Confusing Flatmate

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Contour, Aug 26, 2009.

  1. Contour

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2006
    Messages:
    227
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Verified:
    Photo
    I moved into my flat earlier in the year with 3 friends and a friend of a friend. Turns out the 'friend of a friend' is fucking fine, with perfect arms and a booty thats out of this world, anyway we get along really well but he started talking really dirty with me and grabbing me, with me obviously obliging. Twice i've given him close to full body massages. The problem is he seems as straight as a peg. To me, talking dirty and grabbing and letting another man feel you up would mean he's not fully straight. I told him that I liked him a couple of months ago and he has become kind of stand-offish. Which has consequentialy confused the fuck out of me! I mean, did I read too far into his flirting? Or perhaps I went too quick?
     
  2. putputt00

    putputt00 Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2009
    Messages:
    228
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    ATL
    damn! I wish that would happen to me
     
  3. SomeGuyOverThere

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2004
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    qft : /
     
  4. Contour

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2006
    Messages:
    227
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Verified:
    Photo
    I know it's great, but the ups and downs get tiring. Another fact that doesn't help is that he has a girlfriend, whom is in the flat also! He's told me he doesn't love her anymore and the time of the second massage she was upstairs as it was happening! Im truly a bad person lol
     
  5. SomeGuyOverThere

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2004
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    alcohol + porn = answers.

    And that's my favourite equation to date.
     
  6. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    Sound advice, Someguy. This fellow must 'come out' to himself and that formula should help.
     
  7. Rugbypup

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,194
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Fairly sure I didn't know about this!
     
  8. rd62624

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Messages:
    2,022
    Likes Received:
    254
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    va
    my two cents, you read too much into it. he may just feel relaxed around you.at my old job we use to dry hump each other. one guy use to grab me all the time, did i think that he wanted to fuck me. no. he felt like that we had some type of bond.
     
  9. funguy3

    funguy3 Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2009
    Messages:
    171
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    i agree with the alcohol equation. i wish i could've used it more in University, but i was a known non-drinker, so i couldn't even use my half of it to test the waters and blame it on that. wish i had though.. many times..
     
  10. Florida Boy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    1,379
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida (US)
    You might consider staying away from him. He's confused and trouble.
     
  11. Guill

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    941
    Albums:
    9
    Likes Received:
    35
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NH
    Verified:
    Photo
    Let him know you're confused about what is going on? Seems like you would want to preserve the living situation over a potential hookup maybe. Either ask him to clarify if you feel like it is fine...put your cards on the table and respect his decision or pretend it never happened and hope things go back to normal.
     
  12. D_22

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2011
    Messages:
    2,429
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    107
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Maybe he felt comfortable in being silly and "acing gay" with you. You probably read too much into this.
     
  13. Hijetala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    82
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Serbia
    Verified:
    Photo

    I so agree to that!
     
  14. drewww

    drewww New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2012
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    nomadic
    In my experience.. it's safer to just let the actions speak. He might not be thinking of it sexually when he gets physical with you, or just doesn't want to dwell on it.

    I think it's cool to say what you think. "I like you" is maybe a little vague though. You could tell him he's a really good friend, really cool and you're glad you met him or something. You could even say something a little bolder like "you're really attractive" or "sorry if it's weird coming from a guy, but I think you're hot".

    Just telling him he's hot is probably safer (and better, more to the point) than that you like him. Cause then he's not sure if you like him in a "gay" way as more than a friend or what. But anyone who's not homophobic wouldn't mind hearing that they're hot.
     
  15. erratic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    4,410
    Likes Received:
    287
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    While that makes total sense, he may not see it that way. He may just be hetero and flirtatious (I know guys who are like that) and now realizing - slowly, it sounds like - that doing so sends confusing signals to other people.

    On the other hand, which I think is more likely, he may not be 100% straight, but has always thought of himself that way. Being flirtatious with "safe" guys like you (ones who weren't going to challenge his masculinity) gave him the ability to let the repressed side of him out to play for a bit; however, by making the gayness of your exchange explicit by admitting you like him, he has to pull up his defences around you.

    Yeah, I can see how he's being confusing. There are any number of conceivable explanations for his behaviour as you've described it, but the fact that it's confusing is what makes me think he's either confused himself, or trying to maintain denial.

    I say move on and give him his space. :)
     
  16. B_smooth_7

    B_smooth_7 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2012
    Messages:
    437
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    I had two room mates years ago and we were all very close. One of them would come jump in my bed on Saturday morning to watch cartoons. He's make coffee and bring me a cup and crawl under the covers. Sometimes he'd cuddle up to me. But nothing ever happened.

    The other was quite different. When a group of us would go to Florida or skiing he'd always pick me as his bed mate. Now there was nothing between us but once the lights went out he'd roll over and spoon me and rub against me. Once he even licked my ears. I never responded in kind but once, after we were all on our own, I was in town and went to dinner with him. I drank too much and he said I could stay with him. Once back at his place he made up the couch. I said WTF? We use to sleep together all the time and now you're putting me on your sofa. I ended in his bed and I rolled over and hugged him. He went ballistic. Said he wasn't interested etc. I pointed out all the years he'd spoon me and even press his cock against my backside and he said he was only playing with me and it meant nothing.

    I messed up and we're no longer friends. He's now married with kids but doesn't reply to emails or FB messages.

    So I agree with the other comments here. He probably felt safe and comfortable with you. When it because mutual, he put the wall up. Back off and if he goes back, you put your wall up and tell him that you don't want to mess up your friendship.
     
  17. D_22

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2011
    Messages:
    2,429
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    107
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    That's an insane situation with the latter friend. I'm sorry that happened, but he seems like a douche.
     
  18. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,372
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,958
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    I messed up and we're no longer friends. He's now married with kids but doesn't reply to emails or FB messages.




    HAPPY for you that he does not
    What an ass to get his kicks and gratification when it suits him
    Definitely a Hidden Gay
    F him ..... me angry ha
     
  19. 3etr

    3etr Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2010
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    1
    This thread is 3 years old. Btw.
     
  20. oxfordlad85

    oxfordlad85 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2010
    Messages:
    18
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Oxford UK
    Lol....and I really wanna know how it turned out!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted