confused...again

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fuglybaby, Sep 20, 2011.

  1. fuglybaby

    fuglybaby Member

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    please forgive me if i don't make sense, this is my first thread EVER! :redface:

    I've recently started to put my life back together after three years of dealing with depression, bad relationships, substance abuse, unemployment...the list goes on sadly... Anyways, I feel I am ready to have a social life again (once i get a job lol) I might even start dating again! This is where I'm a little lost. I've generally thought of myself as straight. I did try a few things with a dildo just to see what it was like when i was just out of high school, didn't like it and left it at that.

    Lately, while yearning for a lover's embrace mostly, I've been having more intense/vivd fantasies (i have a VERY good imagination:wink:) What strikes me as odd is that about six-nine months ago I started to fantasize about other men. Didn't think nothing about it then. Today i realized that it's about a 50/50 between having hetero and homo fantasies. Knowing that, i started questioning my orientation again. It's highly possible that it's simply pent up sexual frustration seeing as how i haven't had sex in over a year. Most would agree with me that even a great j/o session, while excellent in it's own way, just isn't the same. But still...
    I think I may want to experiment again:rolleyes:

    I guess I'm just looking for bits of wisdom or opinions on my situation as to what (or whom:biggrin1:) to do. Feed back would be greatly appreciated.

    Since I know some wise-ass is gonna ask eventually... I j/o alot. More specifically, i jerk DAILY WITHOUT FAIL:tongue: and my personal best is 11 times in one 24hr period:eek: (i was bored:redface:)
     
  2. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    I think you have hit the nail on the head. A lot of pent up sexual frustration is manifesting itself in all possible situations. Don't worry yourself about them. If the opportunity comes up with anyone, take it. If it's a girl,see how much you enjoy it, if it's a man, see how much you enjoy it. Simple. BTW, I.E, here also!
    p.s. congratulations on getting your life back together. Sounds like you have had to deal with a lot. You are to be admired!
     
  3. lvsxy808

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    Well, I say this as an armchair psychologist with no more to go on than what you've given us.

    But it sounds to me like you started questioning your sexuality a long time ago, but internalized it and rejected it, and that's what led to your depression and other problems. Now you're over those problems, your sexuality (by which I mean sex drive in general, not necessarily orientation) is starting to reassert itself. I think you may well end up being bisexual, and you're mature and comfortable enough in yourself now that your subconscious is allowing those feelings out where it didn't before. Hence the constant wanking and bisexual fantasies.

    All of which is a long way of saying that it seem to me that you are finally allowing yourself to enjoy your own life and sexuality in a way you've been denying yourself for years.

    I freely admit all of this could be way off the mark, but it's what occurred to me reading your post.

    .
     
  4. Pierced1953

    Pierced1953 New Member

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    Glad to hear your back on track, that's the main thing. As for your sexuality you've been out of the saddle for awhile. I think that makes all of us fantasize more than usual. What ever presents itself I'm sure you will handle it. If you end up enjoying sex with a man, so what. Being back on track is the important thing. You shouldn't be judged by your sexuality, but by who you are.....Good luck!
     
  5. helgaleena

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    When it comes to sexuality, it's best not to slap labels on yourself if you can help it. Onewatcher put it nicely. The more frustration you have, the more your urges will burst out all sorts of directions.

    It's far too soon to decide such matters. Make a few non-sexual friends as you find them first. Get as many friends and acquaintances as you feel comfortable with and see if any of them lead to face-to-face experience. Try not to pre-judge them, or yourself. Just because you didn't like anal doesn't mean you don't like other things that men and women do with one another.
     
  6. fuglybaby

    fuglybaby Member

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    Thanks for the feedback:smile:
    I guess what really blew my mind was a few days ago i had an incredibly intense fantasy/wet-dream that involved me bottoming for a cute guy. Hmmm...maybe i could/should write a short story or something about it...

    I had a great visit with my best friend today (he was the only one who stayed by me without judging me) and had a pleasantly deep conversation about the cluster-fuck that is my life. He said basically the same thing as you guys...although it was a more entertaining phrase:biggrin1:

    I'll figure life out piece by piece, as for the sex problems....

    "You just need to fuck someone silly so they can fuck some sense into you!":smileysex5:...immediately followed by severe flaunting of his hotness accompanied by wickedly sexy smiles and delightfuly naughty laughter.

    It was soooooo not fair. lol. He turned me on and he knew it, but i forgive him. He is my best friend afterall...that and it's his turn to pay next time we hit a bar. hehehe:beerchug2:
     
  7. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    You really sound like you have it figured out. I am glad. A dream is a dream, and although they are manifested by our subconscious, that particular dream could mean much more than just being fucked by a guy. You are fortunate you have such a friend that you can confided your deepest thoughts. I again congratulate you for getting your life on track. You are only 25 , and have probably lived more than most men at 40. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there will always be questions you need answered. Follow your heart and your head. (not the one between your legs, well sometimes that one lol ) We are all here for you!
     
  8. fuglybaby

    fuglybaby Member

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    Hey guys 'n' gals. Just a quick update.

    While it sounds like I have my act together, the reality is far from it. What does matter is that I am taking things slowly and sorting stuff out. Even more importantly is that I not only feel like I'm moving in the right direction, I KNOW I'm going in the right direction. I'm just gonna have to take my sweet ass time doing stuff. lol

    As for the sex stuff, I figured I'll just take things as they come at me (pun intended?...maybe:wink:) Oh, and one more thing...I had that dream AGAIN!!! Needless to say, I woke up and needed to wash my bedding. lmao. I then decided it was time to out pen to paper and try to exorcise it from my mind. My friend happened to see it on top of my desk and read some of it. He said it sounded "fucking amazing" and asked if he could show his gf. i said ok.

    Well...they both told me it was awesome and both got a little turned-on by it (her way more than him) with such feedback, I have decided to type it out and post it here on LPSG. It will be titled "THE DREAM" and will be posted soon.

    Thanks again for the wonderful responses. They did me a world of good
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Now that's the way to maker lemonade out of life's lemons.... :tongue:
     
  10. fuglybaby

    fuglybaby Member

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    no...when life gives you lemons you find someone with vodka, grab your blender, and turn to your new friend and say, "we need ice, let's go get some."

    :biggrin1:
     
  11. fuglybaby

    fuglybaby Member

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    hey people, fyi the story is up in all it's completed glory. lmao.

    i suggest you have a towel handy when you read it :biggrin:
     
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