Confused!?!?!?

[LuckyClover]

Lately my boyfriend keeps hinting at the fact that he is really frustrated because we still haven't had sex together. When I met him he knew I was a virgin and that I wasn't ready to have sex yet. He said that it wouldn't be a problem waiting for me to be ready but lately it's all he wants to talk about...Then a few nights ago I woke up to my boyfriend squeezing me so tight I could barley breathe, his boxers were off and he dick was sliding in between my thighs. I tried to wiggle away but he was in like a deep deep sleep. He was moaning and just pumping away...then he finally came and just rolled over. It was all over my legs and the small of my back. In the morning when I asked him about it he said he didn't remember so I showed him the panties and the t shirt I was wearing. He said he was sorry but that he really doesn't remember doing it. The next few nights I would wake up to him sliding his hands in my panties or trying to pull them off. I told him that maybe I shouldn't sleep at his place for a while and he went off the rails and accused me of being a tease. So now I don't know what to do. Part of me really does want to have sex with him, but there is this little part of me that's just not ready. That little bit of doubt has only gotten bigger since whats happend the past few nights.

 

[Osiris]

I know there were times I did similar things like that to my wife, but never to the degree of cumming. Are you sure he is sleeping? It's kind of hard being as we only have the one side here, but maybe a little more info would help.

How long have you been together?

Why do you still feel unsure about sex with him?

Is this a long term relationship?

Sorry to be so inquisitive, but it will help give you the right answers.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Take a break. Get some fresh air out of the relationship. Take time for youself, you should not feel pressured into having sex, and I highly doubt he is doing those things in his sleep. I'm sure it would have been going on for a long time. Not just a sudden thing. Stand your ground, don't let him force you into it. It will just make it worse for you.

 

[LuckyClover]

I know there were times I did similar things like that to my wife, but never to the degree of cumming. Are you sure he is sleeping? It's kind of hard being as we only have the one side here, but maybe a little more info would help.

How long have you been together? a little over 9 months

Why do you still feel unsure about sex with him? I guess I have a lot of reasons...some silly like comparing myself to his other girlfriends and some not so silly like being nervous about his size and how much it's going to hurt.

Is this a long term relationship? I think so he's a a bit older (he's 30 and I'm 20) and he says he doesn't want to be playing the field any more...but it's not like I see us getting married or anthing like that.

Sorry to be so inquisitive, but it will help give you the right answers.

I hope this helps

 

[Principessa]

As usual Osiris brings up excellent questions. If you have not already answered these for yourself you need to. How old are you? Are you not ready for sex? Or are you just not ready for sex with him? If you intend on staying a virgin, then perhaps you shouldn't be spending the night in his bed. . .

For the record, I am not saying he has a right to copulate with any woman in his bed. But you are clearly putting yourself at risk for something you just aren't ready for yet.

 

[Principessa]

Originally Posted by Osiris

Is this a long term relationship? I think so he's a a bit older (he's 30 and I'm 20) and he says he doesn't want to be playing the field any more...but it's not like I see us getting married or anthing like that.

I hope this helps

Yes, it does! :smile: You need more than a break you need to bail on this relationship. It doesn't feel right to you because you are on completely different pages.

 

[Eva]

Perhaps I'm too much of a jaded and cynical bitch but I seriously doubt that he's "sleeping" when he's essentially using your thighs to jack himself off.

Get out.

 

[OPPinSLC]

I agree that I don't think he is asleep. You should at least concider sleeping in different beds, maybe even different rooms.

 

[Charles Finn]

ok my bf and i were together for 4 years he left me in april.
we had another bf for a year and i never fucked him because i was too big for him first off and second he was raped when he was 9yo so our sex life consisted of me sucking him off or jacking him off. and he would play with my nipples while i jacked off.
was always good for me as I never wanted to push him into having anal sex.
doubt usually means dont but you should have some kind of sex life.
does not mean you have to make love till your ready
if he pushes you talk it out you may have to find a better understanding bf.

 

[davec94]

its possible that he is doing it in his sleep without knowing, but very unlikely. he's probably taking advantage of you, and the fact that he's turning the situation around and calling you a tease further reinforces that.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

To a lot of men I think sleeping in the same bed as them would be seen as an implied invitation to have sex.

 

[Act2_Begins_Now]

To a lot of men I think sleeping in the same bed as them would be seen as an implied invitation to have sex.

I agree. Is it right or wrong ... another thread.

 

[2322]

To a lot of men I think sleeping in the same bed as them would be seen as an implied invitation to have sex.

That's one of those, 'Her mouth says, "no," but her body says, "yes,"' things. He's irresponsible and you're, frankly, acting like a tease.

If you do not feel ready for sex then do not sleep in another man's bed. Simple as that. Just doing it tells him that you're REALLY close to saying yes because he believes that no savvy woman in her right mind would do that unless she was interested in sex. There's nothing innocent about it. Men can get intensely horny nearly instantaneously. We're just wired that way.

He's complicit in this too. At 30 he should have the scruples to demand you not sleep in his bed lest this very thing happen and you decide you've been raped. Guys get erections in their sleep even when there's no arousal. All that penis has to do is run into something soft, moist, and silky (like YOU) to turn it into semi-wakeful (or wide awake) dream/fantasy with a happy ending.

If you have no intention of feeding the tiger then do NOT stick your hand into the cage. You're putting yourself and the tiger at risk. :spank:

 

[Principessa]

Why are you confused? If you don't want men to hump your leg or feel you up then don't spend the night in their beds!!! Surely, this is common sense.

That's one of those, 'Her mouth says, "no," but her body says, "yes,"' things. He's irresponsible and you're, frankly, acting like a tease.

If you do not feel ready for sex then do not sleep in another man's bed. Simple as that. Just doing it tells him that you're REALLY close to saying yes because he believes that no savvy woman in her right mind would do that unless she was interested in sex. There's nothing innocent about it. Men can get intensely horny nearly instantaneously. We're just wired that way.

He's complicit in this too. At 30 he should have the scruples to demand you not sleep in his bed lest this very thing happen and you decide you've been raped. Guys get erections in their sleep even when there's no arousal. All that penis has to do is run into something soft, moist, and silky (like YOU) to turn it into semi-wakeful (or wide awake) dream/fantasy with a happy ending.

If you have no intention of feeding the tiger then do NOT stick your hand into the cage. You're putting yourself and the tiger at risk. :spank:

Very Well Stated!

I've re-attached a previous post for emphasis:

Are you not ready for sex? Or are you just not ready for sex with him? If you intend on staying a virgin, then perhaps you shouldn't be spending the night in his bed. . .

For the record, I am not saying he has a right to copulate with any woman in his bed. But you are clearly putting yourself at risk for something you just aren't ready for yet.
​

 

[2322]

HBO interviewed a female to male transexual once and the person was in the stage of getting testosterone injections. The person revealed that if women had any idea of just how powerful testosterone was they'd understand the male sex drive and sexual behavior immediately. The person went on to say that coping with it was much more difficult than imagined by women.

I don't mean to imply that women don't have the same sexual urges as men nor that they do not feel them intensely, but when someone who has experienced both sides of gender says something like that, I take it as authoritative.

 

[Ed69]

To a lot of men I think sleeping in the same bed as them would be seen as an implied invitation to have sex.

I agree.If you share my bed we will be having sex.If your not ready for that then stay the hell out of my bed!

 

[DeepCurve]

I've heard of sleepwalking, but sleepfucking? Uh, I think not. I daresay he's awake.

By trying to deceive you he's not being honest with you. It's possible that he's doing this because he doesn't think that you're being honest when you say you're not ready for sex, but then sleep in the same bed with him. Honesty is when your words and your actions are congruent.

If you're not ready for sex with him, don't send mixed signals by sleeping with him. Be honest, and make him be honest too. His choices are to wait until you're ready, or bail and go find somebody else. What he's doing now is head game bullshit.

 

[151059]

I have to disagree with everyone calling Lucky Clover a tease because she sleeping in the same bed with him. If they are both really clear about what their expectations are then I don't see problem.

I was in a relationship with a man for two years and the first year we didn't have sex because I was a virgin and not ready yet. There were times when I was confused and thought I was ready but yet a little voice in my head would tell me that I'm not ready yet, it can be really confusing. This may sound condescending and I don't mean it that way but a 30 year old man should know that being in a long term relationship with a 20 year old virgin it a test in patients and it will be one the more high maintenance relationships he's had.


I have a few questions for you clover
-Did the both of you discuss you sleeping in the same bed together
-Do you talk to him about what you are feeling when it comes to sex (I only ask because like stated in many of the comments men and women are wired differently)
-Why are you a virgin is it a religious thing or what?

 

[LuckyClover]

I have a few questions for you clover
-Did the both of you discuss you sleeping in the same bed together Yes it was a long and lengthy disscussion...I didn't just jump into bed with him. We've been doing that for about four months and never had any issues. I don't sleep at his house every night. I have my own place.
-Do you talk to him about what you are feeling when it comes to sex (I only ask because like stated in many of the comments men and women are wired differently) I do talk to him about it, maybe I'm not making my feeling crystal clear to him and thats my fault
-Why are you a virgin is it a religious thing or what? Why am I a virgin...It's not a religious reason and I don't plan on waiting till I'm married. For me it's more about being comfortable and with someone that I care. I do care about him a lot but it's a really big step in my book and it's one that I'm just not ready to make yet

I could see how dating a virgin would be more high maintenance than dating someone who is ready for sex. Though I don't think that the label tease is fair. Just because I'm a virgin and not ready yet doesn't mean that I should just sit in some bubble till I am ready. He and I fool around and we both know where to stop because we have discussed it.

Why are you confused? If you don't want men to hump your leg or feel you up then don't spend the night in their beds!!! Surely, this is common sense. I guess in your book sleeping in the same bed as someone mean's your fair game for them to do what ever they want to you...but not in my book. My concern isn't that he wants to touch me of fool around with me. As I stated earlier that isn't a problem because we have discussed what we will and won't be doing. My problem and source of confusion stems from this new behavior when we are sleeping... since we have been sharing a bed for a while and never had anything like this happen.

 

[wonderland]

You are not a tease. You are putting yourself in a bad situation sleeping in his bed though. I understand men have very strong sexual urges but he knew the rules and I think he is taking advantage of the situation. I have a very difficult time believing he is doing that in his sleep unless he has a history of sleepwalking.
You need to seriously think about continuing this relationship. Pressuring you for sex and calling you a tease are not appropraite. The two of you should be able to have civil conversation about what is going on. I think it a preview of more poor behavior.