Confused, need some insight!

[MCBFly]

So what is the deal with my friend? The thought has passed my mind that he might be a very closested homosexual or bisexual...but I really don't think he is, as much as it might explain his behavior. When trying to figure this out I kinda thought about the character Vito from Sopranos, how he acts like a tough guy who likes women and is afraid to show any homosexuality to the point where he gets hostile and homophobic. Its very possible I guess, but again I just don't think thats the case. Beside what I already mentioned, what else would cause him to act like this?

My theory:
Your friend is gay, his Korean background and upbringing makes that very difficult for him. You would think your coming to him would make him happy for you or maybe make him think about coming out, but it only makes him more uncomfortable for some reason. I'm sure your coming out makes him envious that you can be so comfortable with yourself - apparently he is not comfortable with himself, but that's not his fault.

He may also be feeling conflicted with himself and his friendship with you. Many Koreans are very religious and he's probably been brought up to believe homosexuality is wrong. He's your friend. If he was straight he probably would stop being friends with you. But because he's gay himself he's going to keep you as a friend, but at the same time your openness will make him uneasy and curious (hence, the questioning).

There is also a possibility he might like you. He's already uncomfortable for the reasons I have stated. Seeing you as a straight friend made you automatically inaccessible and he was okay with that, but you coming out now makes him uncomfortable because he likes and now doesn't quite know how to deal with his feelings for you. When he thought you were straight is was very cut and dry: he can never have you, forget about it. But now you're out it's like there's a possibility but he can't act on it because he's in the closet and will not come out at any cost.

My only advice to you is continue being a friend and don't push the issue. As long as he lives with his parents he will be afraid to come out. If you press the issue you might end up just pushing him away.

 

[iyikedralling]

Maybe it's because he knows that strip clubs are raunchy, and every girl there just wants your money, not you.

For the last year some friends and I were throwing around the idea of going to a strip club. We were all very into it talking about it from time to time. Well two days ago was my friend's 19th bday so we planned to go to this nude club where 18 is the age to get in. So talking with this friend he seemed into it, until about a week before when things really seemed certain that we were going. Then he started to back away from it, not saying so directly but making up some poor excuses. He ultimately decided to go to some girls "Sweet 16" party, rather than hang out with some of his older guy friends at a nude strip club where I offered to pay for everything he wanted.

Needless to say me and my guy friends were pissed off and confused. We still ended up going without him since he bailed on us and it was a lot of fun. Then the bday boy starts telling us how he planned on going with other friends a week later. When that day came, he was "sick" and decided to stay home.

He is 19 years old, in excellent shape (Took 2nd place at a novice bodybuilding contest), hasn't had a girlfriend since 8th grade which he blames on his strict Korean parents, even though he goes out drinking with some other friends quite often on weekdays. He is a virgin, and at least portrays a very straight attitude with the way he talks about girls, etc.

I recently came out to him and some other close friends that I was a bisexual. Everyone but him was cool with it. It didn't bother him to the point where it hurt our friendship, but he was a lot more...questioning or disappointed, along those lines, rather than accepting and moving on with it. Now without even having gone to the strip club ever, he is claiming it is "a waste of time and money". Going ALL the time is a waste of money, thats my belief at least. But going for your first time with close friends on your bday and having fun, and getting paid for...definetly isn't a waste of time or money.

So what is the deal with my friend? The thought has passed my mind that he might be a very closested homosexual or bisexual...but I really don't think he is, as much as it might explain his behavior. When trying to figure this out I kinda thought about the character Vito from Sopranos, how he acts like a tough guy who likes women and is afraid to show any homosexuality to the point where he gets hostile and homophobic. Its very possible I guess, but again I just don't think thats the case. Beside what I already mentioned, what else would cause him to act like this?

 

[D_Roderick Beresford Stiffington IV]

I appreciate all these great responses. After reading them over again it does seem like I'm obsessing over this, however I want to make it clear I hardly ask him about this topic. Only the one night where he ditched us with lame excuses. I merely was discussing the topic and all the possibilities here for my own curious mind. It really doesn't matter why he said or did anything he did, it was just curiousity on my part. I only discussed this as much as I did here because I was enjoying the varrying responses from all the diverse people here.

 

[Meniswallow]

i dont understand why u would think that just cuz he didnt want to go, that it would make him gay or bi?....maybe he was into the idea at first but then just didn't want to go and so to not make himself look like a fool...he gave weak excuses as to why he didn't go in the end...ur thinkin way to much into this and i dunno y u really are...ultimately it is his choice to do this or not.

 

[dudepiston]

Yeah I don't think Orbitz is trying to suggest that his Korean friend IS gay or bi for sure....but that's one theory that is at least possible. I am tempted to think it's a cultural issue. I've had a few Asian friends, one of them was my roomate in university. They were raised strictly - and it's not always obvious just how strict their parents & family were - the families can seem quite calm when you meet them but as we all know the raising of a child goes on for MANY years. Just because he's trying to break the mold doesn't mean he's done so, yet. This may have much less to do with his sexual orientation and more to do with family dynamics.

i dont understand why u would think that just cuz he didnt want to go, that it would make him gay or bi?....maybe he was into the idea at first but then just didn't want to go and so to not make himself look like a fool...he gave weak excuses as to why he didn't go in the end...ur thinkin way to much into this and i dunno y u really are...ultimately it is his choice to do this or not.

 

[dreamer20]

Orbitz, You will never know unless you have some kind of heart to heart with him.

Is this still a mystery OrbitzXT or has he talked?

 

[iio]

yeah what happened? did u talk to him. we can only hypothesize. only he has the answer.