You have stated to him that you arent ready for sex so you ARE NOT doing anything wrong by sharing a bed with him. If he cant control his urges (asleep or awake) and be happy with you just spending the night with him then that is a issue for him to deal with.
But for your own piece of mind and possibly safety then yes, you probably should stop spending the night with him. If he cant understand why you dont want to share the bed after he's been acting this way towards you, then again its a issue for him to deal with.
Sure he is a man and wants sex, but just because you are in his bed doesnt mean he can stop being a gentlemen or considerate.
This is a huge issue and one that seems to stem from the desire for people to believe that equal status in relationships equalizes the sexes in sexual natures as well. It doesn't. Men and women are wired differently. Her behavior is the equivilent of waving a piece of steak under the nose of a hungry dog just because she can. If the dog bites then we blame the dog when the dog was acting within its nature. So too can mental acuity be compromised prior to, during, and immediately after sleep. We are, after all, putting our concious, moral, law-abiding brains away for the night to allow our symbolic, instinct-driven subconciouses time to exercise. In our dreams we are free and in those states between complete wakefulness and complete sleep, the consequences of what we say, think, and do aren't protected by morality. We aren't gentlemen and we aren't considerate in our subconcious minds. His subconciousness is perfectly aware that he's sleeping next to an object of sexual desire and it doesn't care a whit about what's right or wrong.
Beds are highly charged sexual places when they are occupied by two people between whom there is sexual attraction and who are in a commited romantic relationship with each other. The combination of social, psychological, and physical closeness is a recipe for disaster where one party has entered into the place and time where sex is most likely but has no desire of entering into sex. Assuming her boyfriend is physically able and reasonably fit, she's putting herself at risk. Relying upon the male to be eternally vigilent may be noble, but it ignores the reality of the situation.
I seriously question why either party would put themselves in this position. He clearly wants sex with her, hopes that sleeping with her will lure her into wanting sex with him. He sees his lover entering his bed, feels her close to him, smelling her perfume, feeling her hair, her body, touching her with his body and his hands, kissing her. I can't tell you how women interpret those sensations, but I can tell you that it is highly erotic for men. This is proven by his reaction of gaining an erection and reaching climax!
Too I wonder if she isn't enjoying the controlling aspect of this bedroom dynamic. She may like that she can push the boundaries, inciting him to desire without fulfilling it; using sex as a lure, creating the maximum amount of expectation and desire without any intention of fulfilling either. So long as she continues to deny sex, there is an important aspect of the relationship that she controls. She can permit or deny sex at any time because the law says she can, no matter how far she pushes the limits of expectation. The further she goes, the more control she feels. It's an unhealthy dynamic and ultimately places both parties in jeopardy because it depends solely upon the male to restrain himself in a time and place where he has least restraint.
It's appealing to our better natures to think we're always in control of ourselves conciously, semi-conciously, or subconciously; that beds, bedrooms, sleep, physical proximity, and sensory perception have nothing to do with sex. Psychology and physiology tell us differently and it is foolish to ignore what so many other other cultures including, until recently, our own, took for granted: it is unwise for a woman or a man to place themselves in positions where each may be sexually compromised and no place is more so than two lovers sharing a bed alone.
With no disrespect, I believe your position is naive and unreasonable given the circumstances. The OP's words are saying one thing while her actions are provoking another. It's unfair to the boyfriend to say his actions are his blame alone given the inconsistency of communication between them. The OP is no more innocent in this than the boyfriend.
