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For the past two months, I've had casual contact and two dates with a guy I've known by name for a while. We met about a year ago while he was still with his then-boyfriend, but I liked him and found him attractive, so kept him on my radar.
This past fall, I noticed that he was no longer listed as being 'in a relationship' on Facebook, and then, coincidentally, I ran into him at an event in early December. Following that event, he sent me a Facebook message asking me if I was single, and if I'd like to get a drink with him. I was thrilled. I went back to visit family for several weeks around the holidays, and upon returning home, went on a date with him--drinks and chatting at a small pub--about a month later. It was fantastic; we really hit it off, and so enjoyed one another's company. When we were leaving, he bent down and kissed me.
The next day I sent him a Facebook message, saying only that I'd had a fantastic time. In his reply, he agreed, and then said that he'd recently had his heart broken--that I was 'sweet and interesting and sexy,' but that he still needed some time to mend, and so hoped we could hang out as friends for a little while, until 'he could really go for it with me.'
I was a little disappointed, but okay with this...I genuinely like his personality and company, and also find him insanely attractive. About a month passed, and we messaged casually...then, this past week, we attended a play together, with a group of friends, put on by a local theatre company whose network is familiar to us, and through which we originally met. It was a nice time, but he seemed nervous...I had tickets for a concert a couple of nights later, and invited him to attend with me. He excitedly agreed.
We went to the concert. Great time. We went to a bar for a drink afterwards. Mostly great time. We started talking about our real stories--family, ideologies--and I was really excited to feel like we were getting to know one another further. After the third round of beers, he returned to our table, and said he'd need to be honest with me: he said, 'I think you are adorable and sexy...and I could see myself really, really falling for you. But I can't right now. You don't want to be with me right now, I'm toxic. I need us to just be friends.'
I was pretty annoyed. Fine, in that moment. I'd need some time to mull it over following the date, and drinks. We left, not in terrible spirits, but the mood was definitely stifled. We went to retrieve our bikes (we live in a small, biking city), and as we were walking, he made a comment about how 'sexy my hair looked.' I told him to stop--that if we were going to be friends, he couldn't do things like that. He apologised.
We road home. Admittedly, I rode along his route, which still took me in the general direction of my place, but added about five minutes to my ride. This was for the sake of conversation. I didn't want the night to end on a sour note. Repeat: I really like this guy; care about him now; don't want to jump the gun; I'm easygoing; etc. We stopped in front of the road where he'd turn to go to his place. I went to hug him goodnight, and he pulled me close to him, and really tried to kiss me deeply. I pushed him back, and told him 'No.'
I road away, and he called after me 'have a good weekend!' When I got home, I was very, very upset. The experience had conjured old feelings of use and powerlessness from previous relationships, and I was very angry and confused. I didn't know if I should have just kissed him, been more romantic, and gone along with it.
The next day, I sent him a message saying that I had been upset about the way things had ended the night before. In his responses, he seemed to be under the impression that I was apologising for the way they had ended--he told me 'not to worry,' and that he'd 'see me soon.' I replied 'See you soon.'
I don't know what to do.
This past fall, I noticed that he was no longer listed as being 'in a relationship' on Facebook, and then, coincidentally, I ran into him at an event in early December. Following that event, he sent me a Facebook message asking me if I was single, and if I'd like to get a drink with him. I was thrilled. I went back to visit family for several weeks around the holidays, and upon returning home, went on a date with him--drinks and chatting at a small pub--about a month later. It was fantastic; we really hit it off, and so enjoyed one another's company. When we were leaving, he bent down and kissed me.
The next day I sent him a Facebook message, saying only that I'd had a fantastic time. In his reply, he agreed, and then said that he'd recently had his heart broken--that I was 'sweet and interesting and sexy,' but that he still needed some time to mend, and so hoped we could hang out as friends for a little while, until 'he could really go for it with me.'
I was a little disappointed, but okay with this...I genuinely like his personality and company, and also find him insanely attractive. About a month passed, and we messaged casually...then, this past week, we attended a play together, with a group of friends, put on by a local theatre company whose network is familiar to us, and through which we originally met. It was a nice time, but he seemed nervous...I had tickets for a concert a couple of nights later, and invited him to attend with me. He excitedly agreed.
We went to the concert. Great time. We went to a bar for a drink afterwards. Mostly great time. We started talking about our real stories--family, ideologies--and I was really excited to feel like we were getting to know one another further. After the third round of beers, he returned to our table, and said he'd need to be honest with me: he said, 'I think you are adorable and sexy...and I could see myself really, really falling for you. But I can't right now. You don't want to be with me right now, I'm toxic. I need us to just be friends.'
I was pretty annoyed. Fine, in that moment. I'd need some time to mull it over following the date, and drinks. We left, not in terrible spirits, but the mood was definitely stifled. We went to retrieve our bikes (we live in a small, biking city), and as we were walking, he made a comment about how 'sexy my hair looked.' I told him to stop--that if we were going to be friends, he couldn't do things like that. He apologised.
We road home. Admittedly, I rode along his route, which still took me in the general direction of my place, but added about five minutes to my ride. This was for the sake of conversation. I didn't want the night to end on a sour note. Repeat: I really like this guy; care about him now; don't want to jump the gun; I'm easygoing; etc. We stopped in front of the road where he'd turn to go to his place. I went to hug him goodnight, and he pulled me close to him, and really tried to kiss me deeply. I pushed him back, and told him 'No.'
I road away, and he called after me 'have a good weekend!' When I got home, I was very, very upset. The experience had conjured old feelings of use and powerlessness from previous relationships, and I was very angry and confused. I didn't know if I should have just kissed him, been more romantic, and gone along with it.
The next day, I sent him a message saying that I had been upset about the way things had ended the night before. In his responses, he seemed to be under the impression that I was apologising for the way they had ended--he told me 'not to worry,' and that he'd 'see me soon.' I replied 'See you soon.'
I don't know what to do.