Confused Sexuality

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande+Jul 20 2005, 02:51 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Pene_Negro_Grande &#064; Jul 20 2005, 02:51 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-coolioc@Jul 20 2005, 12:50 AM
But PNG, for the moments of attraction with your guy friends you described, it seems to me like you repress these moments since they are "all in your head" as you guys dont want to act on them. You do consider this part of your sexuality and if the moments feel like ones you&#39;ve had with women, it weirds you out. How are you sure that with other people that you are not good friends with, that you&#39;ll be so easily able to separate physical attraction from emotional attraction? (I hope I read your post right).

[post=330571]Quoted post[/post]​

I think I see what you are saying...Separating physical and emotional attraction is something I probably need therapy about (LOL)...I can go into any type of relationship and clearly separate this is only going to be about sex and nothing else...Granted I am not cold to the person and treat them w/the utmost respect but they will not be getting the emotional support they desire and I eventually cut it off...I have always been able to do it and I have lost a lot of girlfriends behind it...I not a emotional person at all and I know where I get it from - my mother...My mother and I a very similar in our emotions...My mother taught me to be a strong individual and not to count on anyone for anything including your own happiness...But she had to be that way in the time she grew up in being a minority growing up in really racial times and being married and divorced before she was 22...That is what I probably need therapy about - breaking that cycle (lol)...

You know I thought at first maybe I was repressing those feelings but it not really repression because I really don&#39;t see them in a sexual way anymore...One guy who I became good friends with, I admit I was attracted to when we first met but soon after hanging out with him the attraction just became friendship...Recently I think I posted that this guy told me he liked guys and girls and that I was the only person he ever told...I told him that I was attracted to men too and had hooked up w/some in the past, so don&#39;t worry about it...And it was clear that he liked me and looking at me for experimentation...I couldn&#39;t do it and didn&#39;t feel that attraction for men at the time...Now I think he is a little put off by me because he still tries to get me alone or want to come over at night but I can tell is nervous and disappointed because I do no return his feelings...

[post=330644]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

PNG, I was wondering how do you know that your attraction to men is not just a passing thought and nothing more? Perhaps your only able to distinguish an unattractive man from a attractive man and nothing else, at least in regards to becoming sexual. Do you have one specific fantasy that you would like to experience with another guy?

I apologize if i&#39;m asking to many private questions........I always do that when I see an interesting post......

 

[Pappy]

Sex is sex and it doesn&#39;t matter which sex you have it with. We are, after all, all sexual beings.

 

[jonb]

Yeah, and if it makes you a LITTLE bit gay, what&#39;s wrong with that?

 

[steve319]

Not a damned thing.

Or even if it makes you a WHOLE LOT gay, Slamdunk.

Not much I can add to the wonderful advice you&#39;ve gotten here beyond just a voice of support. Lots of great points made:

* labels? what good are they again?

* no rush to put yourself in a box

* whatever you decide, it&#39;s OK

* experiment and see what works for you--just be safe with it.

We all support you in your journey&#33; I think you&#39;ll find lots of support here; many of us are wrestling with mixed orientation. Keep us posted about where you are in your personal process.

Originally posted by headbang8@Jul 16 2005, 11:56 PM
A relationship between two men is unimaginable because we simply don&#39;t know where to start imagining it. How it looks, how it&#39;s supposed to feel, how much it&#39;s supposed to resemble the way men and women relate to each other. (On the last front, here&#39;s a tip: it isn&#39;t)

Interesting&#33; Never considered that, but it makes sense. What a great example of what we all have to learn from the experiences of others.

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande@Jul 20 2005, 07:51 AM
I think I see what you are saying...Separating physical and emotional attraction is something I probably need therapy about (LOL)...I can go into any type of relationship and clearly separate this is only going to be about sex and nothing else...Granted I am not cold to the person and treat them w/the utmost respect but they will not be getting the emotional support they desire and I eventually cut it off...I have always been able to do it and I have lost a lot of girlfriends behind it...I not a emotional person at all and I know where I get it from - my mother...My mother and I a very similar in our emotions...My mother taught me to be a strong individual and not to count on anyone for anything including your own happiness...But she had to be that way in the time she grew up in being a minority growing up in really racial times and being married and divorced before she was 22...That is what I probably need therapy about - breaking that cycle (lol)...

You know I thought at first maybe I was repressing those feelings but it not really repression because I really don&#39;t see them in a sexual way anymore...One guy who I became good friends with, I admit I was attracted to when we first met but soon after hanging out with him the attraction just became friendship...Recently I think I posted that this guy told me he liked guys and girls and that I was the only person he ever told...I told him that I was attracted to men too and had hooked up w/some in the past, so don&#39;t worry about it...And it was clear that he liked me and looking at me for experimentation...I couldn&#39;t do it and didn&#39;t feel that attraction for men at the time...Now I think he is a little put off by me because he still tries to get me alone or want to come over at night but I can tell is nervous and disappointed because I do no return his feelings...

[post=330644]Quoted post[/post]​

PNG, about this physical/emotional separation thing with you... since you still do that, when you meet a new guy you haven&#39;t met before, do you pretty much rule out the physical attraction (i.e. this person is someone I could mess around with) part of the equation and only look at emotional bonds (i.e. this person has good friend-wise qualities)? Do you wish you could more freely have that emotional and physical bond with guys. or does it not really bother you. The fact that you can&#39;t do this with women either seems to bother you, so is it any different with guys?

BTW, from all the posts I&#39;ve read of yours, it&#39;s very difficult to hear you say that you&#39;re not a very emotional person and don&#39;t offer much emotional support. You do seem to bring up lots of issues you encounter in your life and ask people how to deal with them or what they think. Obviously you care very deeply, especially when these have involved close friends doing inappropriate things while intoxicated. At the same time, you are usually amongst the first of people to share wisdom and provide a point of view when people post angsty situations and seek supporrt.

Maybe those things in the past with women and pretty much just getting rid of them whenthere is no emotional connection are behind you? You seem to want to move on...

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by steve319+Jul 22 2005, 08:18 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(steve319 &#064; Jul 22 2005, 08:18 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'>Not a damned thing.

Or even if it makes you a WHOLE LOT gay, Slamdunk.

Not much I can add to the wonderful advice you&#39;ve gotten here beyond just a voice of support. Lots of great points made:

* labels? what good are they again?

* no rush to put yourself in a box

* whatever you decide, it&#39;s OK

* experiment and see what works for you--just be safe with it.

We all support you in your journey&#33; I think you&#39;ll find lots of support here; many of us are wrestling with mixed orientation. Keep us posted about where you are in your personal process.

<!--QuoteBegin-headbang8@Jul 16 2005, 11:56 PM
A relationship between two men is unimaginable because we simply don&#39;t know where to start imagining it. How it looks, how it&#39;s supposed to feel, how much it&#39;s supposed to resemble the way men and women relate to each other. (On the last front, here&#39;s a tip: it isn&#39;t)

Interesting&#33; Never considered that, but it makes sense. What a great example of what we all have to learn from the experiences of others.

[post=330866]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

I think in this thread people like me aren&#39;t trying to label ourselves. We are endeavoring to discover ourselves by comparing our situations and thoughts about them to those of others in similar circumstances. I&#39;m very glad that a board like this is around to ask these questions. It&#39;s always amazing to me that a board whose premise is purely a focus on large penis support can offer so much support in other avenues of life as well.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by alleyblu@Jul 20 2005, 11:14 AM
PNG, I was wondering how do you know that your attraction to men is not just a passing thought and nothing more? Perhaps your only able to distinguish an unattractive man from a attractive man and nothing else, at least in regards to becoming sexual. Do you have one specific fantasy that you would like to experience with another guy?

I apologize if i&#39;m asking to many private questions........I always do that when I see an interesting post......

[post=330654]Quoted post[/post]​

Never really thought about that...Don&#39;t really have an specific fantasy that I would want to experience w/a guy...I think I am just a sexual person and kissing and oral is about as far as my imagination will take it...I was out tonight and tried to figure it out my attraction for men and found myself captivated with one girl the whole night...I like to hang out with attractive men but not necessarily wanting to have sex w/them...But sometimes I think what does that say about my friends because we all must like that because they are all attractive and they like to hang out w/each other too...Literally there were about 14 of us all hanging out together who would be considered pretty attraction (multi-cultural and racial)...And I am not a vain person at all...I actually think I am pretty average looking even though people seem to think I am attractive (guess not really can see themself as goodlooking)...I have always had great taste in clothing and a unique sense of style and can put things together and make them look awesome (a couple of people actually thought I work with a stylist)...One of my best friends is on that website hot or not and he gets pissed when his rating drops below a 9 (now that is vain)...But I have always like girls for as long as I remember and known for a long time that I like the way guys look visually, so not going to call it a passing thing...I really don&#39;t think I am making sense because I really don&#39;t understand it myself and I have a hard time trying to explain it...

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 23 2005, 02:47 AM
BTW, from all the posts I&#39;ve read of yours, it&#39;s very difficult to hear you say that you&#39;re not a very emotional person and don&#39;t offer much emotional support. You do seem to bring up lots of issues you encounter in your life and ask people how to deal with them or what they think. Obviously you care very deeply, especially when these have involved close friends doing inappropriate things while intoxicated. At the same time, you are usually amongst the first of people to share wisdom and provide a point of view when people post angsty situations and seek supporrt.

Maybe those things in the past with women and pretty much just getting rid of them whenthere is no emotional connection are behind you? You seem to want to move on...

[post=330925]Quoted post[/post]​

Let me see if I can kind of break it down...I am a very loving and loyal person when it comes to my friends but I am not an emotional person when it comes to myself, it that makes sense...If I consider you a good friend, then I will do almost anything for you and you know you can always count on me...But even I have problems - I will not let anyone know and handle it myself because I guess I don&#39;t want to show weakness (something strange like that)...I like to hang out w/guys a lot but want to have sex w/women more...I don&#39;t like to hang out with a girl I might be dating...I know that doesn&#39;t make sense...I know I am weird...And for some reason I keep the women I am interested in or sleeping with private...My friends have rarely seen someone I am fooling around with or interested in...Wouldn&#39;t be surprised if they thought I was gay...Most of them have girlfriends or brag about the girls they hook up with...I don&#39;t and they are really shocked when they accidently see me out with a girl...Then after they see me out with a girl and start with the questions like who is that, how long have you been seeing her and other questions like that, I loose interest in the girl and get very secretative again...

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 23 2005, 02:53 AM
I&#39;m very glad that a board like this is around to ask these questions. It&#39;s always amazing to me that a board whose premise is purely a focus on large penis support can offer so much support in other avenues of life as well.

[post=330926]Quoted post[/post]​

So true...It like going to therapy...I have been more open about my sexuality since discovering this site...

 

[DanielForever]

gay

 

[headbang8]

Originally posted by coolioc@Jul 19 2005, 04:18 PM
I am finding that most gay people my age have done the whole coming out thing years ago, and know exactly what they want. even more than this, they don&#39;t want to start things over with someone unexperienced. so it seems to me that advancing myself in education definitely hurt me socially.

i have tried the while online adam4adam, americansingles, etc dating thing, but finding people who are out to get more than just laid is like finding a needle in a haystack. it&#39;s not like i can just walk into a weho club (i live in la) and meet someone  compatible&#33; (why can&#39;t they make e-harmony for men seeking men where you can match by compatibilities???)

[post=330226]Quoted post[/post]​

I imagine you&#39;re in your late 20&#39;s, coolioc? Many women your age complain of the same thing.

There&#39;s a much smaller pool of eligible gay men than there is of women. So, of course it will take you longer to find Mr. Right than Ms. Right.

Enjoy the journey. Look on the bright side: if you keep meeting men who just want to get laid, at least you&#39;re getting laid&#33; I&#39;ve rarely had a one-night stand that turned into something more (maybe I&#39;m just a lousy lay), but all my encounters seem to have been with quality men who had interesting stories, and I valued their company, however brief.

Funny, when I first became actively gay--pathetically late at 34, and I didn&#39;t have grad school as an excuse--I was impatient to settle down. No luck. But when I resolved to be happy with myself even if I spent the rest of my life alone, boyfriends just naturally appeared. People sense if you&#39;re trying to force some kind of closure.

Though I don&#39;t need such things any more, the international series of dating sites that use the gaydar domain seem really great. (That&#39;s gaydar.co.uk, gaydar.com.hk, gaydar.nl, etc... the gaydar.com site is different.) You&#39;ll find men from all over the world there, even WeHo. Even guys who just want to widen their circle of friends.

Relax, and have fun.

hb8

 

[jonb]

eHarmony&#39;s funded by James Dobson, homophobic religious nutcase. Therefore of course he won&#39;t control the same cyber-meat-market. LOL

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by headbang8@Jul 23 2005, 07:00 AM
I imagine you&#39;re in your late 20&#39;s, coolioc? Many women your age complain of the same thing.

There&#39;s a much smaller pool of eligible gay men than there is of women. So, of course it will take you longer to find Mr. Right than Ms. Right.

Enjoy the journey. Look on the bright side: if you keep meeting men who just want to get laid, at least you&#39;re getting laid&#33; I&#39;ve rarely had a one-night stand that turned into something more (maybe I&#39;m just a lousy lay), but all my encounters seem to have been with quality men who had interesting stories, and I valued their company, however brief.

Funny, when I first became actively gay--pathetically late at 34, and I didn&#39;t have grad school as an excuse--I was impatient to settle down. No luck. But when I resolved to be happy with myself even if I spent the rest of my life alone, boyfriends just naturally appeared. People sense if you&#39;re trying to force some kind of closure.

Though I don&#39;t need such things any more, the international series of dating sites that use the gaydar domain seem really great. (That&#39;s gaydar.co.uk, gaydar.com.hk, gaydar.nl, etc... the gaydar.com site is different.) You&#39;ll find men from all over the world there, even WeHo. Even guys who just want to widen their circle of friends.

Relax, and have fun.

hb8

[post=331075]Quoted post[/post]​

Cool post HB8. I think you&#39;re completely right. I have told people all along that I will just let things happen when they happen regarding relationships. It is only when I force the issue and seek out people for relationships that I get my hopes up the greatest, just to be let down. I just need to exercise some patience and not get despondent.

Thanks also for the gaydar info. I think I&#39;ll give it a look&#33;

CC

 

[coolioc]

Originally posted by Pene_Negro_Grande@Jul 23 2005, 12:48 AM
Let me see if I can kind of break it down...I am a very loving and loyal person when it comes to my friends but I am not an emotional person when it comes to myself, it that makes sense...If I consider you a good friend, then I will do almost anything for you and you know you can always count on me...But even I have problems - I will not let anyone know and handle it myself because I guess I don&#39;t want to show weakness (something strange like that)...I like to hang out w/guys a lot but want to have sex w/women more...I don&#39;t like to hang out with a girl I might be dating...I know that doesn&#39;t make sense...I know I am weird...And for some reason I keep the women I am interested in or sleeping with private...My friends have rarely seen someone I am fooling around with or interested in...Wouldn&#39;t be surprised if they thought I was gay...Most of them have girlfriends or brag about the girls they hook up with...I don&#39;t and they are really shocked when they accidently see me out with a girl...Then after they see me out with a girl and start with the questions like who is that, how long have you been seeing her and other questions like that, I loose interest in the girl and get very secretative again...

[post=330938]Quoted post[/post]​

Hehe&#33; You know what, you actually sound like everyone I know that is beyond a doubt straight&#33; Most straight guys love hanging out with their buds, just because they get along easier since they understand each others&#39; thinking. A lot of guys with GFs don&#39;t like to do stuff like go to the mall with their GFs; they&#39;d rather invite the guys over for poker or Monday Night Football. But obviously your choice of sex partner and theirs matches up exactly. Not every straight guy brags about his hookups nor do they constantly ogle women walking by with other guys. Some are just unassuming. And I would think that a lot of people who label themselves as straight would say that it&#39;s not a bad thing to admire the physical traits of attractive guys.

I&#39;m just having fun analyzing this... kind of comparing it with what I&#39;ve been through and what my thought processes are. I think I am the complete opposite. I do check out guys wherever I am, see myself kissing/having sex with guys. When I&#39;ve been in the moment, girls in bed have been hot too, but not as much as guys. But emotionally, I think I build stronger relationships with women, though I enjoy hanging out with guys more on average since I have more in common.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Well I check guys out too I think...I might see a guy and think he is hot and kind of get a good look but I don&#39;t imagine what they are like naked or what having sex with them would be like...But I do the same thing with women too...But I do kind of want to get to know them...

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by jonb@Jul 23 2005, 11:05 PM
eHarmony&#39;s funded by James Dobson, homophobic religious nutcase. Therefore of course he won&#39;t control the same cyber-meat-market. LOL

[post=331261]Quoted post[/post]​

Seriously? My God&#33; That Family First Freak has gotten his manipulative mitts into everything, doesn&#39;t he?

While he&#39;s let loose with plenty of things that anger me, I&#39;m hoping it&#39;s just a matter of time till he slips with something TRULY offensive (pulling a "Fallwell") and loses the momentum he&#39;s built within his crowd of followers.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

I am glad I am pretty secure and comfortable with my sexuality...It is kind of easy because of the places and people I interact with on a daily basis...The area I like in is very gay friendly and the clubs are usually 70% straight/30% gay so really don&#39;t know any homophobic people...Myself and my straight friends just don&#39;t view a person by their sexual preference...

 

[madame_zora]

I have been reading this thread with great interest, I&#39;m glad that you are comfortable with your sexuality and open enough about it to talk to others like this, Pene. a lot of what this board is about has been revealed here. I wish more guys who were questioning their sexuality had people like you and Lex and the other contributors here to talk to. There aren&#39;t a lot of gay/straight mixed clubs in a lot of areas and many are only given the choice of one or the other, if there are any clubs for gays at all. I know there are a lot of guys who have curiosity but are uncomfortable with the "gay scene" and would never investigate in that world. We make progress through small steps, but I think a few of those have been taken here.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Jul 24 2005, 02:55 PM
There aren&#39;t a lot of gay/straight mixed clubs in a lot of areas and many are only given the choice of one or the other, if there are any clubs for gays at all.

Get this novel twist: A few years ago, there was a bar called Outlaws in Tyler, TX (It may still be there; I don&#39;t know). It was your typical redneck bar except on Thursdays: Thursday was gay night&#33; Tyler&#39;s not big enough to have its own gay bar, so the gay community there got use of the local watering hole one night a week. I found that a bit odd, to say the least.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

You are young, just let it happen naturally and don&#39;t look for it...Just be yourself and you will find especially in college - peeps that are similar to you...