Confused Bi 18 y old Asian about the Gay world.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Monkeybloo, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. Monkeybloo

    Monkeybloo New Member

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    First of all I want to say hi I guess? Not new to the site but new to not being an observer anymore I guess. So yes I am bi, and pretty young too.. I haven't experienced the gay culture in real life yet, only read tidbits here and there on the internet.... BUT I have have talk to people over the internet... or tried to at least... So my question is being a young bi, Asian male, am I at like the bottom of the gay hiearchy or something? It seems like only creepy old white guys tend to talk to me. I do respond on friendly terms, but they cross it plently of times... So apparently two new terms I have learned from this experience was rice queen and the other one is sticky rice. However, it seems so rare to find other asians who are interested in asians yet alone the entire gay community. Another thing is, where are all the gay 18 year olds?? or somewhere around that??? The ones I found are usually just very quick to get into my pants. I am all for exploration but is that really all they are looking for? Should I just wait 2 more years or so before trying again? Or are my chances better with the other team?
     
  2. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    be yourself to the best of your ability - relax and take each day - one day at a time;

    alot depends on where you live - site are OK but being in touch with real people is what it's all about! Good Luck. and always be safe!
     
  3. Stingy

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    Hi,

    Indeed, the first rule is be yourself. Don't let anyone push you into doings things you don't like or even disklike.

    Take it as it comes, don't go looking for certain things - they just happen suddenly (most of the time)

    You can start of via the internet, but go out into the real world - it is still happening over there.

    Go slowly , relax, keep a positive attitude and have patience...
     
  4. Monkeybloo

    Monkeybloo New Member

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    Well.. I live in LA.... would that change anything?
     
  5. Countryguy63

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    Nope, doesn't change a thing in regards to the good advice that you received.

    In regards to your experiences so far, yes it's true, there are many with particular interests, even fetishes. If the people that have contacted you don't fall into your interest range, don't get discouraged. You're still very young. It'll happen.

    Although unfortunately, I suspect that "young gay/bi Asian looking for young gay/bi Asian" is probably not going to be a very large group. :frown1:
     
  6. avdude19

    avdude19 Member

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    Aha well i'm from la and to tell you the truth I don't think location matters. Cuz I'm single but that's becuz I choose to be. I don't really like the dating sene. It's not me right now. Aha but seriously don't worry bout it like everyones said.
     
  7. Monkeybloo

    Monkeybloo New Member

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    @Countryguy- Well.. It's just that I keep hearing that LA is ...not in my favor haha... But then again, the advices were very simple but very true.. Maybe even too simple? Also I am not particularly confined to one race. And Ava, you are totally right.. The dating scene sucks..
     
  8. Bbucko

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    Asian guys have it tough in the gay scene. They are stereotyped as being modestly endowed and extremely submissive, which I know from experience is not usually the case. Add to that the fact that it's hard to find your way as a very young man starting to explore the scene when you're not really sure what you're looking for or how to get it. Mix in the fact that very young men are frequently targets for manipulative jerks and other predatory types and it's really really hard.

    Ethnic and racial minorities tend, for whatever reason, to date guys outside of their demographic: it's rare to find two Latinos together, for instance. The cliché of the young Asian with a much older white man endures because it's so commonplace. It's a fact in your life that, though it may not be what you want, it's kind of expected and you'll have to deal with unwanted advances until you are at least ten years older.

    Probably the best way to combat this is by sticking with "twinky" venues and being polite but firm when approached by someone who doesn't interest you. I'm sure that there are plenty of 18+ events or clubs in LA, you shouldn't have trouble finding them.

    You can also try online places like Manhunt; just be absolutely firm in your profile what you're looking for. The only caveat to Manhunt (or Adam4Adam) is that there are fakes (you'll quickly learn how to spot and avoid them) and a fair share of freaks (like me) who are looking for extreme sex rather than vanilla. But we're always really clear about that.

    The other thing about online hook-up sites is the near-ubiquity of PnP, which stands for "Party & Play" and means doing drugs while having sex (usually Meth), as, at least down here in FtL, guys who "party" rarely go to bars. You're a big boy and old enough to make your own decisions, but Meth use is a one-way ticket to hell, and the myth of a "casual user" is just that: a myth. Though I am not a prohibitionist at all, I will counsel you to avoid it.

    Also remember that only you are responsible for your sexual health: trust no one as regards their HIV status and insist on condoms for any penetration, whether as a top or a bottom every time: no exceptions. It's up to you if you want to use condoms for oral; there are plenty of STIs you can get via unprotected oral, whether giving or receiving, but using condoms during oral sex is extremely rare in my experience.
     
  9. Monkeybloo

    Monkeybloo New Member

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    BBucko, you sir, need to write a dummy for gays or something of that start to help bring newbies like me to up to par. I knew PNP meant party and play but didn't really understand the party part (kind of took it literally). What are twinky venues though? Btw, when I meant creepy old men.. sorry if it offended anyone. Maybe the word creepy and old shouldn't be in the same sentence. It's just that the older generation seems to want sex as much as people my age....They couldn't even make it past the 3rd message without mentioning sex.. And don't worry about the health issues, but nice to review them haha... I got that all down.
     
  10. wilseb

    wilseb Member

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    When I first moved to NYC, I went crazy and let my inhibitions go. I was always a bit curious but coming from a small town, you wouldn't dare do anything without it getting around. Small towns, small minds, and people talk.

    I considered myself bi for a while, but went back to women... I guess I grew out of it(!??). Anyway, the ones I 'dated' or was a fuck buddy were Asian. As a skinny white guy in his early 20s with other skinny Asian guys, yeah, I was called a rice queen. Never heard of sticky rice, so that's a new one on me.

    I agree that Asians are stereotyped as being submissive and not packing. One Asian guy I was with was the most hung guy I've ever seen. As for them being submissive... can't really answer that as I was a top.

    I did hang out at number of gay bars, hanging with some of my gay friends, and one thing I did learn was a lot of gay guys (don't want to say ALL, but everyone I asked and spoke to about it) deem bi guys a very low on the totem poll. They viewed "bi" as someone who simply hasn't made up their mind - you're either gay or you're not. Anyway, that's what I observed when I was in that scene.
     
  11. Bbucko

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    Hahahahahahaha:biggrin1:

    Well, I am a writer, so who knows? Maybe a Being A Young Gay/Bi Guy For Dummies might sell :cool:

    Believe me, sweetheart, I know a creepy old man when I see one, though lately I've taken to calling them old letches; one can age with grace and dignity or not, it's really a matter of personal choice. I'm not really all that thrilled about some of the effects of aging, but as I always say, the only thing worse than getting older is the alternative :wink:

    By "twinky venue" I meant an 18+ bar or event where the majority of guys is between 18 and 25. Sure, there'll be a few older men there too (the type who prefers young guys), but the music (and its volume) usually keeps them to a minimum.

    Every town has a few such places. I was 27 the first time I looked around a bar and discovered (somewhat to my horror) that I was the oldest guy in the place, excluding staff: it was a very strange feeling, but Boston, where I'm from, is a very very young city due to all those colleges and universities. Even though in Ft Lauderdale, where I live now, age gets re-calibrated by 20 years (50 is the new 30, you know), there are still some places where any self-respecting guy over 40 just wouldn't/shouldn't be seen.
     
  12. hud01

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    Maybe the word is horny..... and they are being upfront about it. They aren't lying to get you in bed, they are saying right to your face this is what I am looking for.
     
  13. TomCat84

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    Take it from me dude- guys didn't start taking me seriously until I was 25- as in last year. The whole "Awww, youre so young" thing at bars stopped when I turned 26. You sound like you're mature beyond your gay years- just don't become a bitter old queen like the rest of us. I got very bitter very fast, and withdrew from "the scene" for a bit, and now I don't even go out but once or twice a year.
     
  14. Stingy

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    Just a small remark - age hasn't got anything to do with the drive for sex or lust. Age is something that is put into the brain (you know, the thing between your two ears). It is how you act as a person that is important.

    If it helps you, Monkeybloo, when I started accepting I was gay, I lived in a small town. The only examples of gay people I ever saw, were the stereotype guys (efeminate guys) and I wasn't like that. The comment I mostly get is 'I never would've thought that'.

    Only when I moved to a bigger town, and internet became available, I learned there were far more gay people like me. Then I was able to open up to the overall gay community - even now, gay bars are not my thing. A normal cafe/pub is more than good enough to encounter and meet people.

    In short, I'm convinced that you'll find someone to link up with (strange sentence btw) - just don't go too fast and always do the things YOU want to do, don't think that you must do something to belong...
     
  15. Monkeybloo

    Monkeybloo New Member

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    Wow. Thanks for the responses so far. @Tomcat: Not sure if bitter old queen is a good thing or a bad thing. Might seem like a good thing to me right now because I probably becoming one haha. So I guess you regretted it? But what part of the scene did you regret?
    @ Stingy thank again for your response- The repeating theme I seem to be getting is slow down haha. Am I really going that fast??
    @Hud01- At least they are truthful I guess.
    @Bbucko- Again, right on the money with the "one can age gracefully..." part. That was probably what I was aiming for. Guess you are the perfect example haha, I find this to be hotter then the guys who upfront me with sex. Yea, they are certainly more out there but it is a matter of presentation and how they did it failed in my book. Hmm bars.... and clubs... definitly not what I want even if I knew someone to go with. I rather have Stingy's scenario with the normal/gay cafe haha.
     
  16. heist

    heist New Member

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    I agree with TomCat. You sound like you're more mature than the guys you're looking at -- they seem to only want to get into your pants mostly because that's all they really want right now. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you'll either have to look at more mature guys (not necessarily older, but age helps with maturity) or you'll have to wait until the guys your age grow up.

    But if you don't want to settle into anything just yet and you don't mind playing around for a few years, you should follow Bbucko's advice and go to the 18+/younger places.

    Obviously, this isn't something to take lightly -- what are you really comfortable with? what can you handle? -- but eventually you'll decide on something. You may even have different phases of "now I want a bf" then "now I want to just have fun". Just be safe, be smart, and try to not do anything you'll regret too much.

    And finally -- as for the asian thing, yeah, it happens. Are you especially interested only in asians? If so, then that's tough to deal with because it's a problem within the gay community. If it's more of a personal comfort zone issue (as in, preferring to do stuff with a type of person you're most familiar with -- your own race) then you should try to open up more and see if maybe other races aren't quite so bad either. ;)
     
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