Contemplating an affair

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by wrench, Sep 6, 2006.

  1. wrench

    wrench New Member

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    im stuck for now in an almost sexless marriage. im now thinking about having an affair. my question is...how? at 47, i've been out of circulation for a while, and dont know how to meet women. also, as i said, im stuck for now due to financial obligations, so i'm only looking for a once in a while friend for a quiet night out, and some sex. are women as horny as men? are there women that would want something like this? clue me in....
     
  2. Golfbuddy

    Golfbuddy Member

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    DON'T DO IT. You are married, man. Remember your vows? "To love and honor" and all that. Was it just crap? If sex is a problem, see a counselor. But unless you are willing to destroy your life and that of your wife, don't even think about it. No amount of sex, or curiosity is worth it.
    "Thou shalt not commit adultery..."
     
  3. If you've already made the decision that you are willing to risk ending your marriage ... I would try Adult Friend Finder ... seems just like the kinda website you should check out ...
     
  4. Duke610

    Duke610 Member

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  5. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Get professional help in the way of counselors and lawyers before you do anything. Adultery has serious ramifications. You'd be giving her grounds to divorce you and clean your plow in the process. Worse yet, you'd be breaking a vow you promised to keep forever.

    Words have meaning, and actions have consequences.
     
  6. will9will

    will9will New Member

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    I agree with Hickboy. If it's just the sex, you can work it out. Re-connect with what made you fall in love with her in the first place. Be honest, get professional help if necessary. An affair will only put distance between the two of you and make sex with her even more difficult. Finally, a long term relationship is rare and something to be treasured, much more difficult to attain than hot sex with a relative stranger. Good luck and peace.
     
  7. yhtang

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    You are stuck in this marriage due to financial obligations

    I have a feeling that if she ever finds out, she will take you to the cleaners.

    If it is sex you seek, an affair may not be the solution - maybe you might wish to try safe sex with some anonymous person, in a one off event. Leaves less tracks.

    I hope all goes well for you.
     
  8. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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  9. TopDudeFtl

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    You are in a sex-less marriage...and therefore you need sex...

    http://www.fleshlight.com/main/index.php?

    I am a sort of sex fiend, in a relationship FULL of sex and LOVE mine. May I suggest you make the decision to purchase one for yourself before you go and ruin two lives.?
     
  10. ClaireTalon

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    Well, for starters, why don't you go out and try to seduce your wife into an affair? What's the reason for the sexlessness, is it through illness, or just no thinking of sex anymore? If she's just not wanting to have sex anymore, I think you should really try to work on her first. How did you get her back then when your marriage/relationship started? Maybe rekindling things and emotions from those days will help you get the sex back into your marriage.
     
  11. wonderland

    wonderland Member

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    I went and read some of your previous posts. If the marriage has had problems for so many years is it worth staying just over money? Free and poor seems like a better idea to me. Cheating is not the answer.
     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    Everytime someone talks about extra marital sex here, there is a level of moral outrage. I am not sure that you are going to get very good advice from, singles, happily marrieds and fun-dies.

    Apparently 50% of married Americans cheat - so you are not on your own.

    Why is your wife seemingly happy to remain in a sexless marriage - has she ever said anything about it?

    I know many women who have sex on the side but stay with their husbands for the money, the lifestyle and the kids - they tell me openly and would never expect a moral judgment.

    Either way you need to sort it or you will end up despising her for ruining your life if you don't already.
     
  13. wrench

    wrench New Member

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    well...i must say i didnt expect so much preaching on a web site for men to show pictures of their penises. anyway, among our problems is im slightly larger than average, and she's smaller than average. we've been to counsellors, sex therapists (including a famous one who's been on oprah many times) and marriage counsellors. our physical troubles apparently cant be overcome unless we have lots of sex. she wont, because "it hurts too much" her gynecologist says shes very small, and agrees lots of sex will help loosen her up, but she wont. she's also a prude, wont try the smaller dildos, and working up to larger ones, as has been suggested, and oral sex is almost completely out of the question. even a handjob is "dirty", unless i wear a condom, then i might get one twice a year. now, im no prince, but i work very hard so she could be a stay at home mom, and i cook almost every meal, do most of the laundry, plus keep the house and yard in order. i've tried everything i can think of to help this situation, nothing seems to work. i have 3 college educations to pay for, and a lawyer advised me on what i'd be paying in a divorce, and i would no longer be able to pay for college. so...im not just trying to get some strange tail, just trying to cope with a bad situation, and keep my sanity. thanks for the replies.
     
  14. GoneA

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    Oh, but you'll come to realize we are much more than that. In fact, call me naive, but I'm damned-near willing to say we're something like a support group. :rolleyes:

    At any rate, it appears your mind is already made-up, so I echo what that_other_guy suggested. Many folks in your situation find that site to be more than accommodating.
     
  15. Mumzi

    Mumzi New Member

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    It does sound like you've made up your mind. The fact that sex is painful is a consideration.
    I do wonder if there is something else going on. Is there any animosity between you? Lack of trust, or feelings of hostility?

    When a woman pulls away from a man physically it usually means something. Other than sex, do you kiss each other good night, or goodbye. Do you cuddle or just hold hands when out.
    In other words, are you close other than sex?

    If there was something going on that prevented me from having sex, I would still want that physical closeness. Sitting together to watch the tube. A hug, a snuggle.

    If she has pulled away completely then I don't think trying to seduce her is going to help. There is something much deeper going on.

    I don't have an answer for you. You've done all the marriage counseling.
    I do think you should see someone to help you deal with this, see someone alone.
    I'm sure she is suffering too tho.

    This is a decision you're going to have to make on your own.
    I think what you're also feeling is loneliness. A single person can go out and connect with someone.
    Being lonely in a marriage has got to be the worst, there are few options and most are painful.

    Think about seeing someone for yourself, maybe get on an anti-depressant. You really need to have someone to talk to who can help you with your emotions, and to help you deal with this situation.

     
  16. thk8plus4u

    thk8plus4u Member

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    DIVORCE first.
    Then go for the other woman.
    That simple.
     
  17. yhtang

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    This is most probably frivolous, but if you can get someone to seduce your wife, she has an affair, then you can file for divorce (not necessarily taking HER to the cleaners).

    After that, you can date anyone you one - it wouldn't be an affair anymore. However, the intrigue and stealth of an affair would not be applicable either.
     
  18. MattMatt

    MattMatt New Member

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    It seems to me that you are thoughtful and have tried numerous things. Its hearing things like these that make me preach about living with someone during a LONG engagement.
    However..
    You should keep in mind that dating in this day and age is not a cake walk. Meeting people is hard, rules and dating have changed allot. Many diseases you never had to worry about the last time you were single, including the new stronger strain of AIDS, and the uncurable herpes.

    I had a similar problem in my marriage (I really did) and after many discussions and fights and 11 years.. I left. Divorce was an absolute B*TCH but freedom is worth it.

    **Freedom is worth it**

    And I think any person loses their honor if they cheat on their spouse. And honor is everything.

    The only other thing I could suggest is to approach her about an open marriage. Once agreed, put it on paper so she cant screw you in a divorce at some later time.
    Maybe it will shock her into realizing she MUST do something.

    Good luck.:smile:
     
  19. Love-it

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    I have a friend who was married for 22 years and divorced, and he has been in two more relationships that have not worked out. He is a man of principle and treats his women as you do; doing the yard work, laundry, cooking and he insists on opening doors for them.

    I told him that in my opinion the type of women that he hooked up with wiewed this type of behavior as weakness.

    Stand up and make your relationship more equal. You will be a happier person and you may still be able to maintain your family.

    I know that after my wife had an affair and we were trying to figure out what was going on in our relationship, the childhood issues and trying to grow as individualsup, etc., etc. we went without any sexual activity for months. And then one day when we were having a long heart to heart talk she asked me if I wanted to make love, I said no, and she began to cry because that was a first and it totally confused her, to this day we agree that it was a turning point in our marriage.

    We also have problems because I am above average in girth and she is average. It took 31 years to find that out.

    I have considered an affair at times, when I felt like I was going to die of cum poisoning and after she had an affair but I could never justify it. After 32 years of living together things are better now than they ever were.
     
  20. Lordpendragon

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    I would not consider it cheating if you have no sex life and she deigns to give you a handjob twice a year so long as you wear a condom.

    I am sorry but WTF is that?

    She won't have an affair - she doesn't want any sex as I understand your comments and to me it is unjustifiable to sit behind a marriage vow and deny someone else a sex life. Honour bullshit - she is manipulating your self respect - far more important, and the crap that is a man's legal position in marriage.

    It makes my blood boil - she has no right to deny you an outlet elsewhere and I suspect she would not want a divorce because I doubt she wants another partner or (sorry) because who else would put up with this?

    Pay a pro to give you good blow jobs, then divorce after the college committment. Good luck, I really feel for you.
     
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