Controlled Substances, Sex & Addiction

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by steve319, Sep 10, 2005.

  1. steve319

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    OK, allow me to begin the discussion with a personal anecdote about a gay friend of mine (non LPSGer, thank God! ;) ). He’s a great guy and a good friend—big heart, compassionate, funny—but his life is just a mess. He can’t keep a job, is unable to get much accomplished, faces constant money woes and big, dramatic life upheavals, and, perhaps worst of all, is drawn to abusive relationships. I think, for him, a lot of the trappings of his young, gay lifestyle play into all the worst habits of his emotional life. It’s a sad case that I think will only get more tragic as time goes by.

    Sitting in the middle of this whole behavioral loop is his fascination with using controlled substances, mostly to enhance his sexual experience (or so he claims). He gets a charge from detailing for me all the sexual benefits of this or that compound administered in new and novel ways. While I am certainly one to want to believe that moderate use of some sensation- or behavior-altering substances can be safe and enjoyable for the right person in the right situation, a big part of me screams “bullshit.” For my friend (and many others), I see it leading to other dangerous behaviors and habits such as anonymous, random, unprotected sex. I think that, for my friend, it’s a way of trying to “fit in” with his peer group and, to be honest, an attempt to self-medicate for undiagnosed depression—and any of you who know depression understand what a bad idea that is and how this sort of thing usually worsens emotional disorders. Or is this a symptom of sex addiction?

    To some degree, I think he enjoys the telling as much as anything. He knows about my own bouts with substance abuse and gets a charge, I think, out of trying to gauge my level of discomfort and worry (meaning that his relationship with me is just as dysfunctional as his others :eyes: )

    At any rate, this situation is weighing on my mind and has me considering the role of such “experience enhancing” items in our sex lives. If you believe the information (propaganda?), the amyl compounds are relatively safe and harmless in moderation. And from speaking with a number of men here (and from my past work in prison facilities), I’ve heard the testimonial carnal benefits of everything from cocaine to smoking the agave worm from a bottle of mezcal (how do you smoke a dead worm, anyway?—wait, I don’t want to know). And where do the Viagra/Levitra/Cialis drugs fall in this continuum? Do you know anyone who really has suffered vision loss or heart problems from recreational use? I know myself and my own flaws well enough to know that I should never even consider sampling this side of the sexual spectrum, but I wanted to just get a general reaction from the masses here.

    Is this sort of thing a regular part of your sex life? A healthy part? Is this a “gateway” behavior for you that has led to other, more self-destructive habits? I think you know I’m not wishing to be offensive when I ask this, but I've heard gay friends say so and wonder if the gay men in this group consider recreational drug use a big part of “gay culture”? Is there a huge degree of peer pressure there?

    EDIT: I should point out that I know I can't "fix" this situation or "save" him from the sad state of affairs. When I was so immersed in my own alcohol abuse problems, no amount of pleading or threatening from my circle of friends was enough to make me quit (or even want to). I had to get scared, and then I was ready to begin my journey out. I've been clear about my concerns and suggested counseling rather forcefully. Not much more to be done but wait and watch and maintain my stance.
     
  2. Onslow

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    Speaking from personal experience and having screwed my life up with substances (mainly :beer: alcohol :beer: but a few narcotics as well--a prescription to demerol or straight out liquid morphine (such a lovely shade of blue it was :loveya: ) in the wrong hands can cause problems. There are those who swear that poppers, grass, casual hits of acid, and other things are okay but the fact is they all screw with the mind and the body chemistry for at least a period of time.
    You hit the nail on the head when you commented about this having the possibility of leading to unprotected sex. This is precisely why I mention the brain being effected. The thinking gets twisted and the next thing you know there is a crowd gathering at the graveside saying a last goodbye.
    Personally I cannot say that any amount of booze or drugs did anything to enhance my sexual activities--half the time I would black out and if anything they lead to many near death experiences for me--beaten unconcious, almost fatal car wreck which cost me a leg, debts piled sky high, loss of jobs, evictions, unprotected sex with men I did not know, some picked up in sleezey back alleys, etc. etc. the list could stretch from Bangor Maine to San Diego California and back again.

    When it comes to medications such as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, they are designed for a particular purpose but unfortunately people are using them more and more often just for recreational purposes. What I mean by that is so they can get laid 8 times in one night or can have sex with someone who is butt ugly but also wealthy or with the ability to pull strings to get a person where they may want to go career-wise. And what if the use of Viagra and the such becomes an addiction or leads itself into triggering off a massive sex-addiction?

    Clearly this friend of yours has some difficulties as you have expressed in his inability to hold a job, save money, advance in life along with watching you squirm when he goes into details about his escapades.

    As to the age old peer-pressure idea, there are those who will subscribe to that theory, I did not and do not. I never drank or used a drug because of someone elses desires, it was always my own.

    Bottom line, you may want to talk with your friend and see if he is at all open to the idea of giving up these life altering substances.
     
  3. cityboy

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    Drug use is only a big part of a certain sub-group in the gay culture. I do not think percentage wise it is much different than the "straight culture". But that sub-group tends to get a lot of publicity and also tends to suck in a lot of unfortunate people who are having difficulty coming to terms with their sexuality. I do not think the "pathology" of addiction is any different for gays than straights. The majority of gay people tend to stay in the background and do not make sensationalistic news stories so they're unknown for the most part. Nevertheless, having had some brushes with this subculture I understand what your friend going through and up against. You might want to look at http://www.sca-recovery.org for some information on gay recovery.
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    As a guy who is recently coming out and emmersing myself in gay male culture from time to time--the amount of open talk about drug use was astounding. I was the "normal college kid" who dabbled in 420 and drank (still do drink from time to time) but never any of the other drugs.

    I have met men who talk about how poppers help them relax so thay they can take a large penis. I have also talked with men who openly admit use of crystal meth and talk abot how it makes them such cock-whores that they just fuck for days on end, often barebacking at home or curcuit parties in the process. I was really alarmed by the second set of behaviors.

    I think that the stigma and pressures of being gay in our country can be, in part, a contributer to drug use. Those that feel ostracized often turn to drugs and/or alcohol to ease the pain/ache/whatever.

    But, admittedly this is all new to me. My 2 Cents.
     
  5. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I have to agree with that.

    Psychologically, narcotics use tends to be escapist, and certainly it would appear so in this person's case.

    I think you are right that he is trying to deal with un-diagnosed depression by taking drugs to give himself a high, and I think he would be kidding himself if he considered this a "healthy part of his sex life". As is obvious, narcotics are addictive, and, for the most part they, well, fuck with your head, they are harmfull, and that's one of the key reasons why they are illegal.

    You also says he likes gaugeing your reaction, I think that shows a kind of self pity, and what a freind of mine once called "Self Pity Whoreing" where a person trys to project themselves as tragic to get outpourings of sympathy from others to make themselves feel better.

    I dont know what your question really is, but I think your friend is already quite some way down a slippery slope of self-destructive depression, and the further he gets, the more he'll enjoy self pity whoring. I think he really needs help, certainly councilling, and perhaps a psychiatrist, but whether or not you can convince him to seek it, is another matter.
     
  6. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Sounds like your friend not only is self-medicating but just wants some serious attention....Maybe that is his way of feeling good about himself....But I think cityboy is right - I don't believe there is no difference in gay or straight people drug use....I can only speak from what I experience in the straight community - and drug use and casual conversation of drug use is quite common with my group of friends....And when I have dabbled before, I really didn't see any sexual benefits other than maybe lowering your inhibitions greatly but no better sex than if I was sober....And know that I stopped drinking - can definitely see some of the things I would normally not do sober....Good luck with your friend....Sounds like he is going to have to hit rock bottom before he changes....
     
  7. Dorset

    Dorset New Member

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    Spot on - I used to have a coke addiction - clean for 15 months now (2 slip ups:( ), and I also have depression problems. Drug use is usualy a symptom of a bigger problem

    That said, it is also great to screw on coke and it is so hard to see the down side of drug use while you're on it. There was a time when I saw it as one of my only true friends (weird i know)

    The up side is that your friend will see the down side sometime soon and that's the time to be there for him. If he's anything like me or the people I knew who were using then your mate's probably acting like an idiot at the moment but don't lose faith in him. When he starts to doubt his usage and what it's doing to him then be prepared to take a few days off work, take him away from it all and you'll find you'll have a friend forever.

    You might just save his life!
    Don't push him though, if he doesn't want to stop using then you'll push him away
     
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