Confused about sexuality...is it really as fluid as people say?

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by teen3309, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. teen3309

    teen3309 New Member

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    I've recently questioned my sexuality (I'm in my mid-twenties). I haven't had a girlfriend before (and I'm a virgin)--always told myself that I was afraid of losing good friendships if i tried to take things the next step. Anyhow, I'm starting to get concerned now that people my age are settling down.

    In general I find myself masturbating to pictures of naked guys. I find attraction mostly to white guys but in terms of women it's the asian girls (I'm asian myself). If anyone out there is familiar with Fratmen, Seancody or Corbinfisher, those are the sites I find myself on. I also find pictures of straight sex arousing and sometimes imagine that I am the guy having sex with the girl. I take notice of nice breasts and now and then will navigate over to Playboy.com and can get off on the pictures there.

    There have been a couple girls during college that I was attracted to, but I never found myself confident enough to express my feelings especially since I knew they both had boy friends.

    College was also the first time I experienced open showers. Something about them turned me on. Initially I had troubles with erections, but I've been able to control myself since then. My current gyms locker room has open showers and I find myself going out of the way to see other guys naked. Something about seeing the male physique in it's full glory pushes me to work out harder.

    I eventually would like to settle down and have kids so I'm a little confused. Has anyone else had concerns similar to mine? Perhaps sexuality is really fluid like people keep commenting.

    Appreciate any advice!
     
  2. borntobeking

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    I have always viewed it as fluid. I tend to separate sexual attraction from romantic feelings. For instance, I think that both naked women and men are attractive. I love having intercourse, oral and anything under the sun with women. I have never done anything sexual with a man but have been fascinated by the thought of stroking with a guy. I have zero interest in intercourse or oral with a guy.

    That having been said, my romantic feelings have always been for women. I have never considered falling in love and building a life with a man. That is not for me. Not insulting those who do, it is just not my thing.

    Because I can become physically aroused by a guy does not cause me to question my sexuality. Sex is a normal physical thing and frankly I think it can be enjoyed almost equally with both genders.
     
  3. Countryguy63

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    Just one mans opinion....

    The 1st thing that you need to do, if you haven't already is to accept and become comfortable with your gay side , or being Bi (one in the same). It's a lot harder for most to do than is admitted. Took me over 40 yrs. It can be fluid and change in intensity levels, but it will always be a part of you in some form or another.

    Once you have realized and accepted that you are Bi comes the difficult part. You then have to choose whether you are going to live your life honestly, or try to bury it, hide it, deny it, whatever, and this includes any serious partners you will encounter.

    I'll be honest, living honestly is the toughest in the beginning. You worry about what people are going to think. You worry about that nice girl that you've gotten to know, is going to freak and run away when she finds out. **side note** being honest does not mean blurting it out every time you meet someone new. For most, it's going to be none of their business. However, that means that you will establish the start of a relationship with someone who might just work out, and then have to decide when and how to tell them. If they are to have a long future with you, it will surface at one point or another.

    It means that some of your friends that are not true friends, are going to break ties with you. The only condolences there are that you can know that it's their insecurities that they are reacting to, not you as a person. Also know that it's just the "weeding process" seperating true friends, from the circumstancial ones.

    However, I can tell you that after a while, it will be the best decsion you ever made. When you are honest with yourself and those around you, it allows you to like yourself so much more.

    The other option is to try to deny and hide it.

    This is definitely the easiest way to go in the beginning. Since we are not gay to the point of not liking women, it's very possible to put on a completely straight personna for a while. We don't have to worry about confronting our secret, or friends for a while

    However, like I've said, it will not go completely away, ever. I know of countless 40, 50, 60+ yr old men that it finally catches up with. Some can integrate it into their lives, but for many, it destroys a lot of what they have spent a lifetime building. It effects marriages, families, and even sometimes, careers.

    Almost 100% of the men that I have come into contact with (including myself), deeply wish that they would have accepted and dealt with it early on. Many of the women in the marriages say that they could have dealt with it so much easier in the beginning, but feel lied to and betrayed because of the hiding, NOT because of their husbands orientation.

    It's your choice, and only you can decide which path you will take.

    This is just an opinion of an "always Bi, live as a straight man for years, had it eat me up and almost destroy me, finally accepted myself, and the happiest I have ever been" man.

    Good luck
     
  4. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    The reality of the situation is that some people are 100% straight and arent turned on in any way by the same sex, some people are 100% and arent turn on in any way by the opposite sex and there is a HUGE percentage of people in the middle who cover everything in between. Some of these people identify as "straight" even though they might be turned on by the same sex to varying degrees. Some of them keep this part hidden (even from their husbands and wives) and have children and families who will never know the reality of their true desires. You will never know who these people are unless they are comfortable enough to confide in you. I can tell you from MY experience that half of my straight identified friends have some kind of same sex fantacy or curiosity to some degree.

    The point is that you're perfectly normal. Go with whatever you feel. If you like guys but want a family thats fine. It does sound like now would be the time to explore all of these feelings though. Take the time to explore your sexuality with another man or woman and go from there. Once you have your first time, you'll look back wondering what the big deal was.
     
  5. dude_007

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    Well said, country guy.

    Yes, be who you are, enjoy life...its pretty short...
    Testosterone is natural. If the hormone is released by the site of other men, well...that means part of you, for whatever reason, is aroused by guys and to suppress that part of you will damage the spirit, and eventually the body. You're unattached, so now is the time to experiment. Maybe once you try it you may find you don't like it. Many times the reality is much different than the fantasy.
     
  6. maxcok

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    Excellent insights Countryguy, and well stated. I hope a lot of men will reflect on your post.


    General point of definition to the OP and to the board in general: Rather than the vague, generalized, and evasive term "sexuality" used when discussing frequent variations on this theme, could we please just call it what it is, "sexual orientation"?

    Carry on . . . .
     
  7. sykray

    sykray Active Member

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    My doctoral thesis of 30 years ago went some way to deconstruct categorical labels in referencing sexual orientation. I think that sexual behaviour and expression is potentially very fluid - sexual orientation is less so. However, because many people define their sexual orientation in reference to their behaviour rather than their masturbatory fantasies, it is quite common for some people to say that they were A between the ages of x and y; then B between the ages of y and z; and since z they have been C. I suspect that the feelings of attraction have remained more consistent throughout but their self acceptance and expression of those attractions have varied over time.
     
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