girl, so I still don't know how far this change has taken root within me, but it seems to me self esteem could be a real issue in sexuality in some people. I think you should take a real good look at yourself, lovingly of course :smile: , and see what you can find. Dsicovering yourself, even if it at first bothers you, is always worth it in the end :biggrin1: .

 

[gymfresh]

I just turned 26 the other day and since high school have been confused by my sexual orientation. I have not had a girlfriend and have not gone on any dates. I am not a bad looking guy nor do I lack social skills--just haven't made any moves.

So far, you sound exactly like my godson, who is in college right now. He is athletic, handsome, smart and adored by every woman who gets near him. Guys like him, too. But so far the women are only "friends", and make up all of his close friends, for that matter. His parents are growing concerned.

I really like breasts, something about them makes me take a good stare. The firmness and perkyness is a turn on for me.

True for me, too, though my limited experience handling them proved to me it was more of an appreciation than a guaranteed arousal thing. I'm also passionate about a beautiful pair of women's legs (and routinely compliment their owners), unlike what Andrew Tobias recounts in his anonymous autobiography. (He suspected at an early age something was wrong because he just couldn't get what all the men were saying about women's legs. But I sure as hell do.) The female form can be mesmerizing.

Yet I'm comfortably, unalterably gay. I love everything about the male body, but even more importantly I love the male psyche and male relationships. If presented with a woman who thought and acted like a guy and a guy who thought and acted like a woman, I'd take the female. I know that's quite a generalization and rather sexist, but it more closely defines what really constitutes my sexual orientation. It's not about cock, for me and for lots of other guys. And fucking? Meh. No thanks.

But when it comes to masturbation, I find myself looking mostly at naked pictures of guys. Initially I thought this had to do with "envy"--being fascinated with the male form while I was growing up and wondering how I would look when I became a man. However, I also find myself looking at guys in the gym showers. Something about showering nude with other guys is arousing.

Well, you may be one of those guys who is more about the physical level than the emotional level. It's not better or worse, just our wiring and conditioning. We all like to bond with other males, even straight guys. But getting boners about it may be another matter.

I can't imagine myself having sex with or being intimate with another man, it's sickening to the stomach. I like kids and often think how great it would be to raise a family some day.

OK, here is where you sorta went careening off the cliff. This simple statement (which my godson also has uttered) suggests that there is an 800-pound gorilla in the room that you and everyone else is trying to ignore.

"Sickening", in a lovemaking context, is a conditioning. It's a learned reaction. Someone had to tell you or teach you it's wrong, because making love to a male is not any more innately sickening than making love to a female. Drinking rancid milk or falling into a septic tank is inherently sickening; sensual pleasure with another, eager human being is not.

You can't sort it out if you don't practice.

Go out, have some fun with guys and girls. Your too young to settle down yet.
Play the waters and experiment. Leave the labels behind and follow your heart.

Great advice, but not even an option to some people. In my godson's case, he states very clearly that regardless of what his "true" sexuality is, he most definitely will marry a woman and have children because:

1) He loves kids and wants to be a dad,
2) His parents are his role model, and they're still very much in love, and
3) His Roman Catholic faith clearly places any same-sex contact out of bonds during his mortal life; and sex before marriage, even with a female, is a sin for which he should have his eyes gouged out.

Otherwise he's a pretty cool, modern college dude, and may be bi.

My point is that conditioning can be powerful, whether it is overt religious indoctrination or subtle cues we get from family or peers and absorb into our "playbook". Sometimes it takes almost incalculable intestinal fortitude to override such conditioning and check things out on your own. And some people will never be able to follow their own moral compass or orientation, rather than the ones that are given to them.

Society says you're either straight or gay. It seems more acceptable for women to swing both ways, but a guy cannot.

Hmmm. Still scratching my head over this. Not sure what "society" you're talking about, but the one I choose to live in neither applies those labels so rigidly or has such a double-standard for the genders. And those places where I do see rigidity in the US and elsewhere, I don't see any leeway for females. If anything, gay men are more visible than are lesbians wherever you go on our shiny planet (outside of Oakland or Goa).

You've now revealed that you are deeply impressed by what society considers "normal" and "acceptable", and that you have a strong, visceral reaction to that which you perceive society condemns. You might want to start there before making any sweeping decisions about the gender you intend to play & practice with or settle down with. Just sayin'.

PS -- Some of the happiest, most personally fulfilled parents I know are same-sex couples. Never let the idea of being a (great) dad force you to compromise your essential being.

 

[FuzzyKen]

Right now you are uncertain because of your lack of experience.

Understanding sexuality as I have said before is a process. It is not an instant thing.

Most gay men can function sexually with a female. Remember that I used the word "function" meaning that they can especially early on obtain and maintain an erection long enough to penetrate and have intercourse. The real thing is the making of a spiritual and emotional connection to the act. If you go out there and just bang away with no real "connection" this would tend to indicate that there is something wrong with what you are doing. If you were for example to have sex with ten females and find no connection to any of them then odds are you would need to see what happens with males. If you have no connection there either then the problem is in some ways more simple and in others more difficult. It could be an issue of simply not finding Mr. or Ms. "right" or it could be some deep seated problem of which even you yourself are not aware. The odds of the deep seated problem are small and the odds of the more simple stuff are far more likely.

Do not force yourself either way. If you start with a female take it slow and explore slowly. If you start with a male start the same way maybe a mututal j/o session and then see where it goes. If that works well step up a rung on the ladder and the same is true with the female. Don't push yourself and don't allow your sex partner to push you. Let your libido and instincts be your guide.

If you're rare, you could be a total horndog and turned on completely to both!

Relax, take your time, be smart, be safe, and most of all don't judge yourself or let anyone else judge you by where you are with things right now!

 

[gymfresh]

Society says you're either straight or gay. It seems more acceptable for women to swing both ways, but a guy cannot.

My bad. Apparently even bird puppets know what you're talking about.

 

[D_Jimmy Jammer]

..you still believe that male sexuality is that clear-cut and black & white? only straight or only gay?..you can have attraction for whomever you want, regardless of their gender

I presume you mean for some, not all males. That's true but how many I've no idea. I do know that some males are not remotely sexually interested in other males, even best friends. Again, how many (what proportion), I've no idea. I suspect it's hard-wired, as is bi orientation..

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

I just turned 26 the other day and since high school have been confused by my sexual orientation. I have not had a girlfriend and have not gone on any dates (living at home after college hasn't helped--I'm thinking about moving out within the year). I am not a bad looking guy nor do I lack social skills--just haven't made any moves. I always seem to use the excuse, "I don't want to ruin a good friendship." with any girl that could be a potential match.

As friends start to pair up and a couple have gotten married, it's made me start to think a lot. I find myself recognizing when someone is good looking, both women and men. I really like breasts, something about them makes me take a good stare. The firmness and perkyness is a turn on for me.

But when it comes to masturbation, I find myself looking mostly at naked pictures of guys. Initially I thought this had to do with "envy"--being fascinated with the male form while I was growing up and wondering how I would look when I became a man. However, I also find myself looking at guys in the gym showers. Something about showering nude with other guys is arousing. The forum "Open Locker Room Showers" on LPSG is also exciting. I can't imagine myself having sex with or being intimate with another man, it's sickening to the stomach. I like kids and often think how great it would be to raise a family some day.

I have a routine physical exam coming up in a week and wonder if I should feel comfortable addressing these concerns with my doctor. Overall, I feel comfortable talking to him--he is attentive and genuinely cares about his patients. Last year I had some blood in my ejaculate and mustered up the courage to ask him about it. He said "sexual activity is healthy.", but I didn't have the nerve to tell him I was still a virgin.

Society says you're either straight or gay. It seems more acceptable for women to swing both ways, but a guy cannot. Has any guy on this forum found that they are also attracted to men, but are now in a healthy relationship with a woman? I feel conflicted. Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated.

You sort of remind me of myself, except the virgin part. :wink: I was married and divorced by 26. But I started jerking off to pics of guys when I was 13 (my mom's art books with nude models and the good old Sears catalog, underwear section). As my 26th birthday was coming up, I said to myself "I've been repressing these urges for HALF of my life! (13 of almost 26 years) I'm going to do something about it and get it out of my system." So I went to the adult video store in town (on April Fool's Day!!) and went home with a guy. A few days later I was horny again and wanting men. I was surprised it wasn't out of my system yet and said to myself, "It probably takes a week to really get enough to get it out of your system." Talk about denial!!!!!!! So I went to back to the Allentown PA adult video store and got sucked off by guys every night for a week and still wanted more. I then realized it was never going to go away. I don't remember the exact date I called my family but April wasn't over yet, so it was within 3 weeks of learning I was gay that I called my mom in Michigan and my brother in Kansas and let them know.

But enough about me. I haven't read all the posts in the thread but hopefully someone else has said don't worry about putting a name on it. If you want to have sex with someone, do it. Doesn't matter if they are women or men. Enjoy life. :smile:

BTW, I stare at breasts too. But I am gayyyyyyy. Really gay. That's why I think it's no big deal for str8 guys to look at cocks.

Hope something in this rambling has been of some help. Good luck.