Confused Sexuality

[woskxn]

good post, red.

I am 20yrs old, and what I've learned so far is that the sexuality spectrum is all over. I've heard many guys, who describe themselve as gay, describe their attractions, and they are all across the map. What I mean is, it seems each persons attractions are very individual and thats from people who all claim to be gay.

So what i'm saying is a lot of people could go either way and everyone's attractions are very individual. And if we come to that conclusion, it also means that there is nothing wrong about having feelings for both sexes.

The goal in this life is to find someone who you totally connect with it, be it a men or women, both physically and emotionally. Whether it be hetero couples or gay couples, lots of people have not had success but thats what the hunt is all about.

 

[Slamdunk_dude]

Hey again, thanks all so much for the replies, I don't feel so alone anymore. I have been thinking about this all day today, I deliberately avoided this forum so that I could work out some feelings on my own. It ended up being pretty productive as my dad noticed that I was very quiet and asked me what was wrong, we ended up having the longest talk, not about sexuality but about coming to terms with who you are in general, growing up etc. Basically he told me that he loves me for being me and that would never change. In some respects that made me relax a bit and realise that there is no pressure to "come out" right away, I need to sort out my own feelings first.
big_red, your post was so helpful and very much like I had written it myself. I have only ever been in love (or as close to love you can be at 16) once and it was with a girl. In some respects I wish that I could just identify as totally gay and let that be, but there is something stopping me, whether it is my own repressed fears about being gay or a genuine feeling and attraction towards girls im not sure.
I think I'm going to proceed by talking to my best friend about it, he knows absolutely everything about me and is the only one who I have discussed anything like this with. When I told him that I was attracted to guys sometimes he was so underwhelmed almost as if to say "who isnt?" He also gave me the advice to work out my feelings before making any big decisions. It is very wise to say that I need to have experiences with a guy before doing anything, i may hate it, or may love it! Fantasy and reality are two very different things.
Sorry about the length of the post, rest assured though whatever happens I will keep everyone updated. All I want is to be happy and honest about who I am to everyone in my life.

Thank you again everyone for your advice

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I'm really glad you came forward with what you're going through. It sounds like you find this information helpful and that you're really doing what you need to be doing for yourself now -- taking a mental inventory and trying to make sense of what you're going through. Congratulations. This is the hardest part of the coming-to-terms process, whether you end up straight or otherwise.

About the only thing I can recommend is that you take as much time as you need to sort out your feelings. Remember. This is your life we're talking about here. You are absolutely, positively aren't under any pressure to get all your facts together, and nobody has the right to make that demand of you. Don't go seeking out guy experiences if it still feels funny. If you do seek them out, go forward if you feel like you trust the people or think of them kindly. And even if however you classify yourself doesn't make sense to the rest of the world, who cares? Your life. Your label. As long as you feel good about what you're doing and you're giving yourself the support you need, you'll work out fine.

Good luck.

 

[Slamdunk_dude]

Hey DeeBlackthorne, thanks for your advice. Rationally speaking I know it is impossible to have all the answers straight away but there is this internal struggle going on that i feel like i want to resolve "now". In that respect the pressure is coming from me and not from other people.
The funny thing is that since part of me has become more accepting of my feelings it seems to be dominating my everyday life. As soon as I hear a rumour that a celebrity is "gay" or "bi" I'm suddenly obsessed with them as if they wil magically give me the answer. I watch TV shows and try to see if I am more attracted to the men or the women (ridiculous I know)

The biggest question I am trying to deal with right now is whether I am bi or just fooling myself.

Its not very easy

Thanks again for all your support, it means so much

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by Slamdunk_dude@Jul 17 2005, 01:57 AM
Hey guys (and gals), this is my first post... (sorry in advance if its really long&#33

I'm an 18 year old guy and have been questioning my sexuality for a few years now, its been a long and painful process and I still don't seem to be any closer to becoming comfortable with myself (or even knowing what I am)
I have ALWAYS known that I am not entirely straight and for a while I thought I was gay. I even began to accept it (most people assume I am gay upon first meeting me and many long established friends have long had their suspicions lol)

Recently I have realised that I am only attracted to guys in a purely sexual sense eg: I feel that I have no desire to have a relationship with one and do not think i could fall in love with another man. ALL my past sexual experiences and relationships have been with girls (and I have REALLY enjoyed them), I have never even kissed another guy. In some respects I was trying to deny that I am still attracted to women in order to identify myself as "gay" rather than "bisexual". I am sexually and emotionally attracted to women but sexually attracted to men also, but have had no experience.

My dilemma lies here: I feel like I have been keeping my attraction to men secret for my entire life (while people have suspected that I am gay I have always maintained otherwise) I am at the point in my life now where I want to be open with everyone about who i am and who i am attracted to, but how can i do this if i don't even know myself? I recently read an article which stated that bisexuality in men is a myth and that they are in denail of being gay or straight!! I feel like if i tell people that I am bisexual they will assume that I am gay and lying (or in denial). I know that sexuality is a hard thing to categorize but I just wish that I knew if I was gay or bi (or if bi even exists&#33
I feel like I want to "come out" but what do I say "Dad, I'm gay", "Dad I'm bisexual" or "Dad I'm sexually attracted to men and women but don't know if I'm bisexual or a homosexual in denial, I just wanted to let you know" lol

Sorry if this post sounds ridiculous, I just want to be able to tell my friends when I see a hot guy.......... (or girl) aaaaaaagh

Thanks for listening!

[post=329692]Quoted post[/post]​

Have you ever actually done anything with guys before?

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by Slamdunk_dude@Jul 16 2005, 10:27 PM
Thanks very much guys, I think in some ways I just needed some reassurance that it wasn't all in my head. That quote about just being "sexual" is so true. I'm not attracted to the gender but to the particular person if that makes sense?
I may take up your advice Madame_Zora and say that I am confused, its just a very difficult thing to bring up! I have wanted to so many times!! I think at the back of their minds some members of my family already know but don't want to ask me.
I hate the labels that people feel that they have to conform to, its just very hard to accept that none of the labels fit you!

Thanks again very much

[post=329697]Quoted post[/post]​

Dude - I totally feel very similar to you...I always questioned my sexuality too but after being on this site and talking w/some really cool people I have come to feel the same way as yourself...I too had thoughts that it would be easier to choose and be gay but realized that is not me...I have to come to realize that I have a stronger attraction for women than men and could never picture myself in a relationship w/a man...And my friends and family would be cool if I did tell them I was gay so that is not why I even tell all of them about my past incidents w/guys because I still feel straight but try to avoid the label either way...I am just me...I thought I was the only one so remember you are not alone and that is what I had to figure out...And don't label yourself - just find what works for you...And I like what Nixxy said before too - I am not homosexual, hetrosexual or bi-sexual - I am sexual...I live by those words now and I am quite happy...

 

[aqua-illusion]

I was caught in the same situation, but I realize I AM bi-sexual...

girls are hot, and guys are hot.

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande+Jul 18 2005, 08:04 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Pene_Negro_Grande &#064; Jul 18 2005, 08:04 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Slamdunk_dude@Jul 16 2005, 10:27 PM
Thanks very much guys, I think in some ways I just needed some reassurance that it wasn&#39;t all in my head. That quote about just being "sexual" is so true. I&#39;m not attracted to the gender but to the particular person if that makes sense?
I may take up your advice Madame_Zora and say that I am confused, its just a very difficult thing to bring up&#33; I have wanted to so many times&#33;&#33; I think at the back of their minds some members of my family already know but don&#39;t want to ask me.
I hate the labels that people feel that they have to conform to, its just very hard to accept that none of the labels fit you&#33;

Thanks again very much

[post=329697]Quoted post[/post]​

Dude - I totally feel very similar to you...I always questioned my sexuality too but after being on this site and talking w/some really cool people I have come to feel the same way as yourself...I too had thoughts that it would be easier to choose and be gay but realized that is not me...I have to come to realize that I have a stronger attraction for women than men and could never picture myself in a relationship w/a man...And my friends and family would be cool if I did tell them I was gay so that is not why I even tell all of them about my past incidents w/guys because I still feel straight but try to avoid the label either way...I am just me...I thought I was the only one so remember you are not alone and that is what I had to figure out...And don&#39;t label yourself - just find what works for you...And I like what Nixxy said before too - I am not homosexual, hetrosexual or bi-sexual - I am sexual...I live by those words now and I am quite happy...

[post=330167]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

i think this is very good advice, but hard to put into practice. i&#39;m 27 and am still going through a lot of this sexual identity-seeking stugg. it doesn&#39;t help that i have virtually no one my age that i know who is going through this as well.

for me, i experimented briefly 4 years ago with a couple of guys after college, but went back to grad school and had to give this experimentation up since it was totally unacceptable (very bright, compassionate, yet societally-tethered friends in grad school). i did get together with one girl in this 4 years, so most friends assume i&#39;m a straight, just very shy guy. but i think that was out of sexual necessity than anything else. i&#39;m just not sure.

now that i&#39;m done with grad school and starting a new part of my life, i was hoping to try to define myself sexually some more. but i am finding that most gay people my age have done the whole coming out thing years ago, and know exactly what they want. even more than this, they don&#39;t want to start things over with someone unexperienced. so it seems to me that advancing myself in education definitely hurt me socially.

i have tried the while online adam4adam, americansingles, etc dating thing, but finding people who are out to get more than just laid is like finding a needle in a haystack. it&#39;s not like i can just walk into a weho club (i live in la) and meet someone compatible&#33; (why can&#39;t they make e-harmony for men seeking men where you can match by compatibilities???)

i guess all of this has been going around in my head for some time and this thread really hit home. i&#39;m not prepared to share this aspect of my life with friends/relatives yet, so i hope somone here (and there are many people here) may know of someone who faced something even remotely similar and was able to find a way around it? just some perspective (psychoanalysis is okay ) at this point would probably be helpful. thanks&#33;

 

[deleted2253]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 19 2005, 03:18 AM
i guess all of this has been going around in my head for some time and this thread really hit home. i&#39;m not prepared to share this aspect of my life with friends/relatives yet, so i hope somone here (and there are many people here) may know of someone who faced something even remotely similar and was able to find a way around it? just some perspective (psychoanalysis is okay ) at this point would probably be helpful. thanks&#33;

[post=330226]Quoted post[/post]​

Slamdunk, Coolioc, first of all let me stress that you are NOT alone on this&#33; There are many many people in our situation&#33; Sexuality in humans is a variable thing, it&#39;s not something you can necessarily put a label on. Variation and diversity exists everywhere in life on this planet, humans are a part of that.

Coolioc, the time will come when you can share this with your family and friends. There are many men and women who "come out" if the feel the need to when they are years older than you are. Perhaps they grew up in a time when it wasn&#39;t socially acceptible to homosexual. It&#39;s OK to like men and women. It&#39;s OK to like one more than the other.

For a time after I began to come to terms, I thought that maybe I just liked boys and that my relationship with my girlfriend through highschool was just me in denial. All I could think about when fantasizing was having sex with a guy. All the time, thats all it was about. However, over time my sexuality began to balance out. I think, because I was repressed and in denial for sooooo long, that the gayness in me was exploding outward, because it could finally be "free". This is just now beginning to stablize and balance. This has lead me to my determination that I am mostly gay, with a bit of strightness in their once in a while.

I have had very little experience with guys, so maybe things will become even clearer being with guys more.

This is something that helped me when I was confused and had thoughts swirling in my head, I wrote EVERYTHING I was feeling down. I wrote about 5 pages worth of thoughts, feelings, ideas, frustrations, but it gave me a better understanding of what I was feeling and helped me come to terms with the fact that I like guys. Maybe this would help?

If any of you feel you are gay or need to come out, do it&#33; it will be a relief on your mind and body. It&#39;s like a weight is lifeted off your shoulders. You will, however, face something that a lot of people don&#39;t have to worry about. Hate, Homophobia and Discrimination. It still exists and is very real. I don&#39;t want to scare you, but just be aware of how ignorance is still very prevelant in our society. But, you are who you are and nothing will change that no matter what ANYONE tries to tell you. Be Strong, Be Proud, Be YOU&#33;

if anyone wants to discuss anything privately email me: big_red737@yahoo.com

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 19 2005, 03:18 AM
[i guess all of this has been going around in my head for some time and this thread really hit home. i&#39;m not prepared to share this aspect of my life with friends/relatives yet, so i hope somone here (and there are many people here) may know of someone who faced something even remotely similar and was able to find a way around it? just some perspective (psychoanalysis is okay ) at this point would probably be helpful. thanks&#33;

[post=330226]Quoted post[/post]​

Funny I was thinking the same thing when I read this thread about how true it hits home...And big_red737 made some valid points...Coolioc - I feel very much similar to you...I feel I am in the same situation...I have said before that I think bi-sexual individuals have it worst than anyone else when it comes to attraction...Some people would think that it gives you more options when you can swing both ways but to me it is like emotional overload...My issue is if I told anyone, my friends and family that I had a somewhat attraction for men but prefer women, I think that they would assume I am gay and in denial...The confusion would come because I enjoy the companionship of women for all my emoitonal and physical needs...In the past the couple of guys I have hooked up with were purely sexual but were good friends so there is a weird connection because this is someone that I want in my life but not on a man/woman type relationship (don&#39;t know if that makes sense)...So it is very hard and confusing...I mean all my guy friends seem very similar to me and are very attractive and I probably was sexually attractive to them in the first place but it quickly went away to just friendship but there is a weird bond (closeness) that we have...I mean we are all pretty touchy feely with each other and it doesn&#39;t freak us out and some of the moments we have feel like some attraction that I have had with women but I dismiss it pretty quickly as it is all in my mind...So from reading this thread maybe my friends may be having some of the same feelings/thoughts as myself...Point being is that you are not alone in your feelings - I got a feeling there are more of us out their than you think...This site really has help me somewhat understand myself and I didn&#39;t even have to pay for therapy (LOL)...

 

[Lex]

I am a married man (going on 9 years) with two kids and a loving wife. I was able to fully realize my interest in men over the past 2.5 years or so. I always found certain things about men attractive but never really explored it. I don&#39;t think I was emotionally mature enough or secure enough with myself to allow my mind to fully examine what I felt.

I came out to my wife some time ago--she actually suspected before I had fully realized it myself. She has been wonderfully supportive and I have a few close friends that also know of my orientation.

It is not easy. I am attracted to certain people (male or female). My BF and I go to Rehoboth monthly and I have the best times there meeting other gay/bi men and being in their company. At the same time, I work in a conservative environment and have a family that is very southern and very conservative--so I have not come out totally as of yet. I plan to--but am not sure when. Driving home on Sunday is often a let-down.

What I found was that I had to slowly immerse myself among other men who were gay in order to figure out what exactly my attraction was--what things I liked about other men and what things I liked to DO with other men. If you choose to experiment, do so SAFELY and DISCREETLY. Also, consider a therapsist--there is good comfort in knowing that you can talk to someone who is NEVER allowed to share that info with ANYONE (unless you present as a danger to yourself and/or others).

PM me if you feel that need. Good luck.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

You know what a lot of my friends do the therapy thing and it seems to help them out a lot...Have been thinking about that in the past couple of days...I am pretty content and happy w/my situation but maybe I am not and just thinking I am...I think I am going to check into the therapy thing for other issues I have been dealing w/since childhood...I am sure it could be a good thing...Thanks...

 

[jonb]

Sex is just sex. I&#39;m mostly attracted to women, but some men are hot too. No need to worry about which category you fit in.

It&#39;s easier in my generation, I think. Most of the gay guys came out in high school or early college. But it&#39;s still harder to explain that you appreciate the male form even though you prefer women.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Yeah totally agree...That is why the article that the original poster referred to is so misleading and can really confuse someone who is struggling to understand themselves...

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by Lex@Jul 19 2005, 01:08 PM
I am a married man (going on 9 years) with two kids and a loving wife. I was able to fully realize my interest in men over the past 2.5 years or so. I always found certain things about men attractive but never really explored it. I don&#39;t think I was emotionally mature enough or secure enough with myself to allow my mind to fully examine what I felt.

I came out to my wife some time ago--she actually suspected before I had fully realized it myself. She has been wonderfully supportive and I have a few close friends that also know of my orientation.

It is not easy. I am attracted to certain people (male or female). My BF and I go to Rehoboth monthly and I have the best times there meeting other gay/bi men and being in their company. At the same time, I work in a conservative environment and have a family that is very southern and very conservative--so I have not come out totally as of yet. I plan to--but am not sure when. Driving home on Sunday is often a let-down.

What I found was that I had to slowly immerse myself among other men who were gay in order to figure out what exactly my attraction was--what things I liked about other men and what things I liked to DO with other men. If you choose to experiment, do so SAFELY and DISCREETLY. Also, consider a therapsist--there is good comfort in knowing that you can talk to someone who is NEVER allowed to share that info with ANYONE (unless you present as a danger to yourself and/or others).

PM me if you feel that need. Good luck.

[post=330420]Quoted post[/post]​

Lex, I think your situation is even tougher to have to live with than the one i described. With your marriage, you have absolutely solidified every you know&#39;s impressions of you in terms of sexuality. If you come out to them it&#39;ll be out of left field. For me, I am kinda of the opinion that people are not quite sure exactly what to make of me, so if I do plan on moving along with exploration and telling people, it won&#39;t be such an "oh my god&#33;" moment for all. I am glad your wife is so supportive, as that will hopefully make telling family that much easier. Thanks for posting; it helped quite a bit.

BTW, what is Rehoboth?

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande@Jul 19 2005, 02:08 AM

Funny I was thinking the same thing when I read this thread about how true it hits home...And big_red737 made some valid points...Coolioc - I feel very much similar to you...I feel I am in the same situation...I have said before that I think bi-sexual individuals have it worst than anyone else when it comes to attraction...Some people would think that it gives you more options when you can swing both ways but to me it is like emotional overload...My issue is if I told anyone, my friends and family that I had a somewhat attraction for men but prefer women, I think that they would assume I am gay and in denial...The confusion would come because I enjoy the companionship of women for all my emoitonal and physical needs...In the past the couple of guys I have hooked up with were purely sexual but were good friends so there is a weird connection because this is someone that I want in my life but not on a man/woman type relationship (don&#39;t know if that makes sense)...So it is very hard and confusing...I mean all my guy friends seem very similar to me and are very attractive and I probably was sexually attractive to them in the first place but it quickly went away to just friendship but there is a weird bond (closeness) that we have...I mean we are all pretty touchy feely with each other and it doesn&#39;t freak us out and some of the moments we have feel like some attraction that I have had with women but I dismiss it pretty quickly as it is all in my mind...So from reading this thread maybe my friends may be having some of the same feelings/thoughts as myself...Point being is that you are not alone in your feelings - I got a feeling there are more of us out their than you think...This site really has help me somewhat understand myself and I didn&#39;t even have to pay for therapy (LOL)...

[post=330242]Quoted post[/post]​

PNG, yes, it is like an overload. I am trying to balance all of this without having had the background and context to do it. Starting at the age of 27 is tough... the rest of the gay world has pretty much come out, and the straight women have more or less married or have plans to marry. Where to go from here?

Therapy is a pretty good idea. However, with my new job committments, it would be impossible to find enough time to see one. LPSG (I&#39;ve come here often but contributed little until this thread struck a nerve) has opened my eyes quite a bit and has for at least 6 months provided me with makeshift therapy for free thanks to people like you.

But PNG, for the moments of attraction with your guy friends you described, it seems to me like you repress these moments since they are "all in your head" as you guys dont want to act on them. You do consider this part of your sexuality and if the moments feel like ones you&#39;ve had with women, it weirds you out. How are you sure that with other people that you are not good friends with, that you&#39;ll be so easily able to separate physical attraction from emotional attraction? (I hope I read your post right).

 

[Lex]

Glad my post helped. I had a entire "Coming Out" thread back in January when it happended so to speak. Let&#39;s see if I can find it


Rehoboth Beach, Delaware is a very gay/bi/family friendly city on the east coast. Lots of families and partners either live or vacation there. I take my family there and the BF and I go there every chance we get. It&#39;s a very liberal place and refreshing city to just BE. It is where I have been immersing myself so to speak (Although I started with some trips to Dupont Circle in Washington, DC).

Originally posted by Lex in January 2005
Hey gang--
I don&#39;t tend to post too much, although I do like to chime in here and there.

At any rate, I have been recently going through a tough and amazing journey with my wife of 8 years and thought I would share it with everyone as this place has really helped me since I started lurking here back when it was a part of EZBoard.

I am a AF-Am male, raised in an urban east coast city who attended public school. I was considered a skinny nerd and not really accpeted by Af-Am as I was too "proper" and looked upon with mazement by my white peers (As in, I can&#39;t beleive someone from the city can be so intelligent). Sadly, these same trends occur now at my job where I have been employed for 11 years and have carved a succesful and rising career.

I have always been fascinated with cock. I found my mother&#39;s PlayGirl as a little boy and snuck to look at it every chance I got. When older kids would wrestle with me, I would get aroused. I would watch wrestling with my grandad and would find some of the guys SO Hot (I didn&#39;t understand it then). Guys like Arn Anderson really did it for me.

I also had a very strong attraction to women growing up, although they didn&#39;t seem to really like me--I was single for most of high school. In college, I was very homophobic--I could blame it on the Black all male college I attended, but that would be a lie. I simply wasn&#39;t mature enough to deal with male-to-male existence. My dad never spoke to me about anything sexual at all. When I was getting out of the car at 17, he handed me condoms. I had been sexually active for 3 years already. Go figure.

Then, one day I thought that "I hate those fucking __________&#33;&#33;" was a blanket statement that could be applied (and had been applied to women, black folk, and many other groups) and that was not my thing--so I deprogrammed my phobia. Along the way I met a wonderful woman who is now my wife. We have known each other since freshman year of college.

As I have become more comfy with my love of cock (and certain men) I have shared with her my membership to this forum and as well as the fact that I chat frequently to a few people here. Over the past 4 months, she and I have had conversations about my sexuality. She asked my flat out if I thought I was Bi--to which I said no with anxiety.

Well guess what? I am. Labels aside (and a wink to MuscleJockLA)--I am a bi-sexual man in marriage who is committed to his family first and foremost. My wife has obviously been struggling with this. She had/has lots of natural anxieties. But guess what--she, to, is committed to making our marriage continue to work. she has joined a few support groups for wives in Mixed Orientation Marriages and we have nightly discussions about where I am with my sexuality and feelings. Where other spouses would have walked out the front door, she sat on the couch to talk more.

Make no mistake--this has been the toughest thing I have ever talked to anyone about. These were secrets biuried so deep I didn&#39;t even know where they all were anymore. But you know what? It was toughter trying to hide it. Too tough actually.
I know every woman (or spouse) is not like my wife and I realize how fortunate I am to have her as my life partner. I know that there will be gay people who think I am still surpressing my gayness and str8 people who reject me totally. I am prepared for that.

All I know if that not having the burden of hiding my urges/desires has been the most powerful and uplifting experience of my life. I am beginning to feel that I am just understanding who I am and it is an amazing feeling. Amaxing.


And I want everyone who loves this quirkly little place to know that finding this forum and chatting with people here has helped me in ways that therapy and medication never could. And even though there are far too many people to name because you invariably forget someone (and I know I will), I have to name some of the free spririts here who I find to be be SO awesome.

IaThick9, Max, DMW, Malito, MuscleJockLA, OBB, Steve26, RoysToy, Ash and Herble, drambone, CarDillion--you guys have all helped me in one way or anither by your words or advice or encouragement either here or on Yahoo. Thanks so much.

Madame Zora--I know we have not chatted, but your prescence here is SO uplifting. Please never leave. I hope that other people find this site and find it as helpful as I have. Its such a good feeling to know that I am not as alone as I have felt over the past 33 years. Not alone at all.

 

[Sabln7]

I have been through the same Journey as Lex. I am still married, but my wife and I simply don&#39;t talk about my gay orientation. I wish we were as open as Lex and his wife. We are in a don&#39;t ask, don&#39;t tell situation. As I have become older, my interests have moved toward men and away from women....Thus my orientation listed as mostly gay. When I was 19 and first married, I would have marked myself 90% straight and 10% gay. Putting a label on sexuality is so difficult. I agree with Lex in that we are all sexual beings, and it is hard to simpy call oneself gay, straight or bisexual. I am simply sexual with a current attraction more to men that women.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 20 2005, 12:50 AM
But PNG, for the moments of attraction with your guy friends you described, it seems to me like you repress these moments since they are "all in your head" as you guys dont want to act on them. You do consider this part of your sexuality and if the moments feel like ones you&#39;ve had with women, it weirds you out. How are you sure that with other people that you are not good friends with, that you&#39;ll be so easily able to separate physical attraction from emotional attraction? (I hope I read your post right).

[post=330571]Quoted post[/post]​

I think I see what you are saying...Separating physical and emotional attraction is something I probably need therapy about (LOL)...I can go into any type of relationship and clearly separate this is only going to be about sex and nothing else...Granted I am not cold to the person and treat them w/the utmost respect but they will not be getting the emotional support they desire and I eventually cut it off...I have always been able to do it and I have lost a lot of girlfriends behind it...I not a emotional person at all and I know where I get it from - my mother...My mother and I a very similar in our emotions...My mother taught me to be a strong individual and not to count on anyone for anything including your own happiness...But she had to be that way in the time she grew up in being a minority growing up in really racial times and being married and divorced before she was 22...That is what I probably need therapy about - breaking that cycle (lol)...

You know I thought at first maybe I was repressing those feelings but it not really repression because I really don&#39;t see them in a sexual way anymore...One guy who I became good friends with, I admit I was attracted to when we first met but soon after hanging out with him the attraction just became friendship...Recently I think I posted that this guy told me he liked guys and girls and that I was the only person he ever told...I told him that I was attracted to men too and had hooked up w/some in the past, so don&#39;t worry about it...And it was clear that he liked me and looking at me for experimentation...I couldn&#39;t do it and didn&#39;t feel that attraction for men at the time...Now I think he is a little put off by me because he still tries to get me alone or want to come over at night but I can tell is nervous and disappointed because I do no return his feelings...

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by Sabln7@Jul 20 2005, 07:39 AM
I have been through the same Journey as Lex. I am still married, but my wife and I simply don&#39;t talk about my gay orientation. I wish we were as open as Lex and his wife. We are in a don&#39;t ask, don&#39;t tell situation. As I have become older, my interests have moved toward men and away from women....Thus my orientation listed as mostly gay. When I was 19 and first married, I would have marked myself 90% straight and 10% gay. Putting a label on sexuality is so difficult. I agree with Lex in that we are all sexual beings, and it is hard to simpy call oneself gay, straight or bisexual. I am simply sexual with a current attraction more to men that women.

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Lex and yourself are better than I and I applaud you...I mean you guys are in relationships and trying to balance out your sexuality...I have always felt a type of guilt and that is why I remain single so that if I ever want to explore my sexuality - no one will get hurt...